My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, As I Expected

Yuihama said it easily, but depending on who heard it, it could be interpreted as looking down on them: "Can't you guys do it?"

Unfortunately, there was one person present who would interpret it that way.

"...Hmph, your way with words is getting better. Putting aside that guy, you dare to challenge me."

Yukino grinned. Ah, her strange switch had been flipped again... No matter what challenge she faced, she would accept it head-on and defeat her opponent with all her might; she wouldn't hold back even if she wasn't provoked. Even someone like me, who was as unresisting as Gandhi, would be ruthlessly suppressed by her.

"Alright, Totsuka-kun, I accept your request. All I need to do is improve your tennis skills, right?"

"Y-yes, that's right. I, I think if I get stronger, everyone will work together."

Totsuka, intimidated by Yukino's spirited gaze, answered from behind me. He peeked out slightly, looking over my shoulder at Yukino, his face filled with fear and unease. He looked like a trembling wild rabbit, making me want to put him in a bunny girl outfit.

Still, it was terrifying that the Ice Queen was willing to help. It wouldn't be surprising if she said, "I can help you, but the price is your life." Are you a witch?

To alleviate Totsuka's unease, I took a step forward, shielding him.

As I got closer to Totsuka, I smelled a scent mixed with shampoo and antiperspirant. It was an indescribable high school girl scent. What brand of shampoo does he use?

"It's great that you're willing to help, but how will you do it?"

"Didn't I just say? You don't remember? If you're not confident in your memory, I suggest you take notes at all times."

"Hey, you're serious about that..."

I remembered Yukino's words about making someone train until they died. She smiled as if to say, "You're so clever." That smile was terrifying...

Totsuka's skin lost its color again, and his body trembled uncontrollably.

"Am I going to die..."

"Don't worry, I'll protect you."

I patted Totsuka's shoulder, and his cheeks flushed as he gazed at me with affectionate eyes.

"Hachiman-kun... are you serious?"

"No, sorry, I just wanted to say that line."

Among the lines every guy wants to say at least once, this one ranks third. By the way, the first place is "You guys go ahead, I'll handle this."

There was no way I could win against Yukino, so I couldn't protect anyone. But if I didn't joke around, I couldn't alleviate Totsuka's unease.

Totsuka sighed and pouted, saying:

"Hachiman-kun's words are often disorganized, but..."

"Well, Totsuka-kun, you have club practice after school, right? Then we'll have special training during lunch break. Everyone meet at the tennis court."

"Got it~~"

Yuihama finally finished writing her club application and submitted it, answering loudly. Totsuka nodded in response.

In that case...

"So... am I going too?"

"Of course. You don't have anything to do during lunch break, do you?"

...You're right.

× × ×

Yukino's devil training was scheduled to start the next noon.

What? I have to go too?

In the end, isn't the Service Club just a group that gathers the weak and waits around in a greenhouse until they die? Isn't it just about recruiting incompetent people and giving them a comfortable place to stay?

Then, what's the difference between this and the youth I detest?

Perhaps Hiratsuka-sensei really intended this place to be a sanatorium to cure our ailments.

But if it could be solved like that, would we have gotten sick in the first place?

Yukino is the same. I don't know what illness she has, but it certainly can't be cured here.

The only way to heal my wounds is for Totsuka to become a girl. If Hachiman and Totsuka developed some kind of rom-com through tennis, things might be different.

In my opinion, the cutest person is Totsuka Saika. He has a frank personality and is kind to me. If I could nurture love with him properly, I might actually grow quite a bit.

But... he's a guy! God is such an idiot!

I savored a small sense of despair, but still put on my sports jacket and headed to the tennis court. I'll gamble on the slim hope that Totsuka might actually be a girl!

The high school second-year sports jacket is a light blue with fluorescent accents, making it very conspicuous. Because the color is so hideous, almost no students buy it. Besides physical education class and club activities, no one wants to wear this jacket.

Everyone else is in uniform, and only I stand out.

As a result, I was caught by a troublesome guy.

"Ha~~ha, ha, ha, ha, Hachiman!"

"Don't put my name together with laughter..."

Although Sobu High School is vast, there's no one else besides Zaimokuza who would let out such a disgusting laugh. He crossed his arms and blocked my path.

"What a coincidence, meeting you here. I'm just on my way to give you the draft for my new work. Come on, take a good look!"

"Ah, sorry, I'm a bit busy right now."

I slipped past Zaimokuza, ignoring the paper he offered, but he gently grabbed my shoulder.

"...Don't tell such a pathetic lie. How could you possibly be busy?"

"I'm not lying! And you're one to talk."

Why did everyone say the same thing? Did I look that idle? Well... I was indeed idle.

"Hmph, I know. Hachiman, you tell a small lie for the sake of your pride, then tell more lies to prevent the first lie from being exposed, and eventually, you'll repeat this endlessly, falling tragically into an infinite spiral of deception. But the end of that spiral is nothingness. Specifically, interpersonal relationships are a form of nothingness. Turn back now and you can still be saved! Don't worry, you helped me once, so now it's my turn to help you!"

Zaimokuza's line was second on the "Most Desired Lines Every Guy Wants to Say." He gave a thumbs-up and struck a cool pose, which was just annoying.

"I really do have something going on..."

I was so angry I could feel my facial muscles stiffen, but I still had to explain the situation to Zaimokuza.

