I'm So Cute, So of Course I'm a Boy

"Such an unlovable brat!" Mitarashi Shixiao looked thoroughly displeased. There was no doubt about it—this was a little hellion.

"Sigh! I thought it would be a very, very old man!" Duke scratched his head, wearing an expression that said, I'm so innocent, don't make me out to be bad. Inside, though, he was furiously roasting him. A black fishnet bodysuit? Was it really okay for a grown man to dress like that? Officer, there's a pervert here!

"Why would it be an old man?" Mitarashi Shixiao asked in confusion, utterly unable to understand a little hellion's train of thought.

"Isn't that how stories always go? Someone gets hunted down, falls off a cliff, and meets an incredibly, incredibly powerful old man." Duke continued acting adorably clueless.

"..." Where had he heard stories like that? There were no cliffs here, and no incredibly powerful old men either!

"Sorry, mister!" Seeing that Mitarashi Shixiao was barely responding to him, Duke hurriedly apologized. He still had a bellyful of questions to ask and couldn't afford to offend the man before him. In his previous life, that outfit would have marked someone as a pervert. In the Hokage World, though, he was obviously a ninja.

"M-Mister!" Mitarashi Shixiao looked as if he had been struck by lightning. The brat before him was about the same age as his daughter, so being called mister was nothing unusual. But why did it sound so heartbreaking? I'm only thirty, in the prime of my life and at a ninja's golden age!

"What's wrong, mister?" Duke continued courting death.

"Nothing. Mister is fine, then!" Mitarashi Shixiao waved a hand, unwilling to argue with a little hellion.

"Mister, my name is Duke. I'm four years old this year. Thank you for saving me." Seeing that his target had little interest in him, Duke quickly revised his persona. If the adorably clueless type did not work, then he would go with the polite type. He had a hundred personas at his disposal. One of them was bound to suit this native of another world.

"Duke?" Mitarashi Shixiao raised a brow. "No need to thank me. I wasn't the one who saved you. Also, is Duke your full name?"

"Huh?" Duke had used that name through both of his lives.

"For example, my name is Mitarashi... Shixiao. What about you? Is Duke your full name? Are you called something like Ito Duke or Tojo Duke?" Mitarashi Shixiao spoke casually, but his gaze remained fixed on Duke.

"My name is just Duke. That's my full name—surname Du, given name Ke!" Who would have surnames like Ito or Tojo? He would get hanged for that! Mister Mitarashi Shixiao, do not casually say such dangerous words! This novel might flop because of it! Well, it was only Chapter Four, so there was nothing much to regret if it did flop!

"Your full name?" Mitarashi Shixiao looked down at him, trying to discern something, but Duke truly had not lied. That really was his name.

"Is there a problem?"

Duke was puzzled. Could there be some secret to his origins? Was he actually Uchiha Duke, Senju Duke, or perhaps Ōtsutsuki Duke?

"Nothing. I was just confirming it! Since I'm going to change your name, I should ask for your opinion." Mitarashi Shixiao had already confirmed that the little brat before him had no idea he possessed Hōzuki blood. That made things much easier. As the Anbu Captain, he trusted his own judgment. A four-year-old child could not fool him.

Fine, a four-year-old child could not fool him, but what about a child who was twenty-six plus four? He was already the same age as him, and he had a hundred personas...

"Change my name?" Why change his name for no reason? You want to rename me? Are we that close? What was wrong with the surname Du? There were more than five million people surnamed Du where he came from. If every one of them spat once, there would be enough for this guy to swim in. You fishnet-wearing pervert, if you do not give me a proper explanation today, prepare to face the fury of five million people!

"From now on, you'll be called Mitarashi Duke. I'll be your guardian from now on!" Mitarashi Shixiao had thought it over carefully. He simply had no talent for naming things.

"Huh?! Isn't that too careless? You only added Mitarashi in front of my name. It doesn't feel changed at all!" Duke complained. This counted as changing his name? Wasn't he still called Duke? And what did guardian mean? Did it mean exactly what it sounded like? That would be a real tragedy!

"Not satisfied? Then you can be called Mitarashi Goudan. Or Mitarashi Mao Dan, Mitarashi Ji Dan, duck egg, goose egg—anything is fine. Pick one yourself!" Mitarashi Shixiao was utterly unconcerned. Wasn't it just a name? Was a mere designation really that important? Why did little hellions have so many demands? Keep talking nonsense, and he would call him Goudan.

"Please, absolutely not. I'm very satisfied with the name Mitarashi Duke." Tears streamed down Duke's face. Just how much did he like eggs? Goudan and the like—his surname was not Li. He had clearly said he would ask for Duke's opinion, but this was outright dictatorship!

He could tell that if he objected, the other man really would rename him Goudan.

"As long as you're satisfied. As your guardian, we've made a preliminary acquaintance. We'll be spending a long time together from now on, so you'd better behave yourself. Let me make this clear first: when dealing with little hellions, I've always started by fattening them up two whole rounds!" Mitarashi Shixiao was very dissatisfied. The boss dug a pit and the underling jumped into it. Though this pit was not as deep as before, a pit was still a pit, no matter how shallow. He did not dare vent his anger on his boss, but couldn't he knead this little brat however he pleased?

"Haha!" Duke rubbed his head and gave a foolish grin. I hate perverted uncles too, especially fishnet-wearing perverted uncles surnamed Mitarashi.

