My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, As I Expected

Some people say that's what youth is.

But, a twisted person would think that it's merely about oneself who enjoys indulging in "youth."

As for my sister, she'd probably say, "Youth? Is that the light you see?" That's "Seiun," you've watched too much

"Jikkyou Chuukyo" (Komachi is quoting lyrics from a Japanese incense company's commercial song. "Jikkyou Chuukyo" is a long-running Japanese comedy variety show).

× × ×

I opened the door to the club room and saw Yukino sitting in her usual spot, reading a book with her usual posture.

She looked up when the door creaked open.

"Oh my, I thought you weren't coming to the club room today."

Yukino placed a bookmark in her paperback. Compared to her initial reaction of ignoring me and continuing to read, this was quite an improvement.

"No, I wanted to take a break too, but there's something I need to handle."

I walked to the front of Yukino's diagonal, pulled out a chair at the opposite corner of the long table, and sat down. This was our usual seating arrangement. I took out some manuscripts from my bag, and after observing me for a moment, Yukino frowned with displeasure.

"...What do you think this club is for?"

"You're just reading, aren't you?"

As I said that, Yukino turned her head away displeased. It seemed no one had come with a request today either.

In the quiet club room, only the ticking of the second hand could be heard. Right, it's been so quiet, it's probably because the usual noisy guy isn't here.

"Where's Yuihama?"

"She said she was going out with Miura-san and the others."

"Oh..."

That's surprising. But then again, it's not really, since they were friends to begin with. And after that tennis match, Miura's attitude had clearly softened considerably. It was probably because Yuihama had become more confident in speaking her mind.

"Speaking of which, Hachiman, didn't your usual companion come with you today?"

"Totsuka is participating in club activities. Perhaps your special training worked, he's quite enthusiastic about his club activities now."

So he's been paying less attention to me, how pathetic.

"I wasn't talking about Totsuka-kun, I meant the other one."

"...Who?"

"You're asking who... The one who's always lurking around you."

"Hey, don't say it like it's something scary... Do you have some kind of psychic ability?"

"...Sigh, to even bring up ghosts, how foolish. Things like that don't exist."

Yukino sighed and gave me a look that seemed to say, "Do you want me to turn you into a ghost?" This kind of conversation felt a little nostalgic.

"I'm talking about that person. His name is Zaimo... Zaimokuza-kun?"

"Oh, Zaimokuza. He's not my companion."

It's hard to even say if he qualifies as a "friend."

"He said, 'Today I have to enter the Asura realm... Sorry, I have to prioritize the deadline,' and then he went home."

"His tone of speech is that of a bestselling author..."

Yukino muttered, not hiding her disgust.

No, no, no, you should also consider those who have to read his works. He doesn't write the content at all, but he shows me the illustration settings and plot outlines first! He even said, "Hey, Hachiman! I have a new idea! The heroine is a rubber person, and the supporting female character can nullify the heroine's abilities! This will definitely sell well!" Idiot, that's not a new idea, it's an old, worn-out setting, and it's plagiarism!

Looking at the outcome, we were just in that sticky group for a while, and then we returned to our own refuges. This is a once-in-a-lifetime encounter.

However, if I were to say that this is my and Yukino's refuge, I don't think that's the case.

Our conversation was disjointed, and the content was nonsensical, still a bit awkward.

"I'm coming in."

Just then, the door opened with a "click."

"...Sigh."

Yukino seemed to have given up, and let out a soft sigh, holding her forehead. I see, the silence was broken by the sudden sound of the door opening, and it's understandable to want to complain.

"Hiratsuka-sensei, please knock before you enter."

"Hmm? Isn't that Yukino's line?"

Hiratsuka-sensei gave a surprised expression and casually pulled out a chair and sat down.

"What is it?"

Yukino asked, and Hiratsuka-sensei's eyes sparkled like a boy's.

"I'm here to announce the current progress of the competition."

"Oh, that..."

I had forgotten. Or rather, I thought it was natural to forget since we hadn't even resolved one thing.

"Currently, you each have two wins, so it's a draw. Hmm, a match where neither side is superior is the essence of fighting manga... though I was hoping to see Yukino awaken through Hachiman's death."

"Why would I die... Excuse me, we didn't solve any problems, so how do we have two wins? And there were only three people who came to us with requests."

Does she not know how to count?

"According to my calculations, there are four people. As I said, this is based on my subjective judgment and biases."

"It's amazing how a rule of 'whatever you say goes' can develop to this extent..."

Is she Nobita?

"Hiratsuka-sensei, could you tell us how you determined the winners? Just as that person said, we didn't solve any of the clients' troubles."

"Well..."

When Yukino asked, Hiratsuka-sensei fell silent and thought for a moment.

"Let's see... The 'nō' in 'nayami' (trouble) is composed of the radical 'kokoro' (heart) with 'kyō' (fierce) written next to it, and a lid on top of 'kyō'." (The Japanese kanji for 'nayami' is '悩')

"What kind of B-class joke is that?" (A reference to the Japanese drama "Kinpachi-sensei of Class 3-B")

"Troubles are often hidden next to the true heart. This means that what they come to us for advice on isn't necessarily their real trouble."

"The first part was completely unnecessary."

"It doesn't have any particular meaning either."

Hiratsuka-sensei looked a bit dejected from my and Yukino's merciless criticism.

"I see... I went to the trouble of thinking about it..."

