The Awakening of Love in Youth, the Worries of a Mother and Son in the Rainy Season

After starting middle school, Brother and I both attended boarding schools.

Father and Mother could no longer keep an eye on Brother all the time. He began letting himself go. At school, he studied poorly, hung around with several like-minded troublemakers, read novels during class, slept during class, and harassed female classmates.

Later, he became obsessed with the internet and often went to Internet Cafes on weekends. Eventually, he started climbing over the walls to sneak out and play online games.

Later, he was caught red-handed by the school security guards while climbing over the wall. The school issued a Circular Criticism against him, and both Father and Mother were summoned to be criticized and educated, but Brother still refused to repent.

Because Brother had become a problem student, Mother devoted a great deal of time and energy to dealing with his problems. She began paying little attention to me, only often warning me not to follow Brother's example and to study hard.

Father often had to travel for work and could not constantly educate Brother either. It was basically up to Mother to remind and lecture him whenever he came home during holidays.

After graduating middle school, I successfully tested into High School. Brother barely made the admissions cutoff and entered a High School in the city. We were sixteen then, in our first year of high school.

The High School was also a boarding school, even farther from home, and we knew neither the people nor the place.

Faced with unfamiliar people and an unfamiliar environment, I had grown used to loneliness and did not care much. But Brother was different. Not a single one of his like-minded companions had made it into High School, and he found it hard to adapt. Life in High School was basically a straight line between the dormitory, classroom, and cafeteria. No one was thinking about having fun.

When Father and Mother took us to school, Father said to us, "Now that you're in High School, study hard and don't waste your time. High School only lasts three short years. Your mother and I hope you can graduate successfully and get into good universities. We have high expectations for you."

Then he said to Brother, "Especially you. You were so naughty in middle school. How many times were your mother and I called to the school by your teachers? Can't you show some improvement?"

Brother said, "Got it, old man. I'll mend my ways."

Father said, "Mend your ways, mend your ways. How many times have you said that? Huh? Everything I say goes in one ear and out the other. Have you ever taken any of it in?"

Brother said, "Old man, I'll study hard at school. You and Mom don't need to worry."

Mother said, "If you were half as well-behaved as your little brother, I'd be relieved. You've never let me stop worrying since you were little."

Brother said, "Mom, I know I was wrong. Give me a chance. I'll behave properly."

Mother said, "Now that you're in High School, settle down and study hard. Stop making trouble. If you can't get into university later, your whole life will be ruined."

Mother said to me, "Xiao Tian, study hard at school. Get into a good university in the future and make your father and me proud."

Brother cut in, saying, "I'll get into a good university too and make Father and Mother proud."

Father said, "We'll see how you perform. Don't just talk big."

I said to Father and Mother, "Don't worry. I'll study hard."

Time passed so quickly. I was sixteen, and Mother had turned thirty-six.

When Mother was young, she had been an extraordinary beauty, stunning enough to topple a city, with unparalleled looks. She was as beautiful as a fairy.

After marrying Father, she had supported her husband and raised children. Mother was still elegant and refined, and her figure had remained exceptionally good. There was no excess flesh around her waist, her face was still flower-like in its beauty, and her skin was whiter than snow. She was breathtakingly beautiful and did not look like a mother of two. She looked barely twenty.

Now, tempered by the years, Mother possessed even more of the unique charm of womanhood and motherhood. Her Breasts, which had developed again after childbirth, were full without seeming overly large, still high and firm.

Mother's every smile and frown could stir the soul. Sometimes, when I looked at her smile, I would quietly lose myself in thought. I liked it when Mom smiled at me. I liked staying by Mother's side and going nowhere else. So whenever I came home on break, I helped Mother with the housework, cleaned the house, and chatted with her. On the days Father was away on business, staying home with Mother made me feel warm and content.

Mother still looked very young. Standing beside me now, my classmates would think she was my older sister, a fairy-like sister. Yet this sister possessed a uniquely maternal charm that made people want to draw close and hold her in their arms to protect her.

Life and studies in High School were difficult. My foundation was not very solid, and I could only barely keep up with the intensity and pace of the coursework.

Brother's foundation was even worse. At first, relying on his little cleverness, he barely kept up. But as the coursework grew more difficult, he truly behaved himself for a while in order not to fall behind. His grades once ranked near the top. Father and Mother were overjoyed when they heard about and saw this change in Brother. They thought he had turned over a new leaf, grown up, and changed tremendously.

To reward Brother's progress and give him better electronic learning resources, they bought him a Tablet Computer.

Father said that if I ever showed as much promise as Brother, he would buy me a Tablet Computer too.

I understood Father and Mother's intentions. They had not bought me one at the same time because they wanted to motivate me and awaken my competitive spirit.

But it was precisely that Tablet Computer that changed everything about Brother and changed this family as well.

The saying that one may change one's country but not one's nature could not have suited Brother more.

After a year of school life, Brother once again made several companions who were equally poor students and stopped studying seriously.

He did not dare sleep in class anymore, but every weekend, he would definitely go to the Internet Cafe. With those companions, he flirted with girls in his grade and younger female students, and even flirted with older female students.

