The office was very quiet, with only the sound of Lu Xin talking softly.
He tried his best to slow down his tone and describe it accurately, but he was still not sure whether Teacher Lu understood it.
On Teacher Lu's face, there was a look of trying to understand but feeling confused.
It was difficult for her to understand, and Lu Xin was not surprised. He could see that Teacher Lu was still waiting for him so late. First, she was worried about whether she could come back safely after going out with No. 8, and also because she seemed to want to have a good chat with him.
Lu Xin was not going to lie to Teacher Lu, so he expressed his feelings as accurately as possible.
But looking at her expression, you can guess that she actually doesn't understand.
"I..."
Teacher Lu seemed to be struggling for a moment, then raised his head slightly and said, "I can't seem to understand this feeling."
When she said this, a look of disappointment appeared on her face.
It's disappointment in myself, mixed with deep self-blame and discouragement.
But Lu Xin listened to her words, and after a moment of silence, a gentle smile appeared on his face and said, "It's okay."
"It's a feeling that few people can understand."
As he said that, his eyes showed a bit of seriousness and he said, "You don't understand, it's good. This is a kind of luck."
Teacher Lu looked at Lu Xin's smile and could feel the sincere comfort in his words.
But her mood did not improve at all because of this comfort. She slowly lowered her head and kneaded her fingers together hard. She looked tired and frustrated, and she was not as optimistic and lively as before. Lu Xin looked at her current appearance and suddenly thought, could it be that the previous Teacher Lu's optimism and liveliness in front of him was also a performance?
Because I didn't understand it before, I couldn't see it.
Now you understand, so you are aware of it?
What is this?
Are two people who try their best to show off to each other every time they meet?
When Lu Xin was thinking about these strange questions, Teacher Lu seemed to have thought deeply. He slowly looked up at Lu Xin, gestured slightly, and said, "So, what you said has become better now, what does it feel like?"
Lu Xin still doesn't want to lie in front of Teacher Lu.
He thought seriously for a moment, then gently pinched the fingers of his left hand together, and then pinched the fingers of his right hand together as well.
The two hands seemed to be holding a thread, gently pulling it in the air, and slowly getting closer.
"It's like two lines with different wavelengths. We can see each other, but we can't understand each other. This line is the world, and this line is me. Originally, it seemed that I could never fit in with this world, because the wavelengths were different. Even if I tried to please it, it would be of no use. But gradually, my wavelength was changing, and the world was changing, and it began to like me..."
"..."
Teacher Lu tried hard to understand and asked anxiously, "Will they really be integrated together?"
Seeing the anxiety, concern, and true joy in Teacher Lu's eyes, Lu Xin stopped.
He knew that if he said it was okay, Teacher Lu would believe it.
However, he didn't want to lie.
So after being silent for a while, he put down his palm and said softly, "I hope so."
"But I don't know."
"Because this part is something I can't control in my own hands."
"..."
The joy on Teacher Lu's face was stunned, and his expression was slightly stiff.
"So..."
She was silent for a long time, then looked up at Lu Xin and said, "Are you still not the same person as before?"
This question stunned Lu Xin, and he was silent for a long time.
In fact, I can feel that I am different now from before, but this is different from what Teacher Lu thought.
Her impression of herself was that when she was in the orphanage, she couldn't feel herself in this world, but she regarded herself as a gentle and kind person at that time. She remembered the way he gave her chocolate, but she didn't know that he was looking at her curiously from behind, thinking about why this girl was so weak, but she was so strong...
Thinking about why she can run so fast.
She was also thinking, if she couldn't run away, would she still have the guts to provoke those little monsters...
Her misunderstanding of herself, from the orphanage to the present.
It's a pity that the self in her mind has always been false...
She was changing for the better, but she felt that she was getting farther and farther away from before...
The human mind is such an interesting thing.
But for the question she asked...
Lu Xin was silent for a long time and thought about many issues, including his recent experience and No. 8.
Then he answered slowly, "I've always been me."
"It's just that my perception of the surroundings is different, so the choices I make are also different."
"But I'm still me and that hasn't changed."
"..."
Teacher Lu raised her head suddenly, and there was clear confusion, confusion, and fear in her expression.
Maybe what she wants to hear is that she was not the one who did certain things in the past?
Lu Xin could clearly understand what Teacher Lu wanted to hear at this time, but he still didn't want to lie, so he could only say slowly, "I don't know what I look like in the eyes of others, but in my feelings, I have not changed. Whether I was preparing to escape... or later... I have always been the same me, but I reacted differently..."
"Maybe No. 8 is right. Some things have changed, but some things will never..."
"..."
Teacher Lu was silent.
She seemed anxious, worried, and somewhat unwilling.
She tried her best to look up at Lu Xin, but because of Lu Xin's silence, she panicked and didn't know what to say.
What should I say?
Lu Xin fell into deep tangle.
Maybe No. 8 was right. He should have studied hard at that time, otherwise he wouldn't be unable to express this feeling.
You are still yourself.
So, how do you tell Teacher Lu that you have changed while acknowledging this?
