Regarding the Plot
Some readers have said that too much has been written about Qiyana's personality. I noticed that as well, but the groundwork has basically been laid now, so this will become less of an issue going forward.
Overall, her personality changes and growth will develop through the adventures she experiences with the protagonist. The focus will shift back to the plot, so there is no need to worry too much.
Then there is the matter of deleted comments...
During the first month after release, comments will be moderated to prevent them from discouraging casual readers from getting into the story.
But rest assured, I make note of every issue I see so that I can correct them and adjust the pacing of the plot.
As for the plot itself, the biggest problem is that there are simply too few fanfictions based on the League of Legends setting. There are barely any books to use as reference.
After all, Riot itself is notorious for constantly retconning its own lore.
If you asked me to write One Piece, I would not even bother laying the groundwork for character development. The series is popular enough that even people who have never watched One Piece would already have a strong impression of the characters after reading a few fanfics.
But among League of Legends fanfics, eight out of ten are LPL fanfics. Of the remaining two, there are also War of the Two Cities fanfics.
But readers familiar with the League of Legends universe know that, for the sake of its animated story, War of the Two Cities differs greatly from the original background lore.
The settings and personalities of the champions in League of Legends lore are actually completely different from what many readers imagine.
For example, in the lore, Nami