Lucia Side Story (First-Person Perspective)

Sorry, no inspiration. I'm padding things out with a side story, and I wanted to try writing in the first person.

What do you all think of this style?

If it works, I want to use this perspective in my next book.

At a late-night subway station, the last train pulled in. You walked half a step behind the girl, your gaze unconsciously falling on her back.

After nightfall, just like the title Night Demon Messenger, the world around you seemed to have been given a filter, turning strange and fantastical.

That dull, boring "adult world" was being left farther and farther behind with every step you took. Ahead lay a dreamy, innocent fairy tale, waiting for those fated to explore it.

Lucia's steps were light and cheerful, her braid swaying gently as a faint fragrance brushed past your nose.

Lucia held your hand, her palm warm and soft. You tried to keep up with her rhythm, but you always seemed to be a beat too slow.

As you pondered, you finally remembered why you had gone out tonight.

You could no longer tell how long ago it had been—dozens of minutes, or perhaps several hours—when Lucia had leaned over beside your pillow and asked brightly, "Do you want to go on an exciting late-night adventure?"

Before you could answer, Lucia answered for you.

Throw on a coat, grab your phone—there had never been an option to refuse.

At that moment, Lucia stood at the edge of the platform. Letting go of your hand, she looked toward the night and said mysteriously, "All right! We've arrived beside a rushing river.

A terrifying giant snake used to live here.

In a little while, when it pokes its head out of the river, we'll jump into its belly. Are you scared?"