Picking Sides

By the time the two men were disarmed and brought before Nie Yun, they were already acting meek and obedient.

"You two sure know how to play along. I thought you'd at least try to put up a fight." Nie Yun sat in the Captain's Quarters in a chair, one leg crossed over the other, his chin resting in one hand as he watched them with an inscrutable smile.

The two cursed inwardly. Who wouldn't act just as meek with this many guns pointed at them?

Dozens of AKs lined the walls around the captain's quarters, all aimed at the two men. Even the ceiling bristled with over a dozen rocket launchers.

They were certain that from that day onward, they'd both have trypophobia!

"Big... big brother, you're joking. We wouldn't dare! We only wandered into your territory by accident. We meant no offense. Could you let us go, seeing as we're both human?" Lao Da asked cautiously.

"Oh? And how can you be so sure that I... am human?" Nie Yun lowered his head and curled his lips into a smile. The two couldn't see his expression, but his words made their scalps prickle.

Th-this guy really wasn't human? Could he actually be an alien?!

"An... an alien?!" Lao San cried out.

"Heh." Nie Yun didn't answer directly. He only chuckled, then snapped his fingers. Click! Every gun in the room slowly sank into the walls and vanished.

"Gulp!" The two men swallowed in unison as they watched the unbelievable scene.

Could people on Earth do something like that? This had to be an alien!

"Now tell me why you came to my island. Remember, you get one chance. If you dare lie, my garden could use a little fertilizer."

The two were completely overwhelmed by the terror of a close encounter of the third kind. How could they possibly dare to lie?

As for why the man looked exactly like someone from Earth—no horns on his head, no tail behind him—those were minor details!

The brothers immediately told him everything, from how they'd run into trouble to how they'd drifted here. They even laid out their backgrounds in exhaustive detail, not leaving out the time they'd peeked at the widow next door bathing when they were kids.

After listening, Nie Yun rubbed his chin and studied the two men, pondering what to do with them.

The brothers watched Nie Yun think, nervously awaiting their fate. They wondered whether, if the alien really did take them away to be dissected, they should submit and be cut open, or resist a little first and then be cut open.

It was a tough question...

"Would you... be willing to work for me?" Nie Yun suddenly asked.

What? Work for an alien?

The brothers were stunned. They hadn't known the script could go like this.

"Uh... what... what did you say?" Lao Da asked incredulously, as though he hadn't heard clearly.

"Oh, so you're not interested. Never mind, then." Nie Yun rose to leave.

"Wait! We're willing! We're willing!" the two hurriedly said.

They couldn't exactly refuse. Hadn't those gun barrels just reappeared around them?

"You should've said so sooner! But our company is very professional. We have interviews for new hires. Did you bring your résumés?"

"What? A company? Hiring? We... we didn't bring résumés." The two were on the verge of tears. What kind of résumé could people like them possibly put together?

"You didn't bring any? People these days are so careless. Oh, well. Let's simplify the process. Do you have a bachelor's degree?"

"Yes, yes. I have a master's!" Lao Da wondered if he'd somehow wandered onto the wrong set. Should he change his clothes? Maybe put on a tie?

"Oh? A top student, huh? Which school?" Nie Yun was a little surprised.

"Tsinghua University!" Lao Da immediately puffed out his chest.

"Hm?" "Hm?" Two surprised voices rang out—one from Nie Yun, the other from Lao San.

"Boss, you never told me you had that in your past!" Lao San said in surprise.

"Ahem! That was ages ago. When I graduated, I was young and fearless, so I started a business with a project of my own. I ended up buried in debt, and things only got worse after that. How could I admit I'd graduated from Tsinghua University with a master's?"

"Oh!" The two nodded in understanding.

"So you're a top student! My respects, my respects! But I'm afraid we don't hire graduates from the 985 Project here. We only hire from the 211 Project."

"Uh..." Lao Da was baffled. What kind of hiring requirement was that?

Maybe it was just his imagination, but Lao Da felt that this "alien" didn't sound too pleased.

"So I only have a temp position available. Are you interested?" Nie Yun said flatly, glancing sideways at him.

Top students were the worst!

"Yes, yes!" Lao Da hurriedly nodded. If he couldn't even get a temp job, he'd surely end up as fertilizer. Only an idiot wouldn't be interested!

"And you?" Nie Yun looked at Lao San.

"Me? I only went to school for two years. I've been slow since I was a kid, and I dropped out before I finished. People say I'm only good for a bit of brute strength. Heh." Lao San scratched the back of his head, looking a little embarrassed.

"Hey, don't sell yourself short. So-and-so only finished primary school, and still went on to accomplish great things, didn't he? You seem like a fine young man to me. I believe in you! Starting now, you're a full-time employee!"

So-and-so? Who?

Lao Da nearly spat blood when he heard that. Did the favoritism really have to be so obvious?

He was already kicking himself. Why had he gone to Tsinghua University? He should've gone to vocational school!

This was a perfect example of how choosing the right path mattered more than working hard!

"Ahem! What you said makes so much sense! I couldn't agree more! What does education matter? Ah!

"Actually, I should tell you that I got my diploma through family connections! I was held back every year as a kid. I never even got a little red flower in primary school, and I had to take the CET-4 eight times before I passed. I'm ashamed! So ashamed!" Lao Da tried to make amends.

"Oh, so that's how it is! No matter, those are little things. What matters most is talent! I can see you have plenty of potential!

"All right, I've given it some thought. We shouldn't discriminate too much against 985 graduates. I'll make an exception this once and hire you as a full-time employee—with a permanent position!"

Nie Yun beamed at him, no longer mocking him. He looked as warmly familiar as if Lao Da were one of his own.

"Yes, yes! You're absolutely right! Thank you! Thank you so much!" Lao Da said, overcome with gratitude.

Now he'd finally taken the politically correct side!

No matter where you went, picking the right side was what mattered most!

Overcome with emotion, Lao Da's face flushed. Then his eyes rolled back, and he fainted on the spot!

"Wh-what... he got so excited he fainted?" Nie Yun was stunned at first, then deeply moved.

"No, I think he fainted from hunger," Lao San said simply.

"Uh..."