He kept sending ultra-vibration waves into the glass in his hand, so I decided to ignore him. There was another person present who had his mouth tightly shut, so I turned to him instead.
"Totsuka, what do you think about the Maid Cafe—"
"..."
Totsuka did not react.
"T-Totsuka?"
"..."
This time, I was the one being ignored. My sun! Normally, whenever I talked to him, he would look at me with a smile! But now he had turned his face away and sulked in silence.
"What's wrong? Are you mad?"
If even he ignored me, there was no reason for me to go on living... I gripped my fork, ready to stab it into my throat at any moment, and asked him again. This time, he finally spoke.
"...You didn't come help me earlier."
"Huh? Ah, no, um..."
"...I'm obviously a boy, but you made me wear such a cute outfit."
Totsuka glared at me indignantly... Even when he was angry, he was so cute... No, no, that would not do. Totsuka was a boy, and the fact that he was upset about that meant he did not like being told he looked like a girl. I needed to be careful not to say anything like that again.
"Well... yeah, that's just how boys joke around. Like a pack of wolves roughhousing with each other."
"...Really?"
"Really. A man never speaks in jest."
No matter what, this was the time to play the man card and stress that it was just a joke between boys.
"Then... then it's okay..."
Totsuka blushed, finally willing to forgive me.
"I'm really sorry. To make it up to you, let me buy you a Cappuccino. Guys in Italy drink this kind of coffee too."
"Yeah, thank you!"
In any case, constantly emphasizing masculinity seemed to have worked. Totsuka's mood improved, and he once again flashed that radiant smile. Delighted, I pressed the service bell on the table.
"Sorry to keep you waiting, Master."
"We'll have two Cappuccinos."
"If Master wishes, we can draw patterns such as little cats on the Cappuccinos. Would you like that?"
"Oh, no thanks."
Even after I declined the maid's extra service, she did not show the slightest displeasure. Still smiling beautifully, she said, "Certainly, Master. Please wait just a moment♪" If this had been an izakaya, it probably would have felt more like, "Got it! Coming right up!"
As expected of a professional, every gesture was crisp, capable, and energetic. It was genuinely pleasant to watch.
I thought Maid Cafes were popular not because of superficial things like "Moe moe♪" and "Master," but because of the sincere service behind them—the desire to make everyone have a pleasant time. Playing rock-paper-scissors with customers, drawing pictures on omelet rice, and so on were probably ways of conveying those feelings. Because those feelings reached the customers, they kept coming back.
However, there were also maids whose movements were rather clumsy. The hand holding her tray trembled constantly, her eyes fixed on the cups atop it as she staggered along. She was definitely going to fall over and show her underwear like that... As I thought this, I suddenly realized that maid was Yuihama.
"Sorry to keep you waiting... M-Master."
Her cheeks flushed red as she placed the cups on our table. Apparently, saying that line had been quite embarrassing for her.
Yuihama wore a currently fashionable, understated maid outfit. It was based around black and white, with fluttering lace trim; the skirt was very short, while the top deliberately emphasized her chest.
"..."
"D-Does it suit me?"
She set her tray on the table and slowly turned around to show us. As she spun, the ribbons and lace decorating her outfit floated with her.
"Wow, Yuihama-san, you're so cute! Right, Hachiman?"
"Huh? Ah, hahaha."
Caught off guard by Totsuka's sudden question, I gave an ambiguous response without thinking. However, Yuihama seemed to take it as praise, and she smiled happily.
"I see... That's great... Hehe, thanks."
Honestly, I had been startled.
Yuihama still had the same airheaded charm, but her more restrained demeanor and slightly shy expression gave me a different impression of her than before.
"Wow, but maid skirts are so short, and these knee-high socks are so tight. It must have been rough for people in the old days to work dressed like this~ After cleaning the house once, you'd be covered in dust like a mop."
I took back what I had just said. Yuihama really was still Yuihama.
"You'd be better off if you just kept your mouth shut..."
"What? What's that supposed to mean?!"
She picked up the tray and smacked me over the head with it. How dare she lay hands on her master!
"What are you all doing?"
At that moment, an icy voice came from behind us. I turned around and saw a maid who looked like she had stepped out of the British Empire.
She wore a long-sleeved blouse with a long skirt, the whole outfit a dark moss green. A conspicuous black ribbon adorned her head, and her dignified, composed image gave the otherwise plain clothing an air of luxury.
"Wow! Oh my God, Yukino, you look gorgeous! It suits you so well!"
Yuihama exclaimed in admiration.
She was right. That outfit really did suit Yukino perfectly.
"Though rather than a maid, you look more like Miss Rotmeyer..."
I thought my comparison was easy enough to understand, but Yukino and Yuihama apparently did not get it. Question marks appeared above their heads.
"I mean, it suits you very well..."
"I see. Though I do not particularly care."
Yukino answered with obvious disinterest.
For the record, Miss Rotmeyer was a housekeeper character from an old cartoon called Little Angel. Calling her a maid would not exactly be wrong. If I had to compare her to another similar figure, she would probably be like one of the employees at Disneyland's haunted house.
"It appears Kawasaki does not work at this establishment."
"You already investigated?"
"Of course. That is why I put on this outfit."
Yukino had infiltrated the place alone to investigate and carried it out flawlessly. It was as though I had witnessed the birth of a maid detective. Meanwhile, all I had been thinking about was making Totsuka happy...