Brother's little cleverness had run out, and his grades began to plummet.

Both his teachers and Mother became anxious. They did not want such a promising student to be ruined like this, so they began analyzing all sorts of objective reasons. Was he not getting enough nutrition? Was the learning environment bad? Were his study methods wrong?

Mother found Brother a great deal of study material and instructional videos taught by famous teachers, urging him to study hard. For Brother's sake, Mother had almost forgotten she had another son in me.

At the age of Flowering Youth, Brother experienced an Awakening of Love.

He fell for a senior girl in Third Year High School. She was delicate and pretty, neither fat nor thin, with a shapely figure and a graceful bearing.

With the help and encouragement of several companions, he tried to date that senior girl. But she was not interested in this younger student and tactfully advised him to focus on his studies and not let his imagination run wild.

But Brother clung to her like a leech. How could he give up so easily? He pestered the senior girl relentlessly, and this behavior angered several of her admirers.

They got into a fight with Brother and several of his companions outside the school. Several people were injured.

This caused a terrible impact at school. Both sides of the fight received severe Warning Punishments, and all their parents were called to the school for criticism and education.

Mother was extremely anxious over this matter and earnestly tried to reason with Brother.

With worry written all over her face, Mother said to Brother, "Da Wen, you need to study hard now and stop letting your thoughts run wild. Some things should be considered carefully after you get into university."

Brother said, "Mom, I know. I've heard all this grand advice who knows how many times."

Mother said, "Then why can't you still take it in?"

Brother said, "I took it in. I just can't do it."

Mother said, "Then what will it take for you to do it?"

Brother said, "Let me do what I love doing."

Mother said, "Why won't you accept discipline? Why don't you realize you've done something wrong?"

Brother said, "What's the big deal? Look how worked up you are."

Mother said, "You received a severe Warning Punishment, and you still say it's no big deal? The next step is probation, and if you make another mistake, you'll be expelled."

Brother said, "But I haven't been expelled yet."

Mother said, "If you make another mistake, your whole life will be ruined."

Brother said, "Studying isn't the only way to make something of yourself."

Brother had nearly made Mother cry with anger. She told him, "I'll have your father come back and discipline you."

Brother said, "I'll say the same thing when Father comes back."

I said to Brother, "Just say a little less, will you? Can't you make Mom worry less?"

Brother said to me, "You're so naggy. Like an old woman. Pathetic."

I said to him, "If you make Mom sad again, I'll have it out with you."

Brother said, "I didn't provoke you. Why are you getting worked up?" Brother was bigger and stronger than I was, tall and broad. If I could have beaten him, I would have already fought him.

Just like that, Brother made both Mother and me furious.

Brother still went his own way. It was the same even after Father came back to discipline him.

Brother became more and more interested in women, while his studies grew worse and worse.

Brother was outgoing. He usually went out to have fun during breaks and could not stay home at all because he could not stand Mother's constant nagging.

One afternoon, I came home and saw that the house was rather messy. I began tidying up and cleaning. The door to his small room was slightly ajar. I thought he was not home, but when I looked through the gap, I saw him wearing headphones, playing an "adult movie" on his Tablet Computer, and masturbating with a pair of women's underwear in his hand.

I pushed the door open and said, "Brother, what are you doing?"

When he saw me push the door open and enter, he covered the Tablet Computer with one hand, hid the underwear with the other, and pulled up his pants.

"Why did you come in without knocking? Get out, now!" He was flustered and angry.

"Whose underwear are you using to do something so shameless?" I demanded loudly.

"What's it to you? Get out!" he shouted, driving me away.

I said, "I'm telling Father and Mother and having them take away your Tablet Computer!"

He said, "If you dare tell them, believe it or not, I'll beat you up and make your life miserable from now on!"

He glared at me threateningly, shoved me out the door, then shut and locked it.

I thought, Look at you, always making Father and Mother worry, with no idea how much they care about you. Mom treats you like a treasure every day.

I did not tell Father or Mother about it and simply let him indulge himself, but I did not notice that the underwear Mother had hung out to dry on the balcony that day had disappeared.

From then on, I secretly watched his behavior. I sneaked into his small room and found some pornographic novels and magazines beneath his mattress.

I had also secretly found his Tablet Computer, but unfortunately, I could not unlock it without the password.

Whenever Mother had just finished showering while we were at home, he would always rush to shower next.

After some time passed, I noticed that he sometimes stared at Mother. Sometimes he stared at Mother's chest and buttocks, his gaze carrying an indescribable heat, just like when he looked at the young, pretty female teachers at school.

I had wanted to tell Mother about it, but I was afraid she would scold me and say I was slandering Brother.

Father returned from his business trip, and Brother behaved himself for a while.

During the days Father was home, whenever I got up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I often found Brother at the door of Father and Mother's room.

One night, I deliberately stayed awake to see what he was doing. I discovered that he was actually pressing his ear to the door of Father and Mother's room. I immediately understood that he was eavesdropping on Father and Mother having sex.

My heart tightened. Should I tell Father and Mother?

If I told them, would they believe me?

If Father and Mother found out, would they beat him? Would he beat me?

I was torn by inner conflict.

