Classroom of the Elite, A Hypocritical Gray Life

"The answer is no. A simple 'I like you' is the result of them simulating it countless times in their minds. Even if they have made such a resolution, when the time comes to confess, those words simply refuse to tumble out of their throats."

"At least, that is what I believe a confession is. It carries hope, the fear of failure, the anxiety of an ending, the joy of success... Given the desperation of these feelings, I don't think they should be glossed over with a vague excuse like a lie."

"What truly hurts people is the betrayal of a sincere heart. So, if you do that, it will only lead to mutual regret. It is better to face it head-on."

"Hmm..."

After hearing my explanation, Ichinose looked me in the eye with a focused expression, her lips moving slightly as if she were murmuring a long sentence. However, because both her voice and movements were too faint, I could not tell if she was expressing anything at all.

It was time for this matter to come to a close.

I kept my head down, silently listening to the rustling in the greenery behind me and Ichinose's exclamation.

"Chihiro?!"

"I clearly asked Honami to come out alone, so why is Raku here too... Is it true that Honami is dating Raku?"

"No, that's not it, let me explain."

"No need to explain, I already understand." With that, Shiranami ran off in tears.

"Wait, Chihiro!"

"I'm sorry, I'm going to go explain things to Chihiro now."

"Go ahead." I nodded, and Ichinose dashed off instantly.

My gaze followed the girls' running figures, and after confirming where they had stopped to talk, I stood at the spot where Shiranami had suddenly appeared.

The distance wasn't that far, was it? If so, Shiranami should have been able to hear my conversation with Ichinose perfectly... Or was all of this just my own wishful thinking?

I followed their trail and sat down on a wooden bench not far from the two of them, waiting for the outcome.

I went too far.

Once I calmed down, I began to reflect on today's abnormal behavior. No matter which angle I approached it from, I couldn't explain why I had wasted my energy today on a problem that held no necessity for me.

So, what exactly was I acting for?

Growth? Desire? Romance?

Or perhaps—disgust?

Chapter 30: The Lingering Warmth of a Confession

Living is just living; there is no meaning to life, much like the word 'or'—anything goes. That is why I never develop the urge that I must go on living.

This is also the only way for people's spirits to leap out of humanity's second nature, thereby obtaining an unlimited, expansive field of thought. It is also the boundary line that creates madmen and philosophers.

It is precisely because you possess this ability that you make assumptions—assuming that your life possesses genuine value. Once you confirm this through the path of assumption, then no matter how your subsequent development unfolds, you cannot escape one question.

Who are you?

In other words, what kind of existence are you?

Over the course of more than a decade, I thought I had found my existence. But it wasn't until she handed me a book titled Primeval and Other Times during a break—or, to be precise, not the book itself, but a single sentence within it—that I realized: humans need meaning when they are awake, because humans are prisoners of time.

After reading that sentence, I realized that the existence I was so sure of was not a clear self-perception, but rather their definition and evaluation of me.

Have you ever heard of a pendulum?

If you were to divide the people of the world into the two extremes reached by a pendulum, then I am the one who forever lingers on the path between them.

Beginning or ending—perhaps I have never been able to join this competition.

What kind of thing am I, really...

This is the key to understanding everything.

For this, perhaps I should be as unscrupulous as I was in the past.

Even if the sins of the past can never be erased until the very end.

0

Sixteen minutes.

That is the time I spent resting on the wooden bench.

There were no clocks around, and I wasn't wearing a watch. If you ask how I could arrive at such an accurate time, it can probably only be blamed on the intuition I have cultivated over the years.

Ichinose followed the fleeing Shiranami, and they held a conversation lasting sixteen minutes in the shadow of a building. The long wait ended with Shiranami running past me in tears. I don't know if it was my imagination, but the moment she wiped away her tears before leaving, she seemed to glance at me. Calling it a glance might be too much; perhaps 'resentment' would be more appropriate.

In the current situation, no matter who it was, I would be held in contempt. Being misunderstood as someone who persuades others to reject a confession is something only a truly wicked person would do.

After Shiranami left, Ichinose could not calm her state of mind for a long time. Although what happened next had nothing to do with me, I decided to keep waiting. I casually bought a can of UCC coffee from a vending machine by the road.

I heard this brand is the king of coffee production, though I couldn't tell the difference between it and other brands.

The twilight sun erupted with its final light of the day, the extreme rays dyeing the sky in layers of flame-like orange and red. If you stare at it intently, everything in your field of vision begins to distort and drift away. The clouds in the sky cannot bear the scorching heat of the flames, appearing charred black behind them.

In this illusory and ethereal real world, the lingering warmth it carried was eventually absorbed by the moon. The streetlights crossed the boundary between light and dark, and the snow-like glow illuminated the surroundings.

A coldness that has temperature.

Ichinose also walked out at this moment, looking dejected.

"Ah... it's already this late, and Raku-kun still hasn't gone back?" Ichinose came to my side and forced a smile.

"You found me. I thought I was hiding quite well."

"Raku-kun, you didn't even have the intention of hiding in the first place..."

"But it's still rare to be able to spot me in such dim lighting."

