Zonko's Joke Shop

By the time the four of them finished their Butterbeer and left The Three Broomsticks, the rain outside had eased.

"Let's go to Zonko's Joke Shop first!" Fred suggested, worried that after visiting Honeydukes, the four of them would spend what little change they had left.

"All right." Albert pulled his gaze away from the candy shop. Truthfully, he was also a little curious about what the joke shop the three of them could not stop talking about actually sold.

Zonko's Joke Shop was right next to Honeydukes, separated only by a single house. Like the candy shop beside it, it had large glass display windows filled with all sorts of joke items.

When the four pushed open the door, the bell behind it rang.

"Welcome." Zoko put down his newspaper and rose from behind the counter, smiling as he greeted the four young customers. He was a wizard in his forties, with a friendly smile on his face.

There was quite a variety of goods in the joke shop. Albert folded up his umbrella, walked over to the display window, and examined the items inside.

"Self-Answering Quill." Albert quietly read out the name of the quill.

"This quill was made to help you deal with annoying subjects. It can help you answer most questions." Like a competent salesman, Zoko introduced the quill's functions to Albert in a humorous tone.

"It really is a good thing," Albert casually replied, though he was unimpressed. Trying to sell this thing to him was like giving a model student an answer sheet.

He obviously did not need it.

Beside it was a broom. Albert looked over its description: Rampaging Broom.

Whenever a wizard tried to ride it into the air, the broom would flip over, leaving its rider hanging upside down. It also had five modes, including wild spinning and sudden high-speed stops that flung people off.

The broom could fly as high as three meters.

It was basically a toy broom, priced at fifteen Galleons.

Albert's face twitched. He turned to look at Fred, George, and Lee Jordan, who were picking out props at another counter. He walked over and saw bars of soap arranged in the cabinet, each one dotted with black specks.

Frog Spawn Soap.

That was the description of the joke item. The more you washed with it, the dirtier you became.

Beside the soap were several teacups. Albert did not reach out to touch them, because they were labeled Biting Teacups.

The moment someone used one of these cups to drink tea, it would suddenly bite their nose and splash the hot tea inside all over them.

All right.

One careless mistake and even a wizard would probably fall for it.

"What are you planning to buy?" Albert asked.

"U-No-Poo," the twins answered in unison.

"Hiccuping Candies and Screaming Yo-yos." Albert felt awkward buying nothing at all, so he casually bought a few candies.

Hiccuping Candies were hard throat lozenges that made whoever ate them hiccup continuously for five minutes. As for the Screaming Yo-yos, they looked like little mice. Fred volunteered to try one. The moment he took a bite, it let out a mouse-like shriek, as though he had really bitten into a living mouse. It startled him so badly that his mouth fell open, and the candy dropped from it onto the floor.

"How does it taste?" Albert asked curiously.

"Not bad. It's just ordinary candy."

"What are you buying?" Albert looked at Lee Jordan.

"I want to buy this." He pointed at a flying disc with sharp teeth around its edge.

"This is a Wolfsbane Flying Disc." Zoko picked up one of the discs and threw it. The four of them heard a roar coming from the whistling disc. "Be careful when you play with it. Don't let it bite you."

He put a slip of paper into the disc's mouth, and in the blink of an eye, it had been shredded into scraps.

That thing packed quite a punch.

"I'll see if there's anything else." Lee Jordan checked the price and looked a little disappointed. This thing cost three Galleons. It was not cheap!

Before leaving, Albert bought two Inflatable Shrieking Skulls. They were only as large as his fist, but once thrown, they rapidly expanded to the height of a person and let out screams that made people jump. When they exploded, they scattered white powder that covered people's faces.

Lee Jordan bought a set of Extendable Ears. They could stretch and retract freely. Once thrown, they would grab the ear of the nearest person. It did not hurt, but when it retracted with a snap, it gave its victim quite a fright.

When the four of them left, they were each carrying a large paper bag filled with things they had bought from Zonko's Joke Shop.

Lee Jordan had also bought a bag of U-No-Poo.

The other three were all curious that Albert had not bought any.

It was practically a must-buy item whenever they came to Zonko's Joke Shop.

"No, I'm not interested in that sort of thing," Albert said irritably.

The moment you touched the stuff, your hands became filthy. When thrown, it exploded into disgusting sludge and gave off the revolting smell of rotten eggs.

It was practically a biological weapon.

"You'd better not stink up the dormitory," Albert warned sternly.

"Don't worry, we'll definitely be careful. We bought these to deal with Filch." George was clearly still bitter about being punished with cleaning chamber pots.

"That place was great, wasn't it?" Fred asked with a smile.

"It was great. A very interesting place." Albert nodded in agreement, then suddenly remembered something. "You seem to really like these joke things. Maybe you could open a similar joke shop yourselves someday."

He remembered that the twins really did open a joke shop after graduation, and it had done quite well.

"That's not a bad idea." The twins' eyes lit up. Unlike Albert, they had never considered what they wanted to do in the future.

"I think you'll need to study Charms well. These things involve some alchemy too." Albert picked up a candy and examined it as he reminded them.

"What about you?"

"I haven't decided yet." Albert was still considering it.

He had no intention of giving up on entering New York Finance. After all, that was an easy job. With the experience he had accumulated and the rewards from completing quests, by the time he graduated, he could raise all sorts of economics and finance skills to a very high level. Making money while lying down really suited him better!

Come to think of it, Divination seemed pretty good too. He could predict lottery draws and win a hundred million dollars or something.

Hmm, the Time-Turner also seemed pretty good. He could win the lottery anytime, anywhere.

Still, finance seemed like a better way to make money.

Albert realized that using magic to make money legally was also a good idea, but the only problem was that if the Ministry of Magic found out, it might cause trouble.

Divination might be better. After all, as long as no one knew he was a Seer, there would be no problem.

Just as Albert was pondering his grand plans for the future, the four of them entered Honeydukes. Although the twins had already spent all their spare change at Zonko's Joke Shop, that did not stop them from going inside to look at the merchandise. They could always come back for candy next time when they had money.