I spent the entire night thinking about these questions and could not sleep.

I decided that Mother should know about these things, but that she should discover them herself.

Father went away on business again, and Brother went out to find his companions. I casually told Mother that Brother's room was far too messy. He never cleaned it himself, and it was a complete mess. Without a good living environment, if it were me, I would not be able to focus on studying.

Then I went out to have fun too. I could not stay home, because if I were there, he would definitely know I had told Mother. I deliberately returned very late.

When I reached the door, I heard arguing from inside. Mother was loudly scolding Brother, "What is going on in that head of yours? Why are you looking at all that filthy rubbish?"

"I'm telling your father and having him come back to teach you a lesson, you good-for-nothing!"

"I'm taking away your Tablet Computer and burning every filthy thing in here!"

Brother shouted, "Don't meddle in my business!"

"If I don't discipline you, who will? I'm your mother," Mother shouted.

I had never seen Mother so angry. I stood there for a moment, not daring to interrupt, but I knew Mother must have gone to clean Brother's small room and discovered his secret.

"This is my business. I'll make my own decisions." Brother snatched up the Tablet Computer and rushed straight out of the house.

"If you have the guts, don't come back!" Mother shouted furiously.

Brother left, and Mother stood there alone, sobbing in anger. I knew what had happened, and I still felt sorry for Mother. I wanted to comfort her, but I did not know how to begin.

"Mom, what happened? Why did Brother argue with you?"

"It's nothing. It's about your brother's studies. That bastard never learns anything good and now he's full of rotten thoughts. Don't you learn from that bastard brother of yours, do you hear me?"

"Mom, don't be angry. It's bad for your health."

"Tell me, haven't your father and I treated him well enough since he was little? We raised him this big and worried ourselves sick trying to get him to improve. And now he does all these disgraceful things. Your father is no better, always traveling for work. He's only home a few days a year and has no idea how to educate his children. You boys are this grown already—what has he ever worried about?"

Once Mother mentioned Father, she became even sadder. For the first time, I felt that Mother had no one to rely on and no one to care for her.

I looked at Mother as she choked back sobs, not knowing how to comfort her.

I said, "Mom, you still have me. I'm not little anymore. I can share some of your burdens. Brother is in his rebellious phase now. He'll get better after some time."

Mother said, "You must be obedient. Don't become like your brother, that bastard."

I knew Mother must have found the pornographic books Brother hid, perhaps even the pornographic videos on his Tablet Computer. But that alone should not have made Mother this angry. At most, she would burn the books and take away the Tablet Computer.

That night, Mother was in a bad mood and did not cook. Brother did not come home either.

I cooked dinner, coaxed Mother into eating a little, and then asked around to find out where Brother had gone.

After learning that he was staying overnight at a classmate's house, I told Mother not to worry. Brother had not run away from home.

For several days in a row, Mother was full of worry and looked awful. Brother did not come home for days.

A few days later, Brother came home. He was somewhat afraid when he saw Mother, and his eyes darted about nervously.

Aside from the necessary moments when they saw each other, Brother barely communicated with Mother.

I said to Mother, "Mom, don't keep getting angry. Anger makes people age easily, and you've become haggard lately. Brother is in his rebellious phase, so of course he's infuriating. Don't argue with him. In a few years, he'll be an adult and should be responsible for his own actions."

Mother said, "You're at the rebellious age too. Will you become like him and keep making me angry? If you don't listen either, I'll be furious to death."

I said, "Mom, I won't. I'm so filial; I'll obediently listen to you. If I misbehave, I'm afraid Father will come back and deal with me. If Brother misbehaves, have Father come back and deal with him."

The moment I mentioned Father, Mom began complaining again. "Your father really is something. All he knows is work, and he never worries about anything at home. You boys are already this grown, but he has no idea how hard it is to raise children. He does not care what you boys turn into either. I'm calling him right now. Does he even want this family anymore?"

The moment I heard Mother blaming Father too, I quickly said, "Mom, it's not that serious. Father works very hard outside too. If you say that, how can Father focus on his work? His work environment isn't very safe either. If you complain like this, he won't be able to concentrate and might get distracted. I'll wash you some grapes. Eat some fruit and calm down."

I took two bunches of grapes from the refrigerator, washed them, brought them before Mom, and said, "Mom, you've been worn out from being angry lately. Have some grapes to cool off. Grapes can also make you prettier."

Mother said, "Where did you hear such a ridiculous theory? Grapes can make you prettier? Then all the girls in Xinjiang would be beauties."

"You shouldn't doubt it. There really are many beauties in Xinjiang. Maybe it's because they eat so many grapes. Today I heard a conversation about grapes. An uncle asked his niece, 'How do you describe someone who can't get what they want and deliberately says it's bad?' The little girl said, 'When you can't eat grapes, you say they're sour.' The uncle's son said, 'Don't listen to my dad's nonsense. The grapes at our house are sweet. He just doesn't want you coming over to eat grapes, so he deliberately taught you that.'"

"Are children these days all this clever? So smart, but so hard on their fathers."

"Mom, let me ask you something. When you eat grapes, do you pick the best ones first, or the worst ones first?"

