Mediocre Men

Sun Mansion was not actually far from the imperial palace, but ministers summoned privately by the Emperor could only enter and leave through Donghua Gate.

Thus, he had no choice but to follow the summoning eunuch, passing his own doorstep three times without entering like a fool, before making a long detour from the Northwest Corner of the Inner City to the eastern side of the imperial city.

Perhaps because Sun Shaozong was simply too burly and imposing, the imperial guards at Donghua Gate specifically took him into a Side Room and searched him inch by inch—not once, but twice. They had almost pulled out the weapon in his crotch to measure its length.

After finally passing the "security check," he followed the summoning eunuch through the winding passageways between the palace walls. Then the view suddenly opened up, revealing a grand and magnificent hall ahead.

Sun Shaozong knew they had arrived. Just as he was about to gather himself and prepare to deal with whatever came next, a noisy commotion came from the left side of the hall entrance:

"Good heavens! Of all places for this cart to break down, why did it have to happen right in front of Wenying Hall?!"

"What do we do, what do we do?! This is Big Geng Rice that was just presented as tribute! If it spills, none of us will survive!"

Following the voices, he saw a flatbed horse cart laden with rice lying overturned not far to the left. Two eunuchs were hopping around it, shouting at the top of their lungs.

What exaggerated acting!

Sun Shaozong reached that conclusion after only two glances.

The rice bundles on the cart were piled up like a small mountain, and one of the wheels had snapped cleanly in two. At first glance, it did indeed look like an accident caused by overloading.

But how sharp were Sun Shaozong's eyes?

With a casual glance, he spotted several flaws.

First, the wheel. Its break was clean and neat, without the slightest sign of bending under pressure. It had clearly been removed first, then cut apart with a sharp blade.

Second, the rice on the cart. After such an overturning accident, it was still perfectly arranged, without the slightest tilt. If it had been tied down especially tightly, that would have been one thing, but it was only secured with a few thin ropes. If it had truly been subjected to a sudden impact, it would have scattered all over the ground long ago.

Of course, the most obvious flaw was in the two young eunuchs' lines. It was the depths of the Twelfth Lunar Month, and there was simply no way newly harvested rice could exist. Besides, what fool in the world would dare present old rice as tribute to the Emperor?

Therefore, the words "Big Geng Rice that was just presented as tribute" alone were enough to prove this was a staged farce.

As for the purpose behind this performance...

Sigh~

Sun Shaozong let out a helpless sigh. With supporting actors this terrible, he truly had no desire to be the lead!

Unfortunately, the person who had arranged this lousy play was the Emperor. There was no room for him to back out halfway through. Offend the director, and at most some of your scenes would get cut; offend the Emperor, and what got cut would be your life.

"These little brats!"

The summoning eunuch grumbled hypocritically, then turned and instructed Sun Shaozong, "Wait out here. This servant will go in and announce you first."

"Thank you for your trouble, Eunuch."

Sun Shaozong hurriedly bowed.

Before he had left home, his cheap older brother had specifically warned him that eunuchs cared greatly about saving face. No matter what he thought of them inside, he could not neglect a single courtesy on the surface.

Of course, Sun Shaozu had also dragged him aside and filled his head with a great deal of miscellaneous advice. In summary, it boiled down to eight words: think more, speak less; hide your shortcomings, show your timidity.

"Think more, speak less" was easy enough to understand. As for "hide your shortcomings, show your timidity," it meant he should conceal his weaknesses before the Emperor as much as possible, while not appearing overly clever.

Just as the summoning eunuch entered the gates of Wenying Hall, the third extra... ahem, the third young eunuch made his grand entrance.

He came running over with a wooden cartwheel in his arms, shouting, "It's here, it's here! I found the wheel!"

The fellow was skinny as a hemp stalk, yet there was not a bead of sweat on his face. It was obvious he had been hiding behind the palace wall all along, waiting for the right moment to make his appearance.

"Wonderful!"

The two young eunuchs beside the cart first cheered in unison, then "muttered" awkwardly, "But the cart is loaded with so much stuff. How are we supposed to put the wheel back on?"

The reason "muttered" needed quotation marks was because those two spoke so loudly that even an idiot could tell they were deliberately saying it for Sun Shaozong to hear.

Eunuch A suggested, "How about we unload the rice first?"

"Are you trying to get us killed?!"

Eunuch B formed an Orchid Finger and poked Eunuch A several times in the chest, whining coquettishly, "What if we spill the tribute rice? Wouldn't we all lose our heads?!"

Eunuch D promptly suggested, "How about we find a few guard brothers to help us right the cart, then put the wheel back on?"

The moment he finished speaking, all three eagerly turned their eyes toward Sun Shaozong.

