The End of the Universe Is a Government Job Exam

The instrument kept beeping.

Sing Sing stuffed his phone into his pocket, leaned close to the bed, and waved two fingers in front of his eyes.

How many is this?

"Two," the Gambit said hoarsely, "If you shake again, it's four."

"Then who am I?"

Stephen Chow.

What do you remember last?

"You've grabbed my arm. I want to tell you... Miss Sinister."

Sing Sing first massaged his shoulder hollows, and when he raised his hand, he pushed open several acupoints, including Quchi and Hegu.

The Gambit felt a sudden numbness in both arms, and his fingertips involuntarily flicked.

Footsteps sounded at the door.

Li Qianhuan charged ahead, her hair a mess, with Colossus following behind, his newly donned arm hanging limply at his side.

"Remy!"

Little Fireworks rushed to the bedside, wanting to pat him but not daring to, and in the end only grabbed the corner of the blanket.

Gambit's gaze fell on Colossus's left shoulder. "Piotr, that was... me?"

Colossus raised his new arm, the joint cracking with a "click," and shook it at Gambit: "This one's better than the old one, but it's easier to grab an apple and end up with jam."

That's not what I was asking.

"I know what you're asking," Colossus, pulling up a chair and sitting down. "You weren't you back then."

The Gambit closed his eyes, his Adam's apple bobbing.

"Alright, that concludes our reminiscing session."

Sing Sing turned the chair upside down and straddled it, resting his chin on the back of the chair.

"Let's talk about something serious. Do you remember what happened?"

The Gambit opened his eyes, "I remember some..."

"Then let's start from the beginning. How exactly did you end up working for that woman?"

"For a friend."

The Gambit twitched his fingers. "Jacob Gavin the Younger. Everyone in the circle calls him the Messenger."

"He's a shapeshifter; his body is liquid, and he can transform into any shape, any person."

"Sounds like a slime." Li Qianhuan lay on the foot of the bed.

"More difficult to deal with than a slime." Gambit chuckled, a rare occurrence. "We took on a job together that time, investigating a clinic."

"A maternity clinic. The owner's name is Dr. Nathan Millbury."

"The clinic's security was too tight; men couldn't get in. So Jacob completely transformed himself into a woman and Jacqueline himself Jacqueline."

"That was the most beautiful use of his ability I've ever seen."

"And then?" Sing Sing asked.

"Millbury, that's Miss Sinister."

"She gave Jacqueline an injection, and I was waiting outside. I heard screams inside, and when I rushed in, Jacob was already unrecognizable."

He turned into a puddle of liquid that flowed across the floor. Miss Sinister stood beside him, using the tip of her high heel to push the puddle into an energy bubble, like scooping spilled soup back into a bowl.

She said something to me.

The Gambit took the water glass that Li Qianhuan handed him and took a sip.

She said, 'Mr. LeBeau, the liquid doesn't hurt, but it evaporates. How many more days do you think it will evaporate?'

"I had no choice," said the Gambit. "She could stabilize him again, on the condition that I work for her. I agreed."

Sing Sing nodded, without saying anything profound.

If it were him, he would have agreed too.

Once your friend has turned to mush, who cares whether the person opposite you is Silver Peak or a gold peak?

"She did it; Jacob was reformed. But it was Jacqueline was reformed."

"I didn't take it seriously at the time. I thought that once things calmed down, he could just remove the extra part and go back to being himself, like before."

"But the stabilization measures Miss Sinister took completely stripped him of his abilities."

"He can't change anymore, little Jacob Gavin, trapped inside Jacqueline's body. For the rest of his life."

Where is Jacqueline now?

Gambit turned to Sing Sing: "I don't know. After I finished my first job for her, I wanted to take Jacob with me. She agreed and even gave me a drink. I woke up that day."

After Gambit finished talking about Jacqueline, his eyelids started to droop.

The curve on the heart rate monitor went down all the way, eventually becoming a stable wavy line.

Li Qianhuan tucked the blanket around him and tiptoed to the doorway.

