Social Anxiety and the Rock of Loneliness

Ishikawa Hayato's wallet still hadn't recovered to the safety line.

He immediately grew reserved, bowing to Seika as he spoke.

"Sorry, I won't do it again..."

But as soon as he finished, he put on a lively, lighthearted smile and walked over to Nijika and Ryo.

The shift in expression left Seika, who had just started to smile, utterly baffled—how could this guy apologize sincerely yet give the impression he hadn't apologized at all?

"Nijika~"

He approached with a weird grin, and Nijika, jolted by his call, shuddered.

He slid into the seat across from Nijika, watching her wary expression as he said.

"The way Nijika was looking at the door just now, all hopeful, was so cute."

"Come on..."

Nijika was exasperated by him and didn't follow his lead.

"Tomorrow's the performance, Hayato-kun. Get a little nervous, okay?"

She knew that once Ishikawa Hayato steered the conversation, there was no escaping it—he'd even tangle up her own thoughts.

Looking at the two beside her, Nijika started to worry.

Because Hayato and Ryo showed no sign of tension at all, their calm demeanor as if they'd forgotten they were going on stage tomorrow. Nijika felt like she'd somehow taken their nervousness onto herself.

She couldn't relax for a single moment.

"I perform every day. Tomorrow's just a different stage—no problem!"

Ishikawa Hayato said, blinking rapidly to signal Ryo.

Ryo hesitated, showing some reluctance toward Ishikawa Hayato's invitation, but when she caught the 'let's test Nijika's reaction' in his gaze, she moved.

Seeing her act, Ishikawa Hayato knew the bait had worked.

"Because we are..."

Nijika stared in surprise at the two suddenly moving in sync.

Ishikawa Hayato said as he leaned toward Ryo, and they both crossed their arms in front of Nijika, standing back-to-back.

"Weirdos," Ryo said.

"Perverts," Ishikawa Hayato nodded in affirmation.

Thump.

That was Nijika slamming her head on the table as a drumbeat for them—what a dedicated drummer.

Collapsed on the table, Nijika's stress levels skyrocketed.

"Pfft."

Ryo covered her mouth and laughed.

A little later, Ryo watched Ishikawa Hayato endlessly comforting the fuming Nijika.

She recalled the goal he'd set for joining the band, and the materials Kita Ikuyo had sent her earlier.

"I want to make music that lets people feel relaxed and at ease. I want others to listen to that music together, relax together, enjoy it together."

Others listening together, relaxing together, enjoying together...

Others...

This man really does whatever he wants.

23. Doubt

With no interference from Ishikawa Hayato, Gotou Hitori returned to her usual life.

Going to school alone, attending class alone, eating lunch alone, riding the long train home alone, practicing guitar, uploading videos.

"Second week..."

Gotou Hitori checked the time as she turned on her computer.

It had been nearly two weeks since Ishikawa Hayato last came to see her.

And...

She opened the fake YTB account she'd set up, scrolling through the hastily made and reuploaded videos below—no comments from Ishikawa Hayato.

After checking each video several times, Gotou Hitori silently shuffled to the wall, lowered her head, and hugged her knees, her bright blue-green eyes turning murky.

Was I too full of myself and took his food...

Or maybe the corner was too dark...

Or maybe I smell like mold...

Aah, aah, no matter how I think about it, there are so many problems.

Goto Hitori rubbed her pink hair in frustration.

Just treat these past few days as a good dream. Wake up, Gotou Hitori!

She patted her cheeks, blocked out those thoughts, and crawled over to her computer.

Whatever. No matter how miserable reality gets, there are plenty of people on the internet who care about her.

With that thought, she opened her original account.

She planned to scroll through the comments and restore her nearly shattered heart a little.

'I listen to your songs every day! I just started learning guitar recently, looking forward to your next work!'

'I really like the part at 2:17.'

'I love her guitar playing, a voice that really touches the heart.'

'It's Gotou-san, right? I'm Ishikawa Hayato.'

Gotou Hitori looked at the screen, a smile naturally spreading across her face—until she saw the last one.

Gotou Hitori: ???

She double-checked the account. This was the one she used to upload videos, the account known as Guitar Hero.

She quickly spun the mouse wheel, scrolling back up the page.

In the video description, she had written...

'I started high school and life's been too fulfilling, so I haven't had much time to post~!'

'This time I played a song I often sing with friends at karaoke!'

This was the persona she'd crafted to experience what it felt like to be a popular, well-adjusted person.

She scrolled back down.

'It's Gotou-san, right? I'm Ishikawa Hayato.'

Aaaaaaah!

A high-pitched scream, almost electronic from sheer terror, leaked out of the closet.

Downstairs.

Gotou's mother looked up at the second floor with a puzzled expression.

Thump thump thump—a series of frightening, construction-like impacts rang out without pause.

She didn't even need to think to know it was her eldest daughter doing something weird again.

But today's reaction was unusually intense.

"What's wrong? Hitori's especially noisy today."

"Yeah, she doesn't usually go this far."

Gotou's father, watching TV, also rubbed his chin in surprise.

"Could it be..."

His eyes lit up, then he turned his head and met Gotou's mother's gaze.

They exchanged a look, the excitement visibly draining from their faces, and sighed in unison.

"Yeah, no way that's it."

Why... why...

Lying curled up in the closet like a small, innocent, wounded animal, Gotou Hitori stared blankly at the partition board above.

Why did they find out...

It took a long time before she recovered from her existential crisis, slowly sat up, and opened her computer.

She clicked on that comment again.

Ah, there was an attached message too.

She read it.

'You're really amazing. Could you bring your guitar to school tomorrow and play for me?'

The message was sent an hour ago.

Gotou Hitori lowered her head, and soon her body began to tremble slightly.

A smile spread across her face, hidden beneath her bangs, her cheeks practically melting.

"Hehe... hehe... since they said that, I guess I have no choice, hehe..."

At the same time, Kita Ikuyo, lying on the sofa in her pajamas and hugging a cushion, happily chatted with her friends over messages.

But suddenly, she received a text message.

Upon seeing the sender was Ishikawa Hayato, she didn't bother replying to her friend and immediately opened it.

"Sorry, I forgot to tell Nijika about your situation earlier."

Kita Ikuyo: ???

Wait, what situation?

The thing she apologized for?

They couldn't still be expecting her to come, right—the performance is tomorrow!!

She shot upright, tossing aside the throw pillow, which flew to the floor with a soft thump and bounced up, an innocent victim of her panic.

Kita Ikuyo, with an expression of utter disbelief, tapped the screen at a speed even more unbelievable—like lightning.

"Don't tell me Ijichi-senpai and Ryo-senpai are still waiting for me!"

The reply came just as fast.

Ishikawa Hayato: "Yeah... sorry. By the way, I still haven't told them."

"What are you doing?!"

It's been almost two weeks—how could he be this forgetful!

Kita Ikuyo felt a sudden urge to grab a knife from the kitchen and storm over to Ishikawa Hayato's house.

Not telling them until now makes it look like she's deliberately trying to sabotage the performance!

Ishikawa Hayato: "Well, it's fine. It doesn't really matter—just means we need to find a guitarist at the cost of our lives. I'll tell Nijika tomorrow. Oh, and Kita, come watch tomorrow too."