Funeral Gate

Inside the Corpse Driver's Shop, Xu Qing used blood as the medium. Like a child flipping and knotting a rope, he stretched and twisted the ten threads of blood from his fingertips over and over, finally weaving them into a winged blood insect shaped like a green cicada.

Within the hollowed-paper-cut-like cicada-shaped blood insect's abdomen, more than a dozen green cicada larvae, each no bigger than a grain of rice, could faintly be seen.

Mother and child tied by a cord—the Green Cicada Curse began.

Xu Qing, who had prepared in advance, looped the mother cord around his Golden Clapper, while the child insect flapped its wings and dropped into his money pouch.

At the mouth of the money pouch, a flash of light, red shot through with green, flickered past. If Xu Qing had not been staring at it the whole time, he might have thought his eyes had deceived him.

"It worked?"

Xu Qing took out a copper coin and, with an experimental mindset, went to the rear courtyard. Then he summoned all his strength and threw it over the wall.

He was not worried about hitting anyone. Even if a copper coin landed on someone's head, it would be like a raindrop at worst—perhaps raising a little bump. Once they got home and had their wife blow on it a few times, the bump would stop swelling.

After throwing out the copper coin, Xu Qing stood in the rear courtyard and craned his head toward the horizon. But after waiting the time it took to drink half a cup of tea, he still did not see the copper coin flap its little wings and fly back.

Could I have used too much force, so the mother coin couldn't receive the signal?

Xu Qing gauged his strength and threw out another copper coin. This time, he used half the force. He waited again for a while, yet still saw no sign of the coin.

Could this Money Returning Technique be useless?

Xu Qing eyed the money remaining in his pouch and thought it over. Better forget it!

Fortunately, he had only thrown out two copper coins. If he had tossed out the silver in his pouch, he would have lost his shirt.

He was still counting on that money to buy coffins for corpses!

When he returned to the front shop, the naked corpse of the Free Rider was still lying stiffly on the broken-down plank bed. Xu Qing thought that leaving it exposed like this was no solution. It was rather indecent.

Following a Corpse Driver's usual methods, he should find a side room, seal the corpse away, and wait until he had accumulated enough before selling them all together or sending them to Yi Zhuang.

There was indeed a side room in the Corpse Driver's Shop. In the past, Liu Youdao had not only stored corpses there; he had even rested in the room himself.

Stacking corpses by the head of the bed as scenery—your heart is truly enormous!

Xu Qing had no such hobby. He was not interested in corpses.

After thinking it over, Xu Qing decided he still needed to buy a few coffins and use them as storage cabinets. He would put the corpses inside for now, and when there was no more room, he would choose an auspicious day, find some wilderness, and bury them.

Never mind whether those corpses had been good people in life. In the end, everyone believed in being buried in the earth for peace.

If you simply dumped them in the wilderness or sank them in a river, then one day, once the corpses began to stink and summoned the Plague God down into the mortal world, that would be true wickedness!

The Jingxia Street where Xu Qing lived also had a private nickname: Funeral Gate Street.

That was because the entire street was packed with shops related to funerals.

There were Coffin Shops, Paper Craft Shops, Incense and Candle Shops, and the like.

And now, a Corpse Driver's Shop had opened here as well. It handled funeral-procession makeup and other business serving the dead.

At that moment, the proprietor of the Paper Craft Shop, Wu Yaoxing, was leaning idly against the entrance. Besides a paper horse with half its head poking out, there were also two wreaths placed to his left and right, with the main point being perfect symmetry.

Wu Yaoxing cracked melon seeds while watching the scattered pedestrians on the street. He was too embarrassed to shout at the top of his lungs and drum up business like the owners of the other shops.

After all, poor business was a small matter. Getting his legs broken was a big one!

Ever since Wu Yaoxing had taken up this paper-craft trade, even relatives who used to visit had become fewer. During festivals, the various shopkeepers and proprietors on this street would merely pay one another New Year's visits. When they were idle, they would occasionally gather together for a chat.

As Wu Yaoxing cracked melon seeds, he spotted the young proprietor of the newly opened shop next door.

Wu Yaoxing had been worrying about having no one to relieve his boredom, so the sight instantly lifted his spirits!

He stuffed the shells into his pocket, freed his hands, and began waving hello, looking exactly like a pimp outside a brothel.

"Young fellow, come over and sit for a while. We're idle anyway. Let's have a little chat, you and I."

Xu Qing had been about to leave. After a moment's thought, he decided that neighbors really ought to cultivate a good relationship, so he went to the entrance of the Paper Craft Shop.

Wu Yaoxing hurriedly brought over a little stool, pulled out a handful of melon seeds, and tried to stuff them into Xu Qing's hand.

How could Xu Qing get used to eating these? Let alone five-spice flavor—even sweet ones were not part of a zombie's diet!

With no other choice, he tactfully said, "Old Wu, I've been running hot lately. I can't eat these."

Then Xu Qing reached into the shoulder bag he carried with him and grabbed a handful of small persimmon cakes. "I have some snacks too. I heard they're Sunset Red Persimmons from Gannan. Not only are they sweet, but the white frost on the dried persimmon cakes can also dispel internal heat and reduce dryness. Have one."

