Class D

"You know, you should always look for someone smart to date," Haruki Yamauchi said, shaking his head with an air of helplessness. "My ex-girlfriend wasn't too bright. She couldn't even do multiplication or division."

Kanji Ike listened intently. "Huh, she really wasn't very sharp, was she? Her teacher must've been pretty bad too, if they couldn't even teach her multiplication and division."

"Oh, no, it wasn't the teacher's fault. They weren't going to teach that until next semester."

"..."

"?"

"Damn, Yamauchi, are you a criminal or something? You're practically begging to get arrested!"

They shouted out such pointless, boastful nonsense so loudly that there was no way anyone nearby could avoid hearing it.

"So, Yamauchi, you must have a lot of experience pursuing girls, right? Could you share some tips with me?" To everyone's surprise, Kanji Ike actually believed Yamauchi's obviously made-up story and foolishly asked him for advice on picking up girls.

"Heh heh~ Of course! I'm a professional dating-game master, known for never needing more than three days to win over a girl!"

"Wow, that's amazing! Yamauchi, you'll find a girlfriend in no time. You've gotta help me out when you do!"

"Of course. Listen, Ike: bros are like limbs, women are like clothes. If I don't have a girlfriend, it's because I gave up my chance for you. That's a symbol of our brotherly bond!"

"Yamauchi, you're such an amazing guy, and you did that for me... I... I'm so touched!!!" Kanji was practically choked up.

"Kanji!"

"Haruki!"

Not everyone was unmoved by their pathetic behavior. Shinohara Satsuki, one of Kei Karuizawa's gal-pals, spoke in a mocking, ill-tempered tone:

"You've been bragging for ages. Aren't your cheeks tired? You claim no girl takes you more than three days to win over, but it's almost been a week since school started. How come you still haven't found a girlfriend? Don't tell me you've been making it all up?"

"Huh? How dare you call me a liar?" Yamauchi clenched his fists, gritting his teeth as his face flushed slightly. "Fine! I'll prove it to you! My manly charms are enough to make any girl fall for me, if I want them to!"

"Oooh, look at him~" The girls in Kei Karuizawa's group burst out laughing.

Kei's eyes shifted. "How about this, then? If you've got the guts, go confess to Kushida."

"Kikyo... Kikyo-chan?" Yamauchi seemed taken aback, but quickly pretended it was no big deal. "Fine, Kikyo-chan it is. But confessing is so low-class. Only inexperienced guys do that! As an expert, I'm obviously going to make Kikyo-chan fall for me!"

As he spoke, he struck what he thought was a cool pose and ran a hand through his hair. His self-satisfied smile was so greasy it was hard to look at.

He sauntered over to Kushida Kikyo, who was chatting with Wang Meiyu, Onodera, Mori Nene, and several other girls.

They seemed to be talking about a boy from Class A and his childhood friend.

The sight of them made the jealousy in Haruki Yamauchi's heart, already uneasy from being put on the spot, flare up.

Those damn popular guys again! Yosuke Hirata, that boy from Class A—they were the ones hogging all the girls!

If they had girlfriends, why couldn't they just focus on dating them? Wasn't having a childhood friend enough? Why did they have to attract every girl's attention?

If it weren't for guys like them, someone as amazing as him would've found a girlfriend ages ago!

"Yamauchi, is something wrong?" They'd noticed Haruki Yamauchi.

Yamauchi quickly snapped out of his inner rant and scratched the back of his head. "Oh... um... well... Kikyo-chan, are you free? There's something I'd like to talk to you about in private."

"Huh?" The girls around Kushida Kikyo all widened their eyes in surprise as they looked at Yamauchi. Then, when they looked at Kushida, their eyes held a little pity and sympathy—and perhaps a faint hint of amusement.

Kushida Kikyo's smile didn't waver. "Sorry, Yamauchi, but I'm chatting with everyone right now. Can't you say whatever it is here?"

Though Kushida Kikyo kept smiling, she thought, Who wants to talk to a dumbass like you in private? It's obviously going to be some kind of confession or invitation. I've already had several pathetic guys confess to me over the past few days.

Can't you see all the girls watching me with amused expressions? If they think someone like you confessed to me, even if I tell them I turned you down on the spot, my reputation will still suffer!

I'm telling you to just say what you have to say here. You should get the hint and have enough shame to go back to your seat.

But Kushida had overestimated Yamauchi's ability to understand and underestimated how shameless he was.

"Oh, I see. So I can just say it here? Then I wanted to ask if you're free after school this afternoon, Kushida. I heard there's a really nice café at Keyaki Mall. Want to go for a drink together after school?"

By the time Kushida Kikyo tried to stop him, it was too late. What a pig-brained idiot. Kushida Kikyo swallowed down a thousand curses and did her best to keep smiling.

"I'm sorry, Yamauchi, but I already went to the Palette Café yesterday. And I'm going shopping with my friends this afternoon, so I don't have time."

"Ahaha, I see! No worries, no worries. I guess I'll have to go by myself this afternoon. That's great—I can have two coffees all on my own! Ahahaha!" Yamauchi laughed to cover his embarrassment, then turned and left.

"Wait, what? That's not how gal games work. She was supposed to accept happily! Is her affection level too low? But I called her by her first name and everything. If only real life had an affection meter, I'd know when I could unlock the special scenes!"

Yamauchi returned to his seat, enduring the mocking looks Shinohara Satsuki and the others were giving him. "What do you know? Experts don't win on the first try. I only make one move a day. That's a rule I set for myself. The rest of the time is for reflecting and refining my approach."

"Sure, sure. If the sky falls, your mouth will hold it up."

After mocking Yamauchi, Kei Karuizawa and the others lost interest in him and went back to their own conversation.

"Hey, Kei, why did you tell Yamauchi to go talk to Kushida? Did you do it just to watch him embarrass himself?" Sato Maya asked.

"Hmph. I just can't stand Kushida's goody-goody act. Sending that idiot Yamauchi to talk to her drags down both their reputations. That's the real fun."

"Wow, Kei, you're so mean!"

"Heh heh. Anyway, yesterday I bought a new necklace and spent twenty thousand points on it. I'm a little short on points lately, so why don't we go ask some of the girls for some?"

"Whoa, Kei, who are you eyeing?"

"Anyone will do. Wang Meiyu, Inogashira, or Sakura over there, for example. Hey, make sure you help me corner them after school. Don't worry, I'll share what we get with you."

"Wow, Kei, you're the best!"