Chen Yanxi's Diary

"February 27th, Monday, Sunny."

"Today's part-time job went smoothly, earning me some extra money."

"If the school continues giving us breaks every two weeks over the next three months, then I won't need to worry about money anymore."

"Still, I need to be frugal in daily life and set aside some money for emergencies."

"It's fine if I skip dinner. I'm already used to enduring hunger."

"However, to resolve the issue with my part-time job, I was forced to agree to a somewhat rude request from Wang Ge."

"To pretend to be his girlfriend during this weekend's break and help him save face in front of his friends."

"I never thought something straight out of a light novel would actually happen to me."

"And somehow, I actually agreed."

"This definitely isn't because I've developed some sort of feelings for him. I was just softhearted for a moment—well, the fact that I can be softhearted proves that I really have developed some sort of feelings for him."

"Whenever I write in my diary, I realize things I normally wouldn't notice. Perhaps this counts as self-reflection: observing and examining myself from an outsider's perspective. It can effectively keep me from falling into mental traps or obsessing over dead ends, and it is one of the motivations that has kept me writing this diary."

"I'm not made of stone, nor am I anywhere near as cold and heartless as I appear. Spending so much time together has placed shackles on me that I can't suppress, making me softhearted and unable to bear rejecting his requests."

"Actually, it isn't entirely my fault. If Wang Ge's actions disgusted me, I naturally wouldn't feel 'softhearted,' nor would I be unable to refuse his request for me to pretend to be his girlfriend."

"Hmm, thinking about it that way makes me feel much better. Wang Ge was right—being Ah Q isn't so bad. At least it keeps me from feeling quite so awful."

"Objectively speaking, Wang Ge is indeed an exceptionally outstanding male. He possesses experience and knowledge far beyond his age, and he always knows where to draw the line in both speech and action. He is very comfortable to be around, which was one of the reasons I was initially willing to read with him in the library."

"That described the Wang Ge from before. Now that we have become increasingly familiar with each other, he has gradually revealed his true colors. His skin has gotten thicker and thicker, and he has become more and more brazen. Today, he even directly called me 'wife.'"

"I really don't know how he managed to say that."

"..."

"Come to think of it, tonight we discussed some ideas concerning 'chastity.' His views on the matter are similar to mine, which is very rare and made me rather happy."

"Many of my thoughts and beliefs differ from those of most people my age, and it is always difficult to gain understanding. I don't think I am wrong, but being criticized all the time inevitably weakens some of my confidence."

"I'm truly happy that there is someone my age with views relatively similar to mine, even if it is only in such an insignificant aspect."

"Wang Ge said that this idea was still somewhat ahead of its time for people today, but in fact, as early as 1920, Hu Shi published an article in a newspaper titled On the Defilement of Women by Rape. That was the first time this idea had been mentioned."

"That was 1920. Back then, this idea truly was ahead of its time, but now that a hundred years have passed, is it still ahead of its time?"

"I don't know."

"I lack sufficient social experience, and my understanding of the world is still immature. I am not qualified to judge this matter."

"I simply hope that more people can share similar, identical beliefs with me."

"Then perhaps I could have a few friends, and perhaps I would not have resolved to reject all intimate relationships."

"Wang Ge's beliefs are similar to mine. I think perhaps, like me, he does not have many friends he can truly talk to."

"The truth does seem to be exactly that. He frankly admitted that this was why he liked me: he could find shining qualities in me that other girls did not possess."

"I don't think these beliefs that differ from those of most people count as shining qualities, but if he is that kind of person too, then I can understand."

"...At first, I thought he had chosen to pursue me because I ranked first in academics, was attractive and unconventional, and having me as a girlfriend would make him look good—boys this age are always like that, pursuing individuality and being different, thinking it makes them seem impressive—I even wrote this guess in my December diary."

"I apologize to him for my malicious speculation."

"He truly is a very outstanding boy. At this age, it is genuinely difficult to find another person as outstanding as him, so I sincerely hope he can give up this dead end of me as soon as possible and seek a bright path instead."

"Everyone has their strengths and flaws. Everyone is unique. I have many flaws too, but his affection for me has blinded him to them, making him ignore those obvious shortcomings."

"For example, if he had pursued another girl, he might have succeeded long ago and already entered a sweet, passionate relationship, instead of only having a girlfriend through pretending like he does now, having to carefully ask for permission even to hold hands."

"Hmm, that sentence above was just a little complaint. I don't have something like a 'bestie,' so I can only vent in my diary."

"At this point, trying to persuade him to give up has become very difficult. So I need to think carefully about whether, over these final three months, I should be colder toward him so that he no longer holds out hope for me, or treat him a little better and leave us both with some warmer memories."

"The advantage of the former is that he will not be too sad after I leave. The disadvantage is that it would also be a torment for me, and I might find it difficult to do. I am always softhearted."

"As for the latter, the advantage is that we can spend three relatively wonderful months before the college entrance examination. The disadvantage... the more wonderful our time together is now, the crueler our parting will naturally be later."

"A difficult choice."

"Hmm... If I had met Wang Ge earlier, if I had known him before deciding to 'reject all intimate relationships,' then perhaps I would not be so conflicted."

"Though perhaps not. I was still very immature back then, and perhaps he was still trying to attract attention."

"...I'll make my choice after this weekend."

"If he behaves well, then I'll choose the latter and let him take a slight advantage of me. If he behaves poorly, then I'll choose the former. A short pain is better than a long one."

"That's settled."

"..."

"Heh, it seems I really have developed some inexplicable feelings for Wang Ge. The old me would not have been this conflicted."

"There is no point in thinking about these things. I do not know whether the path I have chosen is right, but I have to try walking it before I can know."

"Everything in this world is balanced. If you want to gain something, you must first lose something. I understood this principle long ago, and I have long since prepared myself for it."

"I will eventually be free."

Using a diary format to portray Chen Yanxi's character in greater depth should be fairly rare. I wonder whether everyone likes it?

Also, this book will probably be renamed tomorrow. The new title will most likely be Starting with Pursuing a Genius Beauty. I really have no talent for naming books; after thinking for ages, this was the only barely acceptable one I came up with. I hope everyone won't dislike it.

Lastly, please bookmark it, vote with recommendation tickets, keep reading, and send monthly votes~