My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, As I Expected

Volume 1, Chapter 5: In Other Words, Yoshiteru Zaimokuza Was Different from Ordinary People

Maybe it was already too late to mention it now, but anyway, the Service Club's main activity was accepting students' requests and helping them.

If I didn't explain that first, no one would understand what this club even did. After all, Yukino and I were usually just reading, while Yuihama had been playing on her phone since a while ago.

"Um... say, why are you here?"

Yuihama looked so naturally at home here that I treated her naturally too. But in truth, she wasn't a member of the Service Club. Come to think of it, I wasn't even sure whether I counted as a member myself. Wait, I really was a member? But I already wanted to quit.

"Huh? Um~~ I was just free today."

"Just free today? Who'd understand that? Is that Hiroshima accent?"

"What? Hiroshima? I'm from Chiba."

In fact, Hiroshima dialect really did add that ending to sentences. Most people would respond with, "Is that so? First time I've heard that." Guys speaking in Hiroshima accent felt pretty intimidating, but women speaking it were incredibly cute. It was good enough to rank among my carefully selected top ten cutest dialects.

"Hmph. You think being born in Chiba makes you a Chiba person?"

"Excuse me, Hikigaya-kun, but I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about..."

Yukino looked at me with utter contempt, but I didn't care.

"Take this! First question: What do you call internal bleeding caused by bumps and bruises?"

"A bruise!"

"Tch, correct. Didn't expect you to know Chiba dialect... Then, second question: What's the main side dish in a bento?"

"Miso-fried peanuts!"

"Oh, so you really are a native-born Chiba person..."

"I told you, didn't I?"

Yuihama put her hands on her hips and tilted her head slightly, as if asking, "What are you even talking about?" Beside her, Yukino rested her elbow on the table, supported her forehead, and sighed.

"...What are you two doing? Do these questions have any meaning?"

Of course they didn't.

"It's just a Chiba Savvy Quiz. More specifically, the questions cover the area from Matsudo to Choshi."

"That's way too narrow!"

"Is that bad? Then how about Sawara to Tateyama?"

"That runs vertically across it..."

...How much did you people love Chiba that you knew the exact locations just from hearing place names?

"Then, third question: When taking the Sotobo Line toward Tōgane, what rare animal occasionally appears?"

"Ah, speaking of Matsudo~~ Yukino, I heard there are lots of ramen shops around there. Let's go eat together sometime!"

"Ramen... I don't eat ramen very often, so I don't really know much about it."

"Don't worry! I don't eat it often either!"

"Huh? How is that supposed to reassure me? Could you explain?"

"Yeah. And, um, I remember there was a place somewhere in Matsudo called... what was it again? I heard it was really good."

"Are you listening to me?"

"Hm? I am listening. Oh, right, there are good places around here too. My house is nearby, only a five-minute walk away, so I know the area really well. When I take my dog for walks, I often pass by this place—"

...The correct answer was ostriches. Seeing an ostrich suddenly appear outside the train window wasn't merely surprising; it was moving.

Whew... Ignoring the two girls talking past each other, I went back to reading my book.

There were clearly three people here, yet I was the only one who felt lonely. What was with that?

Still, killing time like this felt rather high-school-like.

Compared to middle schoolers, high school students had a much wider range of activities and took more interest in fashion and food. Talking about ramen shops and such was certainly a fitting high school topic.

...Though normal high schoolers probably didn't play Chiba Savvy Quiz for fun.

The next day, when I arrived at the clubroom, I found Yukino and Yuihama standing in front of the door for once. Wondering what they were up to, I watched as the two of them pulled the door open just a little and seemed to peer inside.

"What are you doing?"

"Eek!"

Their startled cries were adorable, and both of them even jumped.

"Hikigaya-kun... Y-you startled me..."

"I should be the startled one..."

What kind of reaction was that? It was exactly like my cat's reaction when it ran into someone in the living room in the middle of the night.

"Could you please not suddenly make noise?"

Yukino glared at me with an annoyed expression. Even that was exactly like the cat. Come to think of it, out of my entire family, it was only unwilling to get close to me. Including that, Yukino and my cat really were alike.

"Sorry. What are you doing?"

I asked again. Yuihama was still peeking through the barely opened door as she answered.

"There's a suspicious person in the clubroom."

"You're the suspicious ones."

"Enough with that. Could you go inside and check things out for us?"

Yukino gave me an order, not looking very pleased.

Following her instructions, I stepped in front of them and carefully opened the door.

What awaited us was a gust of wind.

In that instant, a sea breeze blew straight into my face. Since the school was located by the ocean, the wind direction was unusual, and papers inside the classroom were sent fluttering everywhere.

The sight before me was like a magician pulling a flock of white doves from a hat. In that white world stood a man.

"Heh, heh, heh. To meet you in a place like this is truly surprising—I have waited a long time for you, Hachiman Hikigaya!"

"W-What did you say?"

What was with saying he was surprised and that he'd been waiting for me? I was the surprised one!

I brushed aside the white papers drifting down and tried to get a clear look at his face.

And what appeared was... no, I didn't know him, didn't know him! I absolutely didn't know anyone named Yoshiteru Zaimokuza!

