Jean stared at that passage for a long time without speaking. Peter was starting to worry that she might suddenly explode. Fortunately, she merely put the paper away in the end, neither commenting nor breaking down.
"Perhaps I should have realized it long ago," Jean said. "Ever since I felt the Phoenix Force within me, I thought I would never have a peaceful day for the rest of my life. But thinking carefully now, there were many times when I felt true peace. Not when I was alone doing nothing, or seeking comfort from someone, but when I helped those lost young Mutants, soothed their emotions, saved them from discrimination, or even just taught them how to spell words..."
"Scott is a good person. He's a little too good," Jean said. "He always silently protected others, solved problems on his own, tolerated others, and helped others. When I received his help, I felt warmth and safety. That was the easiest way for me. Because to comfort children, I needed enough patience and had to carefully observe their emotions. To fight discrimination, I needed to rack my brains to refute those people. Even to teach spelling, I had to look through grammar books first. Once I had an easy way out, I gave up all of that."
"But that not only became Scott's burden, it also kept me from ever attaining true peace. I couldn't even believe the promises and assurances Scott gave me. Because deep down, I knew very well that he could never defeat Phoenix. He could never pull me back when I lost control. So even though he made those promises so earnestly, and I tried hard to deceive myself into believing them, I couldn't fool myself."
"I should have understood earlier: the only person who can suppress