Proctology Department Saves the World

In the endless void, darkness was the most fundamental color. Chaotic energy surged without end. Here, there was no such thing as space, time held no meaning, and there were neither directions nor before and after.

Only countless seven-colored spheres of light, like soap bubbles, struggled to radiate dazzling colors and drive away the ceaselessly rushing chaotic energy. They formed together in orderly yet traceless patterns, revolving and grinding like gears, fluid and indescribable. The fragile soap bubbles tangled together, huddling for warmth as they resisted the washing tide of chaotic energy—sturdy yet perilously fragile, as though they might collapse the very next second.

Who knew how long this continued? Several specks of light inevitably collided and came to a halt. Compared to the vast torrent formed by countless light specks, these few reckless little dots were utterly insignificant. Yet this insignificant jam triggered a chain reaction like a row of dominoes. The entire orderly torrent stopped, as if someone had pressed pause on a remote control. The image froze.

The points of light shifted from motion to stillness, rubbing and crushing against one another. Every point bore the boundless pressure of that sudden stop, deforming one after another as they neared rupture. With chaotic energy adding fuel to the fire, the whole thing threatened to collapse into scattered sand. Yet all things had their laws: where there was destruction, there was creation; even a certain deathtrap held a sliver of hope. The force generated by the rubbing light specks met the oncoming chaotic energy and merged into an indescribable power. That power became a gray bolt of lightning and shot toward an inconspicuous soap bubble nearby.

Obviously, a mere soap bubble's dignity could not stop the gray lightning from forcing itself on it. After a token struggle, it was penetrated to the soul. The surrounding soap bubbles hurried away, unwilling to watch such a filthy live broadcast. But the gray lightning refused to spare them. Like white light dispersing through a prism, it split into countless tiny currents invisible to the naked eye and spread through every soap bubble. For a moment, the entire Chaos Void trembled.

Faced with the soap bubbles' endless moans, the gray lightning was quite satisfied. This is how my harem should be—favor bestowed upon all!

After that, everything returned to calm. The soap bubbles dared not complain. Gritting their teeth in silence, they tangled together once more, rubbing against one another for warmth, giving off light and heat. Throughout the process, aside from suffocating over ten thousand jokers called Creator Gods and scaring seven or eight hundred promising young men called Demiurges insane, everything else went just fine.

What a cause for celebration. What a cause for celebration!

Earth, China, XX Province, OO City. In the men's restroom at the end of the left-hand corridor on the second floor of a private hospital, Duke, twenty-five and not yet thirty, sat on the toilet sighing, lamenting how difficult life truly was. His Lab Coat hung beside him, and three silver letters gleamed on its badge: Proctology Department!

As the saying went, men feared choosing the wrong profession, while women feared marrying the wrong man!

Duke vaguely remembered one summer vacation in high school. He had gone to the hospital for an IV drip because of diarrhea, and while in the restroom, he overheard three doctors talking. This was what they had said.

"Internal Medicine Department isn't profitable anymore. Dentistry Department is where the money is! People these days, young and old, men and women alike, all they care about is eating. Anything that flies in the sky or swims in the water, they'll eat it. Skip one meal and they feel miserable all over. So, to serve that mouth properly, they're willing to spend any amount of money."

"No, Plastic Surgery Department is the real moneymaker! Everyone loves beauty. Anyone with a few ideas in their head gets a few cuts on their face, don't they? One operation, and kicking aside the original spouse to marry into a wealthy family stops being a dream! I hear it can even prolong your life, though I don't know whether that's true. Even at the very least, it gives you an edge when job hunting. Let me tell you, making money in plastic surgery is just like robbing a bank. We can only envy them!"

"Bullshit! Ophthalmology Department is the most profitable! That's the foundation. No exceptions anywhere in the world!"

"Right, right, right! That makes money, that makes money!"

"Yeah, yeah! We chose the wrong profession back then!"

Though they had spoken quietly, Duke had listened with his ears pricked and heard every word clearly. The final doctor's words had resonated deeply with him. When you had lost contact with your sphincter, never mind Bingbing treating you to a Manchu Han Imperial Feast—even if Aliens invaded Earth, you would still have to let me squat for a while first. Diarrhea might be treated by gastroenterology, but Duke, who could no longer feel his sphincter, believed he belonged in Proctology Department. That last doctor had been right. This was the foundation. Dentistry Department and Plastic Surgery Department were all fleeting clouds. They could not save the world.

Thus, Duke cast aside his laziness and began studying diligently every day. In the end, he rose from the bottom to become a top student and successfully entered medical school. Clenching his teeth, he gave up the Gynecology Department he had yearned for and resolutely threw himself into the embrace of Proctology Department—for a bright financial future... Ah, no! For the sake of saving the foundations of countless living beings.

And so Duke began his tragic career in the Proctology Department!

