This Is the Final

<The future world's number one striker? Multiple football giants interested in signing Haaland, with offers already exceeding €50 million!>

<Manchester City pursue Haaland, attempting to upgrade "Moreira-Lima" into Europe's strongest attacking trident!>

<Paris Saint-Germain is hopelessly addicted to upgrading its frontline and wants Haaland too!>

<Breaking! Blue Bridge abandons its nuclear strategy! They have proactively proposed a straight swap of Gutierrez for Haaland to Dortmund!>

<Will the Bundesliga face a nuclear threat? Gutierrez is highly likely to join Dortmund!>

<Major news! The nuclear warhead is furious! Gutierrez posted "This is fucking bullshit" on social media, seemingly responding to reports of him being swapped straight up for Haaland!>

<Relationship shattered! Gutierrez deleted every social media post featuring photos of himself with Chelsea Owner Abramovich!>

<A favor of rice earns gratitude; a favor of grain breeds resentment! Gutierrez's actions enraged Chelsea fans, who denounced the nuclear warhead as a flop!>

<Chelsea fans compiled a montage of Gutierrez wasting chances, arguing that he did not deserve the special treatment Chelsea had once given him!>

<Blue Bridge Daily: In some respects, Gutierrez is far inferior to Izelet. Though Izelet also failed to bring the Champions League to Real Madrid, that was due to injuries. A healthy Izelet could absolutely transform Real Madrid, but Gutierrez is nowhere near as important to Chelsea!>

<Gutierrez's agent: Felish is an mediocre head coach who has no idea how to use Gutierrez. He uses the nuclear warhead like a trebuchet. He has been wasting a priceless talent all along!>

On the eve of the Champions League final, this year's transfer market opened.

This was a major transfer year, with many heavyweight players entering the final year of their contracts or seeing their deals expire altogether.

Contract renewals, transfers—there would be plenty happening.

With the World Cup also taking place