I barely knew any students at this school, but among those I did know, Zaimokuza was the classmate I least wanted to get closer to.

It was nearly early summer, yet he wore a coat and kept sweating, with fingerless gloves on his hands.

Even if I knew this guy, I'd say I didn't.

"Hikigaya-kun, he seems to know you..."

Yukino hid behind my back, staring at Zaimokuza and me in surprise. Zaimokuza shrank back slightly under her rude gaze, but immediately looked at me again, folding his arms and letting out a low, "Heh, heh, heh."

He seemed to realize something, dramatically shrugged his shoulders, then shook his head with a grave expression.

"You have forgotten the face of this companion... I misjudged you, Hachiman."

"He says he's your companion..."

Yuihama looked coldly at me, her eyes seeming to say, A bunch of trash. Go die.

"That's right, companion. You remember, don't you? Those hellish days we spent together..."

"We were just put in the same group during Physical Education Class..."

I couldn't help retorting. Hearing that, he made a bitter expression.

"Hmph! Wasn't that vile custom hell itself? Form a group with people you like? Heh, heh, heh. I know not when my final hour shall come; I cannot possibly take a liking to anyone! I refuse to endure the agony of parting, as though body and soul were torn apart, ever again. If that is love, I want none of it!"

The man gazed out into the distance beyond the window, as though he could see the beloved princess of his dreams in empty space. Why did everyone love Fist of the North Star so much?

Seeing this, even the densest person should have realized one thing—there was something wrong with this guy.

"What do you want, Zaimokuza?"

"Hmm, you have finally spoken the name branded upon my soul? Indeed, I am the Sword General, Yoshiteru Zaimokuza!"

He swung his coat forcefully, turned toward me, and a fierce expression appeared on his slightly plump face. He was completely immersed in the Sword General persona he'd created.

My head started to hurt.

Correction, my heart hurt. Yukino and Yuihama's gazes beside me grew even sharper.

"Hey... what's his deal?"

Yuihama glared at me unhappily—no, she was clearly really pissed off. Why were you glaring at me like that?

"He's Yoshiteru Zaimokuza... the guy who's always in the same group as me during Physical Education Class."

Honestly, that was the extent of our relationship. We had no other connection... Well, if you called him my companion for getting safely through that hellish period, that wouldn't be entirely wrong.

Having to form groups with people you liked really was hell!

Like me, Zaimokuza had experienced and tasted that painful time.

During our first Physical Education Class, neither Zaimokuza nor I could find anyone to group with, so we paired up. After that, it just stayed that way.

To be honest, I wanted to trade away this severe Chuunibyou case, but nobody was willing to take him, so I had no choice but to give up. On the other hand, I considered using free agency, but a player of my caliber had too high a contract fee for anyone to afford. Huh? Wasn't that it? Of course not. It was simply because neither of us had any friends.

As Yukino listened to my explanation, she compared Zaimokuza and me back and forth, then nodded as if she understood.

"They say birds of a feather flock together."

She came to the worst possible conclusion.

"Idiot, don't lump me in with him. I'm not as pathetic as he is. First of all, we're not friends."

"Heh, I must agree with that. Indeed, I have no friends... truly all alone, sigh."

Zaimokuza mockingly lamented himself. Hey, your true nature's showing.

"Anyway, if your friend came here, he must have something he wants, right?"

Hearing Yukino say that, I nearly cried. Since that incident in middle school, the word "friend" had never made me this sad.

"Hikigaya-kun is a nice person, and I really like him, but if we're going to date... um, let's just be friends."

Ever since Kaori rejected me... I didn't need friends like that at all.

"Mwahahaha! I completely forgot. Hachiman, this is the Service Club, correct?"

Zaimokuza started putting on airs again, laughing strangely at me.

What kind of laugh was that? I'd never heard anything like it.

"Yes, this is the Service Club."

After Yukino answered for me, Zaimokuza shot her a quick glance before turning his gaze back to me. Why did you keep looking at me?

"...I-I see. If Teacher Hiratsuka's suggestion is true, then Hachiman, you have an obligation to grant my wish, do you not? To think that even after hundreds of years, we still maintain the relationship of lord and retainer... It seems this too is the arrangement of Hachiman Daibosatsu."

"The Service Club doesn't guarantee that we can fulfill your wish. We only help you."

"...Hm, hmm. Then, Hachiman, lend me your strength. Fufufu, speaking of which, our relationship is equal. Let us once more seize the realm, as we did in days past!"

"Didn't you just say we were lord and retainer? And why do you keep looking at me?"

"Grr, grr! There is no need for us to concern ourselves with such trifles. I graciously grant you that privilege."

Zaimokuza coughed in an incomprehensible manner, probably trying to gloss over it, then faced me again.

"Forgive me. It seems this age is far more corrupt than the past; people's hearts have decayed. How I miss the pure Muromachi period... Hachiman, do you not agree?"

"I don't agree at all. Also, why don't you hurry up and die?"

"Hehehe, death is nothing to fear. At worst, I shall continue fighting for the throne in hell!"

Zaimokuza raised an arm high, his coat snapping in the wind.

His resistance to being told to die was impressive...

Same with me. After getting used to people saying nasty things to me, I had gotten better and better at talking back or laughing them off.