Wilderness Survival Becomes Wilderness Recruitment: Brother Monkey, Want to Take the Graduate Entrance Exam?
Snowmobiles raced across the snow-covered plains.
Sing Sing Chow floored the accelerator, and Darwin in the back seat gripped his waist, yelling at the top of his lungs, "Slow down! Slow down! Don't drive so fast! I get carsick! I'm going to throw up on the back of your neck!"
"Spitting once results in a 500 yuan fine! Sit still! Director Zhou, back in the day, I delivered pork on a tricycle at the market, and I was known as the 'King of Mount Akina'! I could drift with my eyes closed, this flat ground is nothing!"
As we sped along, a cracking sound came from beneath the tracks.
Before the two could even observe, the snow surface collapsed instantly, and the entire ice layer caved in.
"Holy crap!" Old Zhou's eyes widened. "Alaska is doing shoddy construction too?!"
"Ahhh! I want to go home! Mom!! Help!"
The two, along with their car, plunged directly into an underground ice cave. Sing Sing forcefully corrected his posture in mid-air, stomping his feet on the ice wall several times before finally landing steadily.
Before he could even straighten his clothes, a soft, squishy thing fell from above and landed at his feet.
Then, it bounced twice on the ground like a peeing beef ball, before slowly unfolding back into the shape of a bald head.
Wow!
In order to save his life, Darwin transformed his body material into highly elastic rubber within those few seconds.
The surrounding light was somewhat dim.
The temperature was even lower than above, and the air had a foul odor, like Beast excrement.
"Xiao Da, something's not right here."
Darwin scrambled to his feet, his vision quickly adjusting to the darkness. "Have we fallen into a bear's den? Why do I feel like there are eyes watching us?"
"No way? Where did this bear come from in this godforsaken place? Look..."
Before Comrade Old Zhou could finish speaking, a hairy hand reached out from the darkness and grabbed his shoulder.
"I won't rob you of your money, but you've come to the wrong person if you want to assault me. I'm a respectable person."
Sing Sing reacted extremely quickly, grabbing the black-haired man's wrist with his left hand and drawing Pig Butchering Knife with his right.
The cold Blade slid down smoothly, pressing firmly against the other man's carotid artery. Both men froze when they saw who it was.
Standing before them was a humanoid life form covered in shiny black hair.
The black-haired monster gripped a nearby boulder with its other hand, its five fingers embedded directly into the stone.
If Sing Sing's knife had moved forward just one millimeter, that boulder would most likely have smashed directly into his forehead.
"You! Get out of my cave!"
Sing Sing raised an eyebrow, flicked his wrist, and sheathed the Pig Butchering Knife.
"Wow, you can speak English too, and your accent is quite authentic."
"Give me your ID number. You're building illegal structures in this desolate place. Believe me, I can call the urban management officers and have them fill in your holes overnight!"
The black-haired monster was clearly bewildered, a human-like blank expression appearing on its furry face. "Urban management officers... what are they? Can you eat them?"
Sing Sing sized up the black-haired monster in front of him. "What gang are you from? State your name, confess and you'll be treated leniently, resist and you'll be punished severely."
The black-haired monster scratched his head and said in a muffled voice, "I... I'm called Moon-Boy, some people also call me Ape-Man."
Darwin nearby, pointed at the Ape-Man's arm, which was thicker than his own thigh, and shouted, "Boy? You call this a boy? That slap could have slammed me against the wall and I wouldn't be able to pry it off! You're King Kong!"
Sing Sing put on a friendly, older brother smile and patted Darwin on the shoulder.
"That just shows you're not worldly-wise! That's called 'gap moe,' what a poetic name!"
As he spoke, Old Zhou looked at the Ape-Man again. "Judging from your appearance, you must be unemployed, right? Or perhaps an unregistered resident with no property, work permit, or residence permit, making a living by scavenging for garbage?"
The Ape-Man pointed sheepishly into the depths of the cave, "I don't collect trash, I collect parts. Want to come and take a look?"
After saying that, he turned around and walked inside.
Sing Sing gave Darwin a wink, and the two carefully followed him inside. The further they went in, the more spacious the space became.
Sing Sing initially thought it was just an ordinary Beast den, at most containing bone fragments and a stinking pile of excrement.
When they arrived at the main cave, Old Zhou was stunned.
This is a completely underground scrap metal recycling workshop.
A brazier sat in the center of the cave, with several workbenches made from discarded oil drums and bearings placed beside it.
In the corner, there was a heater pieced together from the engine wreckage, and even an exhaust pipe leading directly to the outside of the ice crevice!
Sing Sing walked over curiously and tapped on the engine casing, producing a crisp sound.
He stared at the Ape-Man in astonishment. "This thing... you made it all by yourself, without outsourcing?"
The Ape-Man rubbed his large hands together, somewhat embarrassed, and said, "Things often fall down outside, so I pick them up and fix them. It's just that a few gears don't mesh very well."
Darwin, clutching his bald head, exclaimed, "You, a wild caveman, are trying to discuss gear meshing with me? I need to read the instruction manual for ages just to change a light bulb. How am I supposed to live like this?"
Sing Sing strode up to the Ape-Man and firmly grasped his large, hairy hand. "Brother Monkey, are you taking the postgraduate entrance exam? You can choose between Tsinghua or Peking University's Mechanical Engineering department!"
The Ape-Man was shaken so hard he was stunned, his big eyes filled with clear stupidity.
"Huh? Postgraduate entrance exam? What's that? Can it be used as a spare part?"
"It's okay not to take the postgraduate entrance exam. Heroes come from all walks of life, and scoundrels are not judged by age. As long as you have skills, you can go anywhere in the world without fear."
"Look at you, possessing such top-notch mechanical engineering talent, actually hiding in this dark, sunless ice cave repairing scrap metal—it's a complete waste of your talent!"
As if by magic, Old Zhou pulled out the contract again.
"Let's get to know each other again. I am Sing Sing, Director of the Overseas Special Talent Recruitment Office of the 749 Bureau of China. On behalf of the organization, I hereby extend to you the sincerest invitation!"
"See this contract? Senior Mechanical Engineer and Special Equipment Maintenance Consultant! Paid annual leave plus double subsidies for high and low temperatures!"
Sing Sing got more and more excited as he spoke, waving the contract in front of the Ape-Man: "Think about it, you're stuck here with ice shards every day and can't even get a hot meal, right? Why not come work for us and shine! We've got all the benefits you could want!"
The Ape-Man was completely overwhelmed by this barrage of attacks.
He didn't quite understand what "employment status" and "Five Insurances and One Housing Fund" or "Six Insurances and Two Housing Funds" meant, but he understood one term.
There are many machines there that he can repair.
The Ape-Man pointed to his thick black fur, "But... I look different from you. When people outside see me, they either shoot me or run away as fast as they can. Won't I scare everyone if I go there?"
Sing Sing patted his chest firmly and guaranteed it.
"Scared? You're kidding! We believe that a cat that can fix a tractor is a good cat, regardless of its color!"
"What's wrong with your fur? It's called all-natural winter clothing! It's green, environmentally friendly, and pollution-free! If you go to Northeast China, you won't even need to buy a down jacket in the dead of winter. It's such a good thing for the country to save resources!"