Maybe you can put the problem on your past self.
At that time, I was ignorant, too impulsive, too extreme, too angry and so on.
However, the last thing a person should do is to criticize his or her past self too harshly. The past self has already worked very hard.
Compared with my previous self, I just have more experiences now.
"It's getting late now, you should go to bed early."
Thinking about this problem, Lu Xin slowly stood up, the expression on his face was firm and he would not regret it.
He smiled at Teacher Lu and said, "I'll come over to see you in two days."
"..."
Teacher Lu looked up at Lu Xin. After a long time, he could only nod his head.
Lu Xin helped her take the cup in her hand, poured out the tea leaves, poured her another cup of hot water, then picked up the garbage bag next to the table and walked out of the room gently. During the whole process, Teacher Lu was silent and wanted to speak, but her hands were trembling. The emotions in her heart were like boiling water, which could not remain stable for a moment, disrupting her thinking.
When the sound of his leaving footsteps disappeared in the corridor, Teacher Lu slowly turned around and pushed the wheelchair to the window.
She saw the figure of Lu Xin, walking through the courtyard of the villa, and her heart seemed to suddenly twitch violently...
She whispered in an inaudible voice, "Actually, I just want to help you..."
In the yard, Lu Xin walked out of the elementary school, threw away the garbage, then got into the jeep and breathed a sigh of relief.
In fact, it can be seen that Teacher Lu has a strong impulse in his heart to do something for himself.
However, she has actually helped herself.
For a long time, I was not really unable to integrate into this world.
When I was at Crimson Moon Elementary School, I had that real feeling that I only had when I was here...
However, I don't know if it's because I'm too eager or something else, but now I feel obviously getting better.
But when Crimson Moon Elementary School, the previous feeling became weaker and weaker. Just like today's conversation, I understood that Teacher Lu actually wanted to comfort and help myself, but in fact, such a conversation made me feel less comfortable...
The lingering shadow always drowns the heart in it.
"Alas..."
A faint feeling of fatigue welled up in his heart, Lu Xin slowly started the car and drove forward slowly.
But after walking not far, the car lights suddenly illuminated a figure sitting on the railing of the road ahead. She was wearing a beautiful black skirt and holding a plastic bag in her hand. She saw Lu Xin's car approaching, and a happy smile appeared on her face.
It's Kid.
Why is she still here?
Lu Xin stopped the car slightly surprised, opened the door and got out.
Seeing him get out of the car, Kid's expression became even happier. She stood up lightly and raised the plastic bag in her hand.
Inside are small red balls.
Seeing her happy look, Lu Xin suddenly understood that she was waiting for him to have dinner here.
I can't tell you what this moment feels like.
Lu Xin took off from Kindling City. Apart from landing for refueling, there was almost no stop. We only ate a little on the plane. When we met No. 8, we invited him to a meal, but because I had something on my mind, I only drank two beers and barely ate anything. And this meal, counting now, was already eight hours ago, so now...
... I'm really hungry.
He smiled and waved, letting Kid sit in the passenger seat of the jeep, then drove her to a nearby square and stopped. The two of them sat on a bench next to the square, and then took the plastic bag that Kid had been holding on to.
This is indeed good stuff...
Lu Xin thought about it, and Clockwork Orange said at that time, this is a very expensive ingredient.
While thinking, he opened the plastic bag, was slightly startled, and blocked Kid's extended hand.
In the puzzled eyes of Kid, Lu Xin tied the plastic bag again and threw it into the trash can next to it.
It stinks.
It seems that it has indeed taken a long time since I started packing...
But, what should I eat...
Looking at the pitiful look in Kid's eyes next to him, Lu Xin couldn't help but think, wouldn't she have been waiting for him?
Has she not eaten for eight hours?
Just when he was feeling embarrassed, footsteps sounded not far away, and from the dark shadow beside the square, a tall woman in uniform with a heroic look walked out. Her figure was very oppressive, and her eyes when she looked at Lu Xin were also very oppressive. She quickly came to Lu Xin and Kid, then put the two lunch boxes in her hands into Lu Xin's arms, turned around and left.
Before leaving, he glared at Lu Xin.
"This..."
Lu Xin stared blankly at the woman leaving, stunned for a moment, and then opened the lunch box.
Inside a bento, there were very delicately made sandwich biscuits with beautiful patterns.
Another bento had fried noodles with eggs added.
Lu Xin's mood suddenly became better, and he had something to eat late at night.
In the gap between the forest-like buildings in the distance, you can see Crimson Moon hanging low in the western sky. The surrounding street lights are dim, making the shadows of the two people on the bench extremely long and blending them together, making it difficult to distinguish them clearly.
The two people sitting on the bench didn't speak. They just ate in silence. Occasionally, there would be the sound of crunching biscuits and the "sucking" sound of eating fried noodles.
After a long, long time, Lu Xin suddenly said, "Do you understand me?"
Kid held half a biscuit in his mouth, thought seriously for a while, and then shook his head without giving any face.
Lu Xin laughed happily: This feeling is so relaxing.