An Explosive Debut! Deadpool Was Just One Toilet Away from Becoming a Full-Time Employee

The phone was answered after one ring.

"Hello? This is Wade Johnson's firm. We handle debt collection, escort services, meal-eating services, and verbal abuse services. We've also recently launched a comprehensive funeral service. Feel free to inquire!"

The background noise coming through the receiver was a complete mess.

Gunshots, explosions, and a waiter's panicked scream:

"Sir! Oysters are extra!"

Sing Sing succinctly stated. "A big order, to Japan, Japan (food and lodging)!"

"Make a deal!"

Wade answered faster than he could grab a red envelope (a digital gift of money).

Three seconds later, a red and black figure appeared out of thin air above Sing Sing's head. Clearly, this guy hadn't expected to be in the sky either.

The consequence of falling was that he landed face-first in a pile of rubble, bouncing twice before coming to rest in front of Sing Sing.

Without the slightest embarrassment, Deadpool got up, dusted himself off, and said enthusiastically, "Last week it transported me to the gym locker room, where six muscular men surrounded me, wanting to add me on WhatsApp!"

Sing Sing didn't bother to respond.

Deadpool, unable to contain himself any longer, had already turned his gaze to the battlefield, his eye patch on his mask widening into two circles.

"Holy crap! Wolverine?! Alive?! The real Wolverine?!"

He grabbed Sing Sing's arm and shook him so hard his brains were spinning, yelling, "How come he's sandwiched between a red octopus and a mecha?"

"That's called a triangle position!"

"Details don't matter!"

He let go, Deadpool spun around in place.

"It's been so long since I've seen Wolverine, I really miss him! We absolutely have to make a movie together after this fight! I've even thought of a title: 'Wolverine and Deadpool,' he'll star, I'll play his long-lost cousin, and you'll play the villain, getting killed off in about thirty minutes, how about that?"

"By the way, no one's sewn my mouth shut this time, right?"

Sing Sing:...

Goodness, they've even arranged the billing order.

On the next battlefield, Wolverine, after being wrapped around the waist by tungsten carbide tentacles, was swung around and slammed into the ground.

Even so, he still managed to yell, "Wade! What the hell are you doing here?!"

Did you hear that?!

Deadpool pointed in that direction, his voice trembling. "He remembers me! Last time they sewed my mouth shut during filming, he still remembered! That's what you call a life-or-death bond!"

Sing Sing raised his hand and aimed at the red and black head.

Collapse--!

With a sharp crack, his head slammed solidly into the center of his skull.

Deadpool stared wide-eyed innocently. "Why did you flick me? I'm the highest-paid mercenary in the entire universe!"

"Wade!"

Sing Sing put on a stern face and adopted a leader's tone, "The organization now has a top-secret mission that requires the greatest mercenary in the universe to carry it out personally."

Deadpool stared blankly at Sing Sing for a few seconds, the eye patch on his mask slowly enlarging, enlarging, and enlarging again.

The next second, he put his legs together and raised his right hand to his eyebrows.

"Please give the order! As long as we are here, the position will stand; as long as the mission is complete, I will stay!"

Sing Sing leaned in half a step closer, lowering his voice to a whisper, "Your mission is to blow up the Yasukuni Divine Toilet."

Generous gifts to thank

The wind carried those words far away.

Shi Xiaoyan, holding an umbrella, turned her head and gave me a "What did I just hear?" look.

Deadpool tilted his head.

"Bomb... the toilet?"

"Right."

Which toilet?

"Yasukuni Divine Toilet."

Isn't that a Shinto shrine?

"Who cares if it's a public restroom or a toilet?" Sing Sing waved his hand dismissively. "Anyway, once this is finished, it'll function the same as a toilet."

"Why would you blow up the toilet?" Deadpool scratched his mask. "The toilet didn't do anything to you, it just smelled bad..."

I don't have time to explain the background of the story.

Sing Sing raised his wrist and glanced at the countdown timer on his watch.

The window of opportunity is shrinking, and the official forces are coming to deal with them with orders for "indiscriminate disposal." Let's give these small fry a bigger target instead.

When the air raid sirens sound throughout Japan, all biological and chemical contamination has to take a backseat.

The people chosen for this kind of work are familiar faces, have tough lives, and are crazy enough.

This mercenary is the best candidate.

You only need to remember three things.

"First, go out in front of the official military and show your face openly, so the cameras can clearly capture you. Oh right, if you don't have a face, then make sure the mask is clearly visible."

"Second, after you've shown your face, tell them loudly that you need to go to the restroom."

"Third," Sing Sing paused, "Make it louder."

Deadpool: "That's it?"

"That's it."

"Shouldn't the script include a passionate, impassioned speech? The kind with background music! I accept the assignment with tears in my eyes, then the camera zooms out, and a flock of pigeons flies across the sky?"

"Do you want a speech, or money?"

"Money!"

"Then shut up and take your gear!"

Deadpool rubbed his hands together and leaned in. "More equipment?!"

Sing Sing opened the Mini Dimensional Box and pulled it out from the inside.

First came a section of white porcelain toilet, then the water tank, and finally the welded-on twin Rocket thrusters with their nozzles polished to a shine, and a red ribbon wrapped around the toilet seat.

Five large characters are painted on the porcelain surface: Flying God Toilet Number One.

The small print at the bottom reads, "Made by Moon-Boy, one-year warranty, no compensation if it explodes."

"This..."

Deadpool's voice trembled slightly; he felt this gift was incredibly precious, as if it had been tailor-made for him!

"This is the result of a genius young technician in our department who spent half a month working on a lathe."

Sing Sing shoved the entire toilet into his arms. "Here, this is a gift from the organization. Handmade, one of a kind in the world, you can't buy it even if you have money."

What are its functions?!

"Intelligent guidance. It only recognizes toilets; the locations of all toilets in the world are programmed into its system. You throw it into the air, and it finds its target on its own, its maneuvering even more skillfully than yours."

"The thrusters burn special fuel, and the propellant charge..."

Sing Sing made a hand gesture, "Anyway, there'll be an extra mushroom on Japan's air defense radar tonight."

"The last one is the most impressive," Sing Sing patted the water tank, "It makes a sound when it takes off."

"Call?"

"The sound of flushing water. The louder the sound, the cleaner it is."

Deadpool pulled the toilet into his arms with the same strength he had for his long-lost son, and the eye patch on his mask curved into a crescent moon.

"Waaaaah, the organization actually thinks so highly of me..."

That is.

Sing Sing patted him on the shoulder earnestly.

"The entire bureau unanimously agrees that this task is perfect for you. After all, to do this kind of thing, you need to be ruthless, shameless, and you're the only one in the whole unit who can do all three."

Sing Sing played his trump card, "After we finish this job, I'll give you an 'Excellent' rating in your performance review."

"Excellent?!"

Deadpool hugged the toilet and bounced three times on the spot.

"Brothers! I'm just one toilet away from getting the Five Insurances and One Housing Fund!"

Repeat the command!

"Show your face first!" Deadpool counted on his fingers, "Then announce the toilet! Make a big bang!"

After repeating what he had said, he lifted the toilet above his head and knelt on one knee.

"I, Wade Winston Wilson, swear to complete the mission! I guarantee it will be a resounding explosion!"

"Go, Comrade Wade! The organization will remember your contributions!"

Deadpool stood at attention, his belt hissed twice, and he vanished along with the toilet.

Before leaving, half a sentence drifted out. "Ah Lang! Don't forget about the movie!"