"Could she have the day off?"
At Yuihama's question, Yukino shook her head.
"Her name was not on the schedule. Since her workplace called her home, Kawasaki clearly was not using an alias."
She had even considered that. She was no longer merely a maid—she was practically a housekeeper. Kaseifu no Mita has appeared!
"So that means we were completely fooled by bad information..."
I glared at Zaimokuza beside me. He tilted his head and muttered thoughtfully.
"How strange... That should not be possible..."
"What shouldn't?"
"Hmm~ A haughty girl secretly works at a Maid Cafe, then something like, 'Meow meow meow♪ Welcome home, Master... Wait, what are you doing here?' happens. Isn't that a fated development?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
What did Zaimokuza's fetishes have to do with us? Because of this guy, we had wasted an entire day, and it was already too late to check another place.
Still, Yuihama had seemed rather happy in a maid outfit, and I had discovered a decent cafe, so I supposed we had gotten something out of it.
× × ×
The following day, the number of people in our clubroom reached an all-time high.
Yukino believed that since symptomatic treatment had failed, we should treat the root cause. That was why everyone had gathered here.
Yukino, Yuihama, and I were club members to begin with, so it was only natural for us to be in the clubroom. Totsuka and Zaimokuza showed up here often enough too, so there was nothing surprising about them.
However, one person clearly did not belong here, yet somehow blended into the environment.
"Why is Hayama here too?"
Hayama sat by the window reading a book. Hey, if you're a sunny athletic type, could you not sit there reading? Are you Perfect Cell or something?
When I asked, Hayama closed his book, waved, and said, "Hey~"
"No, Yui called me here."
"Yuihama?"
I turned toward Yuihama. For some reason, she proudly puffed out her chest.
"I thought about it a little. If Kawasaki changed, there must have been some reason, right? Removing the cause at the root is definitely a good method, but if she won't listen to anyone no matter what, it'll be difficult to put into practice, won't it?"
"Yeah, that makes sense."
It was astonishing that Yuihama could make such a coherent argument. I nodded, impressed by this minor miracle. Seeing my reaction, Yuihama became even more pleased and puffed out her chest further, until her eyes were practically facing the ceiling.
"Right? So we need to change the way we think. Since Kawasaki became bad, if we make her change one more time, shouldn't she become good again?"
So this was what "the opposite of approval is approval" meant. Fujio Akatsuka truly was incredible.
"Then why was it necessary to bring Hayama here?"
Yukino did not seem particularly fond of Hayama, so her words had an especially sharp edge. Hayama, however, simply listened attentively to Yuihama without paying it any mind.
"Oh, come on, Yukino! There is only one reason a girl would change like that, isn't there?"
"A reason for a girl to change... deterioration over time?"
"Do you mean aging? No, that's not it! Girls are girls no matter how much time passes! Yukino, you're so not girly!"
"Here we go again..."
Yukino sighed, apparently unsure how to respond.
Still, girls who constantly went on about whether someone was girly or not were actually less girly themselves.
The fact that they did not realize that only proved how un-girly they were.
"The reason a girl changes is, um... l-love and things like that..."
It sounded like she had said something incredibly embarrassing, and the person who said it seemed the most embarrassed of all.
"A-Anyway! Once a girl likes someone, lots of things get weird! So I think if we create that kind of opportunity, we can solve this... That's why I asked Hayato to help."
"Um, I don't really understand why you chose me."
Hayama gave Yuihama a wry smile. Hold on! If you genuinely did not know, even I would get mad! I widened my eyes behind my glasses and glared at him fiercely. At the same time, Zaimokuza made the exact same motion.
"Aren't there plenty of other people who are popular with girls? Like, among us... Totsuka is really popular too."
It was good that he knew he was popular... No, it was not good at all! I absolutely could not accept that! Once again, I widened my eyes behind my glasses and glared at him fiercely. At the same time, Zaimokuza made the exact same motion.
"I-I'm not really sure about that..."
Totsuka's cheeks turned red, and he hurriedly lowered his head. Seeing his reaction, Yuihama crossed her arms and thought for a moment.
"Hmm, Saika is definitely popular with girls too, but he might not be Kawasaki's type. And you know, that other chuunibyou is obviously out. Looking at it that way, Hayato is the best choice."
"Hey, don't just naturally leave me out!"
"A-A shut-in guy isn't even under consideration!"
Did she really need to get angry at me with a red face? Still, the fact that I was outside the effective range—even worse off than Zaimokuza—did sting a little... Wait, was "chuunibyou" the nickname she had given Zaimokuza?
"Yuihama's judgment is correct. Do you honestly think anyone in class would fall for you after getting to know you?"
"Exactly, exactly~"
She had a point. If I were a girl, I probably would not be interested in a loner either. Well, what could I do? I had the talents of a ninja. Ninjas could not let people notice their existence, so it was unavoidable. My talent was truly terrifying...
"Ah, no, that's not what I meant~ Or rather, you're not that bad? It's more like you're very unfortunate for a variety of reasons... Anyway, I want to ask Hayato to help with this."
How should I make use of these ninja talents? Maybe I should become a Hokage... As I considered this, Yuihama continued explaining her idea.
"Can we ask you to do it?"
Before you continue