Mother said, "Is there a difference?"

"There is. Tell me."

"I pick the best ones first and leave the bad ones for last. If they don't taste good, I just won't eat them."

I said, "Mm, that's the scientific way to eat them. Psychologically speaking, if you eat the best ones first, one by one, you'll always eat the best among the grapes that remain, and you'll always see the good ones. But if you start with the worst ones, you'll never get to eat the best grapes, and you'll never see the good ones. Life is the same. You have to look at the good side, or it becomes boring. People should live happily. Doesn't that make a lot of sense?"

"Mm, it seems to make sense."

"Of course. Just look whose son I am. I inherited your beauty and talent."

Mother laughed when she realized I was praising her indirectly. "Smooth talker. That's just a little cleverness."

"Mom, you look younger when you smile. One smile takes ten years off your age. Now you're only old enough to be my sister. Sister Xia, you should smile more from now on. Come on, I'll rub your back and massage your shoulders. Eat more grapes; they'll make you prettier."

Seeing that I had successfully shifted Mother's attention and pulled her out of her worries, I struck while the iron was hot and continued trying to please her. "Sister Xia, what would you like to eat tonight? I'll cook for you to show my filial piety."

Mother said, "Forget it. With your cooking skills, you'd only ruin good food."

"I may not know how, but I can learn."

"Fine, I know you're filial."

That evening, Brother came back.

The moment he returned, he shut himself in his room. Mother ignored him. I had always thought Mother was angry because Brother disobeyed her and read pornographic books. I had never considered that he might have done something even more outrageous. I wanted to reconcile him with Mother because I wanted Mother to stop looking so worried.

At dinner, Mother asked me to call him out to eat. I knocked on his door and said, "Brother, Mom is calling you to eat. She made dishes you like. Stop making Mom angry. Father and Mother both love you so much. Apologize to Mom, behave from now on, and stop making Father and Mother angry. Then this will all pass."

"I'm not hungry. I don't want to eat."

"Who are you trying to fool? You haven't eaten anything all afternoon. Get out here and apologize to Mom."

After saying that, I went to the dining table to help Mother bring out the dishes and set the table. A while later, Brother came out to eat. At the table, the three of us ate in silence without saying anything.

When we were nearly finished eating, I kicked him hard under the table and signaled with my eyes for him to apologize to Mother. He glared at me.

He lowered his head and said to Mother, "Mom, I'm sorry. I'm a bastard. I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have made you angry."

Mother glanced at him and said, "Don't apologize to me. I don't have a son like you! I'll just pretend I gave birth to one less child! How could you do something so outrageous? Have you ever treated me like your mom? You... you're trying to piss me to death!"

Mother seemed to want to say something, but stopped herself.

Seeing that the atmosphere was off, I hurriedly said to Mother, "Mom, calm down. Didn't Brother admit his mistake? School is about to start, and he won't be around to upset you much longer."

Mother said, "Looking at the things you've done, I really want to slap you a few times. Don't let there be a next time. If you do that kind of thing again, I'll have Your Dad come back and deal with you, clean house! Do you hear me?"

Mother was furious. I had never seen her this angry.

What kind of thing?

What could be so serious? He had only watched a few porn movies and read a few dirty books, yet he was going to be disowned? I had accidentally seen such things before too, but I didn't dare ask or say anything. I just silently ate my meal. It was supposed to be a dinner to make peace, but it ended amid that strange, oppressive atmosphere.

Several days passed without incident, and the atmosphere at home gradually returned to normal. Back then, second- and third-year high school students had to return to school a month early for extra classes.

The second semester of second year was about to begin. The miscellaneous school fees had already been paid, and our living expenses had been deposited into our bank cards.

During that time, Brother did not upset Mother. He began helping with chores, cleaning and such, and Mother gradually changed her opinion of him.

A few days before we returned to school, we were about to choose between Liberal Arts and science for second year. I chose Liberal Arts, while Brother chose science. There were no real study assignments yet, so I went out to play with my classmates.

I played until it was nearly time for dinner before returning.

When I got home, it was like the sun had risen in the west. Brother was actually cooking. I said, "Brother, are you okay today? I've never seen you cook before. What's going on? Did you bang your head somewhere?"

He looked a little flustered and guilty, then snapped at me, "You're the one with something wrong with your head! Is that any way to talk?"

I asked, "Where's Mom?"

"In her room."

"Are you done? Can we eat yet?"

"It'll be ready soon."

"I'll go call Mom for dinner."

I went to Mother's door, knocked, and said, "Mom, the sun rose in the west today. Brother actually cooked. Come out and eat."

Mother came to the Dining Table and saw the lavish dinner spread out before her. I said, "Mom, hurry and eat. Look, we have another filial child in the family now. It isn't easy getting to eat food he cooked, so have more tonight."

Mother picked up her chopsticks and began eating. After tasting the dishes, she said, "The food isn't bad, but you used too much salt and MSG. The flavor is a little strange. Did the vegetables in the soup go bad? Something tastes off."

Brother lowered his head and did not dare look at Mother. "The soup doesn't taste good. I also made Douzhi. I'll pour you a cup."

