The Lingering Warmth of a Confession / Have You Two Really Made Your Relationship Official?

"No. The words 'I like you' are the result of rehearsing them countless times in their minds. Even after making up their minds, when it comes time to confess, they just can't force those words out of their throats."

"At least, that's what I think a confession is. It carries hope, the fear of failure, the anxiety of how things will end, the joy of success... For a feeling someone has fought so hard to express, I don't think it should be brushed aside with something as vague as a lie."

"What really hurts is when someone's sincere feelings are rejected. So if you do that, you'll only end up regretting it. You'd be better off facing the situation head-on."

"Mm..."

After hearing my explanation, Ichinose met my gaze intently, her lips moving as though she were murmuring a long sentence. But her voice and movements were so slight that I couldn't tell whether she was trying to say anything.

It was about time for things to come to an end.

I lowered my head and listened quietly to the rustling from the greenery behind me and Ichinose's startled cry.

"Chihiro?!"

"I told Honami to come out alone. Why is Raku here too...? So Honami really is dating Raku, isn't she?"

"No, that's not it. Listen, let me explain."

"You don't have to. I understand now." With that, Shiranami ran off in tears.

"Wait, Chihiro!"

"Sorry, I'm going to go explain things to Chihiro first."

"Please do." I nodded, and Ichinose dashed off at once.

My gaze followed the girls as they ran. After confirming where they had stopped to talk, I went and stood where Shiranami had suddenly appeared.

It hadn't been very far away, had it? Then Shiranami should have heard everything Ichinose and I said... Or was that just wishful thinking on my part?

Following their trail, I sat down on a wooden bench not far from the two of them and waited to see how things turned out.

I'd gone too far.

Once I'd calmed down, I started reflecting on my unusual behavior that day. No matter how I looked at it, there was no explaining why I'd wasted my energy on something that, as far as I was concerned, wasn't necessary.

So what, exactly, was I acting for?

Growth? Desire? Love?

Or... was it disgust?

The Lingering Warmth of a Confession

People were alive simply because they were alive. There was no meaning to it. Like "or," anything was possible. That was why I never felt I had to keep living.

This was also the only way for people to break free from humanity's second nature and gain an unrestricted expanse of thought. It was the line that separated madmen from philosophers.

Only with this ability could you make assumptions—assume that your life had genuine value. Once you confirmed that through the process of making assumptions, you could never escape the question that came next.

Who are you?

In other words, what kind of existence are you?

For over a decade, I'd thought I had found my own existence. But then, during one of our breaks, she handed me a book called Primeval and Other Times. More accurately, it wasn't the book itself, but a line from it: "When awake, people need meaning, because people are prisoners of time."

After reading that line, I realized that what I'd been certain of wasn't a clear understanding of myself. It was how other people defined and judged me.

Have you ever heard of a pendulum?

If everyone in the world were divided between the two extremes a pendulum could reach, then I'd be the one forever swaying along the path between them.

Beginning or end—I might never have been part of this race at all.

What kind of thing was I...?

That was the key to understanding everything.

For that reason, perhaps I should do whatever it took, just as I had in the past.

Even if the sins I'd committed before could never be erased.

0

Sixteen minutes.

That was how long I rested on the wooden bench.

There was no clock nearby, and I wasn't wearing a watch. So how could I know the time so precisely? I could probably blame it on the instinct I'd developed over the years.

Ichinose had caught up with Shiranami and talked with her in the shadow of a building for sixteen minutes. The long wait ended when Shiranami ran past me in tears. Maybe it was my imagination, but just before she left, as she wiped her tears away, she seemed to glance my way. "Glance" was probably too strong a word. "Resentfully" might have been more accurate.

Anyone would have held a grudge against me in this situation. Being mistaken for someone who'd talked another person into rejecting a confession was the sort of thing only a truly despicable person would do.

After Shiranami left, it took Ichinose a while to calm down. What happened next no longer had anything to do with me, but I decided to keep waiting. I casually bought a can of UCC coffee from the vending machine by the road.

I'd heard that the brand was a leading coffee maker, but I couldn't taste any difference from the other brands.

The setting sun flared with its last light of the day, staining the sky with layer upon layer of fiery orange. If you stared at it long enough, everything in your field of vision started to twist and drift away. The clouds in the sky couldn't withstand the scorching flames, and their undersides turned pitch-black.

In this illusory, fleeting world, the moon eventually absorbed the last of the sun's warmth. The streetlights crossed the line between light and darkness, their snow-white glow illuminating the surroundings.

A cold with warmth.

Ichinose emerged at that moment, looking dejected.

"Ah... It's already this late, and you still haven't gone home, Raku?" Ichinose came over and forced a smile.

"You caught me. I thought I'd hidden myself pretty well."

"You weren't even trying to hide, were you, Raku...?"

"Still, it's impressive that you spotted me in the dark."

