Amusing Tales from the Anorectal Department

The morning sun was shining brightly.

Second Ring Town, Outer Room of Central Forest Garden

"Hiss!"

The Little Sparrow struggled to get up from the wooden bed.

I reached for the packet of pain-relieving medicine from yesterday, but found nothing.

"How could it be used up so quickly? It's completely empty!"

Little Sparrow stared in despair at the empty medicine packet, feeling the tearing sensation in her heart. She could only grit her teeth and put on her coat.

"No, this injury can't be left untreated. We need to go to the [Gang Family Chinese Medicine Clinic] on the Third Ring Town to get some stronger medicine!"

Gang Family Chinese Medicine Clinic, the best in Soul Return Town!

The most authoritative proctology hospital, specializing in the treatment of all kinds of difficult and complicated diseases and stab wounds.

Third Ring Town, Gang Family Chinese Medicine Clinic, Women's Section.

As Little Sparrow Que limped into the corridor of the women's ward, she heard a scream coming from the innermost examination room.

"Awoo!"

"Doctor, be gentle! It's going to split open!"

The familiar voice startled her, and she instantly recalled the excruciating pain she had felt yesterday while applying the medicine.

Cold sweat poured down his forehead.

She swallowed hard and went to the information desk to get a number.

The nurse on duty looked at her apologetically.

"Excuse me, young lady, I don't know why, but there are a lot of people coming to the emergency room this morning."

"Ms. Gang is simply too busy; she needs to treat three patients simultaneously."

"Can you accept this kind of 'group medicine application' approach?"

"Yes, yes!"

Little Sparrow nodded repeatedly, secretly making plans in her mind.

"It's all equally embarrassing anyway, so if the three of us shout together, we can cover for each other and at least make it less awkward!"

The nurse nodded. "Then you can go in. The other two patients are already waiting in examination room number three."

Little Sparrow thanked her and pushed open the door to consultation room number three.

The consultation room was filled with the smell of herbs.

Three hospital beds covered with white sheets were placed side by side.

Beds one and two were already occupied; both were lying face down on the beds, their heads buried deep in the pillows.

What Little Sparrow found most absurd was that it was so early in the morning, and in a highly private proctology clinic.

These two patients were completely wrapped up!

With a black silk scarf covering his face, he could easily be mistaken for a terrorist!

Despite the pain, Little Sparrow climbed onto bed number three and lay down.

She turned her head and curiously glanced at the terrorist in the second bed next to her.

The more I looked, the more familiar I felt with the other person's graceful back and those two strands of black and white hair sticking out from under their hat.

"Why?"

Little Sparrow couldn't help but chime in, "Hey, the lady in bed two, your back view looks a bit like our Chief Steward Shangguan from Central Forest Garden, doesn't it?"

Upon hearing this!

Shangguan Shuyi, who was lying on the second bed, trembled all over in fright, her soul almost flying out of her body!

Sweat still soaked through her back!

"Oh no! Oh no! How could I possibly run into Lady Phoenix Emperor's personal maid here?!"

"If she recognizes me and it gets back to Phoenix Emperor Phoenix's ears, I might as well just pick a propitious spot and commit suicide!"

In a state of extreme panic, Shangguan Shuyi frantically searched her mind for a solution, then cleared her throat and spoke in a Yu-jie accent.

"Ahem! Young lady, you've mistaken me for someone else! I'm not some grand steward!"

"I'm Cuihua, a farmer, and I've come to see a doctor today~"

Hearing that accent, Liu Ruyan, who was lying on the bed, had her eyes twitching wildly and was cursing in her heart.

"That stupid woman! Is she trying to hide something obvious?!"

"You can't even pretend properly, don't expose me, the Sword Emperor,!"

Liu Ruyan was so frightened that she quickly buried her face in the pillow and wrapped herself up in the quilt like an extremely tight silkworm cocoon.

Little Sparrow scratched his head, feeling the voice was somewhat off, but didn't think too much about it.

After all, why would Shangguan come here so early in the morning to see a doctor about this kind of illness?

They should be preparing for the second stage.

"Oh, maybe I mistook you for someone else."

"Hello, Sister Cuihua, my name is Little Sparrow."

Little Sparrow greeted everyone familiarly.

Just then, with a whoosh, the curtain of the consultation room was lifted.

A middle-aged woman with a full head of silver hair and wearing reading glasses.

Ms. Gang walked in carrying a tray of specially made ointment.

