A Change of Heart

Takeda Eito.

Karuizawa didn't know much about him.

After focusing on Hirata, she'd stopped paying attention to him altogether. She'd only vaguely heard rumors linking him to other girls.

One of them was Kikyo, though those rumors had later been proven false.

It was only in the past few days that the boy had gradually entered her field of vision.

Based on his impressive performance the other day, she could tell that this seemingly indifferent person had some ability after all.

He also had a pretty good reputation among the girls.

What worried her even more was that Hirata seemed to trust him a lot.

What had he done? How had he managed to get special treatment from Kikyo, who treated every other boy the same?

She had a feeling that if things continued like this, her own position would be in jeopardy.

She didn't want to go back to the past. She didn't want to experience that kind of bullying again.

For that, she had to work hard. She had to give it everything she had for her own sake.

Only then could she seize her future.

"Kushida, do you have a boyfriend?"

Karuizawa decided to take a chance and asked her.

Kikyo's expression stiffened as soon as she heard the question.

But the next second, it returned to normal.

"Huh? Karuizawa, why would you ask that? I'm pretty sure I've said before that I won't get a boyfriend. After all, my goal is to be friends with everyone."

"But..." Karuizawa hesitated. "Would you hug someone if you weren't dating?"

"Huh?" Kikyo said. "Um... Why would I ever do that? You must have seen wrong, Karuizawa. If you keep saying that, I'm going to get mad, hmph."

Kikyo puffed out her cheeks, pretending to be angry.

"Haha... Sorry," Karuizawa said with an awkward laugh. "Maybe I did see wrong. Don't get the wrong idea. I was just joking."

"Then don't go around making jokes like that next time. I'll let it go this time. Yeah, I was joking too."

Kikyo smiled in relief.

But the fingers she was squeezing together seemed to betray how unsettled she really was.

Chapter 55: A Change of Heart

The fifth day of the Island Exam.

After roll call that morning, Kikyo used patrol duty as an excuse to ask him to patrol with her.

Eito agreed, of course.

As they moved farther and farther away from the class, Eito wondered what she was really up to.

Did she want to continue what they'd been doing that morning?

That was possible, but not very likely.

More likely, this was another troublesome matter.

Sure enough.

Kikyo suddenly stopped. No longer wearing that mask, she said coldly, "Karuizawa may have found out about last night. What are you going to do?"

"It's not entirely my fault, is it? You seemed to enjoy it too."

"Are you saying it was all my fault?" Kikyo grabbed his shirt and snapped angrily. "Are you really that irresponsible? I knew I was right about you."

"Uh... Fine." Eito stopped trying to defend himself. "It's all my fault. I'll go explain to her that I forced you. Will that do?"

"...You don't have to do that." Kikyo let go of his shirt. "Just don't do that kind of thing again. Do you know how hard I've worked to keep up this relationship?"

"Yeah, I know."

"You don't know," Kikyo said with a pout.

How could he know? He was the kind of guy who lazed around all day and did whatever he wanted.

"Of course I know."

Eito wrapped his arms around her and lowered his head to her shoulder. He spoke beside her ear.

"It must be painful, having to endure so many negative emotions every day and not being allowed to get angry."

Only someone who'd truly experienced it could understand.

When someone called you useless, you couldn't get angry. You had to smile and take it.

When someone did something you hated, you couldn't hit them. You had to praise them instead.

When someone sexually harassed you, you couldn't call them a sleazy pervert. You had to pretend you didn't care.

Anyone could put up with it once or twice. But when it built up over the years, even the kindest, most selfless person would break down.

Only by shutting off your heart could you keep the world from affecting you.

But Kikyo was just an ordinary person with a little talent.

More than someone born talented, she was like someone who'd climbed the ladder to genius through her own hard work.

She didn't have a strong enough heart. She was just as fragile as any other girl.

Someone like that would eventually suffer a mental breakdown from all the negative emotions.

And yet she couldn't stop.

That was the meaning of her existence. There were people in this world who had to prove they were different from everyone else, that they had something unique, before they could accept that they existed.

They refused to settle for an ordinary life, yet could only struggle desperately within one.

Kikyo wasn't ordinary, but she wasn't outstanding enough, either.

And her actions were bound to draw condemnation from many people. If she were exposed, everyone would turn against her.

Nobody wanted a monster who toyed with people's feelings right by their side.

Unless that person was themself.

Only now did Eito finally understand Kikyo completely.

But he wouldn't hate her like everyone else, because he truly loved all people equally.

Likewise, if Kikyo ever betrayed him, he would make her pay for it.

He held Kikyo without saying anything.

After a while, Kikyo suddenly said, "If my secret were exposed and everyone hated me, what would you do?"

"In that case..." Eito lifted her chin so she had to look him in the eyes. "I'd be happy, because then you'd belong to me alone, Kikyo. No one could take you away."

"Tch..." Kikyo looked away evasively. "Tell me... Do you really like someone like me? Are you sure? You know I'm not some naive, sweet girl, right? I only act cute."

Even Kikyo felt insecure. She knew the real her was ugly. How many people could love her knowing that?

"Ugh, I guess you wouldn't believe me even if I told you." Eito sighed. "If I were only interested in your body, I'd go find someone else. Most men would be scared impotent by a look like yours. I'm not like most men. I'm interested in you, and that's why I like your body."

"I don't believe you. But..." Kikyo leaned her face closer. "I can give it a try."

"...What do you mean?"

"If you can still tell me you like me after taking my virginity, then I'll believe you."

"Oh?"

Kikyo said calmly, "Aren't all men like that? Once they get a woman's body, they become cold. Some even disappear the next morning."

People always craved what they couldn't have, but once they got it, they lost interest.

There was no helping it. That was human nature. Some people were simply worse than others, while some took their responsibilities more seriously.

So Kikyo was bound to be disappointed.

"Are you sure?" Eito asked, puzzled.

He hadn't done anything, and Kikyo had suddenly offered him something so wonderful. It felt unreal.

Was he having a wet dream?

"It doesn't matter. I'm almost used to it anyway. It's just a thin membrane. If you don't do it, maybe I'll just break it myself someday."

"Mm, so..." Eito said meaningfully. "Miss Kikyo comforts herself from time to time, too. Tell me, who were you thinking about? It wasn't me, was it?"

"What does that have to do with you?" Kikyo pushed him away, her face flushed. "So, are you going to do it or not? Make up your mind."

If he'd said, "I'm not ready yet. Let me think about it," she might have looked down on him terribly.

So...

"Come on, then. Here?"

"What do you think?" Kikyo glared at him, looking as if he were beyond help.

"Then let's find somewhere nice."

"Mm."

And so, his first time with Kikyo in the truest sense of the word ended just like that.

If he had to say what he thought of it—

It felt great, and she made adorable sounds. That was all.

In a cave, Kikyo got dressed.

She glanced at Eito, who was staring at her, and couldn't help asking, "What are you looking at? What's so interesting?"

"Mm, you look great. Kikyo's the prettiest. Even the way you get dressed is beautiful."

"Hmph." Kikyo turned her face away. After a moment, she said, "You have something else to tell me, don't you?"

"Got it." Eito got dressed, walked over to her, and pulled her into his arms. "Love you, little Kikyo."

"Oh."

Kikyo struggled a little, then stopped moving.

After holding her for a while, Eito asked, "Have you fallen in love with me, little Kikyo?"

"No."

"Still not? What a shame."

"Isn't that what you wanted? You want to see me fight with the other women?" As she spoke, Kikyo pinched him.

"No. I think you can handle things between them just fine, Kikyo."

"You really are pushing your luck."