Chapter 4

Hiratsuka-sensei's calm voice eased the tension that was about to explode—or rather, the tension that had been high from the very beginning. She beamed, looking delighted beyond measure.

"This is getting more and more interesting. I love this kind of development. It has such a Shonen Jump feel to it."

For some reason, she seemed incredibly excited. She was a woman, yet her eyes had the look of a young boy's.

"Since ancient times, when two sides' justice clash, they must settle things in battle. That's a tradition of shonen manga."

"But this is the real world..."

She was not listening at all. Laughing loudly, she made a grand declaration to us.

"How about this? From now on, you two will guide those lost lambs and save them in your own ways, thereby proving which of you is right. Who understands service better? GUNDAM Fight Ready Go!"

"I refuse."

Yukino rejected it without hesitation, her gaze as cold as when she had looked at me earlier. Since I agreed with her, I nodded along. Besides, I had not grown up watching G Gundam.

Seeing our reactions, Hiratsuka-sensei bit her thumb in regret.

"Damn it, would 'Brave Police, Battle!' have been easier to understand...?"

"That's not the problem..."

Brave Police? That reference was way too obscure...

"Sensei, please stop behaving in ways inappropriate for your age. It is deeply unattractive."

Yukino's sharp, merciless words, cold as icicles, made Hiratsuka-sensei calm down. Her face instantly flushed bright red, and she deliberately coughed several times to hide it.

"A-Anyway! Only action can prove one's justice! If I tell you to compete, you compete! You have no right to refuse!"

"That's awfully overbearing..."

She was basically a child with an adult-sized chest!

Well, whatever. I could just half-ass the competition, then say something like, "Oops, I accidentally lost, teehee☆" in a cute voice. Participation was what mattered, not winning. That was such a pleasant and useful saying.

Unfortunately, the mature woman with the giant chest and little-girl mentality kept running her mouth.

"To make sure you both give it your all, I'll prepare a reward—the winner may do whatever they want with the loser. How about that?"

"Whatever they want!"

Whatever they wanted... That meant they could do anything, right? Gulp.

At that moment, Yukino suddenly scraped her chair back two meters with a clack, taking a stance to guard against physical assault.

"I must decline. This man gives me the feeling that my chastity would be in danger."

"That's prejudice! High school boys don't spend all their time thinking filthy thoughts!"

There were plenty of other things to think about, like... I was thinking about them right now! Hmm... world peace, perhaps? Nothing else especially came to mind.

"So even Yukino Yukinoshita has a weakness... You aren't confident you can beat him?"

Hiratsuka-sensei said maliciously, and Yukino's expression darkened in displeasure.

"...Fine. Though I resent being provoked so easily by you, Sensei, I will participate. And while I'm at it, I'll deal with this man."

Whoa—Yukino was stubborn! If you asked how she was stubborn, it was because she deliberately emphasized that she had already seen through Hiratsuka-sensei's intentions. Also, what did she mean by "deal with me"? Please stop. That was terrifying.

"Then it's settled."

Hiratsuka-sensei grinned, utterly unconcerned with Yukino's glare.

"Huh? Why didn't you ask me...?"

"That sly grin on your face told me there was no need."

I see...

"I'll decide the winner, naturally based on my own subjective judgment and prejudice. Don't overthink it. Just... do your best."

With that, Hiratsuka-sensei left the classroom, leaving behind Yukino, who was in a thoroughly foul mood, and me. Needless to say, there was no possibility of conversation between us. In the silent room came a faint buzzing like a broken radio—the warning sound before the bell.

A synthesized melody played, and Yukino snapped her book shut. Apparently, it was the dismissal bell.

The next second, Yukino immediately began packing her things. After carefully placing her paperback into her bag, she stood and glanced at me.

But she only glanced at me. She said nothing—not "good work" or "I'm leaving first"—and simply walked away with effortless poise.

Yukino's cold attitude gave me no chance to speak.

In the end, I was left alone.

Why had today been so unlucky? First, I had been summoned to the staff room. Then I was forced to join some mysterious club. Then a girl who was only cute on the outside had viciously insulted me, leaving my heart deeply wounded.

Talking to girls was supposed to be exciting, wasn't it? Why did I only feel depressed? I would have been better off talking to dolls like usual. Those toys never talked back and always smiled at me. Why wasn't I a natural masochist?

And on top of that, why did I have to take part in some ridiculous competition? My opponent was Yukino, too. I did not stand a chance.

If the club was going to hold some kind of contest, all I wanted was to stand quietly to the side and watch. To me, the ideal club activity was watching a DVD of a group of girls playing in a band.

Were we supposed to deepen our bond through competition? That was way too optimistic. That woman would probably order me without a second thought, "Your breath stinks. Can you stop breathing for three hours?"

Youth really was full of lies.

People cried to romanticize the competition they lost during the summer of their third year. They failed their college entrance exams, then comforted themselves by claiming setbacks were life experience. They lacked the courage to confess to the person they liked, then pretended they had stepped aside out of consideration for that person.

There were other examples too. You met a rude, unpleasant girl and called her a tsundere, then waited for a Rom-Com that would never come...

I did not think this essay needed rewriting.

Youth really was twisted, hypocritical, and full of lies.

Volume One, Chapter Two: Yukino Yukinoshita Always Stays True to Herself

Graduation Development Survey

Sobu High School, Class 2-F

Hachiman

Student Number 29 ○ Male · Female

Please write down your beliefs.

Beliefs, principles, mottos—those did not need to be announced to the world. They only needed to be kept in one's heart. That was my belief.

What dream did you write in your graduation yearbook?

I was the only one with nowhere to write.

What efforts are you making now for the future?

Forgetting the wounds of the past.

