Don't Eat Pizza on the Ceiling

The third day after the Battle of New York.

Stark Tower—now with only a single "A" left on it—top-floor luxury apartment.

The morning sun streamed into the living room through the floor-to-ceiling windows that had yet to be repaired.

Jiang Li rubbed his bleary eyes and sat up from the leather sofa. Over the past two days, he had not only needed to cooperate with S.H.I.E.L.D. on their statements—though he had managed to bluff his way through most of them—but also help Tony rewrite JARVIS's firewall. He was exhausted as a dog.

"Morning, world."

Jiang Li stretched and habitually headed for the open kitchen, intending to pour himself a glass of milk.

However, as he passed through the middle of the living room, a drop of cold red liquid suddenly landed on the tip of his nose.

"Hm?"

Jiang Li touched his nose and held his fingers up before his eyes.

Ketchup?

He instinctively looked up.

Right above him, on the ceiling.

A girl in an oversized T-shirt and hot pants clung to the ceiling like a gecko, one hand stuck to it while the other stuffed an enormous slice of pizza into her mouth.

Her short blonde hair hung downward under the pull of gravity, making her look as though she had a golden broom for a head.

"Mmph? You're awake?"

With her mouth full of pizza, Gwen Stacy greeted him indistinctly. "Morning, Mr. Landlord. This pizza tastes pretty good, even cold."

"..."

Jiang Li fell silent for two seconds, then calmly pulled out a tissue and wiped his nose.

"Gwen, we need to set some rules."

Jiang Li pointed at the ceiling. "First, no eating crumbly food on the ceiling. Second, if you insist on sleeping on the ceiling, remember that gravity affects the neckline of your pajamas too."

"Pfft!"

Gwen nearly choked. She hurriedly swallowed the pizza, flipped over, and landed lightly on the floor, her cheeks faintly red as she tugged at her collar.

"You can't blame me! It's spider instinct! In my universe, I was used to staying in the highest places. It made me feel safe."

Barefoot on the carpet, Gwen opened the refrigerator without the slightest hesitation and took out a can of cola.

"And don't act so proper. Who was it last night that turned into that palm-sized little gray guy, Grey Matter, and crawled underneath the robot vacuum to fix its chassis?"

"That was scientific maintenance!" Jiang Li argued. "And Grey Matter's perspective is really convenient for repairs."

That was what their life together was like.

There was none of the imagined romantic ambiguity. Instead, it was full of the feeling of... cross-species communication.

"Ding—dong—"

The elevator doors opened.

Tony Stark walked in wearing sunglasses, followed by Happy, who carried several document bags bearing the Midtown High logo.

"Looks like I came at a bad time. Did I interrupt your morning workout?"

Tony removed his sunglasses, swept his gaze over their pajamas, and revealed his signature teasing smile. "Young people sure have stamina."

"Shut up, Tony." Jiang Li rolled his eyes. "If you're here to deliver bills, the exit is to your left."

"I'm here to deliver gifts."

Tony pointed at the bags in Happy's hands. "Miss Gwen Stacy, congratulations. Starting today, you're the proud... repeat transfer student of Midtown High."

"Huh? School?" Gwen nearly crushed the cola can in her hand. "Mister, are you kidding? I was already in college in my universe! And I was the drummer in a band! You want me to study algebra with a bunch of little brats?"

"It's a legal identity cover."

Jiang Li took the documents from Happy and flipped through them. "Tony forged—oh, no, processed—a perfect set of records for you. Only by attending school will S.H.I.E.L.D. stop watching you every day as an 'illegal alien immigrant.'"

"And I hear Midtown High's cafeteria is pretty good," Tony added. "I also donated a laboratory to the school. You can research your web formula there. Everything's free, and they even give you a scholarship."

Gwen wrestled with it for a while before finally sighing.

"Fine. For the scholarship. But let me make this clear: if anyone tries to bully me, I'll hang them from the flagpole."

"Just don't break the flagpole," Jiang Li said casually.

"Oh, right. One more thing."

Tony's joking expression vanished. He took a USB drive from his pocket and tossed it to Jiang Li.

"This is data from Fury's side. About the scepter."

Jiang Li's gaze sharpened. He caught the drive and plugged it into the computer.

The screen showed that during the post-Battle of New York cleanup, the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent team assigned to recover Loki's Mind Scepter had not returned it to the warehouse. Instead, they had "disappeared" halfway there.

"Disappeared?" Gwen leaned closer. "How do you lose such a huge glowing stick?"

"It wasn't lost. It was hijacked."

Jiang Li stared at the bald agent leading the security footage—Agent Sitwell. He knew that face all too well.

"Hydra," Jiang Li said quietly.

"What kind of snake?" Gwen asked in confusion.

"A Nazi organization parasitizing S.H.I.E.L.D. from within." Tony had clearly learned some inside information from Jiang Li as well, and his expression was grim. "That one-eyed Fury still thinks it's just internal corruption. He has no idea he's raising a nest of vipers in his own house."

"So we go take it back?" Gwen was eager to try. "I haven't even had breakfast yet. I could use the exercise."

"No rush."

Jiang Li looked at the last coordinates where the scepter had disappeared on the screen—Sokovia, Eastern Europe.

He knew what was there.

Baron Strucker's castle.

And the twins waiting to awaken—Pietro, Quicksilver, and Wanda, the Scarlet Witch.

If they went to take it now, they might alert the enemy, perhaps even prevent the twins from awakening.

As the holder of the Omnitrix, Jiang Li knew perfectly well that Wanda's Chaos Magic and Quicksilver's super speed were indispensable powers in the future battle against Thanos.

"Let them keep it for a while."

Jiang Li pulled out the USB drive, a meaningful smile curling across his lips.

"That scepter is a key. It'll help us open a door and release two very interesting little ones."

"Interesting little ones?" Tony raised an eyebrow. "More capable of transforming than you?"

"That kind of power..." Jiang Li recalled the red light that could practically rewrite reality. "In some ways, it's even more unreasonable than mine."

"All right, if the consultant says so."

Tony shrugged. "Then I'll get back to repairing my armor. I'm only halfway through the Hulkbuster Armor blueprints. Oh, and Jiang, there's a victory party tonight. Remember to bring your 'Spider-Woman.'"

With that, Tony swept out with Happy in tow.

The apartment fell quiet again.

"So..." Gwen leaped back onto the ceiling and hung upside down as she looked at Jiang Li. "What do we do now? Go to school? Or save the world?"

"Neither."

Jiang Li walked to the window and looked over the rebuilding city of New York.

"Today's a day off. I'll take you to try the hot dogs that are supposedly the best in all of New York, and then..."

Jiang Li turned around and shook the watch on his wrist.

"I'll teach you how to become a qualified superhero in this universe."

Gwen's eyes lit up. She jumped straight down from the ceiling and landed steadily in front of Jiang Li.

"You said it! If the hot dogs aren't good, I'll stick you to the wall with webbing!"

"Don't worry. I have Heatblast, the perfect counter to your webs."

"Tch! Then I'll use a fire extinguisher!"