Opening My Eyes to Find I'm About to Be Cremated

The fifth day of the third lunar month, sunny, a day auspicious for burials.

The gong for the second watch was struck with a deafening clang by the night watchman.

At the entrance of Qingshan Village, firelight flickered as dozens of villagers gathered in a huddle, holding torches high. A few children clung to their elders' sides, clutching small torches of their own.

The crowd's gazes were fixed on the riverbank, their expressions solemn.

On the bank, a pile of firewood had been stacked, and a wooden stake stood in the center, to which a young man was bound hand and foot.

A sturdy man fetched some water from the river with a wooden bucket, walked over to the firewood, and splashed the water across it.

Hanyu finally drifted into consciousness, lifting a wet, somewhat youthful face, only for his expression to shift into terror as he began to struggle frantically.

"Die, you wicked wretch!"

The villagers shouted, waving their torches, and the sight turned Hanyu's face a sickly shade of green.

An old man emerged from the crowd, his gait unsteady as he hobbled forward, leaning heavily on his cane.

"You monster, there is no sparing you today."

Hanyu's face paled, and he hurriedly pleaded, "Third Uncle-Grandpa, I am the only seedling left in our Han family!"

He shouldn't have brought that up. At the mention of it, the old man flew into a rage, swinging his cane and thumping Hanyu on the head three times, leaving him dizzy and seeing stars.

"You may be the only seedling of the Han family, but you've nearly ruined every single person in this village surnamed Han."

A sturdy man stepped forward with a torch, ready to light the pyre. Seeing who it was, Hanyu cried out, "Uncle Dagen, are you serious? I'm the one you raised!"

Uncle Dagen glared, his fury uncontainable. "You're the one I raised, and this is how you repay me?"

Hanyu couldn't help but glance at Uncle Dagen's crotch, where a prominent bulge was clearly visible. He remembered giving Uncle Dagen a pill meant to boost male virility, with the side effect of an insatiable libido.

What a disaster! He had heard that Aunt Dagen had run back to her maiden home and refused to return.

"Stop dawdling, I'll do it."

A delicate-looking woman stepped out from the crowd, her petite frame possessing a surprisingly magnificent, undulating figure that was truly breathtaking.

"Sister Xiaolian, I..."

Hanyu pleaded with a bitter face, but Sister Xiaolian remained cold, slowly bringing her torch toward the pile of firewood.

If he remembered correctly, he had given Sister Xiaolian a bottle of beauty water; after bathing in it, her figure had indeed changed.

The change in her figure was indeed "huge," but the side effect was that it caused a maiden waiting to be married to start lactating. What a catastrophe!

In the end, the torch did not touch the firewood. Sister Xiaolian pulled it back, unable to bear it. One after another, people from the crowd stepped forward, clamoring to be the one to light the fire.

Hanyu's face was filled with sorrow as he gave a miserable laugh.

A quick scan of the crowd revealed nothing but victims, all of whom had suffered at his hands.

A year ago, a Glazed Bottle had flown from the heavens, smashing through the roof of Hanyu's house and nearly killing him in his sleep.

Though he hadn't died, the days that followed were incredibly difficult.

Every day at the hour of the Rat, a pill would appear out of thin air inside the Glazed Bottle. Each day it was different, and the effects of the pills were bizarre and varied.

Furthermore, the purpose of each pill would manifest in his mind.

The medicine was real, but the side effects were equally severe.

What was even more fatal was that each pill only lasted for seven days. Within those seven days, he either had to consume it himself or get someone else to eat it.

Otherwise, before the pill vanished, its side effects would manifest on Hanyu himself.

Don't ask Hanyu how he knew; he had spent half a year having to squat to urinate, only standing up again after a pill with neutralizing effects finally appeared.

He had tried throwing the Glazed Bottle into the river, tossing it into mountain ravines, and smashing it with a heavy hammer.

But the Glazed Bottle was exceptionally sturdy; not only could it not be destroyed by external force, but even if he threw it away, it would reappear in his arms the moment he returned home.

Perhaps the bottle grew angry at his repeated attempts, for one day it simply moved directly into his body. This clingy, plaster-like persistence eventually tamed Hanyu.