Watching Brother go pour the Douzhi, I whispered, "Mom, don't criticize him. It was hard enough getting him to cook. If you comment, there won't be another time."

I did not care how it tasted. It was not easy getting to act like the master of the house today. To hell with everything else—I'd eat first.

Mother might not have had much appetite. She did not eat much, only sampled each dish and drank a cup of Douzhi before stopping. I ate most of the food and drank a huge cup of Douzhi too.

After dinner, Mother said, "You're going back to school soon. The two of you should pack your own luggage."

I said, "Yes, ma'am. I'll pack in a bit."

Mother watched TV in the living room, while Brother and I returned to our rooms to pack.

I sorted through the clothes I was taking to school and put them in my suitcase. Then I sat with Mother in the living room and watched a TV drama for a while. Before long, I was yawning nonstop, my eyelids fighting each other. I looked at the clock on the wall—it was only a little after eight. Why was I so sleepy today? I figured I was tired and decided I should not stay out playing so long in the future.

I said to Mother, "Mom, I'm tired from playing today. I'm going back to sleep."

Mother said, "Go on. You passed your yawns on to me—I'm yawning too. Sleep early."

I drank some water and went back to my room to sleep.

In the middle of the night, while I was sleeping groggily, I felt thirsty. My head hurt so badly it felt like it was about to explode. I got up and found the fan on, with no blanket covering me.

I thought I was sick. I got up to find Mother. As soon as I reached the living room, I called, "Mom, my head hurts so much. Do we have any medicine for headaches? Mom..."

Then I noticed waves of crying coming from Mother's room. The lights were off. I wanted to knock, but the door opened as soon as I did. I turned on the light and saw Mother curled up under the Summer Quilt, crying. The quilt was rumpled, and many tissues had been thrown onto the floor. I asked, "Mom, what's wrong? Why are you crying in the middle of the night? You'll get sick like this."

Mother poked her head out from under the quilt. Her hair was messy, the bags beneath her eyes swollen, and her voice trembled with sobs. Seeing how heartbroken she looked made my heart ache. I handed her tissues from the bedside table and forced myself to endure my headache. "Mom, don't cry. Wipe your tears first. Tell me if something happened."

Mother only kept crying. She looked deeply wronged and heartbroken, her voice hoarse.

I said, "I'll get you a glass of water."

I went into the living room and poured a glass of hot water. I glanced at Brother's room and thought, He really has no heart. Mom has been crying all this time, and he doesn't even come out to see what happened.

I had just started to think better of him, but now all of it was gone.

I returned to Mother's room, placed the cup on the bedside table, and said, "Mom, get up and drink some water. Stop crying. You'll catch a cold."

After a while, Mother finally stopped crying. She used tissues to wipe away her tears and mucus, then asked hoarsely, "Why are you up?"

I said, "I was thirsty, and my head hurt. I wanted to ask whether we had any medicine for headaches."

Mother said through tears, "There are Ibuprofen Capsules in the wall cabinet in the living room. Go get them. I need two as well."

I asked, "Does your head hurt too?"

Mother said nothing. I found the Ibuprofen, gave Mother two capsules, and took two myself.

Seeing the tissues all over the floor, I wanted to pick them up and throw them into the Trash Can. Just as I crouched down, Mother suddenly said, "Don't pick them up! They're too dirty. Go get the broom and dustpan and sweep them into the Trash Can."

I swept up the tissues from the floor and dumped them into the Trash Can in the living room. Mother said, "Go back and sleep."

I said, "Okay. Mom, you were fine yesterday. Why did you suddenly become like this? Are you sick?"

Mother did not answer, only told me to go back to sleep. My head hurt terribly, so I returned to my room to rest. I had wanted to think about Mother, but my brain could not function, and I drifted off in a haze.

At dawn, I vaguely heard Mother shouting in the living room, "Do you even want this family anymore? You don't care about anything at home, and you won't even manage your own son! Come back and discipline him yourself! If you won't come back, then live by yourself!"

I had never seen Mother so furious.

I hurriedly got up to take a look. Mother seemed to have just showered, and water was still dripping from her hair. I had no mind to admire her lovely figure. All I could think was, what had happened? Wasn't everything fine yesterday?

Could it be that while I was asleep, that bastard had made Mother angry?

He had angered Mother so much that she was calling Father early in the morning to complain and rage at him.

Mother shouted into the phone, "If you can't come back tomorrow, then never come back!" Then she hung up directly.

Mother said to me, "Make something for yourself to eat. I'm not in the mood to do anything." With that, she returned to her room and shut the door.

I was completely confused and had no idea what had happened.

I looked at Brother's room. The door was open. When I went inside, he was gone, and so was his suitcase.

I thought, That bastard must have made Mom furious. He caused trouble and actually ran away from home with his luggage early in the morning!

After making breakfast, I ate a portion myself. I wanted to ask Mother if she wanted some, but remembering how angry she looked, I did not dare knock on her door. I could only leave the breakfast on the Dining Table.

My headache had not gone away, so I returned to my room to rest.

I slept groggily until the afternoon.

My body felt better.