"That's wonderful! I'll have to try them properly!"

Sometimes, getting along with people really was that simple. After exchanging just a few words, the two of them unconsciously grew much closer.

As they ate the sweet persimmon cakes, they began chatting aimlessly.

Wu Yaoxing did most of the talking, while Xu Qing listened.

The topics were nothing more than the delightful gossip of the neighborhood, interspersed now and then with mundane family matters: How old were you this year? Had you married a wife? Where was your hometown?

As Wu Yaoxing talked, he brought up a piece of celebrity gossip that had only recently spread through the streets!

And this celebrity happened to be someone Xu Qing had met a few days earlier—and even given rites for: Master Liu, the wealthy tycoon of Tongzi Street!

"Every household has its own hard-to-recite scripture. Master Liu was so rich, and a few years ago he even put up shelters, handed out porridge, and aided the disaster victims who came from Yaozhou. Who would have thought his own wife and steward would deceive him for so long? Not only did they commit adultery and have a child, they even lived in his mansion, spent his money, and raised their own child!"

"I've never seen anyone get cheated so miserably!"

Hearing this, Xu Qing said unconcernedly, "That can't be right. I presided over Master Liu's funeral just a few days ago, and I never heard about this. Who did you hear it from?"

"Old Man Hu from the Coffin Shop at the end of the street. That old man has no sons or daughters, and he spends all day hitting on old married women. I reckon he wants to find a companion for when he dies. You should have seen the coffin Old Man Hu had made for himself. It's so wide that two or three people could lie inside with room to spare!"

"That's not what I meant. I'm asking how other people found out about Master Liu's wife and the steward."

"Oh, that? I heard it was Master Liu's concubine who ran to the constabulary to file a complaint. I don't know the details, but once the constables arrived at the Liu Household, they stripped the steward and Master Liu's son in front of everyone. Guess what happened?"

Do I look like a child? And you still want me to guess!

Xu Qing smiled broadly. "I guess they had two identical moles on their buttocks—and those moles were a pair of peach blossoms!"

"..."

Wu Yaoxing, who had been talking enthusiastically, was like a rooster about to crow whose neck had suddenly been squeezed shut. The frustration bottled up inside him was indescribable!

"You brat! If you already knew, why did you come ask me?"

Seeing Wu Yaoxing puff out his beard and glare, Xu Qing quickly tried to smooth things over. "How could I? Though I've heard someone else mention it, he didn't tell it nearly as entertainingly as you. Listening to you is like sitting in a teahouse. It's downright comfortable!"

Wu Yaoxing's expression eased slightly. As the two of them chatted back and forth and grew familiar, Xu Qing also pieced together the whole story.

As the saying went, good news did not leave the house, while bad news traveled a thousand miles.

After Su Hongxiu, the Liu Household's concubine, took a written complaint to the authorities, the constable and soldiers from the yamen charged into the Liu Household like bandits storming a village. Without saying a word, they first stripped the steward Song Cai and Young Master Liu.

After confirming that the two men had identical birthmarks, Constable Zhao Zhonghe immediately drew his Guangzhong Treasure Blade, a hand's breadth wide and roughly three feet long, and prepared to cut open their fingers for a blood test.

Young Master Liu thought they were about to execute him on the spot and cried out in terror, "Father! My own father!"

Zhao Zhonghe had been born with a naturally booming voice. He opened his mouth and roared, "Who's your father? Straighten your tongue and speak properly!"

Young Master Liu shakily extended a finger and pointed at Song Cai. "He—he's my real father!"

Steward Song Cai let out a long sigh on the spot and collapsed onto the ground.

Zhao Zhonghe ignored all that. He took the two men and prepared to escort them to the holding cells for questioning. As they were leaving the Liu Household, the lady who presided over the Liu family came out holding banknotes and blocked the way. Once her identity was established—Young Master Liu's biological mother?

Take her along too!

After a night of interrogation, a scandalous murder case that had shaken every street and alley of Linhe Fang finally rose to the surface.

As the saying went, illicit affairs had brought many deaths since ancient times; only self-respect could bring peace.

And with that, the case of Master Liu's death at the hot-spring pool was completely solved.

"What happened to the Liu Household afterward?" Xu Qing asked curiously. If everyone in charge of the Liu family had been imprisoned, would that not leave Su Hongxiu as the mantis that had become the greatest winner?

"You mean the Liu Household? It was sealed by the authorities long ago. I reckon in the end, it'll all fall into the authorities' hands."

"Sealed? Then surely the Liu Household's concubine who reported the matter should have inherited some property?" Xu Qing had genuinely not expected this. Could Su Hongxiu have merely been the mantis wielding the blade, while the yamen was the oriole that ultimately feasted?

Wu Yaoxing accepted another persimmon cake Xu Qing offered and told him a completely new version of events—one Xu Qing had never heard before.

After roughly the time it took to drink half a cup of tea, Xu Qing understood why Su Hongxiu had failed to become the winner.