Teacher's comments:

That barely-alive belief really does suit you. Now I can rest easy.

Is your graduation yearbook one of your traumas too?

You seem to create trauma at school whenever you get the chance, so this will probably never end. I advise you to give up early.

Chapter Two: Yukino Yukinoshita Always Stays True to Herself

After the class meeting ended, I walked out of the classroom and found Hiratsuka-sensei waiting outside.

The way she stood there with her arms folded made her look exactly like a guard. Put her in a military uniform and hand her a whip, and it would suit her perfectly. School was basically a prison anyway, so my imagination was not that far-fetched. This place felt something like Alcatraz Island or Cassandra. Why had the savior of the century's end not come to rescue me yet?

"Hachiman, it's club time."

The moment I heard that, I felt my face turn pale. This was bad. I was going to be taken away!

If I got dragged to the clubroom again, I really would despair of school life. Yukino was born looking down on others. The way she spoke went beyond the cute term "sharp-tongued" and qualified as outright abuse. Did that count as tsundere? I thought she was just an obnoxious girl.

However, Hiratsuka-sensei showed no sympathy for me and grinned an emotionless smile.

"Let's go."

She tried to grab my wrist, but I immediately dodged aside. When she reached for me again, I dodged again.

"Um, I think... from the perspective of school education respecting student autonomy and encouraging independence, forcing students is rather questionable."

"Unfortunately, school is a place for training students to adapt to society. Your opinions won't work once you enter society, so you'd better get used to it now."

The moment she finished speaking, Hiratsuka-sensei's fist flew into my stomach. The pain made me forget how to breathe. Taking advantage of the instant I stiffened up, she grabbed my hand.

"You understand what will happen if you try to run again, right? Don't keep making my fists work so hard."

"So it has definitely been decided that it'll be fists..."

I would not be able to take another hit.

As we walked, Hiratsuka-sensei suddenly spoke as though she had remembered something.

"Oh, right. Let's do this. If you run away again, you'll automatically forfeit the competition against Yukino. There'll be an additional punishment too, so don't expect to graduate in three years."

Every avenue of escape had been blocked, both physically and mentally.

Hiratsuka-sensei walked beside me, her heels clicking against the floor. Not only that, she had hold of my wrist. From a certain perspective, I looked a bit like a customer accompanying a hostess dressed as a female teacher to work.

But there were three differences. First, I was not paying her. Second, she was not pulling me by the arm; she had my elbow joint under control. And lastly, I was not enjoying this at all, nor was I excited.

Even though my elbow could touch Sensei's chest, I felt no joy whatsoever, because I was being taken to that clubroom.

"Sensei, I won't run away, so let me go there alone. I always do things alone anyway. Being by myself is no problem at all. In fact, I get uneasy when I'm not alone."

"Don't make it sound so lonely. I want to go with you."

At that moment, Sensei suddenly smiled gently. The corners of her eyes were usually sharply raised, but now she looked completely different. The contrast was so great that it startled me.

"Rather than regret it after you run away, I'd feel better dragging you there even if I have to pull you by force."

"That's an awful reason!"

"What was that? Even though I have a thousand objections in my heart, I'm accompanying you like this so you can become a new person! What a moving bond between teacher and student."

"How is this love? If this is love, I don't need it at all."

"Judging from all those excuses earlier, you're awfully twisted... Don't people who are too twisted have their pressure points reversed? Don't go building some Holy Emperor's Mausoleum."

You really loved manga too much...

"Being straightforward makes people like you more. If you always look at the world with such cold eyes, you can't be very happy, can you?"

"Not everything in the world is happy. If you had the values of just being cheerful all the time, you couldn't make a movie that made Americans weep. Besides, you can always find happiness in tragedy."

"Those are very typical remarks. We see a lot of twisted young people these days, but you've reached a pathological level. You really do suffer from the disease unique to high school students: Sophomore Syndrome."

Under Sensei's dazzling smile, I was diagnosed as diseased.

"Huh? Calling it a disease is too much, isn't it? And what is Sophomore Syndrome?"

"You like anime and manga, right?"

I asked Sensei to explain, but she ignored me and asked her next question.

"Yeah, I don't dislike them."

"Why do you like them?"

"Because... they are part of Japanese culture, and they're popular culture recognized around the world. It would be stranger not to acknowledge that, wouldn't it? And from an economic perspective, the huge business opportunities created by anime and manga cannot be ignored either."

"Hmm, what about regular literature? Do you like Keigo Higashino or Kōtarō Isaka?"

"I read them, but honestly, I prefer their works from before they became famous."

"What Light Novel imprints do you like?"

"GAGAGA Bunko... and Kodansha BOX, though I'm not sure whether Kodansha's really counts as Light Novels. Sensei, what exactly are you trying to ask?"

"Hmm... In a bad way, you have completely lived up to my expectations. You unquestionably have Sophomore Syndrome."

Sensei stared at me with an astonished expression.

"So what exactly is Sophomore Syndrome...?"

"Sophomore Syndrome is Sophomore Syndrome. It's a way of thinking common among high school students. For example, they think being contrarian is cool, often toss around internet catchphrases like 'getting a job means you've lost,' which suit them perfectly, and when talking about bestselling authors or manga artists, they say, 'I prefer their works from before they became famous.' They look down on popular things and appreciate niche tastes. They also look down on fellow Otaku, often putting on an air of having realized all truth while spouting contrarian arguments. Put simply, they're a bunch of annoying people."

"Annoying people... Damn it! That fits me almost perfectly. I can't even argue!"

"No, I'm complimenting you. Students these days are amazing. They compromise with reality so easily that teachers lose all motivation and start feeling like they work in a factory."

"Students these days, huh..."