When I got up, I saw the breakfast still sitting there untouched. Mother had not gotten up to eat, and the living room had not been cleaned either.

I was starving, and it was getting late. I called toward Mother's room, "Mom, do you feel any better? What do you want for dinner? I'll make it."

After I finished cooking dinner, I called Mother to eat. She sat at the table with red, swollen eyes. She looked exhausted and utterly haggard. After eating a little, she returned to her room.

As I cleaned up the kitchen waste, I suddenly noticed some powder beside the soybean milk maker. I thought, We haven't used flour to cook these past two days. Where did this powder come from? I smelled it, but had no idea what it was, so I wiped it away.

Just as I was about to put the garbage into the Trash Can, the trash bag tore, spilling garbage all over the floor.

Then I noticed a box that had fallen out. It read Zopiclone. Curious about what illness Mother had that required this medicine, I took the box back and looked it up online: "Zopiclone Tablets, a Western medicine. A hypnotic used for various forms of insomnia... Adverse reactions: occasional drowsiness, bitter taste, dry mouth, muscle weakness, amnesia, intoxication-like state. Some people may experience abnormal fearfulness, aggression, irritability, or mental confusion, headaches, and fatigue. Sudden discontinuation after long-term use may cause withdrawal symptoms due to the drug's short half-life, including mild agitation, anxiety, muscle pain, tremors, rebound insomnia and nightmares, nausea and vomiting. Rarely, severe convulsions, muscle twitching, clouded consciousness..."

My heart trembled. I had a terrible premonition. Hypnotic, headache, fatigue—the tissues on Mother's floor last night, Mother showering early this morning and acting abnormally, that bastard leaving home with his suitcase. Waves of dizziness hit me. I rushed back to the Trash Can and frantically searched for the tissues I had swept up the night before, needing to confirm that horrifying answer. I smelled several wads of tissue. The smell was the same as when I had a wet dream. I was no longer some child who understood nothing.

Something inside me shattered. A chill ran down my back, and my mind went blank. I did not know how I made it back to my room. Tears streamed from my eyes. The goddess I loved most had been defiled, violated, stolen from me. Rage surged through me. I wanted to grab a knife and kill someone right then, but a feeling of helplessness rose in my heart. I only wanted to ask that bastard why. Why had he done it?

I had even been helping him repair his relationship with Mother during that time!

I was truly upset and regretful!

I roughly understood what had happened that night. No wonder Mother had become mentally unstable today and screamed at Father, who was away on a business trip. I buried my head and cried in my room. My beloved Mother had been violated and defiled, while I had only realized it afterward and failed to protect the Mother I loved, the goddess in my heart. I wanted to kill someone, while also regretting how powerless I had been last night. Why had I eaten the food he made? If I had eaten less, perhaps Mother would not have been harmed!

I had to find that bastard. I had to beat him up!

If Mother knew I had already guessed what happened that night, what would she think?

How could we live together at home?

I tossed and turned, unable to sleep.

The next day, with dark circles beneath my eyes and swollen red eyes, I called Mother to get up for breakfast. Seeing my dark circles and red eyes, Mother asked, "What happened to you?"

I said, "Nothing. Seeing you suddenly so haggard and pale makes me sad as your Son."

Looking at Mother's haggard face, I wanted to ask, "Mom, Brother..." The moment I said it, Mother interrupted loudly, "Don't call him Brother. I don't have a son like that."

I swallowed the question I had wanted to ask. I decided not to let Mother know I had guessed the truth. It was only many years later, after I had firmly won Mother's heart, that I cautiously asked. "Sister Xia, that summer... I had already guessed the next day that something might have happened... Did that bastard Brother do something bad to you? If you don't want to say, forget it."

Mother was silent for a while before saying, "I woke up before he got inside. He didn't succeed, but he got it all over me."

I was overjoyed. I kissed Mother wildly. So Mother had not truly lost her purity. Other than Father, I was the only one who could enter Mother!

I changed the subject. "I heard you on the phone yesterday. Did you and Dad argue?"

Mother said, "It's none of your business. Don't meddle."

I could only keep quiet. Soon, someone knocked on the door. When I opened it, Grandpa and Grandma had arrived. Mother had been so furious yesterday that I guessed Father had asked them to come and see what was going on.

Seeing Mother's and my condition, they thought I had argued with Mother and refused to listen to her. They immediately began scolding me. "What is wrong with you? How could you argue with your mom and anger her so badly? Was it easy for your mom to raise you this big?"

I looked utterly wronged. "It wasn't me. Brother made Mom angry."

"Don't push it all onto him. You two probably both made your mom angry! Where's your brother? Tell him to come out!"

"Brother isn't home. He went out. He didn't come back yesterday."

"What happened? He didn't come home all night?"

I said, "How would I know? He probably went to a classmate's house."

Grandma asked Mother, "Where did your eldest grandson go? Why didn't he come home yesterday?"

Mother said, "Don't care about him! He can go wherever he wants! I'll just pretend I don't have this son!"

Grandma tried to persuade Mother. "You can't educate children like that. What do you mean, pretend you don't have this son? He will always be your son. Kids are rebellious at this age. If he makes a mistake, just make him correct it. They're children—who doesn't make mistakes? He's still a child. Besides, he didn't grow up with you two when he was little, so his personality hasn't changed yet."