Later, the people of Qingshan Village all suffered a calamity!

Tonight, the young and old of Qingshan Village finally reached their limit. After drugging Hanyu in his sleep, they hauled him onto the pyre, prepared to act on behalf of heaven.

Many people had stepped up, but no one had actually lit the fire.

After a round of posturing, the villagers looked at one another, unsure of who should be the one to ignite it.

"Spare me! Uncles, aunts, sisters, brothers!"

Hanyu was covered in snot and tears, wailing in a truly wretched manner.

The old man, hearing the howling, felt his temper flare again. He gave Hanyu a few more thumps before turning back to the villagers.

"Which one of you is going to light it?"

The villagers caught in his gaze hurriedly lowered their heads, staring at their own feet as if there were something fascinating beneath them.

After a full circle, no one responded. The old man sighed helplessly, "So, none of you are actually prepared to let him die, are you?"

The surroundings were deathly silent.

Only then did the old man turn back, looking at Hanyu with a sorrowful expression. "Child, look at your uncles and brothers. None of them have the heart to do it, but if things continue like this, no one will be able to survive your mischief."

"How about I have these uncles and elders of yours kowtow to you, begging you to let them go?"

The old man said this, threw down his cane, and stumbled as if to kneel. The row of villagers behind him looked ready to follow suit, so Hanyu struggled violently against his ropes and shouted, "Don't! Don't kneel! Third Uncle-Grandpa, please don't do this. Let's talk this over properly."

"If you still have any regard for these uncles and elders in your heart, then leave! Leave the village, and go as far as you can."

The old man stopped his movement and let out a deep sigh.

"Fine, I'll go. None of you are allowed to kneel."

Hanyu shouted loudly.

Soon, someone untied him. Once he was let down, someone on the river pulled over a bamboo raft, which had already been stocked with clothes and plenty of food.

The fire had only been a scare tactic; in truth, none of these simple-hearted uncles had the heart to actually go through with it.

Hanyu wiped the tears and snot from his face, knelt down silently, and knocked his head against the ground three times with a thud.

The old man sighed and helped him up. "Go! Go wreak havoc on the outside world."

The bamboo raft drifted with the wind, and Hanyu, now homeless, felt a heavy ache in his heart.

Watching the village grow smaller and smaller in the distance, he felt even worse when he heard the burst of jubilant cheers erupting from the shore.

Traveling down the river led to the territory of Jiangning Prefecture.

As the saying goes: the mountains of White Emperor City, the waters of Jiangning Prefecture, and the girls of the Southern Border... ahem! This refers to the unique and distinctive waterscape of Jiangning Prefecture.

The river surface shimmered, and a crescent moon hung high above. Looking from afar, the reflection on the water made it seem as if two Bright Moons were gazing at each other from across the distance.

Under the moonlight, a pleasure boat adorned with red lanterns drifted slowly.

Hanyu steered his bamboo raft, poling left and right, moving aimlessly across the water. He hadn't thought about where he was going.

In any case, he couldn't go back.

Thud!

Lost in a daze, he hadn't been paying attention and collided straight into the pleasure boat.

Soon, the rapid sound of footsteps thumping against the deck approached. In the darkness of the night, the figure was unclear, but a head poked out over the gunwale, looking down and shouting loudly.

"Who's there?"

Hanyu waved his hand apologetically toward the top and cupped his fists in explanation, "I am just a passerby. I didn't mean to collide with you; I shall leave at once."

"Hold it!"

Just as Hanyu lifted his bamboo pole to push away, the person on the boat immediately barked a command.

"Who knows if you're some villain here to smash our boat? Come up here and let us inspect you first."

Hanyu frowned, suppressed his annoyance, and explained again, "I am from a nearby household. I meant no offense."

The person above sneered, "If you don't come up, my brothers will be the ones coming down later—and it won't be an invitation."

Just then, the space between Hanyu's brows twitched slightly.

It was already the hour of Zi, and a snow-white Glazed Bottle in his mind suddenly spat out a black medicinal pill.

After the pill rolled around in his mind a few times, the effects of the medicine immediately manifested.

"Since you're looking for trouble yourself, then this works out perfectly."

After Hanyu saw the effects of the pill, a wicked grin spread across his face.