"I almost killed Professor McGonagall too, and Arthur Weasley... he was Ron Weasley's father..."
"They used to be my friends..."
"And I did something that could never be forgiven."
"I'm no longer their friend."
"I betrayed them."
So that was it.
That was why Lucas felt he had treated her like a tool. Objectively speaking, sending Lucas to deal with the Order of the Phoenix really had seemed to disregard her feelings completely.
Murphy frowned. "Sorry. I didn't think it through. It really was inappropriate to have you do this."
The Order of the Phoenix had many capable people, while among the experts he could use, Lucas was the most reliable. At the same time, she was in charge of Plan B. Given the circumstances, putting Lucas in charge of wiping out the Order of the Phoenix had indeed been Murphy's optimal choice.
Lucas herself had probably not realized that risk at the time.
Harry, Ron Weasley, and the others held great significance for Lucas's awakening, so deep down, she truly cherished her friendship with them.
"You don't need to blame yourself too much. Killing Sirius was an accident. If someone has to bear responsibility for this, it should be me."
"I was the mastermind. Sirius died because of my conflict with the Order of the Phoenix."
Yet Lucas's frown did not ease.
"Professor, is it really a good thing to understand love and learn to understand others?"
"Of course," Murphy said. "Even from the most utilitarian perspective, those things can help you better predict and judge other people's actions. Why do you ask?"
"I often feel tired. In the past, I could carry out my ideas without reservation and turn a blind eye to other people's feelings. But now, it seems I can't do that anymore. I've become constrained