You're Out of Your Account

This year's hottest meme video? And they won't even give me a hundred yuan!

Surely nobody needs an introduction to Red Hat Hundred Yuan Brother. His classic line—"You used me, you tricked me into coming here, and you won't even give me a hundred yuan!"—had spread all over the internet and never gone out of style.

No matter how many years passed, people could always find new ways to play with the "You won't even give me a hundred yuan!" meme.

Of course, the guy himself hadn't appeared yet. Once he did, the whole of Bilibili would probably belong to him.

Right now, the most popular meme video—the one with the most views and bullet comments—featured Brother Dali, who'd been arrested after a failed robbery on New Year's Day.

As soon as the interview with him aired, it set the internet ablaze. Before long, someone had turned it into a meme video.

His classic lines were, "I feel awful if I spend even five hundred yuan less in a day. Great strength works miracles."

Those words were so catchy that they'd become a catchphrase for countless people.

Word was, Brother Dali was about to be sentenced. But several media companies had their eyes on him and planned to sign him once he got out.

What?

Can you believe it?

A robber could become an internet celebrity! That was like a weasel wishing a chicken a happy New Year.

Well, ride the crest of the times and even a pig could fly, let alone a robber who was "shocking people with his words."

Besides Brother Dali, Bilibili had plenty of other popular comedy meme videos this year. There was Liu Xing from The Female General and the Male Warrior 2, with his classic line, "Go to hell, Liang Feifan!" Then there was Pang Mailong, the "legendary" rapper who upended the genre, with his classic line, "My skateboard shoes—trash, trash, the trashiest."

There were also Aunt Xue, Three Boys, Zhang Quandan from Wang Nima's channel, Lord Führer, Jin Kela, Commissar Li, and plenty of others. Oh, and Brother Feng, who wanted to make the headlines, had a fitness meme video go viral too.

These days, all it took was one video or one line to inexplicably become famous. Even grilling skewers and eating kidney skewers could get people watching.

And not just a handful, either. In two or three days, the video had racked up over five hundred thousand views and was on track to break a million.

Li Xian had gone from A Station to Bilibili, but he'd never imagined he'd top the trending videos list—especially not in such a "shameful" way.

He'd been happily chewing on kidney skewers and bragging, and then... damn it, he'd crashed and burned?

Who the hell had nothing better to do than record him?

Li Xian thought back to that night at the barbecue stand. Quite a few people had been watching him, sure, but he hadn't noticed anyone filming on their phone.

He'd eaten kidney skewers and gotten himself into trouble.

Even if Li Xian wanted to be famous, this was absolutely not how he wanted it to happen.

This way was way too lame!

He'd always imagined he'd be the one boldly declaring online, "I don't choose my friends based on money. Besides, nobody's richer than me anyway."

Now that was the right way to make an entrance.

With Brother Xian on the scene, Principal Wang could take a break.

Li Xian was furious, but as he watched the video, he suddenly felt like laughing. Putting aside the fact that he was the star of it, the meme video was actually pretty well made. The hypnotic music and hilarious lines fit together perfectly.

His repeated hand gestures and the way he gnawed on the kidney skewers rivaled Lord Führer's desk-pounding routine.

There was a reason the meme video had gone viral. One crucial factor was that Li Xian had done something lots of people wanted to do but didn't dare. Who didn't want to go all out when they were at a barbecue stand?

For example, "Bring me ten plates of kidney skewers to start." If you didn't have antacids on hand, would you dare to shout that?

Ten plates of kidney skewers would have you throwing up blood in no time.

It was easy to predict that "Bring me ten plates of kidney skewers" was destined to become a classic line this year.

Li Xian was famous... no, the kidney skewers were about to be famous.

"Brother Xian, are you okay?" Zhang Cheng asked cautiously. He'd been keeping an eye on Li Xian.

Li Xian's expression kept changing like a Sichuan Opera face-changing performance, and Zhang Cheng was afraid he'd give himself internal injuries by bottling things up.

"Heh... I'm fine!" Li Xian's smile was a little unsettling, and it made Zhang Cheng's heart race.

"You're really okay?"

"Your brother's broad-minded and well-fed. What could possibly be wrong?" Li Xian shot him a sidelong glance, then pointed at the computer screen. "Can you get in touch with this uploader?"

"Bro, what are you planning?" Zhang Cheng asked, puzzled. Then he thought it over and more or less guessed what Li Xian had in mind. "Brother Xian, you want him to take the video down? He probably won't do that. The video's gotten him a ton of followers—more than ten thousand in two days."

"Damn, he got that many followers by cashing in on me," Li Xian muttered. But things had already gone this far, and he knew deleting the video wouldn't do any good. It had already spread, and there was no way to stop it. He could only accept that he'd gone viral.

"Brother Xian, even if he takes it down, it won't help. Lots of people have reposted it. Those bastards move too fast. Also, this isn't the original video." Zhang Cheng logged into Youku and quickly found the original. "This video, over twenty minutes long, was the first one posted. It didn't go as viral as the meme video, but I think it's about to. Lots of people are looking for it."

That twenty-minute video showed the entire time Li Xian had spent grilling skewers. But it was too long. Few people would have the patience to watch the whole thing.

Zhang Cheng added, "I watched it. I have to say, it made me hungry. I never knew you could eat so much, Brother Xian. Take me along next time."

"Heh... you'll eat yourself to death," Li Xian said, glaring at him. "Cut the crap. Can you get in touch with the uploader or not?"

"Well... I don't know. I can send him a private message through the site, but I doubt he'll reply," Zhang Cheng said awkwardly.

"Damn it, I know how to send a private message too. The point is getting him to see it." Li Xian patted him on the shoulder. "You're good at coming up with schemes. Think of a way to pass a message along for me."

"Oh... you want him to take the video down? That won't work, bro."

"Take it down my ass. Would deleting it have made Yan Zhao Gate that big a deal?" If getting rid of the culprit could erase the damage, wouldn't Teacher Chen have had the computer repair guy killed eight hundred times over?

"Uh... heh." Zhang Cheng gave an awkward laugh. "Brother Xian, what do you want me to tell him?"

"Tell him his account's gone!" Li Xian said meaningfully, the corners of his mouth lifting slightly.

[Random Mission: Me! Kidney Bro!]

[Me! Kidney Bro!: If you're going to make a name for yourself, you've got to own it. You're Kidney Bro, a legend unlike any other. Nobody can take this title from you. Since there's a risk someone might impersonate you, hurry up and prove who you are.

(1) Prove your identity: Prove that you're Kidney Bro. No need for a long explanation. Time limit: three days.

(2) A little lesson: A certain uploader has caused the host negative publicity. Since others will imitate him in the future, he must be given a small but memorable punishment. Time limit: seven days.]

Ugh, that damn system was up to its old tricks again.

He'd only had two days off, and already it couldn't sit still.

Did he look like the kind of person who held grudges?

Heh.

Li Xian wore a malicious smile.