Cannon Fodder Stand-In Alliance
Chapter 37

Page 37

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Yao Liangsheng said, "Why not?"

"They were just telling the truth!" Cheng Lang continued, looking innocently at the audience below the stage. "Don't you agree?"

The guests below were terrified the fight might not happen, and they shouted in unison, "No!"

Some even egged on the Yao brothers, Yao Liangsheng and Yao Liangjing. "You two, get up there and hurt each other!"

The Yao brothers had come today intending to gauge Cheng Lang's abilities anyway. Hearing that, they did not hesitate and immediately sprang onto the stage.

In an instant, thunderous applause erupted below.

Cheng Lang looked warily at Yao Liangsheng and Yao Liangjing, who had him pinned between them on either side. Hugging his guitar, he said, "Let's make this clear first! A battle of words, not a physical fight. Verbal sparring is fine, but no full-on brawling."

"Don't worry!" Yao Liangsheng reassured him. "Those of us in crosstalk believe in winning people over with virtue. We definitely won't gang up on you."

"I'm mainly afraid you'll sue me for intentional injury," Cheng Lang said. "With prices rising and inflation these days, I can't really afford medical bills for two people."

"Ooh!" The crowd below clapped and cheered again. "You make it sound like you could beat both of them by yourself!"

"That'd be even better!" Cheng Lang said happily. "To be honest, I'm a young man with lofty ambitions."

"Bleurgh!" The crowd cooperatively made retching sounds.

Cheng Lang turned a deaf ear. "...My current modest goal is to earn one hundred million first."

"But with the economy in such bad shape these days, earning one hundred million isn't that easy. I'd been worrying about what kind of good venture to look for. But when I saw these two brothers today, I suddenly got an idea."

Yao Liangjing looked at Cheng Lang and asked, "What idea?"

Cheng Lang looked at Yao Liangjing, then at Yao Liangsheng. "I've heard that crosstalk performers are especially united."

"Mhm." Yao Liangjing answered, "We crosstalk performers are united. Take our Grand View Stage, for example. The first rule upon joining is solidarity and friendship. Infighting among fellow disciples is not allowed."

"You just like sticking together," Cheng Lang summed up in one sentence. "If outsiders bully you, you'll definitely swarm them."

Yao Liangjing looked at Cheng Lang and felt that this kid was about to pull something. Yet he could not guess how Cheng Lang intended to needle them, so he could only force himself to continue. "That's not called sticking together. That's called unity."

"That's why Chinese characters are so profound and vast!" Cheng Lang remarked with feeling.

Yao Liangjing: "..."

Before the Yao brothers could react, Cheng Lang continued, "So how does your crosstalk gang usually determine whether a fellow member has been bullied?"

Yao Liangsheng could not help offering a suggestion. "Could you be a little more precise with your wording? We're not a gang—"

"A club?" Cheng Lang cautiously switched terms.

Yao Liangsheng took a deep breath. "It's called a team!"

"More or less." Cheng Lang waved a hand. The audience below had already gone wild with laughter.

Cheng Lang pressed on. "For example, what happened today—would that count as me bullying you?"

"Of course not." Yao Liangjing said with a smile. "We came here voluntarily to seek guidance today. If it goes well, it's called exchanging pointers. If it doesn't, then we simply aren't as skilled."

Cheng Lang nodded. "You're pretty particular about that."

Yao Liangjing smiled. "Of course. We told you, we win people over with virtue!"

"So there's never any fighting?" Cheng Lang suddenly asked.

"Of course not!" Yao Liangsheng replied, unable to stop himself from asking, "Why are you always thinking about fighting?"

"It's for my grand money-making plan!" Cheng Lang analyzed, counting on his fingers. "Here's what I'm thinking. You crosstalk performers all value unity. If one person gets bullied, everyone else has to help get even. If I bully both of you today, then when you go back crying and sniveling—"

"Who's crying and sniveling?" Yao Liangsheng interrupted. "Just perform your crosstalk. Don't slander people, okay?"

"I'm talking about an ideal scenario!" Cheng Lang said. "Don't interrupt."

Cheng Lang continued explaining his grand money-making plan. "Then your fellow disciples, seeking revenge for you, will all come charging at me. One punch from each person..."

Yao Liangsheng emphasized again, "We crosstalk performers believe in winning people over with virtue. We don't hit people."

"That's okay! I'll work hard at it." Cheng Lang brushed him off and continued his analysis. "I figure Grand View Stage must have quite a few crosstalk performers. If every one of them can give me a punch, then I'll lie down in a hospital bed at Union Hospital, and this year's modest goal of one hundred million will be more or less accomplished."

"So you're trying to scam people?" This time, the Yao brothers understood. They looked at Cheng Lang, torn between laughter and tears. "This is how you plan to achieve your ambitious goal?"

"Pretty much like you crosstalk performers," Cheng Lang said modestly.

"That's a world apart," Yao Liangsheng said. "We're not that vicious, are we?"

"You're being too modest!" Cheng Lang waved his hand. "Don't we all make money by dealing damage? When you crosstalk performers use me as a punchline, that's mental harm. When I come knocking and passively take a beating, that's actively enduring physical attacks."

Yao Liangsheng and Yao Liangjing had truly had their horizons broadened. "You can explain staging an accident like that?"

"How can that be called staging an accident?" Cheng Lang disagreed. "Do you know that in the old days, there was a kind of person who made money by lending?"

"I know." Yao Liangsheng nodded. "Loan sharks! Despicable!"

"Making money by exploiting and hurting others is indeed despicable." For example, those who used people as punchlines in exchange for appearance fees all fell under the category of mental oppression and mental harm.

The Yao brothers: "..."

Cheng Lang abruptly changed tack. "But now, I'd be deliberately exploiting myself so others can vent their anger, while making some money on the side. That's different. How admirable is this spirit of sacrificing the small self to entertain the masses."

End of Chapter
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