In short, the winners and losers were decided by the teacher.

The teacher looked back and forth between me and Yukino, saying somewhat petulantly:

"Honestly... you two are enemies, yet you get along so well... You're just like an old married couple."

"How could you say that... I would never be friends with this guy."

Yukino shrugged. I thought she would glare at me, but she wasn't even looking at me.

"Hachiman, you don't need to be discouraged. There's a saying, 'Even the bitterest vegetable has its bugs'."

The teacher comforted me like this. I wasn't discouraged... But why did this kindness make me feel uncomfortable?

"Indeed..."

Yukino actually chimed in. Wait a minute, you're the one who made me feel down!

But Yukino doesn't lie, nor does she pretend to hide her feelings, so her words are definitely trustworthy.

A gentle smile appeared on her face as she said, "Someday, you too will meet bugs that like you."

"Couldn't you at least say cute animals!"

I'm so humble, I didn't even ask Yukino to say 'people'.

The arrogant Yukino clenched her fist and put on a triumphant "How about that?" expression. Her eyes sparkled, and she seemed delighted by her witty retort, but I, the victim, was not happy at all.

You know, when you talk to girls, shouldn't you be laughing and joking, being lovey-dovey, and kissing?

It's really strange. I wanted to record this fleeting feeling, so I picked up my mechanical pencil.

At that moment, Yukino leaned over to look.

"By the way, what exactly are you writing?"

"Shut up, it's none of your business!"

Then, with a flourish, I wrote the final line:

--My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, As I Expected.

(The End)

Volume 1 Afterword

Long time no see, I'm Wataru Watari. And for those meeting me for the first time, I'm Wataru Watari.

While it might seem abrupt, the "youth" that most people talk about isn't correct; it's all lies. For example, dating at LaLaport in uniform with a cute girlfriend; going out to eat with a girl from another school introduced by a friend, etc., are all impossible events. Those are just fictional stories.

"※This work is purely fictional and has no relation to actual events, characters, or organizations." Usually, romantic comedies end with something like this, right?

In other words, those kinds of romantic comedies are all nonsense, and you've all been fooled.

Real youth should be two guys going to Saizeriya after school, ordering only focaccia and drinks, and sitting there until late at night, talking about others or the school, that's real youth. This is my personal experience, so I'm absolutely sure.

However, I don't hate that kind of youth.

Mixing melon soda and orange juice and happily naming it "Melon-Orange Juice"; four guys battling it out at a mahjong table during a graduation trip; falling silent after witnessing the girl you like bickering with her boyfriend... Looking back now, those are all fond memories.

Sorry, I lied. I actually hate it. I also want to go on dates with high school girls in uniform, and I still want to!

It's with this feeling that I wrote this work. If you enjoyed it, I would be very happy.

Finally, I would like to express my gratitude.

To my editor, Hoshino-sama, if I were to write down all my gratitude towards you, I could fill an entire book, so I've decided to omit it. In short, thank you very much for all your help, big and small.

To the esteemed ponkan⑧, thank you for drawing such cute and charming illustrations. Whenever I feel discouraged, I gain strength from them. Entrusting this work to you was absolutely the right choice. Thank you.

To Mr. Yomu Hirasaka, who wrote a book-wrap recommendation for me without ever meeting me (referring to Japanese book wrap copy; Hirasaka's recommendation was: "It feels like my wounds are being picked at, but it's just too interesting. Even without friends, you can gain the courage to live!"), your recommendation gave me courage when I was on the verge of being crushed by anxiety and worry. Thank you.

My friend, why is it that every time we meet, you only talk about money! What a disappointment! Can you talk about something else for a change?

And to all my readers. Because of you, author Wataru Watari exists. Every word you send gives me vitality, and I am truly grateful.

Finally, to my high school self. It's because of your complaints about boredom and dullness, your words that seemed unwilling to admit defeat, that this work came into being. Hold your head high. Your youth may not have been exactly right, but it was definitely on the correct path.

Thank you.

Now, regarding whether there will be a sequel to this story, it remains unknown. But I believe I will be able to see you all again in the future, so I will take this time to focus on conceiving the plot for the next story and put down my pen for now.

A certain day in February, somewhere in Chiba Prefecture, while reminiscing about my past self and sipping sweet coffee.

Volume 1 Illustrations

Volume 2 Prologue

Transferred from: Gnolish Nation Scanned by: Ren Lei Pi

After Golden Week ended, the temperature began to rise day by day. Especially during lunch breaks, the addition of the students' noisy chatter only amplified the summer heat.

I'm naturally a cold-hearted person and extremely intolerant of heat. To cool myself down, I decided to find a place where no one else was.

A human's normal body temperature is around thirty-six degrees Celsius, but when converted to weather, it's practically a heatwave. Even I can't stand such hot and stuffy environments.

When the weather gets hot, don't cats hide in secluded places? That's exactly what I'm doing now, just to avoid the heat, I'm heading to a place where no one is—no, I'm absolutely not running away because I felt awkward and couldn't stand staying in the classroom.

This is a basic biological instinct for humans. It's wrong that the other students in the class aren't doing the same.

Simply put, they are merely acting out of a weak instinct to survive by gathering together, much like herbivores group together so they can easily push one unlucky soul out as a sacrifice when carnivores attack. Like herbivores, they always act innocent, but in reality, they're plotting to sacrifice someone.