Just Want to Live

Han Su replied seriously: [Yes. The last time I escaped, I hadn't hurt my eyes.]

[This time, I went blind in one eye, and my mind also gained many memories of the inconveniences caused by that blind eye.]

[But overall, this life is still more or less the same as the standard life route I personally lived through before. I'm still a student at Qinggang University, with the same classmates and friends. It's the Life Path I'm most familiar with.]

[On this Life Path, you and I are the most familiar with each other.]

[For example, I remember discussing this with you, and I remember you analyzing it for me from the perspective of mysticism and giving me suggestions on how to solve the problem.]

After a while, the Black Rose avatar replied: [Yes. From the perspective of a mysticism enthusiast, I believe that when you are repeatedly kidnapped back into the past by monsters that do not exist in reality, there must be some kind of supernatural logic that allows them to keep locating you.]

[For example, when all of you were kidnapped together ten years ago, perhaps some mystical curse was cast upon you.]

[Perhaps you were sacrifices, or perhaps you were test subjects chosen by the monsters. That isn't important. What matters is that, in terms of identity, you are one whole.]

[So it was useless for you to escape alone.]

[No matter how many years you have been out, you are still one with them. The other children remain in the Ancient Castle ten years ago, so the monsters can use Mysterious Power to bring you back as well.]

[Mysterious Power is sometimes not limited by time or space.]

[Based on this, I believe the only way for you to escape this nightmare is to bring out every single child. Not one can be left behind.]

[...]

The messages she sent gave Han Su an indescribable sense of frustration. He held his phone and sat motionlessly in the empty subway car for a long time.

Escaping that dark Ancient Castle was easier said than done.

The first time he had escaped, it was because the castle had been too dilapidated and the monsters had been arrogant. All a child had to do was be bold enough to slip into some hidden corner, and they could escape the castle.

But now, that dark Ancient Castle had been constantly repairing itself, leaving fewer and fewer loopholes for him to exploit.

Although the monsters did not retain memories of him having returned so many times, the longer things dragged on, the more vicious they became and the more easily enraged they were. The children's lives seemed to mean less and less to them.

If not for that strange door, even escaping himself might already have become an impossible fantasy.

What was more, because of the changes to the key, he had to choose a new route every time he escaped—and bring along those confused, frightened children.

As he pondered this, the Black Rose avatar suddenly flashed again. Her tone seemed somewhat strange: [Of course, I still insist that you are simply insane.]

[After all, I am an amateur mysticism enthusiast, but I am also a professional psychological expert.]

[In my eyes, it wasn't that your Life Path changed after you failed to save them this time, causing you to lose an eye. When the Public Security Bureau found you ten years ago, you had already lost an eye.]

[This is your life.]

[The evidence is our chat history. From time to time, you come to me to talk about the kidnapping, and you have mentioned that your experiences in the Ancient Castle caused your life to become different.]

[But what are the facts?]

[Every version of you who has come to talk to me was disfigured. There was no distinction between a version of you with broken legs, an intact version of you, and a version of you blind in one eye!]

At this point, she paused for a moment before more words appeared: [In my view, what better fits your current situation is that you escaped alone ten years ago, then gave the Public Security Bureau and the rescue workers the wrong location for the Kidnapping Case, wasting precious rescue time.]

[At the time, the media said that an immature lie of yours had cost the lives of more than twenty children. The Public Security Bureau questioned you repeatedly, and the families of the victims interrogated you as well, leaving you with severe psychological trauma.]

[After all these years, you may appear normal, but your psychological problems have grown increasingly serious. Until one day, you developed the delusion that you had been kidnapped back into the past again.]

[In your delusion, you want to save the other children. First, to ease your guilt; second, so that someone can share this pressure with you.]

[And that is also why, on the level of psychological treatment, I still support your desire to save the other children.]

[...]

"Is that so?"

Han Su looked at her reply. He knew what she was trying to persuade him of, but he had no intention of arguing. He even found it a little laughable.

Ten years ago, when he described being kidnapped by monsters, no one in the Public Security Bureau, nor any experts or newspapers, had believed him. Now that he claimed he could be kidnapped back into the past, how could he expect anyone to believe him?

