The Land God Came for a Bath Too

After the Zhou Hu incident ended, Wen Ning enjoyed a few rare days of peace.

Business at his Heavenly Court Bathhouse had settled into a steady rhythm, with the same old regulars coming by.

The Mushroom Spirit came every other day. His cap had already been scrubbed raw.

The Weasel Old Man never failed to come three times a week.

The hedgehog spirit came less often. Cherries had gone out of season lately, and he couldn't find any other fruit to pay with.

The Big Golden Retriever was practically an unofficial security guard now. Every time he finished his bath, he lay outside the shop and watched the door for Wen Ning.

That afternoon, Wen Ning was playing with the freshly bathed Big Golden Retriever while the Sparrow Spirit stood nearby, saying,

"How can you toy with the shop's customers like that?"

An old man had appeared silently at the entrance. He wasn't tall, reaching roughly Wen Ning's shoulder, and wore a pair of old cloth shoes. His face was kindly.

Wen Ning could tell at a glance that the old man wasn't mortal.

An extremely faint, earthy-yellow halo surrounded him, and the soles of his feet hovered about half an inch above the ground, never actually touching it.

Most importantly, Wen Ning hadn't sensed any reaction from the Five Thunder Righteous Method, which meant the old man was probably part of the establishment too.

"Excuse me."

The old man stood in the doorway, leaning on a cane and peering into the shop.

There was a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

"Is this the Heavenly Court Bathhouse Human-Realm Branch?"

Wen Ning stopped rubbing the dog's head.

"Yes. And you are?"

Reassured that he'd found the right place, the old man walked in with his cane and glanced at the gleaming statue on the offering table.

He said to Wen Ning,

"I am the local Land God. My surname is Tian, and my given name is Fu. I have held office here for over three hundred years. Recently, I heard a rumor circulating among the spirits in the urban village that the Heavenly Court had opened a bathhouse here, using water from the Jade Pool, with back-scrubbing techniques unrivaled in the Three Realms. These old bones of mine have been cooped up in the land god's temple for three centuries. Before I get transferred to some remote mountain region, I thought I would come and experience the Heavenly Court's hospitality."

Wen Ning's mouth twitched. Water from the Jade Pool? That rumor had really gotten out of hand. His shop didn't even have enough tap-water pressure. For every bath, he had to boil two electric kettles of water beforehand and mix them in. And they called that Jade Pool water?

He could see the entire shop at a glance. Surely he couldn't have the Land God climb into a bath basin right here.

Wen Ning said frankly,

"Mr. Tian, as you can see, the facilities here are pretty limited. I don't even have a shower. How about this? I know a bathhouse nearby called Jade Pool Wonderland—a legitimate one. Their bath attendants are much better at scrubbing than I am. How about I take you there to try it out?"

The Land God considered it, took another look around the shop, and finally nodded.

"Very well. I've lived for several hundred years, but I've never been inside a mortal bathhouse. Today, I'll go with you and broaden my horizons, young friend."

Once the Land God agreed, Wen Ning hung a paper sign saying "Temporarily closed" on the door.

He patted the Big Golden Retriever's head again, signaling him to guard the shop.

Then he led the Land God outside.

When they reached the bathhouse, Wen Ning lifted the plastic strip curtain and led the Land God inside.

This bathhouse was a legitimate business. The lobby and changing rooms were on the first floor, with a lounge and sauna rooms on the second. There was no third floor.

The decor wasn't luxurious, but everything was clean and tidy. The receptionist called out a welcome when she saw Wen Ning enter. The Land God made himself visible too. Otherwise, how was anyone supposed to scrub him?

The Land God tilted his head back to look at the crystal chandelier on the ceiling and remarked,

"Mortal bathhouses are so bright these days."

Wen Ning hurriedly pulled him toward the changing room. The young receptionist thought he'd brought his grandfather for a scrub, and her eyes held an amused question: At his age, can he handle it?

The Land God really had never visited a bathhouse before. He was completely clueless, and Wen Ning had to show him how to change into the standard-issue blue shorts.

