[The young eunuch not only hid the medicine up his chrysanthemum, he also hid his rewards there to smuggle them out and sell them. Tsk, tsk, tsk. That chrysanthemum was practically a pocket.]
[What if he got explosive diarrhea?!]
In ancient times, chrysanthemums were often used to symbolize a scholar's noble character. When they appeared in poetry, poets used them to express melancholy and wistfulness.
Plum blossoms, orchids, bamboo, and chrysanthemums were known as the Four Gentlemen among flowers.
Once he deduced from her inner voice that "chrysanthemum" meant the place poop came out, Jian Zhang felt distinctly unwell.
But on closer consideration, that place really did bear some resemblance to a chrysanthemum.
"..."
Jian Zhang was utterly shocked. He did not know whether to marvel at his innocent, adorable youngest daughter's extraordinary gift for metaphor, be horrified that a eunuch had hidden medicine in his chrysanthemum to drug the emperor, or recoil at the emperor having swallowed medicine smeared with shit...
His feelings were complicated.
"..."
Dantai Mo was equally shocked.
Why a eunuch, rather than one of the imperial consorts?
Why would a eunuch drug his imperial father?
Dantai Mo began to doubt Jian Ruonan's information.
Teng, meanwhile, looked completely bewildered. Clever as he was, he was only six and lacked worldly experience. He was still trying to work out how a chrysanthemum could hold medicine.
Of everyone present, only Zhang Ying was earnestly analyzing the case.
[Did this eunuch have a grudge against the emperor? If so, why not poison him? Why go to all this trouble to give him an aphrodisiac? What was he thinking?!]
Dantai Mo thought, Exactly. Finally, we're getting to the point.
[An aphrodisiac would just let the emperor enjoy himself and keep his descendants coming.]
[Was this eunuch trying to repay a kindness?]
[A fairy eunuch out of a river snail?]
Dantai Mo: "..."
The Fifth Miss's way of thinking was so... unusual.
[Holy shit-so this eunuch actually, actually-]
Jian Ruonan drew a huge breath.
Jian Zhang's heart rose into his throat along with it.
Dantai Mo stopped drinking his tea and listened intently.
[This eunuch was drugging him for his own sake. He actually-had! A! Secret! Crush! On! The! Emperor!!]
Dantai Mo: "..."
This was truly absurd...
Jian Ruonan was terribly excited. [Once, after a palace banquet, the emperor got drunk and retired to the Hall of Mental Cultivation. On a whim, he bestowed his favors on a young eunuch. The emperor really was a beast. In one night, he did it...]
Jian Zhang: "... Ahem!"
"Chang Fu!" Jian Zhang suddenly stood and called in his personal servant, who had been waiting by the door.
Teng shot his father a resentful glare.
Couldn't he let Fifth Sister finish her thoughts at such a crucial moment?
He had just been getting into it.
Having his gossip feast interrupted was agonizing.
"Chang Fu, take Fourth Young Master home." Jian Zhang apologized to the Fourth Prince. "This humble official just remembered that Teng hasn't finished his schoolwork. I'd better have someone take him home first."
Teng absolutely could not be allowed to hear this sort of thing.
Teng: "..."
Puffing out his cheeks, he approached Jian Zhang and cupped his little hands to whisper to his father. "Father, how can a chrysanthemum hold things? Tell me, and I'll leave."
Jian Zhang: "..."
He clearly hadn't been spanked enough.
Jian Zhang's brows rose sternly, and Teng immediately wilted. He obediently followed Chang Fu home, turning back three times with every step to look at Jian Ruonan, his young face brimming with melancholy.
Wretched Father, hogging all the gossip melons! Watch out, or you'll choke!
Sure enough, the interruption made Jian Ruonan skip over the details of the emperor's night with the eunuch.
[The young eunuch was unwilling at first, but after receiving the emperor's favors, the gates to a whole new world suddenly opened for him. He waited for the emperor every day afterward. But the emperor was a scumbag too-after sleeping with him once, he completely forgot about him.]
[The consorts could at least wait for another visit, but this young eunuch might never get another chance in his lifetime. He gazed into the distance until his eyes nearly wore through, yet the emperor never came. So he resorted to this desperate plan, hoping the medicine would set the emperor ablaze with lust and make him love him hard one more time.]
[I ship it, I ship it! How was this both so heartbreaking and so sweet?]
[Put this in a novel, and it'd be a classic "chasing your wife through the crematorium" plot!]
Dantai Mo: ??
What did "ship it" mean? Had the young eunuch knocked his head against a ship and knocked himself stupid?
Still, the young eunuch did seem to have knocked his brains loose. Otherwise, how could he do something that would get nine generations of his family exterminated?
And what did a crematorium mean? Chasing a wife? There was only a young eunuch-where had a wife come from?
The Fifth Miss's head was full of strange things.
Jian Zhang was already accustomed to Nannan's peculiar thought processes, but he remained anxious inside.
After all that, she still hasn't said who this young eunuch is!
[Ooh, ooh, the young eunuch went to buy medicine again today. The emperor hadn't fallen for it after his previous two purchases, so he wondered whether the medicine wasn't strong enough. This time, he bought a double dose.]
[What a scheming bottom!]
