Treatment
A howl of "Monster!" naturally attracted quite a few people.
A monster causing a commotion at the peacekeeping force's camp gate first thing in the morning had become quite a spectacle.
Sun Nanzheng's face was twisted beyond recognition, and he was almost in tears. His own parents would barely have recognized the monster's face in the mirror, let alone him.
The sentry guarding the camp gate had only shouted, "Hey! What monster are you?"
The fact that he hadn't slapped him was already quite polite.
"Monster, put your hands up!"
Fortunately, the monster spoke Chinese, so the sentry didn't open fire. If he'd dared to babble in some other language, a burst of gunfire would likely have been unavoidable.
In a foreign land, the sentries at the sacred, inviolable guard post weren't nearly as easygoing as they were back home.
"Hands up my ass! I'm Sun Nanzheng. Sun as in Sun Wukong, Nan as in south, Zheng as in correct!"
Sun Fatty rubbed his face furiously, trying to knead it back into shape. No matter how much he rubbed, though, his eyes and nose remained crooked, and he still didn't look human.
Li Bai's specially concocted cocktail was so potent that it put the "Three Bowls and You're Done" wine from Water Margin to shame. Even Wu Song probably wouldn't have made it past the ridge after two bowls. No wonder Sun Nanzheng had been dead drunk all afternoon and through the entire night, sleeping until his whole face was distorted beyond recognition.
"You're Sun Nanzheng? Where's your ID?"
The sentry stayed on duty and didn't take his word for it.
"Here. My work ID and my ID card."
His most important document, his passport, wasn't on him. He'd left it in his dormitory, so he only had his