"...I think I was truly wrong... I've always tried to use avoidance as a solution to deal with Chihiro's feelings. I shouldn't have done that." After a brief exchange of pleasantries, Ichinose began to regret her actions.

According to my fantasies, I should have offered a few words of comfort at this moment, but faced with the blunt reality, I couldn't bring myself to speak.

Comfort—I've never been good at it. My attempts at comfort are more like rebuttals.

Why can't avoidance be a solution? If you turn avoidance into reality, then avoidance is no longer avoidance, but rather the reality you see in your daily lives.

"Falling in love must be really difficult, right..."

"If you're alone, of course it feels difficult. But if there are two people, there is always a pillar of support in one's heart."

"That's true... Raku-kun, since you've said all that, are you still going to claim you've never been in a relationship?"

"I have never experienced such a thing."

"But it feels like you understand this aspect quite well, especially with what you just said."

"I merely stole words from someone else's book, nothing more. The title of the book was something like Falling in Love with a Duet?"

"Raku, you really read a wide variety of books. Don't you have a specific direction?"

"Generally, when I want to read, any book will do... I suppose that's how I am. If you don't believe me, there's nothing I can do. In any case, I consider myself to have never experienced the turbulent phases of romance."

"Since Raku-kun is so certain, then that must be the truth."

She trusts me unexpectedly.

"But I still want to thank you today, Raku-kun. I'm sorry for dragging you into this matter."

"If possible, try to keep this kind of trouble to a minimum. Seeking help from a teacher might also be a good choice."

"I'm sorry for causing you trouble. But let's forget about finding a teacher; Teacher Hoshinomiya would definitely just stir up more chaos."

...It might even turn out worse.

"...Raku-kun, do you think Chihiro and I will still be able to get along as usual tomorrow?" After a moment of silence, Ichinose asked me with concern once again.

"If it's Ichinose, there won't be any problems."

"Why?"

"Because that's just how it is."

"What kind of answer is that..."

"Because it doesn't count as an answer, that's why I chose to be mysterious."

"Pfft—Raku-kun, what you say is really interesting."

Is that so? Thank you for the compliment. Although I don't know where the punchline was.

"Oh right, this is for you."

"This is... still warm?"

"Yeah, I subconsciously bought an extra one at the vending machine over there. Job's Tears and Red Bean Soup. I don't know if it's to your taste."

"I'm not a picky eater... Anyway, thank you very much." Ichinose accepted the canned drink with a grin.

"Since the matter is resolved, I'll be heading off." With that, I picked up my messenger bag, ready to leave. However, I was stopped halfway by Ichinose.

"Wait, I've troubled Raku so much today, let me treat you to a meal."

"No need to trouble yourself, I just want to sleep right now."

"No, I'll feel bad if I don't. Besides, who goes to sleep at this time of day?"

"..."

Didn't you just witness it today?

"Is Raku-kun starting to skip dinner again?"

"...I understand. I'll go with you, Ichinose."

"Mm." Ichinose revealed a satisfied smile and led me toward Keyaki Mall.

"Raku is unexpectedly good at taking care of people..."

"Did you say something?"

"Eh, no, nothing at all."

If it's a thought, you should keep it hidden well. If you say it directly, I'll feel very embarrassed.

Well, today's events can be considered perfectly resolved.

It would be even better if there wasn't that person following us from behind.

Chapter 31: Have you two really confirmed your relationship?

The feeling of an unexpected encounter is always so natural, comfortable, and pleasant...

Fine, I was joking. Never before have I hated the word "coincidence" as much as I do now.

"The meeting is being held tomorrow, so has that digital camera been fixed yet?"

Yesterday, which was Sunday morning, I ran into Ayanokoji and his group in the elevator lobby, just as expected. Through introductions, I learned the name of the other witness was Sakura Airi.

Since she didn't seem to have any intention of befriending me or even greeting me, the conversation with them basically veered away from the case. For instance, the matter of the digital camera repair.

"The camera repair will take about three or four more days, but this incident doesn't have much to do with the camera anyway. Sakura has already organized the photos from it, but whether she decides to testify or not is up to her."

In other words, her issue still hasn't been resolved? That makes sense; after all, a change in personality isn't something that happens overnight.

"That must be tough."

"Horikita is the one handling everything, so she's the only one having a hard time. The rest of us are basically just running errands."

"It sounds like you've already made full preparations?"

"I'm not sure, but more clues are always better."

"I hate to disappoint you, but we still don't have any reliable sources of information on our end."

"It's already quite good that we managed to find the two known witnesses from that time. Horikita didn't pin her hopes on you finding any useful leads, either."

"The difficulty is just too high... By the way, it's really hot today."

I couldn't adapt to the sweltering environment I had just stepped into, so I stopped at the air conditioning vent by the dormitory entrance.

"I checked the weather forecast, and today is actually the coolest day of the coming week. The temperature will only keep rising from here on out. And it's not even August yet."

"In such sweltering heat, I don't want to think seriously about anything at all."

"There is air conditioning in the classroom; you just have to endure it on the way there."

I listened patiently to Ayanokoji's advice, desperately trying to figure out the best shaded route through the visual environment. However, even though I managed to largely avoid the direct sunlight, beads of sweat still trickled down my forehead.