Some people said that was what they called youth.
But people with twisted personalities believed they merely liked indulging in their own "youth."
As for my little sister, she would probably say, "Youth? Is that the light you see?" That's the azure sky—you've watched too many
"Laughing Points." (Komachi was quoting lyrics from a Nippon Kodo commercial. "Laughing Points" was a long-running Japanese comedy variety show.)
× × ×
I opened the clubroom door and found Yukino sitting in her usual spot, reading in her usual posture.
She raised her head at the creak of the door.
"Oh my, I thought you wouldn't be coming to the clubroom today. J"
Yukino slipped a bookmark into her paperback. Compared to how she had ignored me at first and kept reading, this was a huge improvement.
"No, I wanted to take a day off too, but there's something I need to deal with."
I walked to Yukino's front-left and pulled out the chair diagonally across from her at the long table. Those were our usual seats. I took out some manuscript paper from my bag, and after watching me for a while, Yukino frowned displeasedly.
"...What do you take this club for?"
"You're just reading too."
After I said that, Yukino turned away with an unhappy look. It seemed no one had come with a request today either.
The only sound in the quiet clubroom was the ticking of the second hand. Right, it had been a while since it was this quiet. It was probably because the noisy person wasn't here.
"Where's Yuihama?"
"She said she was going out with Miura-san and the others."
"Is that so..."
That was unexpected. Though, not really. They had been friends to begin with, and ever since that tennis match, Miura's attitude had clearly softened. Maybe it was because Yuihama had started speaking her mind.
"More importantly, Hachiman, didn't your companion come with you today?"
"Totsuka went to club activities. Maybe your special training worked, because he's really into them now."
So he had stopped paying much attention to me too. How sad.
"I'm not talking about Totsuka. The other one."
"...Who?"
"Don't ask who... The one always lurking around you."
"Hey, don't make it sound so creepy... Don't tell me you have some kind of spiritual sensitivity?"
"...Sigh. To think you jumped straight to ghosts. How stupid. Those things don't exist."
Yukino sighed and looked at me as if to say, "Want me to turn you into a ghost?" This kind of exchange felt oddly nostalgic.
"I mean that one. His name was Zai... Zaizen?"
"Oh, Zaimokuza. He's not my companion."
It was hard to say whether he even counted as a friend.
"He said, 'Today, I must enter the battlefield... Sorry, I need to prioritize my deadline,' and went home."
"He only talks like a bestselling author..."
Yukino muttered without bothering to hide her disgust.
No, no, no. Think about the people who had to read his work. He didn't write any actual content, yet he showed me the illustration concepts and plot outline first! Then he said, "Hey, Hachiman! I have a new idea! The heroine is a rubber person, and the supporting heroine can nullify the heroine's powers! This is sure to sell!" Idiot, that wasn't a new idea at all. It was a worn-out premise, and blatant plagiarism besides!
In the end, we had merely stayed in that sticky group for a little while before returning to our respective places. It was a once-in-a-lifetime connection.
Still, I didn't think this was a place where Yukino and I belonged either.
Our conversation came and went without any real direction, and it was still a little awkward.
"I'm coming in."
Then the door opened with a clatter.
"...Sigh."
Yukino seemed to have given up already. She held her forehead and sighed quietly. I see. Having the silence shattered by the sudden sound of a door opening would make anyone want to complain.
"Hiratsuka-sensei, please knock before entering."
"Hm? Isn't that supposed to be Yukino's line?"
Hiratsuka-sensei looked puzzled and casually pulled out a chair to sit down.
"What is it?"
Yukino asked, and Hiratsuka-sensei's eyes began to sparkle like a boy's.
"I'm here to announce the current state of the competition."
"Oh, that..."
I had forgotten about it. Or rather, we hadn't solved a single thing, so it was only natural that I had forgotten.
"At present, you each have two wins, making it a tie. Yes, a closely matched contest is the essence of fighting manga... Though I had been hoping Hachiman's death would awaken Yukino."
"Why am I the one who dies...? Um, we clearly haven't solved anything, so how do we have two wins? And there were only three people who came with requests."
Could she not do math?
"By my calculations, there were four people. I told you, this is judged according to my own subjectivity and prejudice."
"It's impressive that a rule of 'I decide everything myself' can develop this far..."
Was she Gian?
"Hiratsuka-sensei, could you tell us how you judged the victories? As that person just said, we did not resolve the worries of a single client."
"Hm..."
Questioned by Yukino, Hiratsuka-sensei fell silent and thought for a moment.
"Well... The kanji for 'worry' has the heart radical, and beside 'heart' is 'fierce,' with a lid placed over 'fierce.'"
"What kind of Class B joke is that?"
"Worries are often hidden beside one's true heart. In other words, what they came to consult us about may not necessarily have been their real worry."
"The first part was completely unnecessary."
"It didn't have any particular meaning."
Hiratsuka-sensei looked a little dejected after Yukino and I mercilessly shot her down.
"Is that so... I went to all that trouble thinking it up..."
In short, the teacher decided who won and lost.
