Actors, Take Your Places

By the time Kitagawa Ryo came back to himself, he realized he was already crying. Once he acknowledged the truth, he simply let go of his restraint and sobbed without holding back. His tears glistened as they fell one by one down his face, then seeped into the earth.

He suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to dig the grave back open, as if Hotaru had come back to life and was waiting for him to save her, just like when she'd been trapped in a cardboard box in the pouring rain. If he reached out his hand again, she would blink her firefly-colored eyes and step on the back of his hand with an expression of disdain.

"Ryo..."

Ichinose Honami called her childhood friend's name with concern. In the fifteen years she'd known him, she had never once seen Kitagawa Ryo, who was a year older than her, lose control of his emotions like this. The unexpected turn of events left her flustered.

"Hey, Honami."

He seemed to hear her calling him. Kitagawa Ryo sniffed hard and stopped crying, but his voice was still thick with tears, sounding utterly worn out.

"What was Hotaru to you?"

The question seemed so out of the blue that Ichinose Honami parted her lips in confusion.

"...A really good cat."

"Maki really loved her. Mother sometimes acted like she didn't, but I could tell she didn't hate Hotaru either. She'd even bring her food sometimes."

"And I was happy when Ryo gave her to me for my birthday."

Kitagawa Ryo stood up. When they were children, he'd been afraid that letting a girl pat his head would stunt his growth. Now he was a head taller than Ichinose Honami.

"Honami, did you like Hotaru?"

"Um."

The girl looked surprised by the question, but soon answered:

"I... Of course I did."

"Then why bring other people into it? If Maki and the others hadn't liked Hotaru, would you have stopped liking her?"

"Does what I think really matter that much? Besides, Maki isn't some other person."

"Because she was your cat!"

Kitagawa Ryo irritably raked a hand through his hair. His voice was hoarse, but he still shouted.

"I don't understand what you mean, Ryo. You found Hotaru, and we raised her together. What was wrong with that?"

"Phew."

Kitagawa Ryo took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.

"Even without me, didn't you want to take her in from the start and bring her home?"

"How could I have done that? Taking a cat home back then would only have caused trouble for my family."

Perhaps remembering that rainy day, Ichinose Honami denied it.

"So..."

Kitagawa Ryo gave a bitter smile and leaned back against the old ginkgo tree.

"Ichinose Honami had always been the most sensible child."

His eyes traveled over the beautiful girl, taking in the childhood friend he'd known for more than a decade.

"Honami is the best daughter, the best big sister, and the best student council president. Well, she isn't one yet, but she will be someday."

"In short, Ichinose Honami is the most perfect angel."

"But you aren't the best lo—childhood friend."

Kitagawa Ryo slipped a hand into his pocket and pulled out a small hair clip.

"This is what Maki's been wanting lately."

"But if I gave it to her, you wouldn't accept it, would you?"

He shook his head and put the hair clip back in his pocket.

"Because you know Maki. You know your little sister is sensible and wouldn't make a fuss about wanting this hair clip. You also trust that you can comfort her. After all, Honami is smart, beautiful, kind, and hardworking. You can do anything, right?"

"But if Maki ever really did make a fuss over wanting something, whether it was this hair clip or something else, you'd make that wish come true, wouldn't you?"

"What are you trying to say, Ryo?"

Ichinose Honami stared blankly at the boy in front of her, so different from his usual self. She couldn't believe he was saying such cutting things.

"I thought that even if Maki didn't understand me, you'd understand me best, Ryo."

"That's right. I know you. I've been by your side for as long as you've been with me. Our lives and our fates have been intertwined since we were children."

Kitagawa Ryo gazed into Ichinose Honami's eyes.

The setting sun glowed red as fire, while Ichinose Honami's blue eyes were as vast as the sea, embracing Kitagawa Ryo's burning heart.

It's because I know you that it hurts.

Kitagawa Ryo lifted his head.

"Honami."

"Mm?"

"Do you know that Maki confessed to me a couple of days ago?"

"I do."

"You don't have any reaction?"

"Because Maki is just a little kid. You knew that too, which is why you turned her down, right?"

"No."

Kitagawa Ryo shook his head and smiled at Ichinose Honami.

"I turned her down because there's someone I like. Her name is Ichinose Honami."