"I must have selected Inferno difficulty when I was reincarnated. Otherwise, why would clearing the game be so damn hard?"

Having already fallen into the pit, Duke had no choice. After graduation, he begged everyone he could and finally squeezed his way into a private hospital. He worked himself to the bone without complaint, becoming the department's third-ranking doctor before he was even thirty—though the entire Proctology Department only had three doctors...

The two above Duke were the potbellied director of the Proctology Department and the balding deputy director. Both possessed impressive medical skills, having reached the level where they could barely avoid killing patients. Thus, the entire department relied on Duke to avoid running at a loss. But who told them to choose Easy Mode when they reincarnated? They were respectively the boss's eldest and second maternal uncles. They played cards at work and slept around after work. Compared with them, Duke's life was simply a tragedy.

A few days ago, the director had been out entertaining clients. After drinking for seven straight days, he successfully developed gastric ptosis and alcohol poisoning. He was still in the emergency room; even if they wheeled him out, all they could do was cover him with a white sheet. After mourning for three seconds, Duke became excited. Why? Because the deputy director would soon be promoted to director, which meant Duke would become the deputy director!

Promotion, pay raise, marrying a rich and beautiful woman... Then all he had to do was wait for the baldy to drink himself into gastric ptosis too, and he would finally become director. Once he became the head of the Proctology Department, he could wait for the hospital director to get gastric ptosis. Then he would become CEO, reach the pinnacle of life, and dominate the proctology... medical world! Just thinking about it made him a little excited!

Unfortunately, fantasies were perfect while reality was cruel. A bolt from the blue struck: a new deputy director had been parachuted in. He was the boss's third maternal uncle...

Failure at work brought Duke no success in love, either. Still single as ever, Duke felt that sphincters had truly harmed him deeply. Thirty consecutive blind dates had all ended in failure. At first, when the women learned that he was a doctor, they looked at him like a dog spotting shit... No, like a hungry wolf spotting fresh meat, their eyes glowing faintly as they all asked to exchange numbers and add him on WeChat. But the moment they learned he was a Proctology Department doctor, their attitude made an immediate one-hundred-and-eighty-degree turn. They said they had rushed out too quickly, had not even washed their faces, and had left their phones at home, so they could not exchange numbers or add WeChat.

Who were they trying to fool? Who went out without a phone these days? What was the difference between going out without a phone and going out naked? Besides, even without a phone, they could still exchange numbers and add WeChat! Miss, we can add each other on WeChat and chat first!

Despairing over blind dates, Duke did not even dare hope to find a nurse at the hospital. For him, getting the moon first from a nearby terrace simply did not exist.

Why? All the young nurses in the hospital knew exactly what the Proctology Department was like. The sweet, delicate nurses all said that Doctor Duke's medical skills were exceptional. When treating patients, he was unmatched in the world of proctology, but... but it was just too disgusting! They simply could not get along with him!

The nurses swore up and down that compared with the Proctology Department's Doctor Stick-It-In... Doctor Duke, Doctor Li from Obstetrics and Gynecology Department was much better! Though he was not handsome, he had a supercar! Though his medical skills were not much to speak of, he had a luxury house! Though his physique was ordinary and his stamina was supposedly nothing special, he was the boss's son!

Fine! Duke had finally discovered the greatest enemy of his life: the boss. Eldest uncle, second uncle, third uncle, son—the boss's whole family was his destined nemesis. They had been born to ruin him!

Just as Duke sighed endlessly and regretted his choices, the light bulb above his head went out.

He lamented life's helplessness. Even the boss's family's bathroom light had started bullying him. When he looked up, Duke froze. Above him was pitch-black darkness. Forget the bathroom light—even the ceiling was gone, replaced by a patch of inky blackness. It was unlike the night; even the universe had stars that emitted light. This darkness was pure to the extreme, so absolute that it could catch and swallow even light itself. It was clearly a black hole!

"Fuck, did Aliens really invade Earth?" Duke was utterly dumbfounded. He realized that although he had spoken, he heard no sound. Everything had been swallowed by the black hole.

"Aliens opened a wormhole and invaded Earth. I'm the first to discover it... Could it be... could the Proctology Department really save the world?" Duke's mind ran wild as he blankly recalled running beneath the sunset all those years ago. That had been his lost Youth.

A gray bolt of lightning slowly descended from the black hole. Duke snapped back to his senses and hurriedly tried to stand, but to his surprise, his mind could no longer control his body at all. He could not even move his little finger. Unable to blink, Duke could only watch as the lightning slowly fell onto the top of his head...

Mm, a little numb!

Boom! The entire hospital shook three times. The medical staff and patients thought it was an earthquake, but after realizing that the building had merely trembled a few times, they began searching everywhere. Eventually, they found a censored lump of charred black carbon in the men's restroom on the second floor.