Dantai Mo: "..."
What was a bottom? Why call the young eunuch that?
This case was full of such twists and turns that without Jian Ruonan's inner voice, they might never solve it in their entire lives.
Dantai Mo and Jian Zhang waited to hear more, but Jian Ruonan refused to think any further.
[Oh dear, it's noon already. Time for lunch. And after lunch, I need a nap.]
Dantai Mo: "..."
Hadn't he heard that the Fifth Miss only got up between nine and eleven? She'd only been awake for two hours, and she was sleepy again?
Jian Zhang was often left hanging midway through her gossip and had grown accustomed to it. With this many clues, he already had enough to solve the case.
He offered his analysis. "The palace maids and consorts have mostly been investigated. We can focus our screening on the eunuchs, especially those who serve His Majesty personally."
Zhang Ying nodded and hurried to write that down.
[Wow, Father was so clever! He guessed it was a eunuch straightaway. That young eunuch tended the brushes and ink. He left the palace on his day off yesterday and would return today.]
Eunuchs and palace maids also had days off, but instead of everyone taking leave together every five days, they took turns. Some eunuchs bought residences outside the palace and could leave whenever they had a day off.
"The prohibited medicine must have been brought in from outside the palace," Jian Zhang continued. "Palace servants returning must be searched thoroughly. Not only must they strip completely, certain unusual places must also be checked, such as their mouths."
Jian Zhang pointed downward. "And that place too. We must not overlook any suspicious spot." Having said that, he drew Zhang Ying aside and whispered a few words in her ear.
Zhang Ying's eyes widened with sudden understanding. "That's possible? Thank you, Brother Zanli. I'll have people pursue this line of investigation immediately."
[Father really was so clever. No wonder he became Vice Minister of Justice at such a young age!! Awesome, awesome, awesome-]
[Joining the Grand Secretariat and becoming a chancellor was just around the corner!!!]
Hearing his daughter's praise, Jian Zhang stroked his beard, feeling a little ashamed.
Luckily, he had sent Teng home. It would have been rather embarrassing to let Teng see him cheating.
Just then, Zhang Ying's younger sister, Zhang Cairong, arrived in the hall with her mother.
Zhang Cairong greeted everyone with easy poise, then sat beside Jian Ruonan.
Seeing that Jian Ruonan was only a young girl, Zhang Ying had worried she might be bored and specifically asked her younger sister to keep her company.
Zhang Cairong was sixteen that year, with an oval face, a lovely forehead, and delicate, moth-wing brows. When she smiled, her eyes and brows curved into crescents.
[Wow, what a gorgeous girl! Come here and cuddle, big sister-]
After they exchanged greetings, Zhang Cairong took Jian Ruonan into the courtyard to admire the flowers and scenery, but her gaze kept drifting back toward the hall. Jian Ruonan was not truly a ten-year-old girl and immediately recognized the stirrings of romance in Zhang Cairong's heart.
[Wow, so this pretty girl admired the Fourth Prince! A talented gentleman and a beautiful lady-what a perfect match!!]
[Sure enough, beautiful women and handsome men belonged together. What a feast for the eyes.]
[I hope Sister Cairong gets her wish and becomes Prince Rui's consort.]
Jian Ruonan stood close enough to the hall that Dantai Mo could hear her thoughts.
Dantai Mo: [Do you still think the Fifth Miss's mission is to win my heart?]
The Black Tortoise System: [... My level is so high. How could I possibly be wrong?]
Dantai Mo: [Stop bringing up your level.]
It was completely useless.
From beginning to end, Jian Ruonan had never made a single attempt to please him. Now she even thought he was well matched with another woman. How could a woman like that possibly have a mission to win his heart?
The Black Tortoise System: *[...]* Feeling thoroughly aggrieved, it said, [Your Highness, just wait. I'll prove I'm right!]
Dantai Mo and Jian Ruonan had been sitting close together earlier. Although they hadn't spoken, they had sat beside each other for roughly an incense stick's burning time. The Black Tortoise System felt brimming with Lamp Oil. [Fourth Highness, I'm going to unleash my power!]
Dantai Mo: [Just don't get yourself killed.]
The Black Tortoise System: [Aaaaaaaah! Power, activate-]
Dantai Mo: *[...]*
The Black Tortoise System had replenished quite a bit of Lamp Oil, while the little system bound to Jian Ruonan nearly underwent a forced shutdown. [Nannan, after you got close to the Fourth Prince just now, I felt so dizzy.]
Jian Ruonan: [You're a system. How can you get dizzy?]
The system: [Seriously, it felt like my battery was running low and I could disconnect at any moment.]
Jian Ruonan: [For your safety, I'd better give up on winning the Fourth Prince's heart.]
The system: [... Could you stop giving up at the drop of a hat?]
Jian Ruonan: [Nope~~]
The system: *[...]*
After unleashing its power, the Black Tortoise System transmitted the conversation between the girl and her system into Dantai Mo's mind, word for word.
The Black Tortoise System's voice trembled with excitement. [See? I was right, wasn't I? The Fifth Miss's mission really is to win Your Highness's heart. She isn't doing it purely because she's lazy!]
Dantai Mo: *[...]*
Before you continue