Is Stealing Shit Illegal?

"Lu Fan, to be honest, we usually can't be bothered taking cases this simple. For fraud like yours, where you have transfer records, any lawyer could handle it with ease."

Though Liu Xiaoyan said that, she still called over a technician and had him take Lu Fan's phone to copy the data.

"Sister Liu, say a girl dragged me into comparing who had bigger boobs, then scammed me out of a supercar worth over four million, and afterward scammed me out of more than two million in cash. If I pursue this, what price would she have to pay?"

As Lu Fan said this, his gaze flicked toward Liu Ruyan, who was sitting on the reception sofa beside them. Liu Ruyan's delicate body trembled, and a trace of nervousness appeared on her face.

"She dragged you into comparing who had bigger boobs?"

Liu Xiaoyan stared dumbfoundedly at Lu Fan's chest. With a chest as flat as a tablet, any grown woman should be able to beat him, right?

"By the way, Lu Fan, before this..."

"Yes, Sister Liu. I really was an idiot before, which was why I was conned out of everything I had."

"But... I'm better now!"

Liu Xiaoyan glanced at Liu Ruyan. With her sharpness, how could she fail to notice the girl's nervous appearance? She understood everything in an instant.

"Lu Fan, I remember you have certificates issued by several authoritative hospitals. In other words, the law recognizes that you were indeed an idiot."

"Our nation's laws impose harsher penalties in cases like yours. That girl used such despicable means to scam you out of millions in property. That charge is sky-high."

"If you sue that girl, I'm one hundred percent certain I can send her in. As for exactly how many years she'll get, that's hard to say. It depends on many factors, but the minimum would be ten years, and there's a strong chance of life imprisonment."

"Ah!"

Liu Ruyan, seated on the sofa, let out a startled cry. Her exquisite, beautiful face instantly turned deathly pale, so pale that even her foundation could not hide it.

"Hahaha..."

Seeing her like that, Lu Fan could not help laughing. This was called karmic retribution. If you hadn't scammed me out of my money first, how could I have caught you by the handle?

"Sister Liu, I'll give you a list. Sue everyone on it first. Not only did these people scam me out of my money, they humiliated me, insulted me, and bullied me. This isn't just malicious fraud—it's also campus bullying."

"People like them are cancers on society once they enter it. I think it would be best to send them in to work the sewing machines for a few years and receive some labor-based education."

Lu Fan picked up the paper and pen on the table and casually wrote down a string of names. These people were just as vile as Zhu Yiqun, and he had no intention of giving them even the slightest chance.

Besides, they could serve as the chickens used to scare the monkeys. He assumed the rest would not need him to say another word before coming to beg for forgiveness on their own.

"Hehehe... Don't worry, little brother Lu Fan. For the sake of that one 'Sister,' I'll make sure everything you asked for is handled beautifully."

Liu Xiaoyan took the list and slipped it into the file folder in front of her. She studied Lu Fan with interest, genuinely curious how an idiot whom hospitals all over the world had failed to cure had suddenly returned to normal.

"Sister Liu, I heard from Aunt that you got divorced. Did you fall for my handsome looks? But you're Aunt's best friend, so we still need to maintain certain boundaries.

"But... if Sister Liu really can't hold herself back, I can relax my boundaries a little."

"Pfft! Hahahaha..."

Seeing Lu Fan seriously spouting nonsense, Liu Xiaoyan suddenly burst out laughing. How long had it been since anyone dared say something like that in front of her?

Ten years? Twenty years?

"Lu Fan, I think you're quite interesting. You can come along when Sister Lu and I have gatherings in the future."

"Sister Liu, let's put the gatherings aside for now. I have a rather unusual legal question I'd like to ask you."

A smile appeared on Lu Fan's face. He was very much looking forward to how wonderful Liu Xiaoyan's expression would be after hearing what he was about to say.

"Sister Liu, I've never really understood the boundaries of the law. Tell me, is stealing shit illegal?"

"What did you say?"

Liu Xiaoyan suspected she had misheard him and asked blankly.

"Sister Liu, you know I used to be an idiot, so the things I think about might be a little childish and boring."

"Hehehe... Little brother Lu Fan, you really are interesting. Since you asked, I'll discuss it with you from a legal standpoint."

Liu Xiaoyan sat up straight, and the expression on her face instantly returned to cold, serious professionalism. For a moment, Lu Fan suspected this mature woman had mastered the essence of face-changing.

"First of all, since 'stealing shit' contains the word 'stealing,' it means you didn't know about it. Taking something without asking is theft, so naturally it's illegal."

"However, there are many different circumstances. For example, if you took a dump and didn't flush, and someone secretly entered your home and stole it, that would be suspected burglary."

"But burglary also comes in different forms. If he had a shovel in his hand and used it to scoop up your shit and take it away—"

"That would be burglary while carrying a weapon. The charge would be more serious, and he could be sentenced. The specific sentence would depend on the judge."

"If he grabbed your shit with his bare hands, the charge would be lighter. Generally, he would receive detention or surveillance, along with a fine."

Lu Fan stared at Liu Xiaoyan in stunned disbelief as she seriously spouted nonsense. He found it hard to imagine that such a charming, alluring mature woman could say something so absurdly outrageous.

But Liu Xiaoyan's next words struck his forehead like thunder, leaving his head buzzing.

"Then there are also several different circumstances when it comes to stealing shit. For example, if you took a dump outside and pinched it off, then that shit would count as property you abandoned, and it wouldn't be illegal for someone else to pick it up."

"But if you didn't pinch it off after taking a dump, then that shit would be your private property. If someone came and took it away, that would be theft and illegal."

"There's another situation. You took a dump and didn't flush it away. Maybe you were saving it to eat, but someone else came and fought you for it and ate it first."

"In that case, you could have someone assess the value of the shit, then sue him for compensation. Snatching food also counts as robbery, and the specific punishment would depend on the value of the shit."

"Then you would also need to determine whether the person who stole your shit had accomplices. Was it a group crime or an individual crime? Was it premeditated theft or a spur-of-the-moment decision?"

"If it was a premeditated group crime, then the matter would be serious. It would already have touched upon our criminal law."

"If he acted alone and only stole your shit to eat on impulse because he was unbearably hungry, then the circumstances would be understandable. Usually, he would be educated and released."

"So whether stealing shit is illegal depends on many factors, such as the value of the shit, the motive for the crime, and the tools used."

"For example, if your shit contained valuable items worth more than three thousand, then that would violate criminal law."

"Or if your shit was incomparably delicious and extremely valuable, enough to be classified as a precious treasure, then it would be suspected theft of a major treasure, which would also violate criminal law."

At this point, not only was Lu Fan completely dumbfounded, but Liu Ruyan beside him was also left staring blankly, utterly shocked by this thunderous nonsense.

"Two lunatics. What kind of normal people seriously discuss shit?"

"Little brother Lu Fan, if you think Sister's explanation wasn't thorough enough, I can continue adding to it. With this one topic alone, I guarantee I could talk until dark without repeating myself."

"Don't... Sister Liu, I surrender. My shit isn't worth anything. Can we change the subject?"

A black line appeared across Lu Fan's forehead. He had casually asked one idiotic question, yet this woman had turned it into something with the scope of an academic paper.