The Truth Beneath the Mask

A few days later, at night, the clock hands had already crept toward ten. Fūki Ran was getting ready to turn in when a sudden, faint, hurried tapping came from outside his door. It was less like knocking than the delicate scrape of fingernails against the door. He opened it, and Kushida Kikyo stood outside, her face pale and her gaze unfocused, like an empty shell from which someone had drained the soul.

She said nothing, only gazed at him with eyes brimming with tears, her lips trembling slightly. Feng Qi stepped aside to let her in. As she passed him, he could clearly feel her body trembling.

The instant the door closed, Kushida seemed like a puppet whose strings had been cut. She slid slowly down against the door and sat on the floor. She buried her face in her knees, and her shoulders began to shake uncontrollably.

"I can't take it anymore... I really can't..." Her voice came from between her knees, muffled and choked with sobs. "All day today, I had to smile at the people spreading rumors, pretend I knew nothing, and nod along with them... I even had to comfort Karuizawa, who's been troubled by the rumors..."

Feng Qi crouched silently in front of her, letting her vent without interrupting.

"Why... why does this kind of thing always happen in class?" She raised her head and looked at Feng Qi through tear-filled eyes. Her usually perfect smile had given way to an expression of pain and confusion. "I know the truth, but I have to pretend I don't, and I have to play along with people who maliciously slander others..."

Her voice rose, nearing hysteria. "I hate this version of myself! I hate always wearing a mask! I hate people who sell out their classmates for points! And I hate being forced to play along with them!"

Kushida grabbed Feng Qi's sleeve. Her fingernails turned white from the force of her grip. "Feng Qi, tell me—does pretending like this, holding back like this, really mean anything? Or am I just going to become more and more fake until I can't even recognize myself?"

This was her deepest fear—losing herself completely while trying to protect others.

Feng Qi didn't pull away, letting her hold on to his sleeve. His gaze was calm and deep, like a sturdy lighthouse in a storm.

"Wearing a mask temporarily to protect something important doesn't mean you've lost yourself." His voice was low and steady, each word carrying weight. "On the contrary, it proves you have the will and strength to choose what role to play. True hypocrisy is deceiving even yourself. But you know exactly what you're doing, and why."

Kushida's sobs gradually quieted, though her shoulders still trembled faintly.

"But... it's really exhausting..." Her voice grew weak, full of a childlike grievance. "I've always tried to make everyone like me and keep the class harmonious... So why, why does someone always have to ruin everything...?"

Just then, it seemed she had finally run out of strength, and she pitched forward. Feng Qi reached out in time and let her lean against his shoulder. This time, Kushida didn't resist. Instead, she buried her face against his shoulder and began to sob uncontrollably.

Unlike the theatrical, performative crying of last time, these tears were real and hot. They quickly soaked through Feng Qi's shirt. Each one carried the hurt, exhaustion, and confusion she had been bottling up all this time.

Feng Qi said nothing, only gently patting her back, as if soothing a frightened child. He could feel her trembling and hear the sobs she was choking back deep in her throat. In that moment, she was no longer the socially adept Kushida Kikyo, but simply a girl carrying far too much pressure.

"Sorry..." After who knew how long, Kushida's sobs gradually subsided. She was still leaning against Feng Qi's shoulder, her voice hoarse from crying. "I lost control again..."

"Emotions need an outlet." Feng Qi's tone remained calm. "Bottling them up for too long will only make things worse."

Kushida slowly straightened up and wiped her swollen eyes with the back of her hand. Her makeup had run, but at that moment, she seemed remarkably genuine.

"Sometimes I wonder," she said softly, her gaze fixed on some distant point, "what I'd be like now if I'd never met you, Feng Qi. Maybe I'd still be using that fake mask to deceive everyone, including myself."

A bitter curve touched her lips. "But now, at least in front of you, I can temporarily be my real self again. Even if this real me... is such a mess."

Feng Qi watched her. For the first time, he saw completely unguarded vulnerability in her eyes. It wasn't weakness, but a genuine expression of what had been suppressed for so long.

"Remember, Kushida." His voice was soft, but carried undeniable conviction. "The path you've chosen may be difficult, but it isn't wrong. You're protecting the class in your own way, and that determination alone deserves respect."

Kushida stared at him blankly. The confusion in her eyes gradually faded, replaced by a steadily growing resolve. She took a deep breath, as if she had made up her mind.

"I understand." She stood, her eyes still red and swollen, but her back straight once more. "I'll keep going. But..." She paused, a faint, genuine smile appearing on her face. "If I can't hold back my tears again, can I come to you?"

"Anytime." Feng Qi's answer was simple and sure.

This outpouring was different from her emotional breakdown last time. It felt more like a tempering of her heart. When she put on that sunny, friendly mask again, it would no longer be held up by fear and a desire to please, but by a clearer will and determination.

Before leaving the room, Kushida glanced back at Feng Qi and said softly, "Thank you, Feng Qi. Thank you... for accepting the real me."

The door closed softly, and silence returned to the room. Feng Qi stood where he was, the dampness of her tears still on his shoulder. He knew that tonight, Kushida had taken another step toward her true self. The process was painful, but those growing pains were necessary.