As it turned out, just as Su Hongxiu was preparing to take over the Liu family's holdings, the old man in charge of the Liu Household's accounts—Song Cai's biological uncle—also submitted a written complaint.

The complaint stated that while Su Hongxiu had been in the Liu Household, she had met secretly with outsiders more than once. Worse still, one of them had climbed over the wall to enter and whisper sweet nothings with her. She was also suspected of adultery and lewd conduct!

Originally, a relative could not serve as a witness, so Song Cai's uncle's testimony could not be admitted as evidence in court. But the yamen itself was a golden-swallowing beast. With the Liu family's enormous fortune, even the magistrates could not help coveting it!

After several rounds of wrangling, Su Hongxiu was not convicted, but with the Liu Household sealed, she had no choice but to drift into the pleasure quarter with her maid once more and resume their old trade.

After all, neither of them had any experience in other livelihoods. After thinking it over, they decided their old profession was more comfortable.

After chatting, Xu Qing politely declined Wu Yaoxing's invitation to dinner. He was afraid his appearance while gnawing on candles would frighten him.

After leaving the Paper Craft Shop and walking a short distance, Xu Qing arrived at the Coffin Shop at the end of the street.

Looking at the three large characters "Anle Shou" in red on a black signboard, Xu Qing subconsciously patted his cheeks.

For some reason, whenever he passed the entrance of this Coffin Shop, he felt drowsy. He always felt that the coffins inside were even more comfortable than a soft, warm bed.

Walking into the shop, he was greeted by two black coffins.

A couplet was pasted beside the feet of the coffin on the left: "No man lives a thousand years."

Another couplet was pasted beside the feet of the coffin on the right: "Here, immortality can be found."

Then he looked at the horizontal inscription.

Xu Qing raised his head and saw a red coffin hanging from the roof beam above him. Written on its bottom were the words: "Longevity has one fixed price."

"Longevity" shared a pronunciation with "sale," and also with "coffin."

The meaning was that this was a one-hammer deal—no haggling over the price!

Just as Xu Qing was savoring the sight, a lean old man in burial clothes walked out from the inner room with his hands clasped behind his back.

"Young man, are you here to buy a coffin or place an order?"

Xu Qing pondered for a moment and said, "I'd like two coffins. They don't need to be too good. Preferably, they should be spacious, warm in winter and cool in summer, and well ventilated."

"..."

Hu Baosong raised an eyebrow and interrupted, "You do have filial intentions, young man, but that isn't how you choose a coffin."

As the two spoke, Hu Baosong went to a coffin near the shop entrance and reached out to stroke its boards. He was just about to explain the finer points to Xu Qing when he suddenly caught sight of something rolling round and round into the shop entrance.

"Where did this copper coin come from?" The old man rubbed his bleary eyes, confirming whether he had seen correctly.

At the sound of his voice, Xu Qing turned his head and saw a copper coin rolling upright from the alley across the street toward the Coffin Shop's entrance!

It looked oddly familiar. Was it not the Green Cicada Coin he had thrown out earlier?

After being thrown away, the child coin had traveled through the streets and alleys. After wandering around for ages, it had finally found the place where its mother coin was. Now, like a little tadpole desperately searching for its mother, it hurriedly rolled to Xu Qing. With a tinkling, coquettish ring, it made two little circles before finally stopping on the ground at his feet.

When Hu Baosong saw Xu Qing pick up the copper coin, he first frowned slightly, then his expression changed dramatically.

"Quick! Throw that money away! If it ran here by itself, it probably isn't clean. It might be some lone ghost's coin for buying a life or asking the way!"

The moment Hu Baosong finished speaking, another copper coin came rolling round and round from the alley across the street. This time, it happened to stop in exactly the same spot as its brother.

"Go to your mother! Don't you even look at what kind of place this is! Your ancestor has eaten ghosts since childhood and crapped ghosts, and there are still forty-two ghost legs stewing on the stove at home! If you want to ask the way or buy a life, you'd better weigh whether you've got enough mettle first!"

Hu Baosong was the sort who truly dared to act when something happened. Seeing that the coin had arrived in such a strange and inexplicable manner, he abruptly bent down, picked up the coin on the ground, snatched the one from Xu Qing's hand as well, and hurled them away with all his strength, cursing and babbling like a madman the whole time!

"Don't be afraid, young man! People in our line of work have seen everything. Those lone ghosts fear filthy language the most. As long as we curse viciously enough, they won't dare come over and harm anyone!"

"..."

Xu Qing stared speechlessly at the copper coins that had returned, only to be thrown out again.

They should come back along the same route again, shouldn't they?

At that thought, Xu Qing did not dare linger any longer. He feared that if the two copper coins came charging back again, Old Man Hu would be unable to sleep for several days and nights.

He could not do something so wicked!

After chatting with Hu Baosong for a while and settling on a delivery date, Xu Qing hurriedly left the Coffin Shop.

Although he had not managed to see Old Man Hu's enormous coffin, the one wide enough for two or three people, today's visit to the Coffin Shop had still allowed him to preorder two new coffins for storing goods and verify the effectiveness of the Green Cicada Money Return Curse.

It could be said that the trip had not been in vain!