The voice was calm, natural, even gentle.
But Teacher Lu was so shocked that he didn't even take a breath. The hand holding Lu Xin's arm was so hard that his knuckles turned white.
Huge panic enveloped her, and she wanted to take her hand back, but she didn't even have the strength to do so.
From the outside, they both looked calm.
Teacher Lu's hand was just holding Lu Xin's arm. Because he was too tired, he seemed to feel relaxed.
Eye contact, the sunset outside the window.
"It's really strange..."
Lu Xin continued to speak softly, "I didn't think of those memories for so many years, but when I thought of them, I found that what happened at that time was so clear every bit. I even remember the feeling at the time, the touch of each of them when they died in my hands, and the expressions that each of them looked at me when they were dying..."
"..."
Teacher Lu suddenly covered his mouth hard to prevent himself from making any sound.
But her shoulders were shaking violently.
Lu Xin turned his head calmly, glanced at her, and raised his palm slightly, as if he wanted to stroke her hair.
However, he still gave up.
He just sighed softly, "But what makes me most curious is that in this memory, my own feelings, I even have every clear scene in my mind when those things happened. When I recall it, it is like walking back again."
"In that memory, I have been killing people..."
"But, I don't remember feeling regret or pain when I killed them. I..."
"..."
"Stop talking..."
Teacher Lu A trembling voice suddenly sounded. Her throat tightened and her body trembled violently.
There seemed to be a pleading in his voice. "Please, stop talking..."
"I..."
Lu Xin hesitated and said slowly, "But I really don't know who to talk to..."
He looked at Teacher Lu, with something strange in his eyes, and said softly, "When I thought of these things, I understood more things. I realized that I had experienced such things before, and that I had already gone crazy..."
"At the same time, I also understand. So is this the reason why you are afraid of me?"
"..."
Teacher Lu's body was shaking violently. She shook her head vigorously and seemed to be choking, but she did not answer.
"I can understand it, I really can understand it..."
Lu Xin repeated it twice, as if to comfort her with these words, and whispered, "During that time, I didn't know that you were afraid of me, probably because I didn't want to remember it. My memory stopped abruptly at that bloody scene. I don't remember why I left the orphanage at that time, and I don't know how you survived that serious injury..."
"I don't even know how I survived that period and how I started going to school and working again. It's like, after what happened in the orphanage, many years passed in a flash. Now my clear memory starts from a rainy night. I just finished working overtime that day and when I was taking the subway home, I suddenly met you, so I said hello to you with a smile..."
"..."
I don't know if Lu Xin's words can bring back Teacher Lu's memories of that rainy night.
Her body trembled violently, and although she covered her mouth, her face could still be seen turning white.
Lu Xin seemed not to be looking at anything, but he caught all the expressions on her face.
He was silent for a while, with deep sadness in his eyes.
But the expression on his face was somewhat out of his control. He was calm, but also seemed a little strange.
That seems to be... ridicule?
Only the voice was unusually soft. "It's really strange that you didn't run away at that time..."
"No... it's not..."
Trembling came from Lu Xin's arms. It was Teacher Lu's body that was trembling. She lowered her hand covering her mouth.
His face was pale, but he was blushing unnaturally, which was a sign of unusual excitement.
She interrupted Lu Xin's words forcefully, and there was even a rare anger on her usually beautiful and gentle face.
He shouted with all his strength, "So you..."
"So everything you did later was for compensation?"
"For so many years, you have lived frugally and taken care of us, just to compensate?"
"..."
Teacher Lu rarely showed such an expression and anger, so Lu Xin was also slightly stunned.
He seemed a little unaccustomed to it, which gave him a look similar to calm.
He looked at Teacher Lu's red eyes quietly and said softly, "If I am compensating, is there anything wrong with that?"
"No, it's completely wrong..."
Teacher Lu screamed loudly, clenching her hands hard, and her ears were red. You could see how hard she was exerting herself, and she said loudly, "I don't want your compensation, and they don't want your compensation either. What you did at that time can never be compensated..."
These words had such power that Lu Xin didn't know how to answer them for a moment.
