Amusement

Reached the end of Xiao Dong Men. Xue Ming returned to the paper shop and entered, telling the two girls to wait outside.

He entered the main hall and saw Mr. Chen busy in front of the shrine—the fake foreigner was on a four-legged ladder, changing the plaque for the welcoming couplets.

Xue Ming greeted him, " Mr. Chen! I'm back, need any help?"

The fortune teller with blond hair and blue eyes grinned and replied, "Sure, hand me the plaque and give me a hand."

After Xue Ming helped Mr. Chen replace the old couplets with new ones.

The couplets written yesterday were:

"Do good deeds and don't ask about ghosts and spirits."

"If you have a guilty conscience, how dare you enter my door?"

The horizontal scroll was "What a joke."

The three plaques were taken down and placed beside the curtain in the inner room.

Xue Ming asked curiously, " Mr. Chen, what do your couplets mean?"

Mr. Chen slowly climbed down from the four-legged ladder and explained to Xue Ming, "Avoiding trouble."

Xue Ming was confused, "Avoiding what trouble?"

Mr. Chen patted the dirt off his hands, tidied up his long black gown, and pointed to the removed plaques to explain in detail, "No fortune-telling, believe in science and break superstitions."

It was strange to hear this from the owner of a paper shop.

Mr. Chen squatted beside the removed plaques, took out a rag, and wiped them vigorously, pointing to the couplets and explaining, "If you've done good deeds, why be suspicious? If you've done something wrong, I can't help you—that's the meaning, what a joke."

Xue Ming looked at the newly hung plaques again.

The upper couplet read: "Grateful for mother's simple meals, etched in my heart."

The lower couplet read: "Kneeling to thank father's fists and blows, unforgettable."

The horizontal scroll read: "Your son is unfilial!"

The exclamation mark was specially painted in gold, adding a sarcastic touch.

"This," Xue Ming felt like crying and laughing, "is written for me?"

"Ah, yes, yes, yes!" Mr. Chen adjusted his sunglasses, his blue eyes twinkling with a playful and cunning glint. "It's not just for you. Today is Friday, parents from the county and city come to pick up their children from school and ask about their future, asking all sorts of ridiculous things. I'm putting up these couplets to make the parents reflect."

Xue Ming felt that both Boss Ye and Mr. Chen were peculiar people.

He put aside the matter of the parents in Pingyang county and saw Mr. Chen busy dusting, cleaning, and waxing the golden sheen on the statues of various deities, never resting.

Xue Ming asked again, "Do you change the couplets every day?"

"That's right," Mr. Chen replied casually when he had a moment. "Don't you have an Instagram or Weibo account now? You operate on overseas platforms like Twitter and have to post updates every day, right? My updates are written on the couplets. Influencers specifically come to film videos. Otherwise, how can I make money? I want to crush those fake deities who only know how to swindle and deceive!"

"Then," Xue Ming thought of the bag of paper money, "does Mr. Chen mean that the items in your shop are effective?"

"Don't—" the fake foreigner pouted again, looking frightened. "—please don't say that. After the founding of the People's Republic of China, things can't become spirits. I just don't engage in swindling, but I didn't say I'm effective! I'm not effective, not effective at all, and not supernatural. In broad daylight, under the clear sky, where are the ghosts!"

When Mr. Chen finally had some free time, he sat down at the cash register in the main hall.

Xue Ming hadn't asked about the matter yet.

Mr. Chen spoke first, bringing out the ledger and tapping his abacus.

"Two bags of paper money, a total of twelve yuan and eighty cents. Please settle the bill, thank you."

Considering the price of funeral supplies, it wasn't really expensive.

Xue Ming obediently opened his mobile banking app and paid.

Mr. Chen asked again, "Did you see the elders?"

"Yes, they came to welcome me home. We argued a few times, and I was so angry I couldn't speak. I took out the gift money the master gave, and they disappeared." Xue Ming finished speaking and then asked, "When did the master receive the news? Did the master always know? Did Brother Ye also know about this?"

"It's not convenient to discuss this in detail," Mr. Chen took out a small notebook, as if taking notes. "The year after you took Bailu away, old man Jiang came to the county town to apply for minimum living security, but he didn't succeed."

Jiang Xueming remembered his parents arguing at home about this matter and interrupted in confusion, "Why? Was it because he couldn't write?"