The three looked at each other, and finally, at Sing Sing's suggestion, decided to go to the cafeteria for a late-night snack.

After 9 PM, only one window in the Alpha Base's canteen remained open, serving stewed beans.

"Let's get serious tonight."

"Every time you say you want to be serious, you start being witty the next sentence."

"That's because you're prejudiced against me."

Sing Sing put down his chopsticks and straightened his back.

"Let's get to know each other again. Sing Sing, Director of the Overseas Special Talent Recruitment Office, 749 Bureau of China. He was just promoted to deputy director level."

"Hmph, Zhou Dafu is finally closing time?"

"The car dealership owner is a part-time employee; this is their main business."

Seeing that Li Qianhuan remained silent, Old Zhou pushed a contract in front of Colossus: "You promised before that you would come with me after rescuing your sister. That was said then, now I'm giving you a chance to back out."

"If I wanted to back out, I wouldn't be sitting here," Colossus said, pulling the contract closer. "But I have two questions."

"Ask away, ask anything. This HR professional will answer to the best of my knowledge."

"First, Illyana. Her abilities are connected to the Limbo; she's very dangerous. Will your country accept her?"

"We must take her, we have to fight to take her! There's this girl in our unit who can teleport, she's always telling me that the space system is short-staffed. If your sister goes, she'll cry for three days straight."

"Of course, that's assuming your sister is willing, and she has to learn first."

Colossus nodded and raised his second finger.

"Secondly, what can I do?"

"Oh my brother!"

To be honest, Director Zhou had already figured out Lao Tie's job a long time ago.

My friend is perfectly capable of serving as a bridge of friendship for large-scale cross-border cooperation projects between China and Russia!

For example, the China-Russia Heilongjiang Bridge, the China-Russia Tongjiang Railway Bridge...

Lao Tie is fluent in Russian, familiar with Big Brother culture, and works for the 749 Bureau. He is perfectly capable of serving as the on-site technical construction coordinator on the frozen border river!

Even military and special operations advisors have a place with Lao Tie.

There are also armed police counter-terrorism instructors and army heavy assault instructors.

Even though large-scale wars rely primarily on beyond-visual-range strikes, in urban counter-terrorism, street fighting, and special bomb disposal operations, Colossus can serve as a mobile bulletproof armored wall and a heavy assault vanguard.

If he doesn't want to, getting involved in culture and art isn't out of the question.

It's true that Lao Tie is a great fighter, but deep down he's a gentle and introverted artist.

They can also serve as special invited members of the China Artists Association, professors at art academies, or art teachers in rural primary schools.

With his profound Soviet Russian realism style, he could teach at an art academy, or quietly sketch and teach children to paint in the countryside, just like he did back in his Siberia farm days!

"Painting is fine too. We have an art association where I live, and we'll put on an exhibition for you sometime. It'll be called 'A Russian's Peking University,' what do you think?"

"Besides, Heilongjiang is right next to your hometown. You can easily drive back and visit by tractor. I'll take care of the paperwork."

Colossus smiled, but the smile was somewhat stiff.

"Good."

"Your turn, Little Firework."

Sing Sing pushed the second contract towards him, "Join us, think about it?"

"I refuse."

Sing Sing has entered the sales phase.

"Have you heard of Liuyang, Hunan? It's the ancestor of all fireworks in the world! Your code name is Fireworks, going there is like coming home!"

"I'll try to get you a position as the chief safety technology consultant at Liuyang Fireworks Group, specializing in fireworks research and development. You can put on a light show with just a wave of your hand, and the Spring Festival Gala will be lining up to hire you!"

"Besides, you're of Chinese descent. Go back to your motherland, eat authentic Hunan cuisine, like steamed fish head with chopped chili peppers and rice—one bite and your DNA will be activated!"

Li Qianhuan burst out laughing.

After laughing, she fell silent again. "Sing Sing, when I was thirteen, I was begging for food in a shopping mall by setting off fireworks. It was a professor who took me in."

