My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, As I Expected

In this school, the physical education curriculum changes every month.

Our school's PE classes combine three classes, with sixty boys divided into two activity groups.

We've already had volleyball and track and field, and this month it's tennis and soccer.

Compared to teamwork, Zaimokuza and I are both forwards who value individual skill. If we chose soccer, I'm afraid we'd be a burden to our teammates, so I switched to tennis... Besides, I gave up on soccer long ago due to an old injury in my left leg. Even though I've never actually played soccer.

However, there were particularly many people who wanted to take tennis this year. After a fierce game of rock-paper-scissors, I successfully stayed in the tennis group, while Zaimokuza, who lost, was assigned to the soccer group.

"Hmph, Hachiman, it's a shame you won't get to see my 'magic ball'... Who am I supposed to practice passing with if you're not here?"

Zaimokuza was trying to act tough at first, but in the end, he looked at me with teary, pleading eyes, which was quite a sight.

But I'm the one who should be asking him that!

And so, the tennis class officially began.

After a simple warm-up, Atsugi-sensei, who taught PE, explained all the movements.

"Alright, pair up and practice against each other, then spread out."

Then, everyone paired up and scattered to opposite ends of the court.

Why is everyone so fast? They can form groups without even looking around. Are you all masters of the no-look pass?

My loner radar flashed a warning.

No need to worry, I already had a contingency plan.

"Sensei, I'm not feeling well. Can I just practice against the wall? Otherwise, I'll be a bother to others."

Without waiting for Atsugi-sensei's response, I started hitting the ball against the wall, like playing Breakout. The teacher, realizing he'd missed his chance to speak, didn't say anything further.

Perfect!

"Not feeling well" and "I'll be a bother to others" – using both excuses creates a multiplicative effect. The key to this strategy's success is to subtly convey your desire to participate in the class.

This is the countermeasure I've developed against "finding classmates to form a group" through years of PE class experience. I'll teach it to Zaimokuza someday, and he'll probably cry tears of joy.

I continuously chased the bouncing tennis balls and hit them back accurately. The boring class time continued like this.

The male classmates around me were playing quite intensely, with shouts echoing everywhere.

"Hah! Whoa! Wasn't that shot amazing? Super strong, right?"

"So strong! I definitely can't return that! It's incredible!"

The male classmates were shouting and happily practicing their rallies.

So noisy, go die—I cursed inwardly, then turned my head and saw Hayama there as well.

Hayama's group had already grown to four people. One was the blonde guy who was always with him in class. Who were the two behind the blonde guy? I didn't recognize their faces, so they were probably from Class C or I. In any case, they exuded a dazzling aura of coolness, making that area look particularly glamorous.

"Wha—!"

The blonde guy missed Hayama's shot and yelled out. Everyone looked in his direction.

"Wow, Hayama! That shot was too powerful! Did it curve? It did, didn't it?"

"It just happened to slice. Sorry, that was my mistake."

Hayama raised one hand to apologize, but the blonde guy drowned out his words with an exaggerated response:

"No way? Isn't a slice ball a 'magic ball'? That's awesome, you're so awesome!"

"So it is?"

Hayama happily agreed. Then, the two people playing next to them called out to Hayama.

"Hayama-kun, you're really good at tennis too. Was that a slice just now? Teach me too."

A boy with brown hair and a rather clean-cut appearance leaned in and said. He should be in my class, but I don't know his name. However, the fact that I don't know his name means he's not an important character.

Thus, Hayama's group immediately expanded to six people, becoming the largest opposition party in this PE class. Speaking of which, "sextet" and "sesroid" sound quite similar. Yes, yes, very lewd, very lewd.

In short, the Hayama Kingdom dominated the PE class, and the atmosphere on the court suggested that if you weren't part of the Hayama group, you shouldn't be participating in PE. Naturally, students outside of Hayama's group fell silent. I object to their suppression of free speech.

The Hayama group always gives the impression of being noisy, but Hayama himself doesn't actively speak much; rather, the people around him are loud. It's more accurate to say that the blonde guy, who voluntarily acts as his right-hand man, is loud.

"Slice!"

See? So noisy.

The ball the blonde guy hit wasn't a slice at all, and it flew far off from Hayama's position towards a dark corner where the sun didn't reach—which was where I was.

"Ah, excuse me! That person, uh... Hiki, Hikigaya-kun? Hikigaya-kun, could you pick up the ball for me?"

Who is Hikigaya-kun!

Too lazy to correct him, I picked up the ball rolling on the ground and threw it back.

"Thanks."

Hayama smiled brightly and waved his thanks at me, and I responded with a nod.

...Why did I nod?

It seems my instincts recognized Hayama as superior to me, to an extent that couldn't be surpassed by anyone in terms of subservience.

I slammed my gloom-ridden heart against the wall.

Youth is meant to be accompanied by walls.

...Speaking of which, why is a flat chest compared to a "Kabekuri" (a Japanese kanji word meaning a plastered wall, and also the name of a legendary monster)?

One theory is that "Kabekuri" is a monster born from a tanuki, essentially a tanuki's scrotum spread out. What kind of wall is that? It wouldn't be soft as one might imagine, right? But conversely, if a flat chest is teased as a "Kabekuri," it implies it's not soft, does it? Proof complete... Am I an idiot?

But Hayama couldn't possibly come up with such a deduction. Only a resentful genius like myself could propose such a miraculous hypothesis.