"Stop chatting, everyone, get back and prepare to check the injuries and apply medicine!"

She put on sterile gloves.

The three dared not delay and reluctantly followed the doctor's instructions.

Ms. Gang walked to the foot of the bed, bent down, and took a professional look.

Clang!!!

With a sharp crack, Dr. Gang was so startled that he dropped the tray he was holding to the ground!

The ointment bottles were all over the floor!

This doctor has been practicing medicine for thousands of years!

A seasoned expert who has seen it all!

Pointing at the three people, she exclaimed in trembling surprise:

"My God!"

"This... this is the legendary Devil's Flower?!"

Ms. Gang slapped her thigh in anguish and pointed at the three of them, scolding them. "You young people these days!"

"That's absolutely outrageous!"

"They'll do anything for a thrill!"

"Does he really think his body is made of iron?!"

Faced with the senior expert's probing questions, the three people on the hospital beds were filled with shame and indignation, wishing they could disappear into the ground on the spot.

Ms. Gang picked up the ointment again, and while preparing the medicine, she began to analyze their injuries.

"Let's look at you first, this little girl in bed three (Little Sparrow)."

Ms. Gang stated confidently, "The tear in your wound was severe, a typical case of blunt force trauma."

"Look at the curvature and the area of force application..."

"You silly girl, you didn't run into the handle of that big iron pot, did you?!"

"Doctor! You're an amazing doctor!"

Little Sparrow excitedly chimed in, "I just accidentally bumped into the handle of the big iron pot! It hurt so much!"

Upon hearing this, Shangguan Shuyi and Liu Ruyan, whose faces were covered, instantly revealed disdain in their eyes.

The two rolled their eyes inwardly and started complaining.

Shangguan Shuyi: "Does Little Sparrow usually play this wildly? How could she break a pot handle like this?"

Liu Ruyan: "Pfft! What a flimsy excuse! It's a sign of the world going to the dogs and morality collapsing!"

After listening to Little Sparrow's explanation, Ms. Gang sneered, clearly not believing a word of it.

She was just joking, why did you take it seriously?

He then turned his head and looked at Shangguan Shuyi, who was lying on the second bed, trembling all over.

"As for the two people in beds one and two..."

Ms. Gang's voice trembled, "This is terrible..."

"In my half-century of medical practice, I have rarely seen such inhumane injuries!"

"These are not traces that a normal human being could leave behind!"

"Look at the destructive power... this definitely wasn't caused by a blunt object!"

"It was like being ravaged by a wild beast all night long!!!"

"Boom!"

Upon hearing this, Shangguan Shuyi and Liu Ruyan instantly broke out in a cold sweat.

A blush spread all the way from the base of his neck to his toes!

"Cough cough cough cough!!!"

Shangguan Shuyi coughed in fright, desperately trying to cover it up. "Doctor... you have such keen eyesight!"

"My sister and I were farming in the mountains behind our house yesterday when we encountered a ferocious wild boar!"

"Yes! It was gored by a wild boar! Cough cough cough!"

"Yes, yes, yes! Wild boar! Wild boar!"

Liu Ruyan disregarded the Sword Emperor's dignity and frantically echoed him in a high-pitched voice.

Little Sparrow, standing nearby, widened her eyes after hearing this professional analysis.

Instead of doubting them, she looked at them with sympathy and offered them heartfelt comfort.

"Oh dear! You two, Sister Cuihua, you're so pitiful!"

"How could we have suffered such an undeserved calamity!"

Little Sparrow continued to comfort them earnestly, "But don't be sad!"

"These days, if you survive a wild animal attack in the wild, you're sure to have good fortune later!"

"Getting gored by a wild boar isn't shameful; it's much better than dying, don't you agree?"

Shangguan Shuyi and Liu Ruyan: "..."

The two of them gripped the bedsheet tightly, their back teeth almost grinding to powder.

"Shut up, you pervert! You're the one who got gored by a wild boar! Your whole family got gored by wild boars!!!"

Just as the two were going crazy.

"Alright, enough with the nonsense."

"This injury requires strong medicine! Everyone, grit your teeth and bear it!"

Ms. Gang put on sterile gloves and scooped out three large lumps of specially made black ointment.

It struck all three of their wounds at the same time!

"Awooo!!!"

"Ah!!!"

"Yohoohoo!!!"

In an instant, three air raid sirens blared over the Gang Family Chinese Medicine Clinic!

It even shook the glass in the clinic window, causing a crack!