The Denied Value

Huai Shi opened his eyes and saw the afternoon light outside the window.

Dust motes detached from the ceiling, dancing chaotically in the dim, yellow light. The air was filled with a familiar musty smell, and he could hear the sound of dripping water from next door.

This was his home.

After a dreamlike state, he found himself lying on the worn-out sofa in the living room.

"I... I'm alive? How long have I been asleep?"

He got up dazed, touching his chest. He saw the wound was bandaged properly, throbbing faintly, but he could move without issue.

He especially noticed that the Book of Destiny had transformed from a physical object into something within his will, capable of flipping its pages with just a thought.

Soon, he heard a voice beside him.

"About ten hours or so. It seems you've recovered well."

The young woman sitting by the window looked up at him, her calm expression unsettling Huai Shi.

"What... happened last night? Oh, right, Old Liu, what about Old Liu..."

"Liu Dongli? Ah, he's alive. The surgery should be over by now, and he's in the ICU... If he recovers well, he might wake up again someday. But it's not your fault. If anything, surviving after being targeted by Green Day is already a miracle."

Ai Qing said calmly, "Although a lot happened last night, and the mastermind escaped... for you, it's all over now."

"Over?"

"Yes, over." Ai Qing nodded. "Regardless, what happens next has nothing to do with you. No one will be after you anymore."

She gazed at Huai Shi and solemnly told him:

"Congratulations, you can return to your original peaceful life."

If Ai Qing had told him this yesterday, he would have been overjoyed and danced with delight. But now, hearing this news, he couldn't feel happy at all.

He didn't even react with any pleasure.

Ai Qing didn't say anything further. She closed her book and prepared to leave. After refusing Huai Shi's offer to see her out, she stood up with the help of her crutches to say goodbye.

"What's wrong?"

Seeing Huai Shi's dazed look, she tilted her head. "Is there anything else you want to ask? If you're worried about the car Liu Dongli parked here, someone will drive it away in a couple of days. Don't worry, they'll call you before they come."

Huai Shi shook his head and looked at her. "I've actually been thinking a lot lately, wondering where exactly I've met you before."

"..."

Ai Qing fell silent for a long time, then calmly shook her head. "It doesn't matter if you can't remember. It wasn't anything important anyway. Just forget it."

She walked out the door, glancing back at Huai Shi one last time before nodding goodbye.

"Well then, I need to depart for Jinling immediately to give my report. I wish you a smooth sailing life from now on, and I hope we don't meet again."

She said, "Farewell forever, Huai Shi."

The door closed.

In the silence, Huai Shi remained quiet, watching Ai Qing get into the car with the help of a driver. The car door closed, and it slowly drove away, eventually disappearing at the end of the road.

The entire afternoon, Huai Shi sat on the garden steps, his usual spot, looking at the bare nursery, lost in thought.

"Feeling lost, aren't you?"

The Crow appeared out of nowhere again, perching on his shoulder and patting his head. "Don't be sad. Here, have a cigarette to relax?

If that doesn't work, buy a bottle of liquor, have a couple of drinks, and sleep it off. It'll all be over."

"Over?"

Huai Shi looked at it.

"Yes, over." The Crow casually asked, "Isn't it all over now, Huai Shi? Just as you wished, you've escaped all that messy business and regained the peaceful life you longed for."

Huai Shi didn't answer.

Was it over?

Perhaps, but the relief he had anticipated didn't arrive.

There was no sense of burden lifted, and instead, a trace of anger, from some unknown source... It felt like nothing had truly ended.

He suddenly remembered Old Yang's face.

In the final moment, the bastard had looked at him with a smile. It was as if dying offered him a sense of release.

Nothing had truly brought him release; he had merely sold his life to save another's. Would the woman he saved be happy?

What was he so smug about?

And then there was Liu Dongli, now in the ICU.

Huai Shi used to consider them his friends, but now, one had shot him from behind, and the other had shot him from behind.

He had lost two friends.

And the instigator of all this had slipped away...

"How could it just end so suddenly?"

He raised his hand to cover his face, unable to contain the anger and exhaustion welling up inside him. "Damn it..."

Crow looked at him with pity.

For the first time in a long time, she saw Huai Shi looking so furious.

Otherwise, no matter what happened, he would just stubbornly collapse on the ground, letting the chaotic wheels of fate roll over him like a dried-up old fish.

Born with a good temper.

Let him rage, I'll still be fine.

But she always felt that something was missing from Huai Shi, something he was concealing, or... trying to hide.

Only now did she vaguely understand that perhaps this empty garden was the place where he felt most at ease, the only place where he could face himself honestly.

Even though his heart resisted this place so much—

"I say, Huai Shi," she asked seriously, "does this place have any special significance for you?"

"Probably..."

Huai Shi looked down at the small garden below the steps, falling silent for a long time.

"If you don't want to talk about it, then just pretend I didn't ask," Crow shook her head. "After all, prying into someone's privacy isn't exactly a dignified thing to do."

"No, there's no need to hide anything anymore. I was just wondering how to tell you."

Huai Shi rubbed his face, pondered for a long time, and thought seriously.

He said, "When I was little, I had a really high fever once."

"My parents were very angry at the time because they were traveling abroad, and I hadn't taken good care of myself, causing them worry. They wired me money and told me to go to the hospital myself.

But I was too sleepy and felt too unwell, so I didn't go. I just fell asleep on the living room sofa."

Huai Shi said, "I remember having many strange dreams then. I dreamt I grew wings and flew in the sky, and I dreamt this old house could talk, wiping my sweat and bringing me water. Later, I heard the sound of someone climbing over the wall. Someone climbed in from the backyard, their face covered, holding a knife in their hand... I hid behind the door, afraid to speak.

