A Cause for Celebration

Chapter 28: A Cause for Celebration

S.H.I.E.L.D. and Hydra were running around like headless chickens, but Evenson, who had stirred up this whole mess, did not care in the slightest. In truth, there was nothing much to care about. He knew this would only cause Hydra a little trouble at most; it would not hurt them badly. As long as they had no time to come after him and his safety was assured, he was satisfied. Everything else could take its natural course.

As for taking on Hydra alone, it sounded wonderful, but it was enough to just think about it. Actually doing it would be idiotic, because Hydra's greatest characteristic was its secrecy. No one knew how many members Hydra really had, and no one knew their identities. Even a major leader on Pierce's level did not know. If you did not even know who your targets were, how were you supposed to challenge them alone?

That old man collecting trash outside your door looked perfectly ordinary, right? But maybe he was a former Hydra operative hiding in plain sight. One day, when you were not paying attention, he might suddenly jack off at you—ah, no, pull out a pistol and shoot you. That was not impossible.

Therefore, Evenson felt that if he wanted to take on Hydra alone and uproot every last one of them by himself, there really was no other way besides opening a little black portal and summoning the Burning Legion to steamroll the entire world. Still, he was not focused on that right now. He was busy tallying the shop's revenue for the past two days.

Ever since S.H.I.E.L.D. had forcefully moved in and swept away the Deadlock Gang a few days ago, public security in Brooklyn had indeed improved dramatically. As for the local unemployed idlers who saw a vacancy in Brooklyn's underworld and planned to start their own gangs and seize the opportunity, as well as the out-of-town gangs preparing to expand their business into Brooklyn, they promptly gave up after imagining the Deadlock Gang's fate.

The fact that Brooklyn's Deadlock Gang had been hauled away in broad daylight by a mysterious government department, from the lowest goons to the boss without leaving a single one behind, spread through every gang in the United States almost overnight. Countless versions of the story circulated.

The boss of the Chicago Bulls Gang was relatively rational. He believed that the Deadlock Gang must have colluded with foreign reactionary forces in an attempt to overthrow the democratic government, which was why they had drawn the authorities' crackdown. He also believed gangs across the United States would soon come under the authorities' scrutiny, so he called on his peers to keep a low profile.

Meanwhile, the boss of the Houston Rockets Gang believed this was purely a government conspiracy. The Deadlock Gang members had probably been captured and thrown into some kind of gladiatorial arena, where they performed murderous games like Saw every day for the amusement of wealthy conglomerate bigwigs.

The boss of the Los Angeles Lakers Gang thought that was all bullshit. He believed a group of powerful alien creatures had suddenly descended upon Earth, and unfortunately, their main dish was human flesh while their side dish was human bones. To protect humanity's collective interests, the authorities had compromised and captured the Deadlock Gang members to turn them into a grand feast of human flesh.

The boss of the Toronto Raptors Gang was rather pessimistic. He believed it was a decision by the United Nations. They thought the population had expanded beyond what Earth could bear, so they had begun a human purge. The Deadlock Gang was merely the first to be cut down, and it would soon be their turn.

Well, people's imaginations were boundless. In any case, no matter which version they believed, they all agreed that the Deadlock Gang members were probably never getting out again. So they all began shrinking their operations and keeping a low profile. No fighting, no robbing, no collecting protection money—just helping old ladies cross the street.

Some especially timid gangs even announced their disbandment. A whole crowd of hoodlums scrubbed off their tattoos, removed their nose rings, bid farewell to their carefree, snow-white-clad days, and went straight. Years later, one small-time thug built himself up from nothing and finally became a successful man. He could not help but sigh. "S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Deadlock Gang saved me."

The only connection any of that had to Evenson was that the safer streets and improved atmosphere brought in more foot traffic. Richter's Curiosities began seeing rapid growth in revenue. In just two days, the daily number of customers had risen from five to seven. Two more people in two days! What a cause for celebration. What a cause for celebration, my ass.

What fucking use was that besides letting him add two sausages to his instant noodles every day? Evenson felt that getting rich through this was impossible, and he still had a whole bunch of living treasures to feed.

Evenson lay sprawled over the counter, looking at the roomful of living treasures, and suddenly felt his dream of a moderately prosperous life drifting farther and farther away. Little Topsy was beneath a shelf, clutching a feather duster and muttering nonstop. The fat Dumen was still standing in the corner in a daze. The guy had just eaten seven people, yet he did not even move around to digest them. As usual, Hubbs lay at the doorway basking in the sun, or acted cute at passing Chihuahuas.

Demon Guard Tyler's behavior was a little more normal. He was working out with dumbbells. "I've seen plenty of Demon Guards, but this is the first time I've seen one pumping iron."

The Demon Guard shot his boss a glance. "What do you know? Ever since I came here, you won't let me chop people up or fight. If I don't work out, what if I get fat? When I return to the Twisted Nether, I'll be laughed to death."

Evenson thought about it and felt that a Demon Guard who had put on weight and developed a huge beer belly would indeed be rather comical. That image was not merely something Tyler himself could not bear; Evenson would be too embarrassed to take him outside. "Besides, with your strength, lifting a car would not even count as exercise, would it? Is playing with dumbbells in here even useful?"

Hearing that, the Demon Guard tossed both dumbbells aside. "Would you agree to me lifting cars? You heard that you were short on money, and you would not even let me fight underground matches to earn prize money. Would you agree to me lifting cars in the street?"

Underground fighting? There were plenty of places for underground fighting in the United States, but had anyone ever seen an arena where more than a dozen people died in one night, all beaten to death by the same person? Besides, all sorts of people frequented those places. The first ones to come looking for him might really be Hydra rather than S.H.I.E.L.D.

"Boss, good news! Huge news!" At that moment, Sarah the succubus came rushing over from the side in a frenzy. She looked just like a mistress about to tell her boss, I'm pregnant. It's yours.

Thankfully, Sarah did not say that. Instead, she stuffed a newspaper into Evenson's hands. Yet after taking the paper, Evenson did not read it. He stared at Sarah instead. "Hey, why are your horns out?"

Usually, this group of demons disguised themselves as humans. Well, except Hubbs—he disguised himself as a Husky. But now this succubus had run out with a pair of horns on her head.

Sarah touched the horns on her head and said indifferently, "Oh, it's nothing. I let them out to get some air, and gave them a wax and polish while I was at it."

Sure enough, after taking a careful look, Evenson found that the pair of horns was indeed a little brighter than before. Their tips even gleamed, like South African real diamonds set in gold on an eight-star, eight-arrow watch face.

It could not be helped. In demon aesthetics, horns were more important than breasts. After mocking demon beauty standards for a moment, Evenson finally unfolded the newspaper in his hands. One look, and—damn, this really was some cause for celebration.

PS: The second update is here. So, what exactly is the good news? Whoever guesses it gets another double update tomorrow.