"Signing is such a small matter," Mr. Chen continued to explain. "The uncles and aunts in the township have poor eyesight. They can even have a foreigner like me, who understands Chinese, sign for them. The problem is that your two beloved elders have money going in and out of their accounts, tens of thousands a year. They don't qualify for minimum living security."

Jiang Xueming was surprised, "Where did that money come from?"

"The police investigated later. They were cracking down on organized crime back then," Mr. Chen scratched his head, recalling carefully. "They found out that both elders were human traffickers. They were already old enough to retire from that line of work and still had the ambition to contribute to illegal businesses."

Jiang Xueming: "And then?"

"They jumped into the river, the small fish pond in front of your house," Mr. Chen's tone was normal, as if he had long since accepted life and death, having seen too much. "The police were called in the morning, and the funeral was in the afternoon. It was my turn to work on the seventh day. I carried two small urns and sent them to a home that was always warm."

"Then," Jiang Xueming connected it to the phrase, "In the county town, who didn't know old man Jiang?"

Mr. Chen seemed to have foreseen it and answered preemptively, "They were all caught in one sweep."

"Mm."

Jiang Xueming felt a sense of loss, forgetting Mr. Chen's instructions and the taboo of "it's not convenient to discuss this in detail."

"What I saw, was it an illusion? Mr. Chen, I..."

"Oh my, oh my, oh my!" Mr. Chen curled his fingers, adopting a defensive posture. "You're not listening, are you?"

"Sorry, I'm not discussing this anymore." Xue Ming thought again, the funeral arrangements for the elders of the Jiang family were handled by Mr. Chen. The two stacks of joss paper for this trip back home were naturally gifts for the deceased, arranged by Mr. Chen for Xue Ming to bring back.

"If you're really curious, I can only say," Mr. Chen said with a helpless expression, looking at the unlucky, curious kid, "what you saw was a hallucination. Coincidentally, I have medicine for hallucinations here. I don't understand why this medicine can cure your hallucinations. It's like how we've used electricity for so long, and we still don't understand why electrons have positive and negative charges, or why they can generate electric and magnetic fields."

"After the elders' seventh-day memorial, they stayed in the house and refused to leave, as if they were waiting for someone. They were very temperamental and difficult to communicate with."

"When you returned to Pingyang, I thought you might be able to help—so I decided to let you take some gifts back to settle this matter."

Xue Ming wanted to ask a few more questions because Xiao Qi had once mentioned that these unknown things were spiritual entities and calamities, and they might encounter them again in the future.

"Stop looking at me with those curious-baby eyes. I don't have any special abilities; I'm just a barefoot doctor." Mr. Chen looked conflicted. "If we go deeper, it becomes feudal superstition. Let's stop here. Let's talk science and break superstitions."

"I wish people in our line of work had formal titles too, like milk-boosting specialists or massage therapists. If we had certificates for exorcism masters or feng shui masters, maybe our salaries would even increase—instead of having a bunch of unlicensed bad guys running around, swindling and harming entire families."

"Thank you." Xue Ming bowed solemnly.

Xiao Qi waited outside for a long time, growing impatient, and kept peeking inside.

Hearing the "fake foreigner" speak so eloquently, she felt a sudden itch of curiosity and stepped into the room.

"Sir! Do you do fortune-telling?"

Both Xue Ming and Mr. Chen were stunned and looked at Xiao Qi in unison.

Mr. Chen turned to Xue Ming and asked in a low voice, "Is this your wife?"

Xue Ming turned to Mr. Chen and replied in a low voice, "This is my maid."

"It's not common these days to hire a nanny and get involved in romantic relationships, Xue Ming. Think carefully before you speak—I'm familiar with this case. A couple of months ago, a boss said he caused a double death at home, and his nanny got pregnant and jumped to her death. The guy was panicked and came to me for a protective charm. I turned him in to the police station." Mr. Chen first criticized Xue Ming.

Then, he smiled at the handsome young woman and said, "Little sister, you call him your maid? What's the situation?"

"Oh!" Xiao Qi didn't care about titles at all and explained, "I'm usually responsible for his food, drinks, and daily needs, laundry, and cooking. If he gets a pet, I have to help take care of it. When he travels, I book his car, hotel, and flights. If he's unhappy, I have to take him to a psychologist. When he's sick or injured, I have to look after him. I also have to protect him, help him deal with enemies who come looking for him, and ensure his mental well-being, not just for him, but for his sister too."

