Where the Hell Did All These Crappy Levels Come From? I'll Flip the Table and Skip Them!
Ash wood is ultimately just ordinary wood.
With a snap, the staff in Old Zhou's hand shrank into a short-handled rolling pin under the cross-cutting blows of the two samurai swords.
"Nisunai!"
The swordsman on the left roared, his Blade aimed straight for Old Zhou's throat.
Out of the corner of his eye, he glanced at the blocked escape routes on both sides. If he tried to withstand those two samurai swords, his white shirt would definitely be ruined.
If I want a refund...
Are you kidding me? My buddy and that Deadpool guy have even blown up the toilet in my neighborhood, and you're going to return two defective figurines?
If this gets sent back, that old bastard Cao Dahua will be sending me a whole year's worth of mocking emojis in the group chat.
Clang!
A right arm, along with half of a kimono sleeve, lay on the table, the break clean.
"Are these hydraulic components from a small workshop counterfeiting them?"
Lao Zhou tilted his head to avoid the splatter of black engine oil.
He pulled out Pig Butchering Knife at some point and twirled it twice in his hand.
"With all those screws tightened so much, don't you understand the concept of thermal expansion and contraction? Go back and tell your purchasing department to download an anti-fraud app so they'll remember this lesson."
The wind whistled behind my back.
Another swordsman slashed horizontally along the ground, aiming straight for his lower body.
Lao Zhou stomped his foot and leaped into the air. While still in mid-air, he grabbed the severed arm and tossed it towards Christina below the stage.
"Here you go! This is an official, genuine item drop, don't break it!"
Christina frantically grabbed the severed arm.
The mechanical hand was still twitching in her arms, gesturing with its middle finger.
"What did I do wrong to deserve this?!"
"This thing can even move!"
The one-armed swordsman caught the samurai sword firmly in his left hand, then he and his companion formed a scissor-like formation to surround the swords again.
The swordsman on the left attacked first, gripping the hilt of his sword with his left hand and spinning like a top close to the ground.
As the Blade slashed down, Sing Sing drifted away like a willow catkin swaying in the wind.
Following the gleaming, cold light, the blade slid out in a half-arc, and then the tip of the Pig Butchering Knife's knife gently flicked at the wiring interface behind the opponent's cervical spine.
Even though the swordsman turned around and elbowed him, Lao Zhou's movements were three points faster than his mechanical transmission shaft. His left hand transformed from a palm into a knife and struck the opponent's elbow cartilage.
The Pig Butchering Knife in his right hand slid into the gap in that arm.
The blade didn't produce a single spark, but with a series of flicks of Old Zhou's wrist, his arm became completely bare, like a pig's intestines that had been cleaned out.
Before the swordsman could retreat, the hydraulic bearing on his right shoulder blade was pried off.
No sooner said than done.
Just then, another person's katana slashed towards Sing Sing's face.
Sing Sing crouched low and slashed forward, following the wind from the blade, his shoulders slightly lowered, and delivered an Iron Mountain Lean strike to his opponent's chest.
With a series of extremely fast and rapid clicking sounds, the outer shell of the swordsman's chest cavity was neatly peeled off, revealing the miniature power furnace inside.
"How many times have I told you? Cutting corners will land you in jail operating a sewing machine!"
Lao Zhou wielded the Pig Butchering Knife in his hand, leaving afterimages as he muttered incantations.
"Using cheap, generic steel for the drive chain is one thing, but not even applying anti-loosening sealant to the bolts? Has your boss run away with the money?"
The two originally menacing mechanical warriors were transformed into pieces of pork belly being meticulously sliced on a chopping board by Sing Sing's the Cook Ding Cuts Up an Ox knife skills.
The blade, without damaging the core components, smoothly dislocated all the joint sleeves.
The clanging and clattering of objects hitting the ground echoed incessantly on the arena.
In just a few dozen seconds, the two steel killers were completely dismantled into a pile of parts.
Bolts are bolts, gears are gears, neatly stacked at Sing Sing's feet, categorized and arranged in a way that would delight anyone with OCD.
After dismembering the mechanical warrior, he squatted down among the pile of parts and began to pick and choose.
Red Star Fresh Cold Chain plastic bags are making a comeback.
Christina rubbed her eyes in the audience. She swore there was nowhere on Sing Sing's body to hide a plastic bag!
He deftly stuffed several well-preserved parts inside, and Lao Zhou nodded in satisfaction.
"The workmanship of this batch of materials is a bit rough, but it'll still be enough for the logistics team to repair the bulldozers."
After collecting his spoils, Sing Sing walked up to Christina and pointed to his suit.
Christina then came to her senses and quickly handed over the suit.
He straightened his suit jacket, adjusted his crooked tie, and snapped his the Snap Sing Sing.
"Let's go, young comrade."
Let's go see what kind of coins drop in the next level.
Before the two could even begin searching for the door to the upper level, the wall behind the cursive script on the back of the arena split open to the sides.
An upward-sloping passage appeared before them, with a sign thoughtfully placed at the entrance.
Level 5: Happy Bouncing Around, watch your step!
Sing Sing adjusted his hat and grinned.
"Wow, is this an amusement park?"
The two entered the passageway; the stairs were very long, and they had been walking for more than twenty minutes without reaching the end.
Christina could even ask a question, the surrounding scenery changed, and the entire passageway transformed into a long, narrow, suspended platform.