Looking into Teacher Lu's eyes, he seemed a little confused. "Then you are..."
Teacher Lu's face was covered with sparkling tears. "All I want is for you to come back..."
"I just hope that the original you..."
"Come back..."
"..."
This answer was beyond Lu Xin's expectations. He even asked with some difficulty, "The original me?"
"What's it like?"
"..."
"The original you is the same as you now..."
Teacher Lu clenched his fists vigorously, allowing himself to continue speaking smoothly, "I, I don't know what the hell you are thinking of, but I, I have my own judgment. I remember what it was like when I was taken to the orphanage. There, I met a group of weird kids like you. I saw from the beginning that you are different from other children, each one is different..."
"Some of them make me feel scared. They look quiet, but they are scarier than the gangsters who rob people on the street."
"Only you are different. You are the quietest among the children..."
"You are very well-behaved and honest. The older children don't play with you very much, so you seem very..."
"... lonely!"
"I was picked up from the street. I had been hungry for many days. I still remember the first time I saw the food. I... I could never eat enough at that time. If someone else had food in their hands, I would definitely grab it and stuff it into my mouth."
"So, I remember that I robbed many people's things and was beaten by others..."
"The older children called me crazy, and the younger children also avoided me..."
"Only you, only you are not angry when I rob something..."
"Only you, when I was knocked to the ground by others, took the initiative to pull me up..."
"..."
Teacher Lu spoke intermittently, every word loudly, trying his best to defend the facts he said.
"So, if something like that happened later, it must not have been you..."
She looked up at Lu Xin, her eyes even a little fierce. "Those people must have done something to you. After all, I have seen you being pushed into the basement countless times, and I have also seen fresh wounds and needle holes on your body countless times..."
"After all, what happened that time happened just three days after you were locked up..."
"So..."
She was having trouble breathing because she kept talking loudly. She gasped a few times and her body seemed to be a little exhausted.
Lu Xin hesitated, raised his hand, and patted her back softly.
When he took the first shot, Teacher Lu, he straightened up suddenly, and his eyes looked extremely sharp.
She looked at Lu Xin with unquestionable eyes. "I am not afraid when I see you again."
She seemed to be announcing loudly. "I don't!"
"I just want to know if you are back..."
"Because, because I went through a place that I thought was the best place in the world, but found that it was a hellish process, so, I decided that I would build such a beautiful place by myself. I... I am stupid and useless. I can barely maintain this orphanage with your help, but no matter what, this orphanage is built..."
"Then, I only have one wish left, the you before, the gentle and kind you..."
"Are you still there?"
"Are you still the same person now?"
"..."
After listening to so many words from Teacher Lu, something seemed to be touched deep in Lu Xin's heart.
In the calm mood, there were faint waves splashing.
He looked up and looked out the window. The setting sun was like blood, but it was still bright enough to hurt people.
So he closed his eyes slightly, and the long-lasting memories were brought before him again. He remembered that night that was full of cries and screams, and the smell of blood. He remembered that everywhere he walked, there was bright red blood. He remembered the sound of broken bones, and the sound of the steel bars and cement of the building being twisted and broken. He remembered the faces covered with blood, and the laughter...
This caused him to have a headache again, and the blood vessels at his temples felt clogged and uncomfortable.
His eyes began to lose focus again, only Teacher Lu's firm eyes were still looking straight at him at this time.
She was still waiting for her answer.
She was questioning herself.
Lu Xin really wanted to answer her, but all he felt was that his head was extremely confused.
"I..."
When he spoke, he realized that his voice was a little hoarse, so he shut up and adjusted it.
Then he said what he thought was the truest answer, "I may have always been myself..."
"It's just..."
He paused, tapped his head lightly, and said, "There's something wrong with me."
Teacher Lu pursed her lips, with fear and worry in her eyes at the same time, but worry prevailed.
Tears were still in his eyes, but these eyes were obviously scary.
Lu Xin doesn't even want to see these eyes again.
So he slowly turned around and walked silently outside the room. When he reached the door, he stopped.
"I will try to heal myself."