"Stop grinning stupidly! You've been asleep for two days. You really can sleep. The medical ninja may have healed your injuries, but they can't cure hunger. It's already time to eat. Go wash your face and come eat." Mitarashi Shixiao pointed behind Duke, then turned around, slid the door shut, and left with a carefree stride.

"Damn rich people. Even such a tiny bedroom has its own bathroom. The other rooms must have them too. So many toilets in this house—he really is a pervert." Duke pushed open the sliding door and muttered as he stood on a small stool before the sink.

"Eh?!"

In the mirror, an adorable, rosy-cheeked little girl stood there prettily, staring at Duke. Black eyes, shoulder-length hair, the same outfit as his, and the same bandages. Duke smiled, and she smiled. Duke turned his head, and she turned hers.

"Did I reincarnate as a girl? No... no... impossible! This is a male-oriented novel! Calm down. I have to stay calm at a time like this. Maybe she's just dressed the same way as me. That must be it. I'll look around first. That thing shaped like a toilet must be the Time Machine. If I crawl inside, I can return to Earth." Duke was so devastated that he could barely form coherent sentences. Reincarnation was already hard enough to accept. If he had been reincarnated as a girl too, was the universe trying to toy him to death? Did every reincarnator struck by a Planet Destroyer Cannon turn into a girl? Without Little Ding Ding, what meaning was there in living...

After taking off his pants and seeing the mysterious elephant, Duke finally let out a long breath. It was still there. Sure enough, being this cute meant he had to be a boy. The ancients had not deceived him!

"But isn't this way too cute? I clearly have one! Could it be that when two-dimensional characters become three-dimensional, they all get beautified?" Duke could not accept this strange phenomenon. That pervert from earlier had clearly been ugly as hell.

He splashed his face hard, rubbed his tender little cheeks, and comforted himself. Being cute as a child meant he would definitely grow up ugly. His father in this life had clearly had a square face, so becoming a manly man was not just a dream. But when he thought of his mother's oval face, Duke became uneasy again. This fair, tender skin had clearly been inherited from his mother's side. Obviously, his mother's genes were stronger. The future looked grim.

"That perverted uncle is called Mitarashi Shixiao? I've never heard that name in Hokage, so he must be some bit character." Duke thought carefully for a while. That name had not appeared in the original work, so he was probably just a passerby who got killed the moment he appeared, before he even had the chance to state his name. Of course, there was another possibility: he had arrived at the wrong time. The plot had not started yet—or he had simply come too late, and Naruto and Sasuke were already dead.

"If I can't remember, I won't think about it. Since I'm here, I'll make the best of it. At least my guardian is a ninja. That's a good start." Duke dried the water from his face and bid farewell to the past. In his previous life, his parents had his two older brothers to care for them. One more or one less child made no difference. His parents in this life were probably gone, and he did not feel much about it. Honestly, viewing those memories was like watching a television drama, fragmented and disconnected. He had no sense of immersion at all. One-star review.

"If I could reincarnate after being hit by a Planet Destroyer Cannon, then as the chosen one, I must have some awesome cheat. Should I cultivate immortality, or cultivate demonic arts? What a blissful problem!" Duke happily jumped off the small stool, sat cross-legged on the floor, raised his five centers toward the sky, calmed his mind, and entered his spiritual world. That was how novels always wrote it. It could not be wrong.

For a time, three flowers gathered above his head, five energies returned to their source, golden lotuses descended from the heavens, and the sound of the Great Dao lingered endlessly. Duke opened his divine eyes, which saw through the void, and murmured, "Above and below heaven, I alone am supreme!"

All right! That was all bullshit. In reality, Duke lay down, sprawled out, sat cross-legged, and tried more than a dozen poses, yet he could not even find the entrance to his spiritual world. Only after holding a horse stance and squeezing out a stinking fart did he realize that fairy tales were all lies.

"Reincarnation without a cheat? This isn't what was promised! Where's the coach? I want to delete my account and start over! No system, no old man, no portable dimension, not even a plane merchant or a guardian spirit. What's the difference between me and a salted fish? Ah, it stinks! I'm going to pass out!" Duke collapsed onto the tatami in a defeated forward bend.

"You dawdling brat, it's time to eat. Why does washing your face take so long... Whoa, it stinks! What did you do in there?" Mitarashi Shixiao pushed open the door, pinched his nose, picked up the salted fish still lying on the floor, and quickly carried him outside.

Outside, a faint scent of fresh grass drifted toward him. A straight wooden corridor, bamboo and stones decorating the courtyard, a gravel path, unknown flowers and plants, a shallow pond, and several koi fish all showed that the owner of this place was quite skilled at enjoying life.

Who would have thought that beneath this guy's rough appearance and wild fishnet bodysuit lay such an artistic heart... He really was a pervert!

Held by the back of his collar, Duke did not resist and curiously looked around. To his surprise, the house was very peaceful. There were no pillars embedded with Shuriken, nor were there any huge craters left from practicing ninja arts. Everything was quiet and harmonious. Before the relaxed Duke could recover his senses, he was roughly placed onto a chair. Before he could complain, the aroma unique to food drifted into his nose, and his stomach growled in perfect cooperation.

"Shixiao, you should be gentler." Mitarashi Natsuki unhappily patted her husband, then smiled kindly at Duke. "Especially with such a cute little boy. I was really startled at first!"

Uh... let's not bring up the cute thing.