"...I think I really was wrong... I kept trying to avoid Chihiro's feelings instead of dealing with them. I shouldn't have done that." After a brief exchange of pleasantries, Ichinose began to reproach herself.

In my imagination, I should have offered her a few words of comfort at that point. But faced with the reality of it, I couldn't bring myself to speak.

Comforting people—I'd never been good at it. What I called comfort was closer to arguing with them.

Why couldn't avoidance be a solution? If you made avoidance your reality, then it would no longer be avoidance. It would simply be the reality you lived in every day.

"Dating really is difficult, isn't it...?"

"If you're alone, of course it feels difficult. But when there are two of you, you always have someone to lean on."

"True... You've said all that, Raku, and you still claim you've never been in love?"

"I've never experienced anything like that."

"But you seem to know a lot about it. Even what you said just now."

"I just stole those words from someone else's book. That's all. I think it was called Falling in Love with a Duet?"

"You read all sorts of books, Raku. Don't you have a particular preference?"

"When I want to read something, I'll read anything... I guess that's how I am. If you don't believe me, there's nothing I can do about it. Anyway, I don't think I've ever gone through the ups and downs of a relationship."

"If you're that sure, then I guess that's how it is."

She trusted me more than I expected.

"But I still want to thank you for today, Raku. Sorry for dragging you into all this trouble."

"If you can, try to reduce this kind of trouble to zero. Asking a teacher for help might be a good option, too."

"Sorry for the trouble. But let's not involve a teacher. Teacher Hoshinomiya would definitely make a mess of things."

...It might turn out even worse.

"...Do you think Chihiro and I can act like we always have tomorrow, Raku?" After a moment of silence, Ichinose asked me another worried question.

"If it's you, Ichinose, I don't think there'll be a problem."

"Why?"

"Because that's just how things are."

"What kind of answer is that...?"

"It's not much of an answer, so I decided to be cryptic."

"Pfft—You really do say some funny things, Raku."

Do I? Thanks for the compliment. Though I couldn't see what was funny.

"Oh, right. Here."

"What's this... It's still warm?"

"Yeah. I automatically bought an extra one from the vending machine over there. Job's Tears and Red Bean Soup. I don't know if you'll like it."

"I'm not picky... Anyway, thank you so much." Ichinose happily accepted the canned drink.

"Since things are settled, I'll get going." With that, I picked up my shoulder bag and prepared to leave. But Ichinose stopped me before I could go.

"Wait. You've helped me so much today, Raku. Let me treat you to dinner."

"No need to trouble yourself. I just want to sleep right now."

"No. I'd feel bad if you didn't let me. Besides, who goes to sleep this early?"

"..."

Hadn't you just seen me do exactly that?

"Are you skipping dinner again, Raku?"

"...All right. I'll go with you, Ichinose."

"Mm." Ichinose smiled with satisfaction and led me toward Keyaki Mall.

"You're surprisingly good at looking after people, Raku..."

"Did you say something?"

"Huh? No, nothing."

If it's something you're thinking, you should keep it to yourself. Hearing you say it out loud is embarrassing.

Well, things had worked out perfectly in the end.

It would have been even better if there weren't someone following us.

Have you two really confirmed that you're in a relationship?

Unexpected encounters always felt so natural, comfortable, and pleasant...

All right, I was joking. I'd never hated the phrase "unexpected encounter" so much before.

"The meeting's tomorrow. Is your digital camera fixed yet?"

Yesterday, on Sunday morning, I'd run into Ayanokoji and his group in the elevator lobby. As expected, Kushida Kikyo was with him, along with another witness. From the introduction, I learned her name was Sakura Airi.

Since she didn't seem interested in getting to know me or even saying hello, our conversation mostly strayed from the case. For example, we talked about repairing the digital camera.

"It'll probably take another three or four days to repair the camera, but this incident doesn't have much to do with it. Sakura has already sorted through the photos, but it's still up to her whether she wants to testify."

So her problem still hadn't been resolved? That made sense. A change in personality didn't happen overnight.

"That sounds like a lot of work."

"Horikita's handling everything, so she's the only one having a hard time. The rest of us are basically just doing odd jobs."

"Sounds like you're well prepared."

"I don't know, but the more leads we have, the better."

"Sorry to disappoint you, but we still don't have any reliable information."

"Finding the two known witnesses from that day is already pretty good. Horikita wasn't expecting you to find any useful leads anyway."

"It's just too difficult... Speaking of which, it's really hot today."

Unable to get used to the stuffy air, I stopped just inside the dormitory entrance, right by the air-conditioning vent.

"I checked the weather forecast. Today's already the coolest day in the past week. The temperature will only keep going up from here. And it isn't even August yet."

"It's so hot out, I don't feel like thinking seriously at all."

"There's air-conditioning in the classroom. You just have to put up with it while you're outside."

I listened patiently to Ayanokoji's advice and tried my hardest to work out the best tree-shaded route I could see. But even though I managed to avoid most of the sunlight, beads of sweat still trickled down my forehead.