I was terrified. If that person found me, I might die."

"I didn't want to die."

He gazed at the raised ground and murmured softly, "So I killed him."

"..."

Crow was stunned. She looked back at Huai Shi's face but couldn't find any trace of a joke, only an unsettling calm.

"That's right."

Huai Shi repeated calmly, "I killed him."

Hiding behind the door, I used an axe and brought it down on the back of his head when he came in.

It only took one blow, and the person fell.

Then another, and another, until I had no strength left.

After realizing the person wasn't moving, I felt first confusion, then unease and panic. Finally, a courage emerged that even frightened me.

In my feverish daze, I dragged the body to the garden, dug open the ground, and quietly buried him, along with the axe.

I covered it with soil, washed my hands, and went back to bed.

It was as if nothing had happened.

Anyway, Stone Marrow Hall is so remote, no one would come. Anyway, my parents are so lazy, they wouldn't bother with the garden. Anyway, no one would find out that I killed someone.

Just like that, I fell asleep in fear and had many strange dreams, but I don't remember any of them, along with some past memories. When I woke up, the fever had inexplicably subsided.

But from that moment on, Huai Shi's childhood ended.

From then on, day after day, year after year.

"Thinking about it carefully, I'm really lucky, aren't I?"

Huai Shi said softly, "At first, I was afraid someone would come to arrest me, that someone would discover what I buried in the garden. But it seems no one has found out yet...

If I hadn't hidden it back then, I wouldn't be this tired now, right? No, if I had been killed back then, I wouldn't be living a life I can't stand to look at like I am now."

"...You don't have to torture yourself."

Crow couldn't help but sigh. "Have you ever considered this possibility? Perhaps, this was just one of your nightmares during your fever."

"Yeah, maybe?"

Huai Shi nodded calmly. "I've bought shovels many times, but I've also lost them many times.

Every time I stand here, I hesitate, afraid of what might be hidden beneath. I'm not actually afraid of digging up a body, but I'm afraid of the truth."

He said, "If I dig this place open, I won't be able to deceive myself anymore. At that point, how can I go back to my peaceful life?"

He paused, then suddenly chuckled softly. "I thought I would live my whole life in self-deception."

"—Now it seems there's no need to fear anything anymore."

Saying that, Huai Shi picked up the rusty iron shovel from the corner, returned to the center of the garden, searched for the original marker, and stood firm.

Then, the first handful of soil was shoveled up.

The crow was stunned.

Then came the second shovel, the third.

Huai Shi's movements were swift, even though the wounds beneath his bandages split open, oozing blood. He didn't hesitate for a moment.

He dug out the troublesome weeds, chopped away the roots underground, and scooped out the soil and mud that buried the nightmare.

He was sweating profusely.

"You know, right? About my family…"

Huai Shi spoke to the crow with his back to her, as if talking to himself. "I know very well that since I was born, my parents never liked me. After my grandfather passed away, they stopped caring about me—they didn't need me at all.

When they were around, I was an inconvenient burden. After they left, I became a stray dog with no home. I've been patching things up, barely scraping by like this for so many years.

Now, if I can't earn money, not only will I not be able to afford tuition, but I won't even be able to survive… I feel like my life has no value whatsoever.

Honestly, I often wonder why I'm living such a difficult life.

It's always so miserable anyway, and no matter how much I struggle, it doesn't seem to help. Sometimes I'm even mocked and looked down upon. Wouldn't it be easier to just give up occasionally?

But no matter how dejected or how bitter I feel, I think I can endure it. It's okay even if I have to sell my dignity sometimes; I won't get angry.

Because I know that as long as I keep moving forward, everything will get better.

Even if the changes are always insignificant.

There are people like Old Yang who are willing to specifically introduce jobs to me, occasionally finding excuses to give me more money. There's Old Liu, who's willing to treat me to meals, clean up the messes I cause at the club, and even when I shot him in the back, he still thought about letting me escape when I was in danger…

Doesn't this prove that my life has some value?"

Huai Shi asked softly, but no one answered him. Sweat dripped from his face into the freshly dug pit.

"But now—"

He lowered his eyes, raised the pickaxe again, and swung it down with all his might.

It was as if he was trying to shatter a monstrous face from his memory.

"My value has been denied!"

Crack!

The shovel struck something, creating a huge crack, but he couldn't see anything in the pit—no body, no bones, nothing.

Only the scattered glow of the setting sun vaguely illuminated a cruel silhouette.

It looked like an axe.

Huai Shi bent down, reached out, and gripped its handle.

He said:

"—I'm going to kill him."

Under the setting sun, the crow watched in astonishment as the silhouette in Huai Shi's hand—an intangible iron forged purely from origin essence, a mixture of burning rage and cold killing intent, reflecting a cruel light.

It was the killing intent and death that had slumbered here for seven years, now given substance, an iron armament forged from nightmares and fear.

As if grasping a torch, in that instant, Huai Shi's right hand was ignited by that unseen power, erupting in white flames.

Revealing its true form from dormancy.

"So that's what it is, so that's what it is…"

She murmured softly, her eyes widening in realization, finally understanding what was happening to Huai Shi.

He had broken through the barrier between spirit and matter, achieving the transformation between iron and origin essence…

After seven long years, Huai Shi had finally overcome the prolonged period of stress response. In the burning of origin essence, his true nature had sublimated, and he had welcomed his own soul.

It was the unique, true name of his soul, bestowed by the Silver Sea in the end.

—'Hand of Confinement'!

Nearly 4,000 words in a large chapter, please recommend, collect, and invest~