The Land God looked down at his loose blue shorts, then at the matching pair Wen Ning wore, and nodded.

"Mortal bathing garments may be simple, but at least they're well ventilated."

Wen Ning thought, Dressed like that, you'll probably look more like you've come for a bath than anyone else here.

The moment the Land God entered, he was stunned by the two rows of gleaming stainless-steel showerheads. He stood beneath one, looking this way and that, then reached out and turned the tap. Hot water gushed down over his head and face.

His expression was pure bliss.

Two middle-aged men were already soaking in the large pool. They saw Wen Ning talking to an old man.

"Oh, you brought your grandpa for a bath? He's pretty trendy!"

The Land God soaked in the hot water, with only his white-haired head and the two arms resting on the edge above the surface.

"Of course, of course. At my age, you've got to enjoy yourself properly."

Then he said quietly to Wen Ning,

"I spent three hundred years in my own temple, never knowing the mortal world had pleasures like this."

Wen Ning was just about to offer a polite reply.

At some point, a man had appeared behind him. He too wore the bathhouse's blue shorts.

Yet he didn't look remotely like someone who'd come for a bath. Somehow, he made those blue shorts look like battle gear.

A sharp gleam lay concealed in his eyes. He held neither a towel nor slippers, simply standing there in silence.

The Land God noticed Wen Ning's gaze, turned to look, and stood up in the pool.

"Brother Zhong? Have you come for a bath too?"

The man nodded. His voice was deep and hoarse, as though he hadn't spoken to a living person in a long time.

"Brother Tian. I was passing through, sensed your presence, and stopped in to take a look."

His gaze settled on Wen Ning, and he gave a nod by way of greeting.

The Land God turned to introduce him to Wen Ning.

"Young friend, this is Celestial Master Zhong Kui."

Wen Ning nearly slipped off the edge of the pool.

Zhong Kui. The ghost-catching Zhong Kui. The foremost ghost-catching celestial master in the Three Realms, who specialized in dealing with vicious ghosts that refused reincarnation and roamed the mortal world wreaking havoc. That Zhong Kui.

He stood up instinctively.

"Wen Ning of the Thunder Department pays his respects, Lord Zhong."

Zhong Kui glanced at Wen Ning and gave a meaningful smile. "Wen Ning? Were you the one who electrocuted those Japanese soldiers' ghosts in the old house? You were pretty ruthless."

Wen Ning chuckled sheepishly and scratched his head.

"You did well. And that lead on Yamamoto—I've been investigating him for years."

Wen Ning perked up immediately at those words. Even Zhong Kui hasn't managed to track him down?

Zhong Kui braced both hands on the edge of the pool and said,

"This Yamamoto isn't the spirit of an ordinary military officer. He was a major general in the Japanese army that invaded China, specializing in biological warfare. He has so many lives on his hands that even he wouldn't dare count them. He's not particularly powerful, but he's exceptionally good at hiding."

"I hadn't paid him much attention before, but now he's surfaced again."

"The General Yamamoto named in the confession of that Japanese soldier's remnant soul Xie Bi'an brought back last time is most likely this man. The Underworld's special task force is verifying his exact location. Once they've pinpointed him, we may need the Thunder Department's cooperation."

Wen Ning recalled the Japanese lieutenant struck by the Five Thunder Righteous Method.

"Lord Zhong, count me in when the time comes."

Zhong Kui turned to look at him, sizing him up.

"Earth Immortal cultivation. Barely sufficient."

The three of them soaked for quite a while longer, until a bathhouse attendant began clearing the place with a walkie-talkie in hand, preparing for the evening shift handover.

Only then did the three of them get out.

The Land God stroked his white beard contentedly.

"I've decided. From today onward, the bathhouse is my favorite mortal invention. Young friend, I intend to come for a soak once a month."

Wen Ning thought, Have I actually introduced the Land God to a new hobby?

Still, the man was a local grassroots official, after all. Building a good relationship certainly couldn't hurt. Perhaps they could even look out for each other in the future.