Is this feeling pain?
Lu Xin himself couldn't explain clearly. He didn't even know why he was crying, but the tears kept flowing out.
Maybe it was because he saw himself clearly for the first time?
Growing up to this age, Lu Xin's life has always been confusing.
Even his memories are always gray. Intermittently, he didn't even want to think about it carefully. Because, in the several attempts he made to recall those things, every time he remembered them, they were particularly depressing things.
However, a report card from Old Director suddenly made several stages of his life extremely clear.
He didn't try to discuss it with his family, but that report card, and the several trials on the report card.
Because he is very clear.
Seeing Trial of Life reminded him of his vague memories of the Beginning stage.
I recalled that I seemed to have woken up from an abstract nightmare and was ignorant of everything in the world.
He remembered the nightmare clearly, but could not describe the scene in the dream to others.
Because everything in that dream was abstract and could not be explained in human language.
All the perceptions in the dream clearly tell me that the world is meaningless.
If we talk about trials, it is the Beginning. It is also the trial with the most unclear meaning, but in the end, it has its own meaning.
His own arrival and perception of this world is a trial.
But after that trial, I was still confused.
I just looked at the people and everything around me curiously, feeling that everything was new and interesting, but it didn't matter.
To this day, Lu Xin recalls the time when he was in the orphanage. He still remembers that he looked at the scenes and appearances around him with an unusually calm gaze, but he did not understand why others could cry and laugh and have such rich emotions.
At that time, I felt like I was trapped in a thick shell.
Seeing other people's pain and anger, he felt indifferent and didn't understand it. He just felt it was hypocritical.
Teacher Lu, is actually a very stupid girl.
She regarded herself as a friend without knowing anything about herself, and stubbornly believed that she was kind.
In fact, from now on, the person who understands me best is Number Seven.
Perhaps this is because she is also the type closest to a monster?
All perceptions started on that rainy night.
That night of betrayal and blood, gunfire and fire, the death of life and the destruction of hope, woke me up.
The thick shell was finally broken, and I felt the pain.
That was the first time I felt pain clearly.
What happens later...
Lu Xin still remembers that his memory fell into chaos. For at least two or three years, he had no idea how he got here. He just calculated from the time that he should have been wandering on the streets for a long time. He was taken in by his family and began to live a normal and healthy life and study. Until one night, when he came home from overtime work, he met Teacher Lu.
Her legs were broken.
I started working hard, making money, taking care of them, and helping them.
It was also during that time that my memories of the orphanage began to take on color.
When I first experienced those things in the orphanage, I just felt indifferent. But from that moment on, when I recalled these things, I felt more and more interesting. Sometimes, I even couldn't help but smile at the corner of my mouth.
This can be regarded as, after losing it, you begin to know its goodness?
It was very tiring, but it seemed that the most fulfilling years were those years.
Lu Xin thought that if he continued like this, he would actually be very satisfied.
But, life will go on after all.
I joined Special Purity Department, met Mental Monster, got to know Mental Pollution, and also got to know the so-called ability users.
I discovered that my family members are very capable people and can help me a lot.
However, they all seemed to have their own secrets, which they were hiding from themselves on purpose. However, I was subconsciously cautious and cooperated with them in concealing some secrets. It was like they were playing a silent game tacitly.
Games can get tiring.
More than once, I have felt a fire burning in my heart, causing me to question the world.
I often feel that some things are ridiculous, absurd, and childish.
However, it seems that everyone else is like this, and I am not a person who likes to be in the limelight, so...
Only at certain special moments does the fire suddenly light up.
Groundless anger and impulsive indifference often appear in my mind without any regularity.
Whenever this fire burns up, I will know something and understand something.
Just like a person on a 100-meter track, he finds that he can accelerate endlessly and keep accelerating.
When accelerating, there is a feeling of freedom and very comfortable.
But when you accelerate, you will hurt others...
...Lu Xin In fact, I have always understood that there is never any divinity, only myself.
Teacher Lu The self that I expected did not exist at all.
She misunderstood herself at a very young age and took that to be her true self.
Whether it is indifference or impulsiveness, whether it is showing the smile you should have to others, or feeling subconsciously indifferent, Lu Xin doesn't know what he looks like in the eyes of others, but in his own feeling, he is himself...
Everything is just my own feeling.
Sometimes, he really hopes that someone can understand him, but he can't explain it clearly.
Others cannot understand their own state.
If there is anyone who really understands me, maybe it is Old Director...
This report card says it all.
But, why does it have to be me?
Lu Xin doesn't know what Old Director is doing, but I really don't like it!
It seems that the things that make me feel interesting and happy all happened in the past.
What happens in the future is not worth looking forward to at all.
Lu Xin gently beat his head, feeling only a deep sense of darkness and despair.
Why can't I live like those people the Beginning envied?