On either side of the platform are dark abysses, and hundreds of colorful, glowing cubes float at the exit a hundred meters ahead.
Each block is a different size and the spacing between them is uneven, just like the brick-stomping level in some old game.
Some of the blocks floated slowly up and down, some moved horizontally left and right, and a few spun wildly in mid-air.
Even more outrageous, one-third of the blocks were glowing red.
Stepping on it will definitely not end well.
This time, the familiar voice didn't appear; instead, a synthesized mechanical voice was used.
"Welcome to level five! Reach the opposite platform within three minutes, or all the support beneath your feet will retract!"
Friendly reminder: Red blocks can explode!
Sing Sing turned to look at Christina: "Will it work?"
Seeing that she nodded, Lao Zhou did not hesitate.
With a light step, he dashed toward the nearest blue cube at incredible speed.
The moment his toes touched the surface of the block, he quickly stood up, without lingering on the block at all.
After stepping on seven or eight floating blocks in succession, Sing Sing twisted his waist and changed direction in mid-air, performing a beautiful side somersault over three rotating red trap blocks, and landed on the edge of a golden block in the distance.
Christina's pupils contracted as she activated her mutant ability and leaped toward the first cube.
The two of them, one in front of the other, swiftly traversed the suspended ocean of colorful cubes.
Sing Sing even had the energy to kick a green cube, which shattered to reveal a silver-white metal badge hidden inside. He casually pocketed the badge, whose purpose he didn't know, and continued speeding forward.
With just two and a half minutes left in the three-minute countdown, the two had already arrived at the opposite platform.
Behind them, the colorful cubes emitted a piercing buzzing sound and plummeted into the abyss.
The exit door of the fifth level slowly opened, revealing a straight spiral staircase leading upwards.
On the walls on both sides of the staircase, a thick green mechanical pipe extends out every three meters.
The top of the pipe had a gaping, gaping metal maw covered in sharp teeth—wasn't that a carnivorous plant from some game?
Did they pay copyright fees?
As Sing Sing stepped onto the first step, the carnivorous flower closest to him opened its massive mouth and spewed out a glob of corrosive acid.
Easily dodging the Lao Zhou, he continued climbing rapidly, hugging the wall as he went.
Christina chose a more violent approach.
They grabbed the carnivorous plant that had just sprayed acid and forcibly pulled it out of the pipe.
The two rushed out of the spiral staircase, and a bright and open space appeared before them.
The sixth level is a wide circular track with a metal pillar standing in the center.
A dozen steel cables hang from the pillar, each with a different colored sliding handle attached to its end.
The deadly trap isn't the slide; the track is riddled with fiery chains.
Dozens of burning iron balls were suspended in mid-air by chains, swinging back and forth.
Sing Sing reached out and grabbed a red handle, then began to slide while hanging from the steel cable.
He squinted, calculating the swing trajectory and time difference of the fiery chain ball.
His body flexibly curled, stretched, and turned in mid-air, managing to find a way out of the flames.
Christina remained brutal.
He grabbed the handle and charged forward at full speed, smashing any fireballs that blocked his path with a single punch.
His fist was burned black, but his berserk state allowed his self-healing ability to heal the wound quickly.
After breaking free of the fiery trail, the two landed in a strange room filled with spring-like mushrooms.
These mushroom-shaped spring devices vary in height and color.
Stepping on them will launch you in different directions and heights, and the ceiling, walls, and floor are all covered with spike traps.
Sing Sing stepped on a blue mushroom.
The spring launched him into the air, where he used three different mushrooms to propel himself through the air at incredible speed, leaping and darting around the room before landing gracefully on the edge of the exit platform.
The eighth level is located in a passageway where dozens of giant rollers, their surfaces covered with spikes, roll down a slope.
After observing for three seconds with great interest, Sing Sing started the machine and began to move rapidly between the rollers.
The ninth level is a maze filled with a purplish-red poisonous fog.
The concentration of toxic fog was extremely high, but Sing Sing had already switched his breathing method to internal circulation, ignoring the forks and traps that tried to confuse him, and moving in the right direction with his keen senses.
Christina put on the gas mask that Sing Sing had given her and followed closely behind.
After escaping the poisonous fog maze, the two faced the tenth level, a teleportation pipe maze.
The entire room was filled with thick, colorful pipes, each with a different number and symbol at its entrance.
These pipes lead in different directions; some are the correct path, some will teleport people back to the starting point, and others are directly connected to traps and cages.
Sing Sing pulled out Pig Butchering Knife's knife and slashed at the ceiling.
With a loud crash, a crack appeared in the ceiling.
Sing Sing sheathed his sword, turned to look at Christina, and pointed to the top of his head.
He actually tried to skip the level!
Passing through the broken ceiling, we arrived directly at level eleven.
This is a narrow passage filled with rotating gears. Countless metal gears spin at high speed on the walls and floor. The gaps between the gears are so narrow that a slight misstep could result in being minced into a bloody pulp.
The twelfth level is a vertical passage with hundreds of high-pressure jets on both sides, whose powerful airflow attempts to blow climbers off.
At the top of the passage, a large door can be vaguely seen.
Sing Sing, who had already overcome dozens of challenges, was thoroughly annoyed.
It was interesting at first, but the later levels started to become homogenous.
After traversing mountains and rivers and overcoming countless difficulties, Sing Sing and Christina arrived at the last door.
A doorplate was hanging above:
Command Room
Sing Sing stood in front of the door and kicked it.