Well, today it's a draw, let's leave it at that.

× × ×

During lunch break, I ate lunch in my usual spot today as well.

My regular seat is on the first floor of the special building, diagonally behind the infirmary and the convenience store. Location-wise, it offers a perfect view of the tennis court.

I enjoyed my hot dog bun, tuna onigiri, and yakisoba bun, all purchased from the convenience store.

So comfortable.

Thump, thump, thump—the incredibly steady, drum-like sounds made me feel sleepy.

The members of the Girls' Tennis Club were practicing on their own during lunch break. She always hit the ball against the wall, skillfully chased after the rebounds, and hit them back.

I finished my lunch while watching the girls' tennis practice. The lunch break was nearing its end, and as I sipped my lemon tea from the foil pouch, a gust of wind blew past with a "whoosh~."

The wind direction changed.

Although the weather also has an effect, the wind at this seaside school changes direction at noon. In the morning, it blows from the sea, and after noon, it blows from the land towards the ocean.

I don't dislike the time I spend feeling the wind alone.

"Eh, isn't that the shut-in?"

A familiar voice drifted in with the wind; it was Yuihama. She stood there, holding down her skirt, which was being lifted by the wind.

"What are you doing here?"

"I always eat here."

"Ehh~~ Really? Why? Can't you just eat in the classroom?"

"..."

Yuihama seemed genuinely bewildered, and I remained silent. If I could eat in the classroom, I wouldn't be here, would you be more perceptive?

Let's change the subject.

"What about you, what brings you here?"

"Good question! Actually, Yukino and I played rock-paper-scissors, and I lost, so I have to do a punishment game."

"The punishment is to talk to me...?"

How cruel, I might as well die.

"No, no, no! It's just that the loser has to run errands to buy juice!"

Yuihama quickly waved her hands in denial. What the heck, you scared me to death, I almost went to die.

I lightly patted my chest in relief, and at that moment, Yuihama sat down next to me.

"At first, Yukino said, 'I will fight for my own sustenance. What's the fun in being satisfied with such petty desires for conquest?' She looked so reluctant."

For some reason, Yuihama imitated Yukino's speech, but it didn't sound like her at all.

"That certainly sounds like her."

"Yeah, but after I asked her, 'Don't you have confidence you can beat me?', she agreed to play rock-paper-scissors with me."

"...That certainly sounds like her."

That woman is always cold, but as soon as the topic of competition comes up, she becomes extremely unwilling to lose. Not long ago, she also accepted Hiratsuka-sensei's challenge because of this.

"When Yukino won, she even made a small victory gesture... It was so cute! Phew~"

Yuihama sighed contentedly.

"This is the first time I've felt that a punishment game was so enjoyable."

"Have you played similar games before?"

Yuihama nodded.

"Before... I have played."

Hearing her say that, I suddenly remembered a time near the end of lunch break when a group of people with questionable sanity were gathered in a corner of the classroom, playing rock-paper-scissors and shouting loudly.

"Ha, a clique having fun among themselves."

"What kind of reaction is that? It feels really unpleasant. Do you hate that kind of thing?"

"Of course, I hate cliques having fun among themselves or getting off on their own. Ah, but I do enjoy watching them fall out among themselves, because I'm not part of any clique."

"That's a pathetic reason, and your personality is terrible!"

Mind your own business!

Yuihama smiled and brushed away hair blown by the sea breeze. Her expression was different from when she was with Miura and the others in the classroom.

Ah, I see. Her makeup seemed more natural now, not as heavy as before. Maybe she'd changed even earlier, but I don't stare at girls' faces, so I wouldn't know such things.

Still, it was proof that she had changed, however insignificant.

When Yuihama, who barely wore any makeup, smiled, her eyes would droop, making her already childish face look even younger.

"But you're always having fun in your own little world too. Seeing you guys chat so happily in the club room sometimes makes me feel like I can't join in. Sigh~~"

Yuihama hugged her knees, buried her face in them, and peeked up at me.

"I want to talk with you guys more... Ah, I don't mean anything weird! I mean, I want to talk more with Yukino too. You get it, right?"

"Don't worry, I wouldn't misunderstand someone like you."

"What's that supposed to mean!"

Yuihama's face flushed with anger, and she suddenly looked up. I raised my hands, signaling her to calm down and not hit me, then said:

"But Yukino is another matter entirely. That's an act of God."

"What do you mean?"

"Huh? Oh, 'act of God' means 'a force or event that is beyond human control.' Sorry, that was too difficult a word."

"No, it's not that I don't understand! And you look down on me too much! I got in by exam, you know!"

Yuihama's hand shot out like a knife towards my throat, hitting my Adam's apple directly and leaving me breathless for a moment. She gazed into the distance and asked with deep emotion:

"...Speaking of getting in, let me ask you, do you remember the entrance ceremony?"

"Cough, cough, cough... What? Oh, sorry, I was in a car accident that day."

"A car accident..."

"Yeah. On the first day of school, I was riding my bike when some idiot didn't hold onto their dog's leash tightly, so I had to rush to save the dog when it was about to get hit by a car. I was like a hero appearing just in time, totally cool."

This story might have been slightly embellished, but since no one knew the truth, it didn't matter. Besides, if no one knew about my heroic deed, no one would spread it around, so I had to show off my good points even more.