Why?
There were still tears on his face, but Lu Xin's eyes were already red...
Anger burned in his eyes again, and everything in the room was shaking and shaking.
At this moment, he could feel the muscles on his face twisting.
The piece of paper, under his gaze, quickly became distorted and full of wrinkles.
"Do you really think you can completely control my life?"
It was also at this time, northwest of Black Marsh City, a hundred miles away, next to the dark swamp.
The huge Crimson Moon has sunk to the west and is about to disappear.
Crimson Moon The light cut out the seven or eight figures riding motorcycles next to the black swamp extremely clearly.
It was a group of people wearing armed uniforms, hunched over with supplies in the back of the car, and gun bags in front of the car. Judging from their clothing, they were all dressed in standard knights. They were spread out two or three meters apart, with a woman sitting on a motorcycle sandwiched in the middle.
The woman looks like a woman in her twenties, but she still looks young.
She was born with a breathtaking beauty, but she had several hideous scars on her face.
Her legs were slender and she was leaning on the motorcycle. The lines were strong and graceful. All the exposed skin on her body was covered with large and weird tattoos, including ghosts and strange-shaped monsters, which gave her a strange sense of terror.
She was wearing a wild navel-baring outfit, but her flat and delicate lower abdomen happened to have a circle of ugly scars.
This scar formed a circle around her waist, which could not be covered by the tattoo, as if she had been torn apart.
She lowered her head slightly, her breathing low and slow.
After an unknown amount of time, he suddenly raised his head, took a deep breath, and shook his right arm violently.
"Big Sister is back?"
Hearing her sudden gasp, the people next to her suddenly became commotion and looked over with some concern.
Some of these people looked to be in their thirties or forties, but they naturally called her "Big Sister". One of them, who had a beard and a very mature appearance, immediately stepped forward and whispered to her, "We have got the things in Ghostfire Marshland. Also, we seem to have alerted Negative Zero Unit. Now they are in the north and approaching us quickly."
"Negative Zero Unit?"
"Big Sister" frowned and sneered, "Looking for death."
Many people nearby laughed out loud, pulled out the long guns from their gun bags, put them on their shoulders, and said, "Fuck them?"
Big Sister wanted to agree, but suddenly hesitated, looked in the direction of Black Marsh City, and shook his head.
"Forget it this time, retreat."
Everyone else immediately looked at her curiously.
"If you meet Negative Zero Unit now, at least half of you will die."
Big Sister said coldly, "I'm in a bad mood today and I'm too lazy to pick someone to fill your vacancies."
The tough men and girls around him suddenly laughed knowingly.
The motorcycle started, and like ghosts, they quickly followed the path next to the swamp and headed south. The bright lights of the motorcycle rushed into the darkness, forming seven or eight intertwined white lights that could compete with Crimson Moon.
Big Sister rode his bicycle and rushed to the front, the engine whining, frightening away countless small beasts or other things.
Her brows seemed to be frowning tightly, as if she was thinking about something.
After driving a few hundred meters, she suddenly figured it out, and her expression suddenly became clear, followed by anger.
"Old guy, are you taking advantage of me?"
She cursed in a low voice, "Why do you always favor him so much?"
No one around answered. Even the knights who crowded around her and rushed forward were accustomed to her sudden loss of control and unreasonable curses, and turned a blind eye to it. But she herself became more and more fierce as she scolded her, as if all the dissatisfaction in her heart came out at once. "Obviously I am the only one you should care about and invest in the most, but in the end you only value that monster..."
"Is it true that only disobedient people can make you pay more attention to me? Then I have no problem at all..."
"I can be more rebellious than him..."
"..."
"..."
The more she talked, the crazier she became, and she even hit her head with her hands angrily.
Because the commotion was so fierce this time, even the knight next to her felt worried and looked towards her.
"I'm fine..."
The woman looked up at them, her eyes were blood red, but her face was full of tears. She explained fiercely, "I was bitten by a weird dog. It seemed to affect my emotions. Now, I obviously want to laugh out loud..."
As she spoke, she pointed at her face. "But I'm crying..."
The surrounding knights turned their heads. What she said seemed reasonable.
But she wouldn't have explained this before.
After the woman explained, she suddenly turned the accelerator and rushed forward fiercely, as if she wanted to use the wind to dry her tears.
"Damn, disgusting, so disgusting..."
She gritted her teeth and growled in a low voice, "You're just bullying me for having no brains, right?"
"I have a brain, but I just don't like to use it..."
"I'm already capable, why do I need to use my brain to deal with these things?"
"..."
The more she spoke, the more she hated her. At the end, a cold smile appeared on her face, "Old man, you will definitely fail."
"You often say that divinity can be calculated."
"But now he has more than just divinity and humanity. How do you calculate that?"
Please... a ticket?