The Fourth Period Is Modern Chinese (Continued)

Death did not change. It knew no individual differences. It was irreversible, absolute—like a bottomless hole so deep that neither light nor sound could reach it. I felt as though I had always been walking along the edge of that hole. Everything within my field of vision was insignificant; throw it into the hole, and it was gone.

Just before Yukino slipped from the amusement ride car, she told Hachiman, "Someday, come save me, okay?" Hachiman still had a chance to save her.

I could not save you. I had neither the chance nor the strength. All I could do was keep writing letters.

Sometimes, I tried to peer into the bottom of the hole. You were there, but that was not you. Though I had known that all along.

After becoming a sophomore, my life remained unchanged.

No one talked to me at university or at work. I could not get used to life in Tokyo and always felt as if I could not breathe. Other than the places I usually went, I was too scared to set foot anywhere else.

Only when I sat on the train heading back to my hometown did I finally relax. It felt like riding an elevator from a tunnel deep underground back to the surface. The narrow tracks extended my life. Light scattered outward into the darkness beyond, leaving only a faint glow for me. Down there, I read Oregairu. From Episode 1 to Episode 9. After finishing, I started again from the beginning. The end was not the end. I could begin again because I knew the story would continue.

Her story had been interrupted. How was I supposed to come to terms with that fact?

I got off at the familiar station. The train left me behind and pulled away.