Shadows of the Past

On a Sunday afternoon, the sky was as gloomy as if it were about to collapse. A continuous drizzle had been falling since morning, tracing winding watermarks on the windowpane. Fūki Ran was in his dorm, organizing the intelligence he had gathered throughout the week regarding Ryuen's movements. A familiar knock sounded at the door—gentle, yet tinged with hesitation, as if the person knocking was struggling at the last moment whether to disturb him.

He opened the door to find Kushida Kikyo standing outside. She hadn't brought an umbrella, and her hair tips and shoulders were damp from the fine rain, making her appear exceptionally fragile. Her expression was unusually calm, but her eyes, always full of smiles, now held a desperate resolve bordering on despair.

"May I have some of your time, Fūki-kun?" Her voice was soft, as if it could be drowned out by the rain at any moment. "I want to tell you something... about myself. Something I've never told anyone before."

Fūki stepped aside to let her in. He noticed she was wearing a dark jacket today, as if trying to blend into the shadows. She didn't choose a brightly lit spot as she usually would, but walked directly to a corner sofa by the wall and sat down, her hands clasped on her knees. Her posture was as stiff as a prisoner awaiting judgment.

The pattering rain cast a somber atmosphere over the room. Fūki didn't rush her, simply sitting quietly in the chair opposite her, waiting. He noticed Kushida's fingers trembling slightly; she seemed to be making a significant decision.

"Before I came to this school..." Kushida finally spoke, her voice distant and ethereal, as if from another time. "I... I destroyed a whole class."

Her fingers tightened unconsciously, her knuckles turning white from the force. Fūki could feel the heavy weight behind those words.

"This was in my third year of middle school." Kushida's gaze became vacant, as if traveling back in time to that traumatic period for her. "Back then, like now, I tried hard to be friends with everyone. I remembered everyone's birthday and preferences, patiently listened to their troubles, and did my best to help anyone in need... I naively thought that by doing so, I could gain everyone's affection and maintain that harmonious, beautiful relationship forever."

At this point, she let out a barely audible bitter laugh, filled with self-mockery and anguish.

"But I was too naive." Her voice began to tremble. "Some people in the class started calling me hypocritical, saying my friendliness was all an act. At first, it was just a few, but then the voices grew louder. They said I was always trying to please others, that my smile was fake, that I acted like a good student in front of the teachers... I was scared, so scared. Afraid of losing the relationships I had painstakingly built, afraid of being isolated by everyone..."

Kushida took a deep breath, as if the words that followed required immense courage to utter. "So, I did something irreversible. I started secretly collecting everyone's secrets—their weaknesses, their private matters, things they didn't want others to know. For example, the class representative secretly altered exam scores, the vice-representative badmouthed the teacher behind their back, and the most popular girl in class was actually dating multiple boys at once..."

Her speech quickened, as if she were eager to pour out this heavy secret. "Then, I chose a few individuals who targeted me the most and exposed all their secrets. I anonymously posted messages in the class group chat, put up notes in the classroom, and even sent letters to their parents... I not only ruined those few people's school lives but also plunged the entire class into suspicion and panic."

The rain suddenly intensified, pounding against the windowpane like a soundtrack to her confession. Kushida's shoulders began to shake uncontrollably, but she forced herself to continue.

"No one knew who leaked the secrets, but everyone started suspecting those around them. Friendship, trust—it all crumbled. No one dared to speak in class anymore, and everyone rushed out after school. The once lively class group chat fell silent... In the end, that class completely disintegrated. Five students transferred schools because of it, including the girl who first called me hypocritical."

A deathly silence fell upon the room, filled only by the sound of the rain. Kushida closed her eyes, her long eyelashes casting shadows on her pale face, as if unable to bear recalling that dark past.

"After it happened, I transferred schools too." She opened her eyes again, her gaze filled with pain and regret. "But I can never forget that experience. In that new environment, I learned two things: First, a flawless image is the strongest armor; second, there's a demon living inside me, a demon that will protect itself at all costs."

Fūki watched her quietly, not interrupting the heavy confession. He could feel the pain embedded in every word.

"As I am now," Kushida's voice choked with emotion, "I live in fear every day. Afraid someone will discover my true nature, afraid I'll repeat my mistakes. That's why I work even harder to maintain my perfect image, remembering everyone's preferences, helping anyone in need... At the same time, I'm also secretly collecting everyone's secrets..."

Trembling, she took out a worn-looking hardcover notebook from her bag and gently placed it on the table. "This notebook contains the secrets of everyone in Class D. I know it's despicable, but... this is how I protect myself. If someone ever tries to hurt me, I'll at least have a weapon to fight back."

She then let out a self-deprecating, bitter laugh. "It's laughable, isn't it? Saying I want to be friends with everyone while secretly collecting their leverage. Am I... scary? Am I... hypocritical?"

Fūki didn't answer immediately. He stood up and walked to the window, gazing out at the campus shrouded in rain. The water flowed down the glass like countless tear tracks. After a long while, he slowly said:

"Everyone survives in their own way. The method you chose might not be honorable, but it's how you found to protect yourself after being hurt. What's important is that you are willing to face your true self now."

He turned around, his gaze calm as he looked at Kushida. "The fact that you're willing to tell me this shows you want to change. That's enough."

Kushida stared at him blankly, tears silently streaming down her face. This time, her crying was not an act, nor a breakdown, but an release of long-suppressed emotions. The secrets and sins she had carried alone for years finally found someone to confide in.

"Can... can I really change?" Her voice was so faint it was almost inaudible. "Do I still deserve forgiveness, being like this?"

"Change begins with facing your true self," Fūki said with conviction. "And you've already taken the first step. As for forgiveness... that starts with forgiving yourself."

The rain gradually stopped, and a faint ray of sunlight broke through the clouds, casting a warm glow on Kushida's tear-streaked face. She wiped her eyes. Though her eyes were still red and swollen, her gaze was no longer lost.

"Thank you for being willing to listen to me," she said, standing up and bowing deeply to Fūki. "I've carried these past events alone for so long, and now... I feel so much lighter."

Before leaving, Kushida looked back at Fūki and whispered, "That notebook... I'll consider what to do with it. Perhaps one day, when I no longer need it to protect myself..."

She didn't finish the sentence, but Fūki understood her meaning. It was a promise—a promise of change and growth.

The door closed softly, and silence returned to the room. Fūki stood there, looking at the notebook on the table, a repository of countless secrets, knowing that this conversation was profoundly significant for Kushida. She had finally begun to confront her past, and this was the beginning of her rebirth. The rain outside had completely stopped, and the sunlight pierced through the clouds, casting a hopeful glow over the damp campus.