Fairies Don't Poop!

The next morning

"Yawn~"

Lin Fan yawned as he climbed out of bed and made his way from the bedroom to the bathroom.

As he passed through the living room, Long Yue, who was sitting silently on the sofa, gave him quite a fright.

"Good grief, Empress, if you're awake, say something. Sitting there like a ghost..."

"This Empress is finished... finished..."

Long Yue looked utterly despondent. Ignoring Lin Fan, she merely lowered her head and muttered to herself.

Lin Fan walked over to her worriedly. "What happened? Is something wrong?"

She had clearly been in a great mood after coming back last night and eating an entire cake. Why did she look like she was on the verge of death after one night's sleep?

"Waaah... This Empress is finished, finished...!"

Long Yue suddenly covered her face and burst into tears.

Lin Fan was startled. It was his first time seeing the usually cool and strong-willed Empress like this.

"Hey, hey, what happened? Don't just cry. Tell this Venerable already."

"Waaah... This Empress, this Empress... This Empress is no longer pure!"

Long Yue grabbed Lin Fan by the collar in grief and wailed.

"Yawn... (⊙_⊙)? How are you not pure? This Venerable didn't do anything to you."

Lin Fan looked utterly bewildered.

Long Yue raised her head with red-rimmed eyes and glared at him angrily.

"That's not what this Empress means!"

"Then what kind of 'not pure' are you talking about?" Lin Fan was even more confused.

"You...! Honestly! Must this Empress spell it out so directly?!"

"Fine, this Empress will tell you. This Empress pooped! There, satisfied?! Waaah..."

As she spoke, Long Yue began sobbing uncontrollably again.

Lin Fan stood frozen in place, utterly blank.

"You pooped? And then...?"

"What do you mean, 'and then'?! This is an extremely serious matter! It is absolutely intolerable!"

"This Empress is the Empress of the Extreme Saint Heavenly Palace, revered by countless people. How could this Empress, how could this Empress expel such filthy, foul waste from her body like an ordinary mortal?!"

"This Empress cannot accept it! This Empress cannot accept it! This cannot be real!"

Long Yue clutched her head with both hands, her face filled with unbearable despair and sorrow.

Once cultivators generally reached a certain realm and stopped eating, they only needed to absorb the spiritual essence of heaven and earth to nourish themselves. They no longer needed to eat, and naturally no longer needed to relieve themselves.

Even if they ate something for the sake of indulgence, they could completely purify and absorb the food through their own power.

Anything that truly could not be purified and absorbed would turn into a cloud of turbid air or condense into a filthy pellet, expelled through the mouth or from the surface of the body.

She had never once relieved herself from below like a mortal!

Not even once!

She absolutely could not accept this. Calling it a stain and disgrace upon her life would not be an exaggeration!

If others found out, the prestige of the Empress of the Immortal Realm would be destroyed!

At that moment, she even had the urge to end her own life and be done with it all. Let the Supreme Saint Empress have died when she fell into the void...

"This Venerable thought it was something serious. You just went to the bathroom."

"Going to the bathroom is a form of detoxification. That's a good thing. You can't exactly hold it in until it kills you."

Once he learned that she had merely gone to the bathroom, Lin Fan relaxed and comforted her without much concern.

She had practically eaten an entire cream cake by herself last night. It would have been strange if she did not need to use the bathroom.

With almost all the spiritual power in her body gone, she needed food to replenish her bodily functions. Naturally, she also had to detoxify like a mortal. To him, that was perfectly normal.

Unable to accept this reality, Long Yue nearly roared at Lin Fan in despair:

"It is not a good thing!"

"This Empress is the Empress of the Extreme Saint Heavenly Palace, the supreme ruler of the Immortal Realm!"

"Fairies don't poop!!"

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Lin Fan: "..."

At a loss for words, Lin Fan fell silent for a moment before coughing lightly and trying to comfort her from another angle.

"Empress, expelling impurities and toxins from the body is a natural bodily function. Now that you and I have lost our cultivation, our bodies cannot purify those impurities on their own, so we can only expel them like mortals."

"It is not just you. Even this Venerable is the same. Pooping is only natural. There is nothing shameful about it."

Hearing this, Long Yue felt a little better and stopped crying.

"Really? Then Demon Supreme, you've pooped too?"

"...Uh, of course! This Venerable took a huge dump last night, so Empress, you need not dwell on it." After a brief hesitation, Lin Fan admitted it.

Long Yue wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes, and her heart immediately felt much more balanced.

"But Demon Supreme, you are from the Demon Race, and your original body was that of an ordinary mortal. Isn't it normal for your body to expel this kind of filthy waste? This Empress is different from you."

Lin Fan: "..."

"Empress, that's not a very nice thing to say..."

He had kindly tried to comfort her, only to get stabbed in return. Lin Fan was speechless.

To comfort her, he had even deliberately told a harmless lie. Yet she actually thought it was only natural for the Demon Race to poop...

As long as their cultivation and spiritual power remained, the Demon Race did not need to poop either, okay?!

"My apologies. This Empress was discourteous."

Long Yue also felt that what she had said was inappropriate and hurriedly apologized.

After Lin Fan's guidance, she no longer felt quite so miserable.

No matter what, it was her body's self-protective function. If she wanted to return to the Immortal-Demon Continent someday, she could only accept it all.

"It's fine."

Seeing that Long Yue was in a much better mood, Lin Fan stood and headed toward the bathroom to wash up for the morning.

The moment he pushed open the bathroom door, he froze in place.

At the same time, Long Yue's icy voice rang out from behind him, and chilling killing intent swept down his spine.

"If you dare say it smells, this Empress will kill you!"

Lin Fan stood still as his mind raced. After hesitating for 0.00001 seconds, he decisively turned back with a smile, gave Long Yue a thumbs-up, and comforted her.

"What smell? Even the Empress's poop smells nice!"

The moment his words fell, a cushion smashed into his face at high speed.

"...Go die!"

Long Yue's face was crimson as if blood would drip from it, though it was unclear whether she was embarrassed or furious.

Before the second cushion could fly over, Lin Fan hurriedly ducked into the bathroom.

"Damn Demon Supreme...!"

Long Yue gritted her teeth furiously, then slumped back onto the sofa with a lifeless expression.

When Lin Fan cautiously poked his head out of the bathroom, he saw her gazing at the ceiling with tears glimmering in her eyes, muttering softly:

"Home... This Empress wants to go home..."

She knew far too little about this entirely new and unknown world. She did not even know how to learn more about it.

She had no idea what she was supposed to do next. The road ahead in her life was nothing but confusion.

"Empress, you're just too idle, so you keep overthinking things."

Seeing Long Yue's low spirits, Lin Fan plopped down beside her and pointed at the television in the middle of the living room.

"This Venerable has activated the television. Do you want to watch it?"

"Television? This black mirror?"

Long Yue turned to look at the television, confusion on her face.

The television's black screen reflected her and the living room, making it look like a black mirror.

"This isn't a mirror. It's a television, an electronic device specially used to play videos. It's one of the ways people entertain themselves nowadays."

Lin Fan gave her a simple explanation, then picked up the television remote and turned it on.

The television screen lit up, immediately filling with color and sound. Several talking sheep appeared in the picture.

The moment she saw that, Long Yue's eyes widened. She sprang off the sofa and pointed at the screen.

"Sheep! The sheep are talking!"