The Unconventional Path to Immortality
Chapter 27

Feed It a Big Pile of Shit

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We might always assume that those who have seen their true nature no longer had delusions or thoughts.

But that was not so. It meant not clinging to them—letting the mind arise without dwelling anywhere.

A bodhisattva should give rise to a mind that dwelled nowhere. How did a bodhisattva use the mind? A bodhisattva used a mind that dwelled nowhere.

The mind did not dwell on forms, yet acted in giving.

He practiced giving, but did not cling to forms. What mind did he give rise to? A selfless mind that dwelled nowhere.

Put simply, a bodhisattva gave rise to a mind that benefited all living beings, without the slightest attachment to that very mind.

In other words, after cultivating, people would still have stray thoughts and distracting ideas, but they themselves would not cling to those thoughts.

That was what it meant to let the mind dwell nowhere.

Look at very, very young children. When two of them played together and got into a spat, they would start fighting.

When the two parents saw it, they would immediately start arguing. "Your son provoked my son first!" "Your son hit my son first!"

They could argue for ages without finishing, but when you turned around, those two children would already be playing together again, holding no grudges in their hearts. Whatever happened passed quickly.

Those of us who cultivated had to learn that quality from children—their natural, genuine hearts that did not cling.

That was the innate heart.

Look at all the articles I had written. They had always revolved around shattering forms, attachment, and the like, along with other stories and theories.

It was not for nothing. Even when I picked out typos for fun, I could still make progress.

Because insight was not something easily gained. I had been constantly gaining insight.

Some people might live their whole lives without gaining as much insight as I had.

The more you realized, the more you could use it to verify things in life and cultivation. Verify one thing, and you gained one thing. Verify two, and you gained two.

It was like accumulating merit, blessings, or blessing cards.

Then someday, heh, when it was time to settle accounts, they would all come in handy.

Once you had accumulated enough merit and blessings, even that day would not be able to touch you.

For instance, if you were only meant to live to eighty, you could live to a hundred instead. King Yama would even want you to live a few more years to help purify the environment. Otherwise, when Ox-Head and Horse-Face or Black and White Impermanence came up, they would have to wear masks. This human world had been polluted into a smog-choked mess by certain people who called themselves experts, to the point where even underworld officers found it choking their throats when they came up.

The last time I went down there to have some fun, I drank with Ox-Head and Horse-Face. Those two spent the whole meal complaining to me, telling me to hurry up and gather my people when I had time, then lead everyone in cultivating immortality so we could raise the concentration of spirit Qi in the human world. They said one of their subordinates had previously come up to collect a soul. On the way back, before he even reached Ghost Gate Pass, he collapsed halfway there and started foaming at the mouth. They dragged him to an underworld hospital for an examination, and fuck! He had caught the expert-type scum virus. The guy spent half a year in the hospital before getting out, and even now his legs still did not work right when he walked.

As the saying went, "To hear the Way in the morning, and die that evening, would be enough." The sooner you cultivated, the sooner you got better.

The sooner you cultivated, the sooner you attained the Way.

Once your cultivation reached that point and your spirit Qi was abundant, no evil could invade you. You could even improve the environment, or have your Primordial Spirit fly through the heavens and burrow through the earth like mine.

Of course, I did not pursue such strange Supernatural Abilities, because in a sense, they too were forms.

But whether I pursued them or not, I still had to know them and understand their principles.

It was like before I cultivated Buddhism. Whenever I saw a temple, I would burn incense, and I would recite scriptures to calm my mind.

What about now? I no longer burned incense. Even if I did, it would only be to honor the Buddha's wisdom. I would no longer foolishly pray for protection or anything like that.

Calming the mind no longer needed to be so troublesome either. Just visualize a specific thing, or if you had wicked thoughts, visualize a bodhisattva. Give it a try—the mind became clean in an instant.

Would you still dare act recklessly before gods and Buddhas? It was that simple.

Before you cultivated, you were like a mare in heat—any beast that came along could screw you.

Once you cultivated, you broke free from the realm of beasts and even became something beyond ordinary people.

Forget about beasts being unable to screw you anymore—even ghosts and gods could not screw you.

Know why?

Because once you cultivated to a certain realm, Vast Righteous Qi would arise within your heart!

This thing was incredible. How should I describe it to you?

Once this thing had been nurtured to fullness, no demons, monsters, ghosts, or freaks would dare provoke you.

I was working hard to cultivate Vast Righteous Qi now. It felt so damn good!

Even cultivating just a little made you outrageously badass. You walked with the wind at your heels.

Before cultivating, you either walked meekly or strutted around. After cultivating, you held your chest high and your head up, filled with confidence. You always felt as though a whole crowd was following behind you. At first it gave you the creeps, but gradually you accepted that you were like their boss.

Gods and Buddhas throughout the heavens would all help you! Gods wanted to be on your side, and ghosts wanted to be on your side too.

For example, when you fought someone with magic, she would be over there howling like mad for half the day, calling on this great god and that great immortal.

Meanwhile, you stayed unmoved, stood straight with a smile on your face, and watched her perform.

After she finished calling, those things she summoned could not do anything to you. They might even suffer backlash. Was that fierce or what?

With Vast Righteous Qi on your body, it was like wearing a suit of thorns with absurdly powerful defensive attributes.

Whoever she summoned would be useless. If she did not touch you, just treat it like watching a monkey show, and remember to clap every now and then. If she asked what you were doing, tell her to keep going.

If she made physical contact with you and came over to touch you herself, slap her twice across the face, then while using the toilet, grab a handful of fresh shit and stuff it into her mouth.

She would behave immediately. Every immortal would have to submit! Unless the one she summoned was a dog immortal. If she summoned a dog immortal and it was not even afraid of eating shit, then feed it until it was full. Start by pouring three or five jin into it. If your own shit was not enough, find more people to take a dump and give it warm shit to eat. It had finally come up here, so let it eat its fill. Once it had eaten its fill, it would not come again next time.

Just remember: anything that had truly been summoned feared filth. Big piles of shit, menstrual blood, snot, piss—throw it all at it. Once it got disgusted, it would run.

Do not mess around with black dogs, chicken blood, or donkey hooves. That stuff did not work. It was all just movie effects.

There was no immortal that could not be chased away by feeding it a pile of shit. If there was, feed it a few more piles. If it still would not leave, then it was definitely born to eat shit. If it was not a dog immortal, then it was a Dung Beetle Great Immortal.

Some friends might ask, what if a dog immortal or Dung Beetle Great Immortal came, and no matter how much shit it ate, it still would not leave?

If eating shit would not make it leave, pour piss into it. Start with a child's virgin urine—that stuff was pure yang.

If a child's virgin urine did not work, find an old man. The older, the better. Get a whole puddle of his piss and feed it to the thing. That stuff was supremely foul—the older the man, the fouler it was.

Hmph! When this Immortal dealt with lowlife specimens like this, whoever came got treated harshly.

Treat people with kindness. If kindness could not handle them, then do not treat them at all.

But when dealing with ghosts, gods, immortals, demons, and monsters, go straight at them with cruelty and feed them shit. They were not even human, so why the fuck be polite to them? There was no need to talk to them about human feelings and worldly etiquette either!

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