The God Is a Pervert (Skip If You Don't Like It)

"Naruto!"

Just as he was about to enter the Hokage Building, Naruto was suddenly called out to. Turning around, he saw the new generation of Ino-Shika-Cho.

The three of them stood outside the Hokage Building, seemingly waiting for someone.

Leaning against the wall, Shikamaru lazily waved at him. He wore that flashy fishnet undershirt, his usual dead-fish eyes on his face.

Ino stood off to the side, looking uneasy and lost in thought, while Choji was the same as ever, holding a bag of chips and crunching away.

"What are you guys doing here?" Naruto was familiar with the three of them, so there was no need for pleasantries. He reached into Choji's bag of chips to grab a snack.

Crunch. Naruto took a bite. Without even looking at him, Shikamaru tilted his head back and sighed at the sky.

"Asuma had something come up, so we could only wait for him here."

After saying that, Shikamaru asked Naruto again.

"That thing, Naruto. You know about it too, right?"

"Which thing?"

"That guy calling himself the God of Shinobi. He spoke twice, and the village ended up in this state."

"Oh, that?" Naruto scratched his head and flashed a bright smile. "I thought it was someone's prank!"

"How could something that lets the entire village receive messages be an ordinary prank?" Shikamaru complained, clasping his hands behind his head.

"You're just too slow, Naruto."

"Still, that God of Shinobi is probably a total pervert, at the very least. He kept talking about long legs and stuff, and someone's friend's little sister."

"Anyway, nobody would believe something that obviously sounds like nonsense, right?" Naruto said with a casual wave, then looked at Choji.

Choji raised his brows, crunched down on a chip, and said guilelessly.

"The ninja way of the last chip."

"Only someone like you, Naruto, who doesn't know anything would refuse to believe it." Shikamaru said. "The Hyuga Clan thing is real, though."

"What thing?" Naruto asked, pretending not to know.

"It's—"

"Shikamaru, Teacher Asuma is out!" Choji suddenly shouted.

"Naruto, we'll talk next time! We need to go first!" Shikamaru glanced toward the Hokage Building, and sure enough, Asuma had come out.

He waved at Naruto, then caught up with Choji and Ino, who had already walked away.

Ino did not speak to Naruto the entire time, nor did she even glance at him. Naruto did not care. Once the three had gone far away, he turned and entered the Hokage Building as well.

The building was a mess. ANBU ninja and ordinary Chunin walked back and forth carrying all sorts of documents. Every now and then, he could hear them tensely discussing the God of Shinobi, and occasionally the word "Hyuga" came up as well.

Naruto tilted his head and made his way upstairs, preparing to pick up a D-rank Mission from the mission hall. Kakashi had punished him by making him complete twenty D-rank Missions, and until then, he could not return to Team Seven.

D-rank Missions were not particularly difficult. As Naruto climbed the stairs and wondered what today's mission would be, he suddenly heard someone downstairs cursing loudly.

"They want me to find out the truth within a day? Where the hell am I supposed to investigate? That damn God of Shinobi—if he falls into my hands, I'll torture him properly!"

The scar-faced giant Ibiki Morino came down the stairs with his subordinates from the Torture and Interrogation Department, passing Naruto on the way up.

"Terrifying." Naruto shuddered. He became even more determined to keep a low profile. He absolutely could not let anyone find evidence that he was the God of Shinobi.

He was especially wary of Ibiki Morino, the head of the Torture and Interrogation Department. It was not because Ibiki was particularly strong, but because that man was a real pervert!

A dark, burly guy over six feet tall—he would be cast as the muscular neighbor brought in for Japanese adult films, yet in private, he was an M.

His interrogation techniques did not just torture enemies; they tortured himself as well.

Holy shit, Naruto felt scared just thinking about it. A burly man wearing a pleased yet pained expression—such an assault on the eyes might as well kill him.

"Here is your mission scroll. Please take it." The mission hall worker handed the mission to Naruto with a good attitude.

"Mm."

Naruto left the Hokage Building and opened the mission scroll. The mission was picking up trash.

Where was Konohagakure supposed to get so much trash to pick up?!

After struggling with himself for a while, Naruto reluctantly set out on his trash-picking journey. It was the scorching heat of August, and beneath the blazing sun, Naruto was done for before long.

He hid beneath the shade of a tree and blankly stared at the blue sky. Before long, he tossed aside the garbage bag in his hand and left by himself.

"Ah! So refreshing!" Naruto bought two Ice Cream Assassins from a convenience store, then swaggered away under the shopkeeper's astonished gaze.

The moment he stepped outside, a wave of heat swept over him.

With nothing better to do, Naruto simply squatted outside the convenience store and finished both ice creams, making a nearby brat cry from envy.

Naruto turned to look at the four children standing stupidly beneath the sun, tanned as dark as melon rinds. His gaze swept over their filthy clothes, and his eyes shifted slightly.

"Come here."

Seeing the blond guy eating two expensive ice creams beckon to them, and confirming that he was calling them, they looked at one another.

In the end, they were drawn over by the sight of Naruto licking two ice creams at once.

"Want some?" Naruto shook the ice creams in his hands.

Those four children were only a few years younger than Naruto—three boys and one girl. They looked about eight or nine years old, their hair and clothes somewhat unkempt.

There was hardly any need to guess who they were: Konohagakure orphans.

"Yes," said the boy in front.

"I can buy each of you an ice pop, but you have to answer one question for me," Naruto said.

The children hesitated for a moment, then nodded one after another.

Naruto narrowed his eyes as he surveyed the four of them, wondering whether any of these orphans might turn out to be the protagonist of some orphanage story.

"What comes after 'the odd terms change, the even terms remain unchanged'?"

The four children looked at one another. Not a single one knew the answer.

Seeing that none of them could answer, Naruto looked disappointed, but he still went back into the shop and bought five ice pops—one for everyone present, himself included.

The four children squatted with Naruto at the shop entrance, licking their ice pops without a shred of decorum.

"Do you want to eat ice pops every day?"

"Yes!"

"Yes!"

"Yes!"

"Yes."

Four pairs of bright eyes fixed on Naruto in unison. Naruto smiled and looked at them.

"Then you'll have to do me a favor."

The orange sunset slanted across the ground. Naruto lay in a hammock while an eight-year-old girl stood beside him, fanning him on and off.

The three boys came running toward Naruto, drenched in sweat and carrying garbage bags, shouting happily.

"Boss, we picked it all up!"

Note: Dear readers, the next three chapters contain the Little Trumpet storyline. If you don't like it, feel free to skim through it quickly. (Skipping it will affect a tiny bit of the plot.) This is groundwork for later chapters.

You can also skip it entirely.

Guide: One-Tail