Mr. Chen's face fell, and he whispered to Xue Ming, "Isn't this your father?"

Xue Ming suddenly realized, "That makes sense, so it was my father."

"What father, what not." Xiao Qi grew impatient and wanted to get to the point. She asked Mr. Chen, "Sir, do you do fortune-telling? Can you tell if there's anything between him and me? I'll pay eighty yuan. If there's nothing, I can pay more. Do you think this fatherly love of mine has a chance to change?"

"Hold on." Mr. Chen stood up. "Let me see your hands."

Xiao Qi extended her hands, excitedly waiting.

"You want to read my palm? Huh?!"

Mr. Chen pondered, "Hmm, you're quick with your hands and often do work. Unlike the delicate skin of young ladies nowadays. Can you help me change a plaque?"

Both Xiao Qi and Xue Ming were taken aback; hadn't it just been changed?

"Keep changing it." Mr. Chen looked at the expressions of the men and women. "Today is Friday, a day for couples on holiday to seek marriage. The most regrettable thing about my shop is that I can only see one dynamic from the different customers who come and go. You two, please help me out."

With that, the two followed Mr. Chen to the inner room, carried out three plaques, and replaced the couplets on the altar.

The upper couplet read: "Luring men and womanizing is not as good as finding a plastic surgery team; seven damages and eight injuries, vomiting and diarrhea, boundless romantic fortune."

The lower couplet read: "Asking about marriage and tying the red thread is not as good as inheriting ancestral property; a four-room, five-hall house, with a woman on each side, and a cat and dog, complete happiness."

The horizontal scroll read: "Heartbreak, from lover to money."

After a while, the man and woman stood under the couplets and plaques, gazing in contemplation.

Xiao Qi clasped her hands together and performed a devout bow with Mr. Chen, "Master, I have attained enlightenment."

Mr. Chen nodded in a proper manner, speaking nonsense with a straight face, "Although I don't know what you've attained, it must be something extraordinary. I wish both patrons a good outcome."

Xue Ming understood and secretly chuckled to himself.

Then Xiao Qi made him stop laughing.

"I'm willing to raise dogs and cats. We don't lack money from demolition. If my looks are acceptable, I don't need plastic surgery. We will definitely be happy. Thank you, Master!"

After Xiao Qi bounced out, she told Bailu about the Zen concept she had just grasped.

"Sister-in-law! Let me tell you—the master in the room just used couplets to tell me a very, very profound truth. Heartbreak usually happens when two people's mindsets change, from loving each other to loving money, ultimately leading to bitter fruit."

Xue Ming leaned over to Mr. Chen and whispered, "Can couplets be interpreted like that? I thought it meant that instead of constantly thinking about dating, it's better to live a practical life and treat oneself well. After heartbreak, loving someone is not as good as loving money."

"Sometimes you have to admire these kind-hearted people," Mr. Chen said with a grin. "Your father is much more lively than you. She knows how to live life, she really knows."

The questions were all answered, and Xue Ming once again expressed his sincere thanks. He didn't know how long it would be before they met again.

Jiang Xueming walked towards the door, waving goodbye behind him. He was preparing to return to the airport to meet A Xing, rent a room near his sister's school, and then make further plans.

There were still many things waiting for him to do.

"Mr. Chen, I'm leaving."

Mr. Chen waved, a fake smile on his face, the same professional fake smile as Jiang Xueming. "Come again!"

Xue Ming paused for a moment—

—only then did he understand the mockery hidden in the words and actions of this materialistic paper shop owner. It made Jiang Xueming's dull and perfunctory attitude come alive, becoming more human.

Jiang Xueming said again, "Thank you."

As if by reflex, Bailu echoed her brother, "Thank you, Uncle Chen!"

The three walked further and further away from the door.

Mr. Chen leaned against the doorframe, gazing into the distance as the figure gradually disappeared into the bustling university food street.

He returned to the spot beneath the plaque. On the shelves on either side, half of Heavenly Court and half of Thunder Sound Temple were displayed. He tilted his head back to look at the couplet again.

As if deep in thought, he stroked his chin, calm and natural.

"I didn't expect this couplet could have two meanings? Chinese is truly profound!"

As if savoring a delicious taste, he straightened up and threw a punch, pumping his arm in celebration.

"I'm really a damn genius! Oh yeah!"