He had discussed this with her before, not expecting her to believe it. But as a mysticism enthusiast, she truly could offer him suggestions that sounded reasonable.

But if he really argued the details, he could not outtalk her.

Every time he was kidnapped back into the past, it was an earth-shattering change for him. Yet in the eyes of those around him, it seemed as though he had merely taken a nap.

Perhaps everything he told her seemed, to her, like he had taken a nap, had a nightmare, and then come to her muttering nonsense?

But what could he say?

The changes were real. He could no longer see out of his right eye.

Even if these really were nothing but bizarre dreams and fantasies, those dreams and fantasies had already begun seeping into reality and twisting his entire life.

[You can insist that I'm insane. That doesn't conflict with anything.]

As Han Su thought, he typed bit by bit, correcting only the one issue he cared about: [But I still want to tell you that I don't feel any guilt toward the other kidnapped children.]

[We were kidnapped back then. Since I had the chance to escape, of course I had to seize it.]

[Whether the others could escape, or what pain the victims' families would suffer, had absolutely nothing to do with me.]

[...]

His words left Black Rose silent for a long while. Then she replied: [But you did not seem so cold before. You cared deeply about bringing out several of the other children.]

Han Su answered: [That's because some of the children in there helped me.]

[They helped me, so I owe them. If I have the chance, I will save them. That is simply what I should do.]

[But I will not feel guilty for wanting to live!]

[Only after ensuring my own survival will I consider saving others. If it truly becomes necessary, I would not mind sacrificing someone to create an opportunity for me and the other children who still have a chance to survive.]

[Now, I only want to ask: do I really have to save every other child before I can break free of this curse?]

[...]

This time, Black Rose replied quickly: [We discussed this question from the start. From the perspective of mysticism, there are only two ways for you to break free of this curse:]

[One is to kill all those monsters.]

[The other is to investigate where those monsters came from, what exactly happened in the Kidnapping Case, and find clues at the source to solve the problem.]

[But you have already determined that neither of those paths will work, haven't you?]

[...]

Han Su could only nod.

Kill those incomprehensible monsters inside the Ancient Castle, monsters that simply should not exist in reality?

It was not as though he had never tried. During his escape just now, he had even tried stabbing the Pallor monster in the heart.

But unfortunately, he could not do it. He could not even hurt them, much less kill them.

As for investigating where the monsters came from and what exactly happened in the Kidnapping Case, he had been investigating all along. He had even borrowed different Life Paths to try to uncover the truth, but all it had done was leave him more confused and utterly without a clue.

Perhaps the only hope was to rescue those children one by one?

After all, it was the only thing he had ever succeeded at.

The second time he was kidnapped, he had casually rescued one kidnapped child.

But things had not gone as he imagined. After saving that child, it was not as though the two of them escaped the Ancient Castle and then faced questioning by the Public Security Bureau together.

In reality, after that guy was rescued by him, he completely forgot the incident. Or rather, society as a whole no longer remembered that he had ever been kidnapped.

Still, Han Su and he became friends.

There really was one fewer kidnapped child in the bunker. After that, there was that door, which could possibly appear anywhere.

That door had become Han Su's only hope of escaping the Ancient Castle.

This time, he had also hoped to rescue another child. Even saving just one more would have been enough—at least he could see whether some useful change would occur in that hopeless castle.

Unfortunately, it was too difficult.

When he had accidentally rescued Xu Ji, it had seemed easy. But when he deliberately tried to save a particular child, no matter how thorough his plan or how careful he was, he always fell short at the final moment.

Saving just one more was already so difficult. How could he possibly rescue all the other children?

The helplessness and pressure in his heart were impossible to describe. Nor could he discuss a problem that others would find so difficult to understand. Han Su could only think silently to himself.

But just as he was thinking this, the Black Rose avatar flashed again:

[Of course, as an amateur mysticism expert, I need to remind you of another important issue:]

[The interval between your kidnappings is getting shorter and shorter.]

[At first, it was once every six months. Then once every three months, then once a month, and now, roughly once every half month...]

[This may mean that the Spell cast upon all of you is growing stronger and stronger.]

[One day, the interval will reach zero.]

[By then, forget investigating the truth, forget rescuing the other children, forget different choices in life—you may not even have a present anymore...]

[...]