"Kitagawa Ryo likes Ichinose Honami."

He repeated it for emphasis, then waited quietly for her answer.

No.

Those were two words Ichinose Honami had heard her mother say countless times.

She wanted a pretty hair clip. No.

She wanted some nice stationery. No.

She wanted to take in a kitten. Of course not.

Her mother said it so easily. Her lips parted, and those two words were enough to cut off any wish.

Yet she also taught Ichinose Honami to grow into someone others could trust by being honest with them. That meant she was always expected to say yes to other people.

Could Ichinose help with cleaning duty? Yes.

Could Ichinose help tutor someone? Yes.

Could Ichinose serve all her classmates by joining the Student Council? Of course.

Her mind had practically shut down.

She looked at Kitagawa Ryo, waiting for her answer, and in a daze saw the kitten from years ago, struggling to lift its head with the last of its strength to look at her.

Their eyes were so alike. Equally beautiful.

"N-no."

Kitagawa Ryo heard her answer clearly.

"Yeah. It's okay."

He heard himself say those words, then stumbled away.

Goodbye, Hotaru. Goodbye.

Ichinose Honami watched him leave. If she wanted to chase after him, she probably could have caught up. But at that moment, her legs seemed to have lost all strength. Or perhaps she didn't know what good it would do to catch up with him. She bit her lower lip until it was nearly white, but in the end, Ichinose Honami didn't chase him. She glanced at the little grave once more, then walked away in the opposite direction.

I liked the cat he gave me. I liked cats. I liked him.

But today, once again, I was like an artificial satellite, circling the words I truly wanted to say while responding to what he said.

[Story CG: She and Her Cat, reading complete]

Chapter 11: Actors, Take Your Places

[Day Seven: Today was Ichinose Honami's last day at work. After dropping her off at her destination, you started wandering around with nothing to do. Karuizawa Kei, who had been clinging to you these past couple of days, and Ichinose Maki had unexpectedly gotten along well. You heard they'd arranged to go shopping together today. After finding out roughly where they'd be, you made a point of avoiding the area, and before you knew it, you'd ended up at the park where Hotaru was buried.]

[You usually didn't come to this painful place on your own. For one thing, the cat who'd been with you for nine years was buried here. For another, this was where you'd confessed your feelings.]

[You'd been receiving confessions from girls ever since elementary school. The most recent one had apparently been a few days ago. Setting aside that "fake" confession at the sports field, you'd faced all kinds of girls countless times. Some were bold and outgoing, wall-slamming you despite being a head shorter than you. Others were reserved and shy, standing there with trembling lips for a long time before finally managing to speak. But no matter what they were like, the words that spilled from their lips and the passion in their eyes were sincere feelings, the earnest affection of girls in their youth.]

[They didn't know you, though. Most of the time, they'd fallen for a shadow of you, an image constructed by other people.]

[They didn't know whether you liked romantic dramas or historical dramas, whether you preferred your ramen firm or soft, or whether you usually listened to classical music or rock. In a way, none of the girls who'd confessed to you knew you at all. They knew nothing about the real you.]

[But Ichinose Honami knew all of it.]

[She knew your favorite ramen order was firm noodles with a little spice and vinegar, no cilantro, and a light broth.]

[She knew your birthday and prepared presents for you in advance.]

[She knew you'd once had a cat.]

[You looked toward the mound of earth, no longer easy to make out. A year had passed, and the place had grown a little more desolate. If you hadn't made a point of remembering where it was, you probably wouldn't have been able to find the little grave.]

[The large ginkgo tree beside it had been cut down, roots and all, as if there had never been a ginkgo tree here in the first place.]

[You'd once read in a book that memories needed a vessel. That vessel might be an object, a landscape, or a scent. When you came across it again, it was like opening a safe with the right combination: all those memories came flooding back at once.]

[But even though the ginkgo tree had disappeared completely, you knew you wouldn't forget the time you'd spent beneath it. Just like Hotaru, who might already have decomposed and become part of the earth, her departure wouldn't blur your memories or make you forget.]

