Shadows of the Past

On Sunday afternoon, the sky hung so low and gloomy it looked ready to collapse. A light drizzle had been falling since morning, tracing winding trails of water down the windows. Fūki Ran was in his dorm room, sorting through the intelligence he had gathered that week about Ryuen's movements, when a familiar knock sounded at the door—soft, yet hesitant, as though the person outside were still struggling with whether to disturb him.

When he opened the door, Kushida Kikyo stood outside. She had no umbrella, and the fine rain had dampened the ends of her hair and her shoulders, making her look especially vulnerable. Her expression was unusually calm, but in those eyes, usually brimming with smiles, lay a resolve that bordered on despair.

"Could I have some of your time, Feng Qi?" Her voice was so soft it seemed liable to vanish beneath the rain. "I want to tell you something... about myself. Something I've never told anyone."

Feng Qi stepped aside to let her in, noticing that she had deliberately chosen a dark coat today, as if she wanted to blend into the shadows. She didn't choose a bright spot as she usually did, but went straight to the corner of the sofa by the wall and sat down, hands folded in her lap. Her posture was so stiff she looked like a prisoner awaiting judgment.

The steady patter of rain cast a heavy gloom over the room. Feng Qi didn't press her. He simply sat quietly in the chair opposite and waited. He noticed Kushida's fingers trembling slightly. She seemed to be gathering the courage to make some momentous decision.

"Before I came to this school..." Kushida finally began. Her voice sounded distant and ethereal, as if it came from another time and place. "I once... destroyed a class."

Her fingers unconsciously tightened, her knuckles going white with the strain. Feng Qi could feel the heavy burden behind her words.

"It happened in my third year of middle school." Kushida's gaze turned vacant, as if she had traveled back in time to a period filled with trauma. "Back then, just like now, I tried my best to be friends with everyone. I memorized everyone's birthdays and likes, listened patiently to their troubles, and did everything I could to help anyone who needed it... I naively thought that if I did all that, everyone would like me, and I could keep our relationship harmonious and happy forever."

At that, she let out a barely audible, bitter laugh, full of self-mockery.

"But I was too naive." Her voice began to tremble. "People in class started saying I was fake, that my kindness was all an act. At first, it was only a few people, but then more and more started saying it. They said I was always sucking up to others, that my smile was fake, that I pretended to be a model student in front of the teachers... I was scared. Terrified. Scared of losing the relationships I'd worked so hard to build, scared of being ostracized by everyone..."

Kushida drew a deep breath, as though it took immense courage to say what came next. "So I did something I could never take back. I started secretly collecting everyone's secrets—their weaknesses, their private affairs, the things they didn't want anyone to know. For example, the class representative secretly changed exam scores, the deputy class representative badmouthed the teachers behind their backs, and the most popular girl in class was actually dating several boys at once..."

She spoke faster and faster, as if desperate to pour out the whole terrible secret. "Then I chose the few people who had targeted me the most and exposed all their secrets. I sent anonymous messages to the class group chat, put notes up in the classroom, and even mailed letters to their parents... I didn't just ruin those students' lives at school. I plunged the entire class into suspicion and panic."

The rain suddenly grew heavier, drumming against the windows as if accompanying her confession. Kushida's shoulders began to shake uncontrollably, but she forced herself to continue.

"No one knew who had leaked the secrets, but everyone started suspecting the people around them. Friendship, trust—it all fell apart. No one dared to speak in class anymore. After school, everyone hurried off. The lively class group chat fell silent... In the end, the class completely fell apart. Five students transferred, including the girl who had first called me fake."

A deathly silence settled over the room, with only the rain filling the void. Kushida closed her eyes, her long lashes casting shadows on her pale face, as if she couldn't bear to remember that dark past.

"After it happened, I transferred too." She opened her eyes again, full of pain and regret. "But I'll never forget what happened. In that new environment, I learned two things. First, a flawless image is the strongest armor. Second, there's a demon living deep inside me—a demon that will do anything to protect itself."

Feng Qi watched her quietly, not interrupting her heavy confession. He could feel the pain behind every word.

"Now..." Kushida's voice choked. "Every day, I'm afraid. Afraid someone will discover who I really am. Afraid I'll repeat what I did. So I work even harder to maintain my perfect image, memorize everyone's likes, and help anyone who needs it... At the same time, I'm secretly collecting everyone's secrets..."

She tremblingly took a hardback notebook, worn with age, from her bag and gently set it on the table. "This notebook contains the secrets of everyone in Class D. I know it's despicable, but... this is how I protect myself. If someone ever tries to hurt me, at least I'll have a weapon to fight back with."

Then she suddenly gave a bitter, self-mocking smile. "It's ridiculous, isn't it? I say I want to be friends with everyone, but I secretly collect their leverage. Am I awful? Am I... fake?"

Feng Qi didn't answer right away. He stood and walked to the window, looking out at the campus veiled in rain. Water trickled down the glass in winding trails like countless tear marks. After a long while, he finally spoke.

"Everyone survives in their own way. The way you chose might not have been very honorable, but it was how you learned to protect yourself after you were hurt. What matters is that you're willing to face the real you now."

He turned around and met Kushida's eyes with a calm gaze. "The fact that you're willing to tell me this means you want to change. That's enough."

Kushida stared at him, tears silently slipping down her face. This time, her crying wasn't an act, nor was it a breakdown. It was the release of emotions she had kept bottled up for years. The secrets and sins she had borne alone for so long had finally found someone she could confide in.

"Can I... can I really change?" Her voice was so faint it was almost inaudible. "Does someone like me still deserve forgiveness?"

"Change begins with facing who you really are," Feng Qi said firmly. "And you've already taken the first step. As for forgiveness... you have to start by forgiving yourself."

The rain gradually stopped. A faint ray of sunlight broke through the clouds and fell across Kushida's tear-streaked face, casting a warm glow. She wiped away her tears. Her eyes were still red and swollen, but the confusion had left her gaze.

"Thank you for listening to all this." She stood and bowed deeply to Feng Qi. "I've been carrying these memories alone for so long. Now... I feel much lighter."

Before leaving, Kushida glanced back at Feng Qi and said softly, "That notebook... I'll think about what to do with it. Maybe someday, when I don't need it to protect myself anymore..."

She didn't finish, but Feng Qi understood what she meant. It was a promise—a promise to change and grow.

The door closed gently, and silence returned to the room. Feng Qi stood where he was, looking at the notebook on the table, which held countless secrets, knowing how much the conversation had meant to Kushida. She had finally begun to face her past, and that was the first step toward a new beginning. The rain had stopped completely outside, and sunlight pierced the clouds, casting a glow of hope over the damp campus.