Mother said, "You're speaking up for him! Do you know what outrageous thing he did? He... Have Jun Tian come back and manage his own son!" Mother suddenly stopped, unable to say it aloud.

I understood Mother's grievance, sadness, and rage, but she could not speak of it. Family shame could not be aired publicly. I took over the conversation and asked Grandpa and Grandma, "Grandpa, Grandma, why did you come?"

Grandpa said, "Your dad said you and your mom had a huge fight. The project is at a crucial stage, so he can't come back. He asked us to come see what was going on at home. What exactly happened?"

I said, "I've been going out to play every day lately, not doing my summer homework or chores. Brother sometimes doesn't come home at night either. Maybe we both made Mom angry. That's why Mom called Dad."

I did not dare say that bastard had run away from home with his suitcase. I was afraid Grandpa and Grandma would keep asking and that Mother would be embarrassed.

Grandpa said, "Look at you two. Why can't you let your parents worry less? Your dad works away from home—is that easy? Your mom worked hard to raise you, and this is how you repay her?"

Hearing the words "repay her," I felt a sharp irony and my expression turned ugly.

Grandpa saw my expression and thought I would not listen. He angrily scolded me again. "You can't even take that in? Do you think your wings have grown? That you don't have to listen to your mom anymore?"

I said, "No."

Grandma said, "School starts in two days. You'll only be home for these two days, so listen to your mom properly. Don't make her angry again, understand?"

I said, "I understand."

Grandma said to Mother, "Qiu Xia, children need to be guided slowly. You can't discipline them too harshly—you have to guide them step by step. Look, Xiao Tian's attitude about admitting his mistake is quite good, isn't it? A family needs harmony to feel like a home. Jun Tian has it hard working away from home too. If you make such a fuss, how can he focus on his work?"

Neither Mother nor I knew how to respond. After a round of lecturing and consolation, Grandpa and Grandma returned to their Hometown that very day.

Mother and I both had our own worries. I could only pretend I knew nothing and get along with her as usual.

School began, but Father still could not return. No matter how I tried to cheer Mother up, I could not make her smile. At night, she did not dare sleep deeply and would wake at the slightest sound.

Seeing Mother like that made me both anxious and heartbroken.

I said to Mother, "Mom, school is starting. I'm going back to school. Don't think about it too much. Everything will be fine once Dad returns. I'll come home as soon as school lets out on weekends."

Mother said, "Be careful on the road. Follow discipline at school and study hard. Don't learn from that bastard who ran away from home."

I said, "I found out that he's been hiding at a classmate's house these past few days. I'll tell him to go register at school."

Mother said, "Don't worry about him. Let your dad come back and discipline him."

I said, "Mom, I'm leaving."

On the third day after school registration began, I finally saw that bastard. Thinking about what he had done to the Mother I loved, and remembering Mother's haggard appearance, rage rose in waves until I lost control.

I did not know where I found the courage, but I punched him right there on campus. He froze, not understanding what was going on, and I sent my second punch straight into his face. He reacted and fought back. The two of us started brawling on campus. The students around us were stunned silly. Even those who knew us did not dare come over to pull us apart. None of them knew why we were fighting.

After that battle, we both became "celebrities" at school. Other people had fathers and sons fighting together on the battlefield; we were brothers fighting each other.

The school notified Mother to come collect us. Mother called Father and told him to come back and collect his two sons from school. Father flew back that same day.

At the Academic Affairs Office, we listened to the director berate us. "This fighting incident has had an extremely bad impact. You violated school discipline and refused to cooperate with the school's education. As parents, how do you discipline them at home?"

Father said, "Yes, yes. We neglected their discipline at home and caused trouble for the school."

The director said, "School has only just started. Was there any issue that could not be resolved at home, so you had to bring it to school? Is school a place for you to fight? If you two brothers want to fight, go home and settle it there. Decide who is better, then come back to school."

Father said, "I'll take them home and discipline them properly."

Because two biological brothers had fought at school, and it involved family matters to some extent, the school gave each of us a Warning Punishment.

Father's face was gloomy in the car home, and he did not say a word.

Once we got home, Father ordered us to stand there, then grabbed a slipper and started whipping us. The slipper hurt when it struck our bodies, but neither of us dared cry. Tears only streamed down our faces from the pain.

Mother was in her room, giving Father the cold shoulder. Grandpa and Grandma were gone again, and nobody cared whether we lived or died. Father got tired of hitting us, put down the slipper, and began questioning us. "Tell me. Why did you fight?"

He said, "He hit me first!"

Father turned to me. "You tell me! Why did you fight?"

How could I answer?

If I said I hit him because he bullied Mother, Mother would not be able to face the family, and he would probably be beaten to death by Father. Although I was filled with anger and grievance, I said nothing.

Seeing me remain silent, Father became even angrier. "Are you deaf? Can't you hear me asking you a question?" As he spoke, he raised the slipper and struck me again...

I finally could not hold back my tears. I felt so wronged. I shouted, "I just don't like the sight of him! I just wanted to beat him up!"