Hiratsuka-sensei looked back and forth between Yukino and me before saying sulkily:
"Honestly... You two are enemies, yet you get along so well... You're practically old friends."
"How are we anything alike... There's no way I could be friends with this guy."
Yukino shrugged. I thought she would shoot me a sidelong glare, but she did not even look at me.
"Hachiman, you don't need to be depressed. There's an old saying: 'Even bitter vegetables have worms that like them.'"
The teacher comforted me like that. I wasn't depressed... But why did this kindness make me feel so hurt?
"Indeed..."
Yukino actually chimed in. Wait a minute, you were the one who made me lose my will to live!
But Yukino did not lie, nor did she hide her feelings, so her words had to be trustworthy.
A gentle smile appeared on her face as she said, "Someday, you too will meet a worm that likes you."
"At least call it a cute animal!"
I was so humble that I did not even ask Yukino to say it would be a person.
The arrogant Yukino clenched her fist and wore a victorious expression that said, "Well?" Her eyes sparkled. She seemed delighted to have won with her words, but as the victim, I was not happy in the slightest.
I mean, when talking to girls, weren't we supposed to laugh together, get all lovey-dovey, and maybe even kiss?
How strange. I wanted to record that fleeting feeling, so I picked up my mechanical pencil.
At that moment, Yukino leaned over to look.
"By the way, what exactly are you writing?"
"Shut up, it's none of your business!"
Then, with one grand stroke, I wrote the final line:
—My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong, As I Expected.
(The End)
Volume One Afterword
Long time no see, I'm Wataru Watari. Also, nice to meet you, I'm Wataru Watari.
This may be abrupt, but the "youth" everyone usually talks about is not real. It is all a lie. For example, going on a date at LaLaport with a cute girlfriend while wearing school uniforms, or having a meal with girls from another school through a friend's introduction—those things never happen. They are merely fictional stories.
"This work is entirely fictional and bears no relation to any real events, people, or organizations." Youth romantic comedies usually write that at the end, right?
In other words, those youth romantic comedies are all bullshit. Everyone has been deceived.
Real youth was two boys going to Sa○zeriya after school, ordering only focaccia and drinks, sitting there until late at night while killing time by badmouthing other people and their school. That was real youth. This came from my personal experience, so it could not be wrong.
Still, I did not dislike that kind of youth.
Mixing melon soda and orange juice and happily naming it "Melon-Orange Juice"; four boys fiercely playing mahjong during a graduation trip; falling silent after seeing the girl you liked flirting with her boyfriend... Looking back now, those were all wonderful memories.
Sorry, I lied. I actually hated it so much. I wanted to go on dates with high school girls in uniform too, and I still do!
That was the feeling with which I wrote this work. If you enjoyed it, I would be very happy.
Finally, please allow me to offer some thanks.
To my editor, Hoshino-sama: if I were to write down all my gratitude for you, I could fill an entire book, so I have decided to omit it. In any case, you have taken care of me in countless big and small matters. Thank you very much.
To ponkan⑧-sama, thank you for drawing such cute and charming illustrations. Whenever I felt discouraged, these illustrations gave me strength. I am truly glad this work was entrusted to you. Thank you.
To Yomu Hirasaka-sama, whom I had never met but who wrote a recommendation for this book's obi: when I was nearly crushed by anxiety and worry, your recommendation gave me courage. Thank you.
My friends, why do you only talk about money every time we meet? What a disappointment! Can't you talk about what's been going on with you?
And to all my readers: because of all of you, author Wataru Watari is able to exist. Every word you send gives me energy. Thank you so very much.
Lastly, to my high school self: because you complained about how boring and uninteresting everything was, as though refusing to lose, this work was able to come into being. Hold your head high. Your youth was certainly a little wrong, but it was absolutely the right path.
Thank you.
Well then, whether this story will continue remains unknown for now. But I believe I will be able to see everyone again in the future, so let me carefully think up the plot for the next story before setting down my pen here for the time being.
One day in February, somewhere in Chiba Prefecture, sipping sweet coffee while reminiscing about my former self
Volume One Illustrations
Volume Two Prologue
Taiwan Edition, reposted from Light Novel Translation Group
Transcribed by: Ren Lei Pi
After Golden Week ended, the temperature began rising day by day. Especially during lunch break, the noisy voices of the students added another layer of heat.
I had always been the cool and hard-boiled type, and I was extremely intolerant of heat. To cool myself down, I decided to find somewhere without people.
The normal human body temperature was around thirty-six degrees, but as weather, that was practically scorching heat. Even I could not stand such a hot and stuffy environment.
When the weather got hot, didn't cats hide in places with no people? That was exactly what I was doing now, merely heading somewhere empty to escape the heat—no, I was absolutely not running away because I could not stand being in the classroom and felt awkward.
This was instinctive behavior for humans as living creatures. It was the other students in class who were wrong for not doing the same.
Simply put, they gathered together because they were weak and helpless, driven by the instinct to survive, just as herbivores gathered together so they could conveniently shove some unlucky bastard forward as a sacrifice when predators attacked. Like herbivores, they always acted innocent while secretly calculating who they could sacrifice.
Before you continue