[You ran your fingers over the beaded bracelet on your right wrist. It was a gift Ichinose Honami had given you when you were twelve, made by stringing together beads she'd bought at a discount. You remembered that she'd originally planned to fold twelve hundred paper cranes for you, but had to give up because she ran out of time. The few dozen colorful cranes she'd already made were still in a glass jar on your bedside table. You said goodnight to them before going to sleep.]

[Your memories with Ichinose Honami didn't need any vessel. The two of you were the best vessels for all that time you'd shared. You only had to see her for the past to come back naturally. Your lives had always been intertwined.]

[So Ichinose Honami should have known you liked her. Realizing that shouldn't have been harder than remembering every food a boy had refused to eat since childhood.]

[The midday sun grew fierce. You stood in front of Hotaru's grave for a while, then quietly left.]

[In the afternoon, your underclassman Hirata Yosuke messaged you. He seemed worried about next year's studies and wanted to ask you a few questions.]

[You arranged to meet at a nearby café. By the time you arrived right on schedule, taking your time, Hirata Yosuke was already there waiting.]

[After a brief exchange of greetings, you asked about his plans for further education. During the conversation, you also mentioned that you'd be going abroad to study for a year after summer vacation. Hirata Yosuke couldn't help remarking:]

["A capable senior like you is bound to achieve great things, even without attending Tokyo Metropolitan Advanced Nurturing High School."]

[You noticed his mention of Tokyo Metropolitan Advanced Nurturing High School. You'd heard of the school, famous for its claim of a hundred-percent college acceptance rate and for ensuring that students could enter their desired careers after graduation. You'd even considered it yourself at one point, but changed your mind when you heard it was a fully residential school.]

[Hirata Yosuke wanted to get into the school, but didn't know if he'd be accepted. That was why he'd been feeling so anxious lately and had messaged you to talk it over.]

[You knew that Tokyo Metropolitan Advanced Nurturing High School selected all its incoming students in advance each year. You still didn't know what criteria they used, but the fact reassured Hirata Yosuke. After arranging to play soccer together again when you had time, you said goodbye.]

[Day Eight: Today was the day you'd arranged to go shopping with Ichinose Honami. You set your alarm half an hour earlier than usual and tidied yourself up before heading to her apartment building. Before long, Ichinose Honami came downstairs in casual clothes.]

[She wore a pure white blouse with a light blue pleated skirt and belt, along with white knee-high socks and flat shoes. Ichinose Honami rarely wore anything flashy in her everyday life, usually favoring simple white and blue. Waiting at the bottom of the stairs, you awkwardly turned your gaze away because of the angle from below.]

[Once Ichinose Honami came downstairs and stood prettily beside you, you turned your head back. You walked together along the path leading to the street. It was iris season, and on that slightly cool morning, your day with Ichinose Honami began.]

[You were supposedly going to buy a hair clip for Ichinose Maki, but neither of you brought it up. In truth, it had been a long time since you'd gone shopping together. At least since you'd moved out of the house across from Ichinose Honami's a year ago, the two of you had kept your meetings to a minimum.]

[With no particular destination in mind, you decided to board the first route bus that came along, get off at a random stop, and look for something fun nearby.]

[The route bus was nearly empty that morning, apart from a few elderly passengers. Most working people chose the subway, so the buses rarely had many passengers aside from tourists from out of town who were especially interested in them. You easily found two seats together by the window at the back.]

[Ichinose Honami sat by the window and took out the lemon blossom tea she'd brewed that morning. A few dried lemon slices floated in the large thermos. It was warm and sweetly tart, so the two of you drank tea and chatted as you enjoyed the scenery outside. The morning light was faint.]

[You got off at a stop called something like "Some Park." Just after stepping off, you saw a huge stone sign. Though it was still early, plenty of tourists and locals had already arrived, some exercising and others bird-watching. The lush woods stretched out of sight, making you want to take a deep breath.]

"Should we hold hands? There are quite a lot of people here."

[When you were little, you could hold hands, fingers interlaced, all day without a care. But now you could only come up with a flimsy excuse to offer the girl beside you your stiff right hand.]

"Let's have fun today."

[Ichinose Honami readily took your outstretched hand. Hers was a whole size smaller than yours, so you could easily wrap your fingers around it. Your palm was a little cold, and you could clearly feel the warmth coming from hers, as if warm blood were flowing from her palm into your veins.]

"Mm. I will."