This acting...

Was simply atrocious, wasn't it?!

Watching from the side, Sun Shaozong's balls ached on their behalf. Compared to these three, even deadpan pretty-boy actors deserved to be called professionals.

At that very moment, the three eunuchs began calling out in unison, "Sir! This sir! Could you lend us a hand?"

If this play had not been directed by the Emperor, Sun Shaozong would definitely have covered his face and walked away!

But now...

He could only walk step by step toward "center stage" beneath the "expectant" gazes of the three young eunuchs.

Once he reached them, Eunuch A immediately began reciting his lines with great delight. "Sir, the three of us will try first. If it doesn't work, then we'll find some other—"

Before Eunuch A could finish, Sun Shaozong snatched the wheel from his hands. He stepped forward, gripped the underside of the cart, and with a single arm exerted force, lifted the overturned horse cart upright. Then he aligned the wheel's slot with the axle and slapped it into place.

"There."

Gently lowering the thousand-pound cart back onto the ground, Sun Shaozong waved dismissively. "No need to thank me. Goodbye."

The three eunuchs stared blankly as he returned to the entrance of Wenying Hall. Only after standing there in a daze for quite a while did they remember they had forgotten to say their line: "The general is mighty!"

No mention of how many alpacas were stampeding through the hearts of those three young eunuchs.

Not long after Sun Shaozong returned to the entrance of Wenying Hall, the summoning eunuch emerged from inside. Flicking his whisk, he declared in a shrill voice, "By His Majesty's decree, Dragon Forbidden Guards Commandant Sun Shaozong is summoned into the hall for an audience!"

Sun Shaozong hurriedly put away his disdainful thoughts, bent at the waist, and followed the eunuch into the hall with utmost respect.

The summoning eunuch also knew that he had not received training from the Ministry of Rites. Thus, after entering the hall, he led Sun Shaozong several steps forward before quietly reminding him, "Why haven't you hurried to kneel before the Emperor?"

Then he cupped his hands toward the front and announced, "Your Majesty, Sun Shaozong has been brought here."

Sun Shaozong did not even have time to see what the Emperor looked like before hastily dropping to his knees and calling out, "This general, Sun Shaozong, kowtows before Your Majesty!"

After waiting a moment, he finally heard someone respond blandly, "Rise."

As Sun Shaozong got to his feet, he secretly raised his eyes for a look. Behind a bright yellow desk sat an elderly man past fifty. The Retired Emperor had abdicated at seventy, which meant Emperor Guangde had already been forty-three when he ascended the throne. Nine more years had passed since then, so he was naturally now over fifty.

Emperor Guangde had reigned for nine years. Although the presence of the Retired Emperor had prevented him from fully controlling the government, the imposing aura he had cultivated from long standing above others was far beyond that of ordinary men. In particular, his narrow eyes were half-open and half-closed, making it impossible to fathom what he was thinking.

Yet compared with Emperor Guangde, what drew Sun Shaozong's attention more was the middle-aged minister standing not far in front of him, glaring at him with furrowed brows and wide eyes.

Who was this supposed to be?

"Sun Shaozong."

Just as Sun Shaozong was guessing the minister's identity, Emperor Guangde casually asked, "I heard that you helped some young eunuchs right a cart loaded with tribute rice just now?"

Tsk~

Now that was what one called asking a question when you already knew the answer!

While silently grumbling, Sun Shaozong hurriedly and honestly recounted what had happened.

Emperor Guangde gave no indication of approval or disapproval after hearing him out. Instead, he turned to the minister and asked, "What does Earl Yongyi think?"

"Your Majesty!"

Earl Yongyi bowed and declared decisively, "This subject believes that this man should be stripped of office and investigated, then never employed again!"

Stripped of office and investigated? Never employed again?!

Sun Shaozong was instantly dumbfounded upon hearing that. Nothing had even been said yet—why was he already being dismissed?!

Earl Yongyi explained, "He failed to see through even such a crude setup. This proves he is a mediocre man. Spies infiltrated the Qianxiang Embassy, resulting in the assassination and death of a court envoy; all of this was caused by his incompetence!"

After a pause, he continued, "As for his claim of catching the culprit in half a day, that is truly an extraordinary tale. Either it was merely luck, or the mastermind deliberately allowed it. It is not enough to serve as proof! Therefore, this subject believes that a mediocre man who has committed such grave errors is useless to retain. It would be better simply to dismiss him from office."

What the hell?!

After hearing that, Sun Shaozong was truly speechless.

He had kindly cooperated with the Emperor's little performance, only for them to ignore the script and forcibly slap him with the label of "mediocre man"!

Thanks to reader "Wan Xiaobao" for the tip.