"Back then, they all said that the college was their home."

She raised her hand, and a tiny spark appeared at her fingertips, flashing briefly in mid-air.

"And then what? Everyone scattered like leftover sunflower seed shells from the New Year, impossible to sweep up together."

As Li Qianhuan finished speaking, the sparks at her fingertips went out.

"The academy disbanded, the team disbanded. People like me are now on the government's file, with the words 'former X-Men member' appended to it. The moment I saw that, I knew I'd lived my whole life within someone else's records."

She looked up and stared straight at Sing Sing.

"Does your 749 Bureau do this too? Blood sampling, file creation, grade writing, archiving, and then you just throw us out when the wind changes?"

The cafeteria was so quiet you could hear the hum of the fluorescent lights.

Sing Sing rubbed his face. "Let me tell you a story. Toad, covered in slime, he got hit with stones wherever he went. In the end, our bureau settled him in Guizhou. You know this place? Food, lodging, and medical insurance included. There was no discrimination, no contempt; everyone respected him."

He took out his phone from his pocket, swiped it twice, and turned away.

The photo shows a row of plastic greenhouses with light tubes above the chicken coops.

"Geggebu likes raising chickens, so we'll let him raise chickens."

"Riptide, Genos Quest. You guys know him well, right? The X-Men's old nemesis. Now he's reformed and leading the formation of the National Special Meteorological Rapid Response Brigade."

Turning the page again, a woman in a black trench coat stands on the Gobi Desert, with low-hanging clouds behind her and cracked, dry earth beneath her feet, dented by rain.

"Storm, Ororo Munroe. She signed that contract the quickest."

Further on: Flower Buds squatting in the sand, raising seedlings; Harry wearing a safety helmet by the pipeline entrance of the Zhengzhou Yellow River Crossing Project; Polaris calibrating the immersed tunnel at the entrance of the Qiongzhou Strait; and Ichirai Hisako taking a pinyin lesson.

"We also have serial numbers over there."

Sing Sing put the phone back in his pocket.

"Employee ID. Seven digits, the first three are the company code, and the last four are your employment sequence number. The information following the employee ID is easy to remember: medical insurance, pension, work injury insurance, unemployment insurance, maternity insurance, plus housing provident fund."

"We call this the 'Five Insurances and One Housing Fund,' which is, of course, the most basic one."

Li Qianhuan's lips moved slightly. "Then... let's keep the number."

"Yes, the employee number." Sing Sing nodded. "Supermarket cashiers have employee numbers, hospital doctors have employee numbers, and I, as the department head, also have an employee number. The only meaning of an employee number is that we can find you when it's payday this month."

"Our bureau has four conditions for hiring people. First, it must be voluntary on your part; no amount of persuasion from others will count, and you must sign the document yourself."

"Secondly, there's a two-way selection process for positions. You can decline recommendations or express your own preferences."

"Third, we'll tailor our approach to each individual, based on their temperament, abilities, and physical condition. If you can't do something, you should explain clearly; if you can, don't force yourself."

"Fourth--"

He paused:

"The fourth point is the most important: individuals with special abilities are first and foremost workers with rights and responsibilities, not resources that must be controlled or weaponized."

"Which company doesn't say that when they're hiring?" Li Qianhuan snorted.

"What if I told you that Professor X wanted me to bring people back too? Longneck William Hanover, Geggebu Robert Herman, Baobao Bailey Hoskins."

"I'm just going to investigate," she said. "I need to see for myself what kind of lives the professor wrote about: Longneck, Geggebu, and Bailey."

"Okay." Sing Sing nodded.

Secretly, he was overjoyed; this was exactly the same strategy as Storm!

After she arrived and saw that her compatriots were no longer suffering and were living comfortably every day, she was no wonder she was tempted by the Little Firework!

"The inspection is one thing, but remember to keep the receipts for the meals."

How do you manage to circumvent reimbursement rules in everything?

"Nonsense! I was just promoted to deputy director, not won the lottery!"