Just then--

"Hikigaya-kun!"

With a cheerful female voice, Totsuka ran over and grabbed my arm.

"What a coincidence, let's go together?"

"Y-yes, okay..."

Totsuka had his tennis bag slung over his left shoulder and, for some reason, was holding my left hand with his right. Why?

"Ha, Hachiman... Who, who is this...?"

Zaimokuza looked back and forth between me and Totsuka, completely bewildered. His expression gradually changed, and it looked very familiar. Ah, I remembered, it was like Kabuki! He widened his eyes, as if about to shout "Ee-oh~~ thump thump thump" before reaching his conclusion.

"You, you bastard, you betrayed me!"

"What are you talking about, betrayal..."

"Shut up! Half-baked Handsome Guy! Failed Pretty Boy! I felt sorry for you because you were alone, and you got carried away..."

" 'Half-baked' and 'Failed' were unnecessary."

Being alone was true, I couldn't deny that.

Zaimokuza glared at me with a distorted face, muttering.

"I'll absolutely never forgive you..."

"Zaimokuza, calm down. Totsuka isn't a girl, he's a guy... right?"

"N-n-nonsense! How can someone so cute be a guy!"

He got even more agitated and roared when he heard my own uncertainty.

"Totsuka is cute, but he really is a guy."

"Don't say that... Saying I'm cute... makes me a little troubled."

Totsuka, standing beside me, blushed and looked away.

"Is he... Hikigaya-kun's... friend?"

"Hmm, how should I put it..."

"Hmph! Someone like you doesn't deserve to be my rival (read: friend)."

Zaimokuza started to sulk. Ugh, what a troublesome guy...

However, I could somewhat understand his feelings. When you learn that someone you thought resonated with you actually has completely different sensibilities, it's natural to feel a sense of betrayal and loneliness.

What should I say at a time like this to mend our relationship? Unfortunately, I rarely interact with people, so I don't know the answer. Still, I felt a little sad. Perhaps this guy and I were kindred spirits in some way, and I thought we'd eventually understand each other with a smile. But that was ultimately impossible.

Friendships that require you to read others' moods, please them, keep in touch, match their conversation topics, and put in all that effort are not friendships at all. If these bothersome processes are what's called youth, I'd rather not have it.

That's no different from being content with living happily in an unchanging group. That's deception, a sin that must be rejected.

...Speaking of which, Zaimokuza's jealousy is quite a handful.

To prove my correctness and justice, I decided to walk the path of solitude.

"Totsuka, let's go."

I pulled Totsuka's arm, but after he replied, "Ah, okay..." he didn't move.

"You're Zaimokuza, right?"

Zaimokuza was startled by Totsuka's question but nodded in response.

"Since you're Hikigaya-kun's friend, you can be my friend too, right? I'd be very happy if you would. Because I don't have many friends of the same gender."

Totsuka said with a shy smile.

"Hoo... Ha ha, ha, ha! Hachiman and I are indeed good friends, no, brothers. No, no, no, I am the master, and he is the servant... Hmm, well, since you say so, I'll be your... that, that... 'friend.' Or, if you'd like, I can be your boyfriend."

"Um, well... that might not be possible. Let's just be friends."

"Is that so... Hey, Hachiman, could he possibly like me? Is this what they call a love fortune? Is my love fortune about to arrive?"

Zaimokuza suddenly leaned in close to me and whispered.

...Zaimokuza isn't really my friend.

Anyone who immediately changes their attitude upon making friends with a beautiful girl can't be my friend.

"Totsuka, let's go. Yukino will flip out if we're late."

"N-no, we have to hurry. That lady... is really scary."

With that, Zaimokuza fell into step behind me and Totsuka. It seemed he had joined our party. From an outsider's perspective, the three of us walking in a line probably looked like a party from Dragon Quest... No, rather than Dragon Quest, it was more like the Great Poverty God from Momotaro Dentetsu.

× × ×

Yukino and Yuihama were already at the tennis court.

Yukino was still in her uniform, but Yuihama had changed into a sports jacket.

They were probably eating here. Seeing us arrive, they quickly put away their small lunch boxes.

"Well then, let's begin."

"P-please take care of me."

Totsuka bowed to Yukino.

"First, we'll improve Totsuka's weakest point: muscle strength. Biceps, deltoid muscles, pectoral muscles, abdominal muscles, external oblique muscles, back muscles, thigh muscles. To train all of these, push-ups are... In short, try doing them until you feel like you're about to die."

"Wow, Little Yukino is so smart... Wait, until you feel like you're about to die?"

"That's right. When muscles are injured, they self-repair. Each time they repair, the muscle fibers become stronger than before. This is called supercompensation. In other words, training until you're on the verge of death can significantly boost your muscle strength."

"Come on, I'm not a Saiyan..."

"You won't grow muscles immediately, but this kind of exercise is helpful for increasing your basal metabolic rate."

"Basal metabolic rate?"

Yuihama tilted her head, a question mark appearing above it. Yukino looked somewhat taken aback, as if asking, "You don't even know that?" But rather than scolding Yuihama, it would be faster to just explain, so she added briefly:

"Simply put, it's about making your body more suitable for exercise. If your basal metabolic rate increases, it becomes easier to burn calories. To put it professionally, it's improving the efficiency of energy conversion."