Father shouted at me, "You hit someone and you're still acting tough! Are you trying to fly to heaven?"

He raised the slipper and struck me again.

Mother opened her door and shouted at Father, "Can this house be quiet or not? You came back just to hit people, didn't you? Come hit me a few times first! Are you even a man?"

After saying that, Mother returned to her room, leaving Father completely bewildered. He never knew what had happened, and he never would.

Father glared furiously at both of us. "Kneel there and reflect properly on your mistakes!"

Father went into the bedroom, and we could only hear our parents arguing from inside.

Mother said, "I told you before. When I called you a few days ago, if you didn't come back, you could live by yourself!"

Father said, "Didn't I come back?"

Mother said, "Too late! Live by yourself! You don't have this family in your heart, and you don't have me in your heart. Go live with your work!"

Father said, "What exactly happened? I don't even know what happened. Those two boys were just disobedient, so I disciplined them. You don't need to get this angry!"

Mother said, "Go ahead and discipline them, then. If you were capable of disciplining them, things would not have turned out like this!" Feeling wronged, Mother began crying again.

Father said, "Why are you crying? Tell me what happened! Why are you being so unreasonable now? Did you take the wrong medicine, or are you going through menopause?"

Mother said, "Get out! Get out!" Mother pushed Father out of the room, then locked herself inside.

Father roared at the two of us, "What the hell did you two do to make your mom that angry? You disobeyed discipline and even got into a fight!" Then he sat on the sofa and stewed in silence.

An eerie atmosphere filled the house. In truth, aside from Father, the three of us all knew why Mom had changed from gentle and virtuous to irritable, shouting and making a scene. And aside from me, the other three had no idea why I had gotten into a fight.

What had once been a fairly warm family now showed cracks because of this incident. I began to secretly hate the bastard who had bullied Mom and Father, who had beaten me without knowing the truth. Mom hated Father for never disciplining his son, which had led to her being hurt, and she also hated the eldest son she had always spoiled. Father blamed Mom for becoming unreasonable and causing trouble without regard for the family. As for the bastard who had single-handedly created this situation, he was the least affected. He lowered his head and said nothing, and no one knew what he was thinking.

My arms, thighs, and back were red and swollen from Father's beating. I glared at him viciously. Because of him, Mom had been hurt. Because of him, I had been beaten despite being innocent. Because of him, the family was falling apart.

That night, Mom came over to apply Swelling Relief Potion to me and asked, "Why did you fight with him? Didn't I tell you to obey the rules and study properly at school?"

I said, "I thought you had suffered because of him. He's unfilial, he refuses to listen to you, and he even talks back to you. I feel sorry for you. Mom, Dad doesn't understand you, but I do. I'll be filial to you."

Hearing that, Mom looked at the injuries all over my body, then suddenly hugged me and sobbed.

I reflected at home for more than a week. During that time, Father and Mom were in a cold war, occasionally even arguing. Father could never figure out what had caused this, or what exactly he had done wrong to make Mom so resentful of him.

Grandpa, Grandma, and my maternal grandparents all came to mediate and try to make peace, but what could they possibly know?

And how could they mediate anything?

A week later, I submitted a written self-criticism to the school's Academic Affairs Office and returned to school. Father went on another business trip for work. In that moment, I asked myself: could our home ever return to how it used to be?

At the end of August, the school gave us a short break so the students could go home and rest for two days.

I hadn't seen that bastard for a month, nor had I asked whether he planned to come back. It would be best if he didn't; then Mom wouldn't have to be upset by the sight of him.

What I hadn't expected was that he still had the nerve to come back. Father wasn't home, and once I saw him return, I didn't dare leave the house for even a moment. That night, he told Mom, "I'm not going to school anymore. I enlisted and have already passed the Physical Examination and political review. I'll join the army in September, and the notice should arrive in the next couple of days. I'll be staying outside these next few days."

I was caught completely off guard by the news. Mom, on the other hand, was calm and detached, as if it had nothing to do with her. There was no longer any need for her to speak to him.

Father came back to see him off when he joined the army. I also took several days off, and Grandpa, Grandma, and my maternal grandparents all came.

At the farewell gathering, he said to Father and Mom, "Dad, Mom, your son has been unfilial. Please forgive me."

Father said, "You're serving the country, and your mom and I support you. Keep your temper in check in the army from now on. The army has its own rules. Qiu Xia, say a few words to our son too."

Mom and Father were still in a cold war. She only said to the son who had hurt her, "Train hard in the army and become someone useful."

He bowed to us, then said, "Dad, Mom, Grandpa, Grandma, Maternal Grandpa, Maternal Grandma, I have to return to my unit. Xiao Tian, it'll be up to you to be filial to our parents at home."

I looked at him, my feelings complicated, and didn't know what to say. I merely nodded.

After he entered the army, our family relationships temporarily returned to normal. But my parents were no longer as close as they had been before, and they still argued from time to time. Perhaps because of that matter Father didn't know about, Mom could never forgive Father for his inaction in educating his child. Mom and I became closer than before, though I had Father's failure to educate us to thank for that—because only then could I win Mom's heart.